I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[Protec]

I think it's safe to say at this point you are addicted to the drama. In some weird, sadistic way, you seem to enjoy what this woman is doing to you. A lot of people say that the emotional rollercoaster is addictive and this seems to prove that.

 

When you're dealing with an emotional unstable person like this, you have tendency to start mirroring their behavior. You don't want to end up like her, do you?

 

You control whether or not she text or calls you. There's a million and one ways to block a number, but you secretly feed off the drama and don't want that. When you decide you want off the roller coaster, you'll get off. Until then, enjoy the ride.

 

 

Sometimes i miss her a lot. Sometimes not at all. I just wish that i could be in good terms with her.

 

I am starting to blame myself again for the breakup. I did some mistakes yes. I have quick temper sometimes. But it's very hard to make me angry.

She seemed to misunderstand me a lot. I have tendency of saying things quite straight and i have strange sense of humour (very sarcastic).

 

Most of the time she took my jokes as i was serious. I am not serious. I love to laugh. She always blamed me "why you hate humans so much? You are a dark person."

 

Me? I love people. I even say hello to every little bird i see outside. I smile at clouds. I smile at kids, dogs, cats... i enjoy little things. I even think "even if it's raining, sun is still shining above the clouds". I am easygoing, relaxed... there is no way i am a dark person...

[Protec]

Day 1 NC:

 

Easy peasy. No problem. I was helping my father moving his stuff to new apartment so I've been busy all day.

 

Accidentaly saw her new picture in whats app though. And i accidentaly called her. I was looking trough phone logs and pressed something and it called her. I Shut down immeaditely. She sent me "?", few minutes after. No yelling this time.

 

I am master of accidents it would seem.

[Chi townD]

Day 1 NC:

 

Easy peasy. No problem. I was helping my father moving his stuff to new apartment so I've been busy all day.

 

Accidentaly saw her new picture in whats app though. And i accidentaly called her. I was looking trough phone logs and pressed something and it called her. I Shut down immeaditely. She sent me "?", few minutes after. No yelling this time.

 

I am master of accidents it would seem.

 

 

Then, you're not in NC. So, no day 1 NC. You need to BLOCK her from everything! This chick is escalating! Sooner or later, if she gets mad enough at you, it wouldn't surprise me if she sent you a pic of her with another dude in bed post intercourse.

 

 

If you know she still has stuff at your place, box it all up and mail it to her or give it to a mutual friend to give it to her.

 

 

You need to cut her out of your life completely! She's playing games now.

[dumbass2]

Day 1 NC:

 

Easy peasy. No problem. I was helping my father moving his stuff to new apartment so I've been busy all day.

 

Accidentaly saw her new picture in whats app though. And i accidentaly called her. I was looking trough phone logs and pressed something and it called her. I Shut down immeaditely. She sent me "?", few minutes after. No yelling this time.

 

I am master of accidents it would seem.

 

IMO, master of denial. It's ok, we've all been through it. these were not accidents. You can tell yourself that, but at this point any contact you make is you making a conscious decision whether you think so or not. You pressed her number and hung up to see if you would get a reaction and you did. It's called getting your "fix". I know, I've been there. Never called and hung up (thought about it), but I needed my fix of "contact" however I could get it. When you are in NC, you don't have accidents because you take steps to set yourself up so you don't make a conscious mistake.

[Protec]

IMO, master of denial. It's ok, we've all been through it. these were not accidents. You can tell yourself that, but at this point any contact you make is you making a conscious decision whether you think so or not. You pressed her number and hung up to see if you would get a reaction and you did. It's called getting your "fix". I know, I've been there. Never called and hung up (thought about it), but I needed my fix of "contact" however I could get it. When you are in NC, you don't have accidents because you take steps to set yourself up so you don't make a conscious mistake.

 

No it really was accident. I was trying to look the call logs from WhatsApp, i found them i pressed it, then it called her. I really was not supposed to call her... But all i got was the "?" from her. The call lasted for 0,5 seconds.

 

It honestly was a mistake. I don't want to make her any more angry. I just wish we could sort things our with her, and hope we could separate peacefully. I don't even know why she is angry...

[dumbass2]

No it really was accident. I was trying to look the call logs from WhatsApp, i found them i pressed it, then it called her. I really was not supposed to call her... But all i got was the "?" from her. The call lasted for 0,5 seconds.

 

It honestly was a mistake. I don't want to make her any more angry. I just wish we could sort things our with her, and hope we could separate peacefully. I don't even know why she is angry...

 

In order to do that, you have to just separate. Whatever you have to do that YOU can control and that means not contacting her and doing what you can so she can't contact you. You do not have to have a peaceful break up. Don't think there is such a thing. Someone is hurt. You'll get to the point eventually when you know you can't keep doing this. Bottom line is that she does not want you or she would not have left you.

[Protec]

I can only learn from this. Is is definitely the most hardest breakup i have ever encountered.

 

Because of memories. We got this apartment together (rent), we bought every furniture together, assembled together etc.

 

She had it easy. She just left. She doesn't have to smell my manly smells in the morning, she doesn't have to find my hairs from every place, she doesn't have any memories about me in her new apartment 600km away.

 

That's i why i wanted to move away from this apartment. I tried, but then i realized i cannot move (did not have money for new rent security deposit.).

 

So i am stuck here. With my memories of her. I try my best to keep myself busy, i play videogames, watch movies, run, etc.

 

I have never ever let woman win me after breakup. Hell, after last one i just got more power. I was actually happy about last breakup even if i got dumped. I really didn't have much feelings towards her even if we were together for almost 3 years. I was like "*uck that woman. I don't let someone like her to ruin my life". And i started to go gym even more than usually did. And i was in best shape of my life.

 

Now, i am almost powerless. I am weak. It's like she sucked every little bit of life i had left from me. I wake up at nights, and i think she is next to me. I see dreams about me and her arguing. What on earth did she do to me? My self-esteem is shattered, i am just a shadow from what i used to be. I used to have very good self confidence. I was in great shape, i didn't drink alcohol (now i drink lots), i was happy, i was proud of myself.

 

Come on man...get angry! You are better than this. GET UP!!!!

[Protec]

Managed to do 1,5 days of NC.

 

She called me today. I did not answer. Then afterwards she sent "Why is it so hard to answer!!? Annoying!".

 

I just sent her "I am in city doing things, can't answer."

 

I have no idea anymore.

[organizedchaos]

Managed to do 1,5 days of NC.

 

She called me today. I did not answer. Then afterwards she sent "Why is it so hard to answer!!? Annoying!".

 

I just sent her "I am in city doing things, can't answer."

 

I have no idea anymore.

 

Dude. Why are you not taking anyone's advice here?

 

I'll repeat myself again:

 

OP, block her everywhere! Problem solved. If you don't do it then don't come whining here when she contacts you again.

[PegNosePete]

She called me today.

If you BLOCK her then she will not be able to call you, you will not be able to "accidentally" see her whatsapp pic or call her, and you will not have to endure any contact from her.

 

But you know that already. Instead, you choose to keep in contact and keep on torturing yourself. Do you ever wonder why that is? You're like a drug addict. You know it's bad for you but you still do it. And you don't even get the "high".

[man03999]

I know its really hard but take everyone's advice here. If she is constantly bother you just go ahead and block her. It's for the best if you want to heal and move on. I know NC is hard and I've been doing it for 3 weeks already. I still creep on her fb here and there but never a text or call.

 

You can do it!

[Protec]

I know its really hard but take everyone's advice here. If she is constantly bother you just go ahead and block her. It's for the best if you want to heal and move on. I know NC is hard and I've been doing it for 3 weeks already. I still creep on her fb here and there but never a text or call.

 

You can do it!

 

I want her back. Or do i? I really don't know what to do here. i really want to talk with her...i would love to be with her again. But she has new BF already i think because she was bragging about "i have a coffee at thursday". Probably she was calling me just to brag about her date...i dunno.

[man03999]

I want her back. Or do i? I really don't know what to do here. i really want to talk with her...i would love to be with her again. But she has new BF already i think because she was bragging about "i have a coffee at thursday". Probably she was calling me just to brag about her date...i dunno.

 

Same here. BUT She haven't call or text me yet. Until then, NC!

 

In your case she is just being immature and playing with your feelings. You should cut off all contact and block her on everything and move on. If she really loves you, she will find a way to contact you or show up at your place, who knows. If not, you already have a head start on healing

[Blanco]

I want her back. Or do i? I really don't know what to do here. i really want to talk with her...i would love to be with her again. But she has new BF already i think because she was bragging about "i have a coffee at thursday". Probably she was calling me just to brag about her date...i dunno.

 

Sorry, but you have no self-respect. This girl is with someone else, is baiting you with texts, BLAMING you for her unhappiness, boasting about how amazing her life is now, and... you still want her back?

 

I'm guilty of low self-esteem, but whoever mentioned earlier that you need to bail on this before you're incapable of having a HEALTHY relationship with any woman is right. If you find this behavior acceptable, and you do, because you haven't blocked her and removed her from your life, you're gonna get to a point where a girl who actually digs you and respects you is going to FREAK YOU OUT and send you running.

[purpledooze]

Lead by example.

 

There's a small part of you that wants her back, otherwise you would have already shut the door for your own sake.

 

She seems like a narc. Craving your attention. I honestly do not think she's thought through her actions to get the reaction she needs from you. Maybe she wants you back, that's a big MAYBE.

 

Unless either of you changes, getting back together is a BAD idea. You will break up again. And it will hurt MORE the next time around. And it will be more toxic.

 

Change how you deal with things. You either decide you want nothing to do with her anymore and just CUT OFF ALL TIES, or you man up and talk to her like a man. This is the only way she'll come back to you a better woman. Right now, she's acting like a child.

 

"While I'm happy for you and your newfound romance, I find our recent interactions to be toxic and detrimental not just to my well-being, but also to yours and your partner. It would be wise to start acting like adults and cut off all ties. Please do not contact me anymore. I wish you the best."

 

Be a goddamn rock. A motherf*ckin' wall. Not a doormat. It's the only way you'll force her to start making healthier interactions with you, if she really does, truly love you. If she did CARE and LOVE you, she wouldn't do this. She just NEEDS your attention because there's still some lingering attachment there somewhere.

 

Box up all her stuff. Then FedEx or mail them to her. Then complete RADIO SILENCE while working on your self-esteem. Read Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. And this article about PERSONAL BOUNDARIES: http://markmanson.net/boundaries. When you're done, come back here and thank me. Lol.

 

If you don't want to block her because you want to keep at least one line of communication open should she decide to change her ways (this will take years..and ****loads of epiphanies on her end), auto delete her texts and emails.

 

When you start acting like an ALPHA MAN you will attract high-quality women, not bottom-of-the-barrel teenagers with daddy issues.

Edited September 25, 2015 by purpledooze

[organizedchaos]

^ OP, this.

[PegNosePete]

"While I'm happy for you and your newfound romance, I find our recent interactions to be toxic and detrimental not just to my well-being, but also to yours and your partner. It would be wise to start acting like adults and cut off all ties. Please do not contact me anymore. I wish you the best."

That's one way of doing it. Personally I would keep it a lot simpler.

 

"F off, I don't ever want to hear from you again" followed by a block on every communication device you have.

[purpledooze]

That's one way of doing it. Personally I would keep it a lot simpler.

 

"F off, I don't ever want to hear from you again" followed by a block on every communication device you have.

 

That could work. It mirrors her responses. But she might get away with the thought of successfully pushing his buttons. She wins.

 

By sending a calm, "poised" seemingly detached response, he can demonstrate that he is above this, it puts into perspective her crazy, childish behavior. You don't fight fire with fire. You fight fire with water. She's expecting him to be hurt, derailed and angry. Sending a firm, but unemotional response will catch her off guard. If she persists:

 

"Sigh. I thought you were a better woman than this. I have no choice but to cut you off. I wish you the best. Bye."

[Protec]

Well, she phoned me via WhatsApp today. And suddenly she started talking about our relationship "why you had to say such things to me back then? It made me feel really bad about myself"

 

I did say some bad things. She is not the only one to blame. But i apologized her, back then, and even now. In a polite manner not like "i'm soo sorryyy...please i am so sorry". No i said "i apologize for my behaviour back then, i have thought things over and i can't really justify the things i said". It was something about when she revealed me that in the past she used to have "sex only"-relationship with a married man. I just kinda...well. It got me by surprise.

 

She also called me to say that she is going to get her stuff from my place 2 weeks from now. So..i have few weeks to getmyself in shape. Mostly mentally.

 

But you are right purpledoze, i would've cut all connections with her if i wouldn't want her back in some way. Part of me still lives in the past, part of me says "just let her be".

 

Oh, and she is asking money from me... AGAIN.

 

nope. Just nope. I loaned her 120e, she paid back 100. Nope nope nope. NOPE.

[Protec]

I always talk with her in polite manner. I won't let myself to go down on her level by sending angry texts. She wins immeaditely if i do that.

 

I always answer in polite manner. Yes. She pushes my buttons sometimes, but i won't let her see that. That's why she is so furious probably. She wants me to get angry. I don't get angry.

i don't know for certain if she has new BF already. I have no clue.

Edited September 25, 2015 by Protec
Adding things

[purpledooze]

Well, she phoned me via WhatsApp today. And suddenly she started talking about our relationship "why you had to say such things to me back then? It made me feel really bad about myself"

 

I did say some bad things. She is not the only one to blame. But i apologized her, back then, and even now. In a polite manner not like "i'm soo sorryyy...please i am so sorry". No i said "i apologize for my behaviour back then, i have thought things over and i can't really justify the things i said". It was something about when she revealed me that in the past she used to have "sex only"-relationship with a married man. I just kinda...well. It got me by surprise.

 

She also called me to say that she is going to get her stuff from my place 2 weeks from now. So..i have few weeks to getmyself in shape. Mostly mentally.

 

But you are right purpledoze, i would've cut all connections with her if i wouldn't want her back in some way. Part of me still lives in the past, part of me says "just let her be".

 

Oh, and she is asking money from me... AGAIN.

 

nope. Just nope. I loaned her 120e, she paid back 100. Nope nope nope. NOPE.

 

You don't have to save her from herself. If you love her, let her be.

 

But don't let her walk all over you. If you want her back, if you want her to respect you, put your foot down. Love cannot exist without respect.

 

The two of you need some serious inner work done before either of you jump into relationships. If you said some mean things to her out of reaction to something she revealed to you, you need to change the way you respond to things. Like how my mom used to tell me: count to 10 then backwards before saying something while angry. She needs to keep her boundaries in check.

[Blanco]

She's hitting you up for money again. You theorize that it UPSETS her that she's not getting a rise out of you. Why are you still having anything to do with this woman?

 

You make it sound like when you apologized for the mean things you said, you didn't do it a pathetic, needy way. But by the sounds of it, there was no need to, because your actions (i.e. continuing to communicate with you despite her toxic behavior) make you look kind of pathetic and needy.

 

I know no one forces me to read threads like this, but they get annoying, because they almost always follow this pattern of the OP laying out the story, almost everyone saying, "Cut this person off, he/she is no good for you," and then the OP ignores that advice, all the while continuing to provide updates that only reinforce the idea that the OP should absolutely cut this person out of their lives.

[Simon Phoenix]

I always talk with her in polite manner. I won't let myself to go down on her level by sending angry texts. She wins immeaditely if i do that.

 

I always answer in polite manner. Yes. She pushes my buttons sometimes, but i won't let her see that. That's why she is so furious probably. She wants me to get angry. I don't get angry.

i don't know for certain if she has new BF already. I have no clue.

 

Why do you keep ignoring the advice to block? Honestly, you're acting like a spineless wuss right now. Stop answering, stop being pathetic, block her and start to recover and move forward. You are being extremely weak.

[organizedchaos]

Well, she phoned me via WhatsApp today. And suddenly she started talking about our relationship "why you had to say such things to me back then? It made me feel really bad about myself"

 

I did say some bad things. She is not the only one to blame. But i apologized her, back then, and even now. In a polite manner not like "i'm soo sorryyy...please i am so sorry". No i said "i apologize for my behaviour back then, i have thought things over and i can't really justify the things i said". It was something about when she revealed me that in the past she used to have "sex only"-relationship with a married man. I just kinda...well. It got me by surprise.

 

She also called me to say that she is going to get her stuff from my place 2 weeks from now. So..i have few weeks to getmyself in shape. Mostly mentally.

 

But you are right purpledoze, i would've cut all connections with her if i wouldn't want her back in some way. Part of me still lives in the past, part of me says "just let her be".

 

Oh, and she is asking money from me... AGAIN.

 

nope. Just nope. I loaned her 120e, she paid back 100. Nope nope nope. NOPE.

 

Do you not even read the advice we're giving you? Are you here to waste everyone's time or do you want advice that will help you?

[frigginlost]

Well, she phoned me via WhatsApp today. And suddenly she started talking about our relationship "why you had to say such things to me back then? It made me feel really bad about myself"

 

I did say some bad things. She is not the only one to blame. But i apologized her, back then, and even now. In a polite manner not like "i'm soo sorryyy...please i am so sorry". No i said "i apologize for my behaviour back then, i have thought things over and i can't really justify the things i said". It was something about when she revealed me that in the past she used to have "sex only"-relationship with a married man. I just kinda...well. It got me by surprise.

 

She also called me to say that she is going to get her stuff from my place 2 weeks from now. So..i have few weeks to getmyself in shape. Mostly mentally.

 

But you are right purpledoze, i would've cut all connections with her if i wouldn't want her back in some way. Part of me still lives in the past, part of me says "just let her be".

 

Oh, and she is asking money from me... AGAIN.

 

nope. Just nope. I loaned her 120e, she paid back 100. Nope nope nope. NOPE.

 

This is going to sting, so sorry in advance.

 

Congratulations on absolutely looking like a huge pussy in her eyes. She not only got a massive ego boost out of you, she offloaded a crap load of guilt. Your view in her eyes just took a massive nosedive.

 

Don't ever apologize for anything weeks or months later unless the other party has made a concerted effort to work on the relationship. (i.e. JohnQbrokenheart, I really want to work this out with you, what can we do to fix things?)

 

Seriously dude, that was mega-weak.

 

Block her. She knows she can screw with you.