I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[jen1447]

Let us know when you give her the money.

 

Wow ....she's absolutely owning you.

[Protec]

Let us know when you give her the money.

 

Wow ....she's absolutely owning you.

 

I will not give her any money or loan her anymore.

[Simon Phoenix]

I will not give her any money or loan her anymore.

 

Yes you will. I mean, look at how spineless you've been. You can't even help yourself from responding to her, much less blocking her like you need to.

[Protec]

I respect every advice you guys have given me.. But I won't off the radar until she has gotten her stuff out from my place.

 

She called me again this morning. She was even still in bed. Since i asked something about the curtains in my living room.

 

She laughed about my new profile picture in whatsapp because i look like "an old man". "just get a moustache and you look like your father". But that was with good intentions. I have noticed when she talks with me, she is more relaxed than few weeks ago. She used to be very tense and got angry about everything. She is more playful now. Even making the same funny noises she used to make when we were dating. And again she told me some stuff about her childhood...

 

I will go "semi-NC" next week. I will not delete her from whatsapp etc. but i will not write anything to her. Since we have now made plans that she will come here about 1,5 weeks from now to get her stuff.

 

She is still trying to get me jealous though. "a friend is coming over, maybe overnight...". Yes, like i would really do anything with that information. I haven't told her once nothing about my life. I even if i would meet someone, or go partying etc. I would not tell her. She doesn't need to know what i do.

 

Sorry i bother you guys. I know i should stop all contact with her, forget her and move on.

But she even said herself "i have never, and i will never be friends with any EX's! Ex's are ex's. Period." She has lots of friends to call to. Girl and boyfriends. Why call me?

 

I am glad still i can write here. It helps me a lot to write about my thoughts to somewhere.

 

I really am glad that you have helped me.

 

I've had 6 breakups total. And this is the first time i had joined a site like this. I wonder myself too, why now? Every other breakup i've been able to handle myself. I've been a mess yes, but not this bad.

[irishguy]

Can you not just box up her stuff and drop it somewhere for her to get .You will be better off not meeting her

[Protec]

Can you not just box up her stuff and drop it somewhere for her to get .You will be better off not meeting her

 

Can't. She lives 600km away. I can't even afford to send her stuff to her as it would cost somewhere around 50 euros to send to her. And that is just too much money now.

 

I will meet her. Give her stuff back and well, we'll see what happens after that.

 

I met a woman today. 29 years old, we talked. I really noticed something when i met this woman. She did not hate me. She did not complain that i don't listen or i cannot talk. Made me feel much better about myself. I know there is that much wrong with me than my ex claims there is.

 

She just wants to beat me down and stay down...

[purpledooze]

it would cost somewhere around 50 euros to send to her.

 

You're using her stuff as an excuse to see her.

 

I still suggest to just mail it to her. It sends a very strong message when you do that. It tells her you're done with her games. If you go and see her, you'll only fall for her charms and maybe give her more money.

 

But we'll see. I'll be praying for you.

[frigginlost]

I haven't told her once nothing about my life. I even if i would meet someone, or go partying etc. I would not tell her. She doesn't need to know what i do.

 

 

She does not need to ask you anything about your life. By you just talking to her she already knows what she needs to....

 

You need to get that in your head. She is absolutely screwing with you.

[Protec]

You're using her stuff as an excuse to see her.

 

I still suggest to just mail it to her. It sends a very strong message when you do that. It tells her you're done with her games. If you go and see her, you'll only fall for her charms and maybe give her more money.

 

But we'll see. I'll be praying for you.

 

She will visit my place. She said "i will go nuts when i visit you...i'm gonna be there early in the morning and leave in the evening".

 

Why would she stay with me all day if she hates me so much? She could ask me to send her stuff to her. Not once she has even suggested that. She knows i can send it to her.

 

She's a lost cause anyway. I cannot imagine us getting back. She lied to me when we were in RS.

 

"Oh i got ovet that party age already I used to be like that, not anymore." Lies.

 

"I don't like drinking much." Well, she's had a hangover every weekend now since we broke up. Lies again.

 

I hate nothing more than a person who is not true to him/herself. I know exactly who i am and my weaknesses. I don't change to another person if i start dating someone. I know me. I am me. Always. In good, and in bad. I really did some extreme soul searching after my 2nd girlfriend dumped me. I really spent time to get known to me. What i like, and what i don't like. etc. I know me.

[Protec]

The story continues (not for long though)...

 

She asked me for 20 euros again. I denied. Then asked if i could call her this evening, she said "No. I have a date. If you call me or text me after 17:30, you can forget everything!!!"

 

She was threatening me? Why? By everything she meant: "i am coming to visit you next week, if you bother me today, I WILL NOT COME THERE AND GET MY STUFF!"

I mean, WTF?! She threatens me for not coming to pick her stuff up?!

Does she think it's a reward for me, she is coming to save me or something when she comes here?

 

Anyway, she said she would come over at Sunday or Monday, and leave wednesday.

Now she wants to stay overnight?!!?!! What is GOING ON?!

 

I don't really know if that is a good idea. Somehow i would like her to spend few days with me , i could give her the proper goodbye and maybe we could still talk and separate like adults. She left with "things open". Or maybe she just wants free food...probably the latter

 

I am finally getting used to being by myself again.

[Blanco]

She's manipulating you because you have proven to her that time and time again, you not only will allow yourself to be manipulated, but you will encourage it.

 

You keep coming back here for insights and advice, but best I can tell, the consensus has already spoken. At this point, you're just resurfacing with "new" stories about your ex's latest behavior, which just sound like more of the same old stuff.

[Shock148]

Here is the case: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/547621-ex-gf-s-weird-behaviour

 

 

I managed to do full week NC. I had to contact her for my money she owed me. She owed me 120e, she paid back 100e.

 

Then today, she sends me picture of her hair "i just dyed my hair <3" etc.

And yesterday when i talked with her she just bragged about all the good looking men she has seen and how she is going to party this weekend and she has to look her best!

 

"Oh i am so horny, i haven't had sex in two months. Well, last time was with you, and i NEVER enjoyed sex with you"

 

I mean WTF.

 

Is she just trying to make me mad? Trying to make me jealous? Oh no no, i am not that easy.

 

**ucking bitch.

 

I really hate her now.

 

Entered Stage: Rage.

 

Shes trying to rub it into your face. She is trying and succeeding to make you mad. She is obviously getting exactly what she wanted out of this and that is a reaction. Best way to come back from this is tell her "You know what, your texts are unnecessary and just shows how immature you are. I do not care if you go out and party and get all this attention from men, good for you. As for the 20e you still owe me, keep it. I am blocking you."

[Terry8889]

You seem to have a very low self esteem, I can't believe you are letting this women treat you like dirt. And she is enjoying it. What's wrong with you? Where are your balls? Be a man and tell this bitch to back off and get out of your life. I think you should seek for therapy to help you with your self esteem because if this is how you handle relationships I don't think you won't ever have a healthy lasting one. You are the major problem here because you have not drawn the limits and are voluntarily allowing this girl treat you like trash.

[Shock148]

Wow I took the time to read all 4 pages. Dude whats the point of making a thread asking for advice if you dont take it? You obviously want her in your life, you obviously want to be with her, and quite frankly you are acting like a loser. She tells you all these things, walks all over you, treats you like crap, and you want her back. Good for you, she doesnt look at you like a man but a boy she can walk all over and get anything she wants from. While shes at her place screwing another man, in the back of her mind she can say oh after this I want dinner, let me call the loser because he will give me money. Dude either block her or tell her enough is enough. I don't care about your new exciting life or your romance, don't talk to me about bs.

[Shock148]

I respect every advice you guys have given me.. But I won't off the radar until she has gotten her stuff out from my place.

 

She called me again this morning. She was even still in bed. Since i asked something about the curtains in my living room.

 

She laughed about my new profile picture in whatsapp because i look like "an old man". "just get a moustache and you look like your father". But that was with good intentions. I have noticed when she talks with me, she is more relaxed than few weeks ago. She used to be very tense and got angry about everything. She is more playful now. Even making the same funny noises she used to make when we were dating. And again she told me some stuff about her childhood...

 

I will go "semi-NC" next week. I will not delete her from whatsapp etc. but i will not write anything to her. Since we have now made plans that she will come here about 1,5 weeks from now to get her stuff.

 

She is still trying to get me jealous though. "a friend is coming over, maybe overnight...". Yes, like i would really do anything with that information. I haven't told her once nothing about my life. I even if i would meet someone, or go partying etc. I would not tell her. She doesn't need to know what i do.

 

Sorry i bother you guys. I know i should stop all contact with her, forget her and move on.

But she even said herself "i have never, and i will never be friends with any EX's! Ex's are ex's. Period." She has lots of friends to call to. Girl and boyfriends. Why call me?

 

I am glad still i can write here. It helps me a lot to write about my thoughts to somewhere.

 

I really am glad that you have helped me.

 

I've had 6 breakups total. And this is the first time i had joined a site like this. I wonder myself too, why now? Every other breakup i've been able to handle myself. I've been a mess yes, but not this bad.

Why is it so important for you to wait until she comes over to get her stuff? Quite frankly, the way you are handling this you just using this as an excuse to see her in person again. Guess what buddy? She will get her stuff from your apartment one of these days and still call you and treat you like crap and you will still cave in like a loser. Tell her "listen im done with this either get your **** by the end of this week or you can pick it up outside where I will be putting it on the side of the street. If you dont get it then someone else will."

[frigginlost]

The story continues (not for long though)...

 

She asked me for 20 euros again. I denied. Then asked if i could call her this evening, she said "No. I have a date. If you call me or text me after 17:30, you can forget everything!!!"

 

 

So you denied her 20e then turned around and asked if you could call her?! Seriously? She has got you pegged. She can manipulate you at the drop of a hat. She knows you're not man enough (sorry) to hold your ground.

 

 

She was threatening me? Why? By everything she meant: "i am coming to visit you next week, if you bother me today, I WILL NOT COME THERE AND GET MY STUFF!"

I mean, WTF?! She threatens me for not coming to pick her stuff up?!

Does she think it's a reward for me, she is coming to save me or something when she comes here?

 

 

Here is your disconnect: She does not care at all what you think. She is toying with you. Ever seen a cat play with a mouse? The moment the mouse plays dead, the cat will find other ways to wake it up...

 

 

Anyway, she said she would come over at Sunday or Monday, and leave wednesday.

Now she wants to stay overnight?!!?!! What is GOING ON?!

 

 

Have fun replaying what she said over the next several days. That's exactly what she wants by the way...

 

 

I don't really know if that is a good idea. Somehow i would like her to spend few days with me , i could give her the proper goodbye and maybe we could still talk and separate like adults. She left with "things open". Or maybe she just wants free food...probably the latter

 

 

You're in massive denial. A "proper goodbye" is not what you are looking for. At all.

 

 

I am finally getting used to being by myself again.

 

 

That is a lie. Your actions state the complete opposite. And she knows that.

[Blanco]

I want to add that it is not necessary to see her when she gets her things. At this point, you should be exploring any option that enables her to get her things without seeing you. Have a friend be at your place instead of you when she comes by.

 

As I type this, I still have a table and some other small items that belong to my ex. They aren't essentials to her, so she's in no hurry to have them back, but she does want them back eventually. For me, when that time comes, I will simply put these items in my garage, send her an email, thanking her for letting me use these things, and that she can pick them up from my garage at her leisure. If I wanted to, I could keep these things in my apartment and ensure that she has to see me when she gets them back. But guess what? I don't want to see her. I don't hate her, but nothing good can come of seeing her right now, so I found a way to get her items back to her without having to actually face her.

[Protec]

Are you guys happy if i put full NC on after she has gotten her stuff out?

 

I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. She left me with a text message.

I think i have good self esteem. I just don't know how to be evil. If i tell her to f*ck off, will that make me happy? I i dump her stuff to dumpster, will that make me happy? No.

 

I think i have pretty good self esteem. I just don't know how to be angry. I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. I have even done some boxing few years ago.

 

People had hard time believen i could hit somebody. I can. I loved boxing. But i just don't know how to be mean/evil.

[Shock148]

Are you guys happy if i put full NC on after she has gotten her stuff out?

 

I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. She left me with a text message.

I think i have good self esteem. I just don't know how to be evil. If i tell her to f*ck off, will that make me happy? I i dump her stuff to dumpster, will that make me happy? No.

 

I think i have pretty good self esteem. I just don't know how to be angry. I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. I have even done some boxing few years ago.

 

People had hard time believen i could hit somebody. I can. I loved boxing. But i just don't know how to be mean/evil.

We arent saying be evil or mad or angry at her. Why do you want closure? It makes no sense. She already has closure and didn't care enough about you by breaking up via text. I mean you are in serious denial and love being made a joke of it seems. She looks at you as a joke because you are. Why would you want to see her just to say goodbye. Do you think she will somehow magically tear up and say she is sorry and get back together with you? No. She will just say in her mind "This boy is a pathetic loser and I can get him to do almost anything I want like a pet dog." We are telling you to do yourself a favor and cut her off entirely from your life. She wont give you closure at all trust me. She will continue to string you along because you are her entertainment, her plaything, and she enjoys playing mind games with you.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Shock148

[jen1447]

You said you were "[en]raged" back at the start of the thread.

 

She's not offering closure, she's offering exploitation. Next step is you washing her panties.

[frigginlost]

You said you were "[en]raged" back at the start of the thread.

 

She's not offering closure, she's offering exploitation. Next step is you washing her panties.

 

LOL! Keyboard. Ruined.

 

OP,

 

Nobody is telling you to be evil. We are telling you to stop letting her toy with you.

 

How?

 

Full Blown NC and Ignore her totally.

 

One last text to her:

 

Your remaining things will be on my porch on so and so date, at so and so time. Please collect them.

 

Then you friggin' disappear and find a better woman. And it won't be hard, because your ex is a wreck, and truly not a good person...

Edited September 29, 2015 by frigginlost

[Simon Phoenix]

Are you guys happy if i put full NC on after she has gotten her stuff out?

 

I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. She left me with a text message.

I think i have good self esteem. I just don't know how to be evil. If i tell her to f*ck off, will that make me happy? I i dump her stuff to dumpster, will that make me happy? No.

 

I think i have pretty good self esteem. I just don't know how to be angry. I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. I have even done some boxing few years ago.

 

People had hard time believen i could hit somebody. I can. I loved boxing. But i just don't know how to be mean/evil.

 

You have no self-esteem. And blocking someone isn't "evil" or "mean". It's for your sake and your sake only. Right now you are an absolute weakling who has no backbone or pride. She knows this and is taunting you because of it, because she knows you are that helpless/clueless/pathetic. The way she's treating you is much more evil than you blocking her, but in a way you kind of deserve it because you are acting like a spineless jellyfish. If you don't have the common sense and self-respect to not engage in this and not recover, then why should she be courteous to you?

[Protec]

She sent me "hi" message yesterday at 21:00. I did not reply. I haven't talked to her since this tuesday. She is supposed to come over tomorrow and spend here 2 nights.

I hope we can spend 2 fun days without fighting and sort things out.

 

There really was no REAL reason for her to dump me.

 

All she complained was that:

 

I don't listen (This can be trained, fixed. I am good listener but my attention span is short)

I listen you guys too. I have my own reasons not to put her in NC yet.

 

She needs a man who is "present". (I am present. When you need me, just whistle, i have my own stuff to do too.)

 

I eat unhealthy (I eat unhealthy sometimes yes, but i am in good shape. Can be fixed.)

 

I used to take few beers at evenings (I like to relax from work and it was summer! Nothing better than cold beer in a hot summer day after rough day at work. She did not work. But i can live without beer, can be fixed)

 

Sex was bad (this is tough one, when we met, she really liked it with me for the first months. We sometimes did it 3 times a day. It's more about mental state than physical. She felt "we are not in sync anymore..." And i know when you don't feel "it" then you don't feel "it". This would take LOTS of work. But i cannot do it alone.)

 

I have never been in this kind of situation before.

[Protec]

Here is the case so far:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/548308-ex-gf-sending-selfies-etc

 

She came over and stayed over night. She came here to get rest of her stuff that was still in my place. Everything went fine at first, but problems started to arise (anyone surprised?)

 

I had a feeling it would be bad idea to see her, although i wanted to see her and secretly wished i could get some kind of closure for the whole thing.

 

I picked her up from the train station at sunday 19:00.

She said "hi! :)" i said "hey! :)" she put her bags in the trunk of my car.

Then we started heading to my place.

 

Somewhere in the middle of the trip she said " You are being very rude."

I asked "How come?"

"You didn't ask anything about how my date went :)"

"Sorry, but i am not that interested abour your date"

 

That's when i knew...this was a mistake. She actually got offended that i was not interested about her date.

 

"I don't want to ruin this evening so let's discuss about something else". I said.

 

Yes. I already made clear to her that talking about other guys hurts me. My mistake. Did she really think i was completely over her? Just in 2 months?! I couldn't move on that fast even if i would've be in NC with her from the

beginning.

 

Well, we got to my place, i started cooking some dinner.

And what a fine dinner it was. Smoked salmon, oven potatoes, salad and dressing for the salmon. I surprised myself too! I just wanted to show her that i can do a fine meal. I never cooked her when we were together and also i though it would be nice to eat well myself too for once.

 

We dined, talked very little. Then she said "Oh oh! Are the shops still open? I want to get drunk!" Well, i think that was bad idea too. But i was thinking "what the hell, this is probably the last evening with her ever so why not try to have some fun." We went to shop, we both bought 4 beers and got back at my place.

 

Oh, and she has started smoking. Again. I did not say anything about that. It is really not my problem if she smokes or not.

 

She was very happy and lively the whole time. Completely different what she was when we were together.

 

Anyway, when we got back inside she put her arms under my shirt. "My hands are cold!". That was weird. I didn't really like it...i tried to avoid physical conctact myself.

 

Then she ordered the train ticket for tuesday morning.

 

We opened our beers and started watching movie that came out from TV. American Pie: The Wedding.

 

Everything went fine, we talked, laughed at the movie and so on.

She asked about how my date went. "It wasn't really a date." "oh, i would be happy if you have found someone new :)" Fishing for info or just really sincere?

 

Then she started to get depressed. She got a message to her phone (maybe her date?) and then she was looking even more depressed.

 

Earlier in the evening she said "i just want to sit back, and relax and not going to cry this evening :)"

 

Well, she cried. She suddenly started crying. I asked "what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

 

"Oh i have some personal issues i don't want to talk about. Just leave me alone!" "well, maybe it's best you leave tomorrow then." I said. And then she locked herself into bathroom.

 

Originally she was supposed to stay till tuesday.

 

She finally came out from bathoom "Well...i don't know if i leave tuesday or tomorrow, we'll see how in the morning"

 

She started to feel better and we continued watching stand up comedy show and after that we went to sleep. No hugging etc.

 

But at one point she said "you will get a hug from me tomorrow if you act nice". Again with that. She did that all the time when we were in RS.

 

Well at night she had some pains (PMS pains) and she moaned and had trouble sleeping. I caressed her back and she did not say anyhing. I was just trying to ease her pain. It seemed to help.

 

We slept and at morning she let me get close to her. I mean really really close. She did not push me away. And we talked about stuff and she decided "I will leave today. I really want to go home from here. I really really need to get home ;("

So she bought another train ticket. Costing 100 euros!

 

"Can't you really spend one more day here and leave tomorrow morning. You would save that 100 euros."

 

"NO! I want to leave today and i will just lend some money from my father if i have to".

 

she packed her stuff and took everything she could carry, some of her important stuff is still here and she just told me to send it to her.

 

I was trying to talk about our RS. She avoided the whole subject. "I don't want to talk about our RS you understand?!"

 

She is acting like we never even were together.

 

But she also made a dirty joke about our sex. "Well don't sell that book away. It's my only physical memory of me to you". "Oh i have memories of you allright. The physical one is still here! *shows putting "a thing" into her rear"

 

Anyway, now she is gone. I just came back to home i dropped her off to train station. I asked her if we are ever going to see again. "Don't ask stuff like that now. Probably not." Then later she said "call me when you don't have feelings for me anymore"

 

I walked her to train, hugged her and said "take care of yourself".

 

End of story.

 

Did i learn something? Yes.

 

-I didn't manage to play as cool as i was supposed to.

-I am actually a decent cook when i want to

-I did not get closure. She avoided the whole subject. "can't we talk about this some other time?" WHAT OTHER TIME?!

-Don't let ex's to stay overnight if you are not over them 110%.

 

Well, i guess i send the rest of her stuff to her place and then that's it.

I still would like to stay as her friend but it cannot be done until i am over her. We still had some fun moments when she was here. We still made each other laugh.

 

I just wanted her to see what kind of a man i can be when i am relaxed. I f'd things up pretty badly, but still it feels like she doesn't see any faults in herself. It was all me that caused the breakup. It always takes 2.

 

I am a good guy, and i deserve myself a good woman. Someone who respects a man who doesn't smoke or get drunk and party every weekend.

[Shock148]

Aaaaaaand we all told you that you would not get closure. We all told you to avoid seeing her. Maybe next time you will actually listen to us because we know what we are talking about. Hopefully this does not set you back in your recovery because you are not over her and you slept in the same bed as her so no doubt this will set you back big time (hopefully I am wrong) it wasn't really smart of you on your part. Especially you saying "Why don't you stay until tuesday?" You should have just been like "Want to leave tommorow? Ok have a safe trip."

 

In either case, I hope you learned your lesson and just close the book on her. Send her stuff via Fed Ex or whatever and NC her. Thats it, no more contact. She is no good for you and she seems confused, bipolar, insecure, basically a headache all around. However, I have a feeling you still wont follow NC with her.