Undecided about 2nd chance - is it the right move

[Astron]

I'm 30, she's 28. We've been together 1.5 years and broke up 6 months ago from my initiative. We truly loved each other and I must say, even today if we would meet the attraction/chemistry is unexplainable. This didn't change during the relationship. It is something that I wish to every couple. So the ending was really hard.

 

The reason... there were small (or big?) things that bothered me in this relationship like:

-our different backgrounds - her education (no university) / sometimes I felt she's not the smartest person - as a consequence, I was not very proud with her in the public

-her family (her mother never had a job, her father being drunk sometimes). Her two brothers are taxi driver and a shoemaker. I'm coming from a family with "higher standards". My father has PhD in physics, my mother has an important position at a big corporation... I'm not say this to brag, but just to give you an image about my case.

-her friends with really bad habits and totally different from my circles.

 

I know I also have my bad things and I always think "what others will say about me", "how would my family accept her, etc." Please don't judge me. All these together made me think that I could do more and be happier with someone else.

 

We had a NC for 3 months. Then we met at a party, since then, she occasionally sent me an e-mail. However, after 6 months I cannot think of another girl. I cannot even look at someone else and have no interest. I don't feel attracted by anybody. She also didn't have anyone else in her life, but at least she seems happy. She is one of the kindest persons I met.

 

My concerns... is it normal to not get over someone after 6months? Especially if I was the dumper? I must say I also changed a lot in this period mentally and I admit maybe I could have worked more for this relationship. My problem is that I cannot go into a new relationship at all, but I also cannot get over her.

[dumbass2]

Then you just give the dating a break or don't go in thinking this has to lead to a relationship. Change your mind set. If you don't feel it initially, you don't feel it. Doesn't mean that you wont again. Go and have fun on dates and see where they lead. You get a pretty good idea if you want to go further with someone after a few dates.

 

As for your ex, I would leave her alone if I was you. It's not fair to her to string her along, so do not contact her. She can't change that part of her you have issues with. 6 months is not a lot of time to get over a break up. Your reasons for breaking up with her are ok, but you need to find someone that has the educational background. That's fine, but I think it still is and might always be an issue for you, so make it a deal breaker in your next relationship as it seems that important to you. 6 months is not enough time imo to have you change that mindset.

[foam12]

Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you need to work on your own self-esteem. Relying on what other people think of you, her, and your relationship because of her social status is pretty bad. You should be telling all those people you think would doubt her the same thing you write in this forum. If you can't do that, then you need to work on yourself more before getting back into any type relationship with or without this girl. They don't live your life, you do.

[Marc878]

You're the problem. She deserves someone who loves her for who she is.

 

Do her a favor and leave her alone. It'll never work out long term. You'll never be able to overcome being a prigg about her background.

[wonderbug111]

You're the problem. She deserves someone who loves her for who she is.

 

Do her a favor and leave her alone. It'll never work out long term. You'll never be able to overcome being a prigg about her background.

 

Wow. I don't see the need to be so rude to the OP. He's just being honest and educational differences do exist and present issues. I agree she shouldn't be made to feel bad for who she is but I don't think he made her feel less than? It's a tough decision. I'm in a very similar situation right now. I was going to tell you you should try again with her. She obviously means a lot to you and maybe you just needed this time without her to realize her true value.

Good luck Astron:)

[fiskadoro]

I'm 30, she's 28. We've been together 1.5 years and broke up 6 months ago from my initiative. We truly loved each other and I must say, even today if we would meet the attraction/chemistry is unexplainable. This didn't change during the relationship. It is something that I wish to every couple. So the ending was really hard.

 

The reason... there were small (or big?) things that bothered me in this relationship like:

-our different backgrounds - her education (no university) / sometimes I felt she's not the smartest person - as a consequence, I was not very proud with her in the public

-her family (her mother never had a job, her father being drunk sometimes). Her two brothers are taxi driver and a shoemaker. I'm coming from a family with "higher standards". My father has PhD in physics, my mother has an important position at a big corporation... I'm not say this to brag, but just to give you an image about my case.

-her friends with really bad habits and totally different from my circles.

 

I know I also have my bad things and I always think "what others will say about me", "how would my family accept her, etc." Please don't judge me. All these together made me think that I could do more and be happier with someone else.

 

We had a NC for 3 months. Then we met at a party, since then, she occasionally sent me an e-mail. However, after 6 months I cannot think of another girl. I cannot even look at someone else and have no interest. I don't feel attracted by anybody. She also didn't have anyone else in her life, but at least she seems happy. She is one of the kindest persons I met.

 

My concerns... is it normal to not get over someone after 6months? Especially if I was the dumper? I must say I also changed a lot in this period mentally and I admit maybe I could have worked more for this relationship. My problem is that I cannot go into a new relationship at all, but I also cannot get over her.

 

You seem to think you are better than she is because your parents have higher academic credentials than hers do???? Her being one of the kindest persons you've ever met takes a backseat to such petty concerns? Yeah, set her free, hopefully she does better.

[Astron]

Thanks all for the replies. None bothers me.

 

@dumbass2 - I thought 6 months is a lot to get over...at least from my experience. Regarding your advice about dating, the problem is that I don't feel to do it at all. I'm not interested. My mind instantly gets to my ex if I ever happens to see an attractive girl... I feel like I would cheat on her. But... I have hobbies, work, new courses... I have a lot of things to do in the day to day life. It's not like I'm being depressed or something. I just feel I cannot be with someone else than her.

 

@foam12 - Yeah, I totally know that. I'm not taking it wrong. This is my personal problem since ever. I always take too much into consideration what others say (about me, about my work, about my friends, etc.). It's my problem and I admit it. If you notice, this is actually the reason why I kinda started this topic... because I feel I changed a bit in the last 6 months. This is why I also take into consideration now.. maybe it would work.

 

@braveheart - I protected her as much as possible. I didn't hurt her with this. Thanks and good luck to you too.

 

@fiskadoro - this is everything you picked up from what I wrote? What about friends which I cannot adapt to, relatives I don't like, some differences in background and principles, etc. Anyway, it seems the others got a better understanding.

[Glynda]

Then you just give the dating a break or don't go in thinking this has to lead to a relationship. Change your mind set. If you don't feel it initially, you don't feel it. Doesn't mean that you wont again. Go and have fun on dates and see where they lead. You get a pretty good idea if you want to go further with someone after a few dates.

 

As for your ex, I would leave her alone if I was you. It's not fair to her to string her along, so do not contact her. She can't change that part of her you have issues with. 6 months is not a lot of time to get over a break up. Your reasons for breaking up with her are ok, but you need to find someone that has the educational background. That's fine, but I think it still is and might always be an issue for you, so make it a deal breaker in your next relationship as it seems that important to you. 6 months is not enough time imo to have you change that mindset.

 

I agree with this. Take a break from dating and just enjoy being on your own. I did that many years ago and it actually helped me get over an ex I had serious feelings for and thought I could have a future with, but his behavior made that impossible.

 

It's obvious to me you two come from different worlds, as did me and the ex I mentioned. Sometimes that gap can be bridged, sometimes it can't and this looks like a situation that can't. I think you should close the door on this relationship so both you and her can move forward.

 

One thing about relationship is that love and feelings are not enough, it takes much more to make it work, and it looks like the other things needed aren't present here. She may be a kind person, but that will not be enough to transcend the differences.

 

Let her go and find someone who can appreciate her the way she is, and you can find someone who's more of what you are looking for.

[Astron]

One thing about relationship is that love and feelings are not enough, it takes much more to make it work...

 

This is what hurts the most... and I find it hard to accept.

 

Sometimes I wish I never had feelings for her and vice-versa.