I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[organizedchaos]

I really do miss her.

 

I f'd up the relationship. Once again i am alone. Only few people have made me feel like i'm "at home" with somebody. I can really be myself.

 

She was like that.

 

I am afraid i will never feel like that again. It took me 5 years to find her.

 

My guess is that is not related to the lack of suitable available partners, but more to do with you.

[Protec]

My guess is that is not related to the lack of suitable available partners, but more to do with you.

 

 

No...people are not just interested in me easily. I don't know if it's my face or what is it, but i am having huge trouble even to get a date.

 

She was listening a track today which i recommended to her. Wear sunscreen.

[organizedchaos]

No...people are not just interested in me easily. I don't know if it's my face or what is it, but i am having huge trouble even to get a date.

 

She was listening a track today which i recommended to her. Wear sunscreen.

 

And how do you know that she was listening to a track today?

[Simon Phoenix]

No...people are not just interested in me easily. I don't know if it's my face or what is it, but i am having huge trouble even to get a date.

 

She was listening a track today which i recommended to her. Wear sunscreen.

 

If you know this, you aren't in No Contact. Stop creeping on her.

[MIKEB1950]

i am new to this but scan reading here - you got the best advice right off - no contact take the higher ground:

 

forget the 20 she didnt pay - you do not need it she is keeping that for contact later

pack her stuff neat and tidy [not too tidy] and have a cab drop it off [you pay for cab]

 

change everything disguise everything you do on social media block her everywhere and when you do that you will make the people on here who have tried to help feel greater empathy otherwise you might lose that too.

 

or you could stop posting and crawl back to her and tell us all that you still love her and the humiliation she breathes into you

 

your decision and only yours unless she makes it for you

Edited October 22, 2015 by MIKEB1950
miss spell

[Protec]

And how do you know that she was listening to a track today?

 

The whatsapp showed it in her status update. But she has deleted me from her whatsapp now because i asked if she got the picture i sent to her.

 

I received a bill in mail that was hers, so i took a picture of that bill, and send it to her. I could've have been important. She didn't reply if she got it, so i asked again and then she deleted me.

 

Oh well, maybe better this way...

 

I have lost everything now. I have no job, GF dumped me, and yesterday i had to sell my car that i've had for 9 years. I bought it new, now i had to sell it because i have no job.

 

I've been under a lot of stress for the whole year.

 

I got a penaly from unemployment office at the start of the year (last december to be exact) so i did not get any unemployment benefits. So that kinda f'd up the xmas. We supposed to have nice xmas but can't really do nothing without money. the penalty lasted for 3 months. We basically ate different kind of soups for 3 months. And no, not even thinking about going out to movies etc.

 

Then my car broke down, then i managed to get a job for summer but the hours were terrible and we couldn't spend almost any time together with GF. Also all my money i got from work, i had to pay bills with it. Because i had to take some money from VISA.

 

And it did not help that she also had some unpayed bills. So i helped her out by paying few of them.

 

It was a mess. I am somewhat amazed that our RS lasted so long. We really had troubles with money. And that caused depression and stress. And that caused fighting and fighting causes...breakup.

 

I still feel that if the life situation would have been better for both of us, we could've had a wonderful RS.

 

Well, at least i have money now which i got from my car, so i'm gonna buy my self a half year membership to local gym. Time to kick myself to gym again and work out to get rid of "bad feelings". And get myself back in condition where i used to be before i met my ex-gf.

 

Gotta lose some weight, gain some muscle and show myself not to show her. I work out for ME not for any woman out there.

 

I need to remember again that i live for ME. Not for someone else.

[Protec]

Days go by...i still think about her every damn day.

 

I can still easily list 30 good things abour her and they outmatch the bad sides she had.

 

Every day. I try not to. But i can't help it. I miss her. I miss talking with her.

 

I just wonder, if it's easy for the dumper to find a great new partner?

 

Maybe she lied to me, i don't know but she said she hadn't felt like that before she met me.

 

I mean we moved in together almost just 1 month after meeting first time. We were so much in "love". We built our bed together, happilly. Smiling and both of us were excited. And all the furniture we got here...

 

I loved her cute thumbs. I loved her eyes, her hair, everything about her physically. She was beautiful as woman can be. Also she was cute, she had great sense of humor, she liked to do funny stuff and make me laugh. She also was serious when needed. She was awesome cook. She liked playing videogames with me sometimes.

 

I am just going circles. I havent talked with her since she got her stuff out.

I still miss her. I don't miss the sex, or being close to her, what i miss more is that i felt like home with her. I miss talking with her.

 

Ever since the first time we met in OLD site, we talked and talked and talked. Of course the talking reduced after a while. But i did not ever have to watch my words around her. I could tell what i think etc. and she could do so too (until she started blaming she ccan't talk with me).

 

But these women i now talk in OLD...they are boring. I feel like i need to watch every word i say and re-think 3 times before i say it.

 

WHY! Why i was so stupid. I lost the most awesome woman i have ever dated.

Yes, she wasn't perfect, we fought a lot in the last months before BU.

 

But time before the problems...even if it was only for a while, i've never experieced anything like that.

I have never been so happy in my life. I did my best to make her happy as well...but i failed.

 

I had no money to buy her anything. I wanted to buy her a neclace for her birthday but i didn't have money.

 

Sure, love is more than material / trips together.

 

I mean she liked me so much, she travelled 160km, paid for the train, just to meet me when i was recovering from surgery. All i could do was sit on couch or lie down on bed.

 

What the hell happened?

 

Just writing down my thoughts.

[organizedchaos]

"Oh i am so horny, i haven't had sex in two months. Well, last time was with you, and i NEVER enjoyed sex with you"

 

Yep, real winner you lost there. I can see why you're so torn apart.

[Blanco]

This girl had no job, wasn't in school, was emotionally abusive during the relationship and even more so after the relationship. I'm sorry, but as you've described her in this thread, she sounds like trash.

 

I think she moved in with you so quickly because she had no job and no money.

 

You're lamenting it so much no because you aren't finding any luck with OLD, which you shouldn't even be dealing with right now. You're in no condition to even be dating. If your interactions with people on these OLD have even a hint of the desperation you've displayed in your posts here, then I think we've solved why OLD isn't going well.

Edited October 27, 2015 by Blanco

[Protec]

This girl had no job, wasn't in school, was emotionally abusive during the relationship and even more so after the relationship. I'm sorry, but as you've described her in this thread, she sounds like trash.

 

I think she moved in with you so quickly because she had no job and no money.

 

You're lamenting it so much no because you aren't finding any luck with OLD, which you shouldn't even be dealing with right now. You're in no condition to even be dating. If your interactions with people on these OLD have even a hint of the desperation you've displayed in your posts here, then I think we've solved why OLD isn't going well.

 

 

She treated me very badly, but before our troubles started she was awesome. But little by little she started to change...

 

I am not showing my desperation in OLD. It's the same profile i've always used.

 

But...i just saw my Ex's profile on the same OLD site i am using. That's where we met.

 

There is a section "things that turn me off". She has listed EVERY thing there she blamed me for. So i guess she still at least thinks about my bad sides.

 

Things she listed for example:

 

-Too whiny

-Too sensitive

-Complains about everything

-Hates other people

-Bad listener

 

She complained those about me.

 

Why she saw me as this ultimate beast? Am i a bad person after all? Maybe i was the abusive one in Relationships? My behaviour caused her to act like that towards me?

 

Why i clicked on her profile? Well...i was too curious. But now i cannot even use that OLD site anymore because i don't want to run into her profile there.

 

I am really starting to think i don't know myself anymore. I seem to give a completely opposite image to people how i think am.

 

I think myself as kind, loving, funny, easygoing, trustworthy, good listener...i am even romantic.

 

Yes, i am little bit too open and i have bad habit to "think out loud". Also i am kinda strict. I have my own little "weird" habits, but i guess we all do.

 

I am sensitive yes, more sensitive than your average guy is. That is maybe because i am very creative, and creative people tend to be little more sensitive. Also i am left handed so even have cross-wiring.

 

One of the best compliments i've ever had was when one of my ex's told me: "I would really love to study your brain".

 

Maybe i have some sort of personality disorder? Am i not normal?

[PegNosePete]

Aren't you in NC?

 

Why are you reading her dating profile?

 

That is a really, really stupid thing to do! It is going to set you back a long time if you keep acting like this. You will never move on.

[Blanco]

Sorry, I can't believe you're letting an uneducated 20-year-old play you this badly. You really don't think she knew you'd see her profile? Perfect chance to get in your head one more time with the list of things she doesn't like, knowing you'd almost certainly see it.

 

Don't worry about dating. Fix your issues first. Figure out why you have such weak boundaries when it comes to women, or at least this one in particular. Figure out why someone who treated you this way remains so ideal to you.

 

Of course she was great in the beginning. Everyone is. She's shown you how it would be if things weren't going well. Be thankful she did this instead of finding out after you were in deeper.

[Chi townD]

She treated me very badly, but before our troubles started she was awesome. But little by little she started to change...

 

I am not showing my desperation in OLD. It's the same profile i've always used.

 

But...i just saw my Ex's profile on the same OLD site i am using. That's where we met.

 

There is a section "things that turn me off". She has listed EVERY thing there she blamed me for. So i guess she still at least thinks about my bad sides.

 

Things she listed for example:

 

-Too whiny

-Too sensitive

-Complains about everything

-Hates other people

-Bad listener

 

She complained those about me.

 

Why she saw me as this ultimate beast? Am i a bad person after all? Maybe i was the abusive one in Relationships? My behaviour caused her to act like that towards me?

 

Why i clicked on her profile? Well...i was too curious. But now i cannot even use that OLD site anymore because i don't want to run into her profile there.

 

I am really starting to think i don't know myself anymore. I seem to give a completely opposite image to people how i think am.

 

I think myself as kind, loving, funny, easygoing, trustworthy, good listener...i am even romantic.

 

Yes, i am little bit too open and i have bad habit to "think out loud". Also i am kinda strict. I have my own little "weird" habits, but i guess we all do.

 

I am sensitive yes, more sensitive than your average guy is. That is maybe because i am very creative, and creative people tend to be little more sensitive. Also i am left handed so even have cross-wiring.

 

One of the best compliments i've ever had was when one of my ex's told me: "I would really love to study your brain".

 

Maybe i have some sort of personality disorder? Am i not normal?

 

 

Okay, really dude? You have to look outside of the box. She has to demonize you in her mind to make the break up easy on her. That you are the worst boyfriend in the world so she can justify her actions in her head.

 

 

I mean, I saw the writing on the wall when you wrote that she said you were too sensitive. A LOT of women bitch and a moan that they can't find a man that is emotionally available or are in touch with their emotional side. Yet, she wants to list that as a bad attribute when most women crave that from a man.

 

 

You did nothing wrong. The ONLY thing that you're doing wrong right now is keeping track of her. That is NOT NC. You really need to start doing that for your own health, sanity and healing. This girl isn't worth your time. She's just being mean for the sake of being mean and you don't need that in your life.

[Protec]

Aren't you in NC?

 

Why are you reading her dating profile?

 

That is a really, really stupid thing to do! It is going to set you back a long time if you keep acting like this. You will never move on.

 

Well, she was on the front page at that site. "recently logged in".

I had to click

She deleted me from whatsapp and there is no way to contact her anymore.

 

She was my dream woman outlook wise. She had everything i could wish from a woman. Perfect body and face. Even eyecolor!!!

 

Maybe i was more attracted to her outlook than her nature... i dunno.

 

I am destroying myself by thinking about her. What can i do?!

 

What the hell happened to me....

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, there are plenty of hot women in the world. That's no reason to keep being a spineless doormat with this one. The fact that she deleted you is a good thing -- maybe you'll wake up and actually start moving forward.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Well, she was on the front page at that site. "recently logged in".

I had to click

She deleted me from whatsapp and there is no way to contact her anymore.

 

She was my dream woman outlook wise. She had everything i could wish from a woman. Perfect body and face. Even eyecolor!!!

 

Maybe i was more attracted to her outlook than her nature... i dunno.

 

I am destroying myself by thinking about her. What can i do?!

 

What the hell happened to me....

 

same thing happened me and as everyone said here already stop trying to find her it only does you harm and doesn't work towards anything good, nothing actually, your only hurting yourself, it took me 3 very long unnecessary months of heartbreak to realize this.

 

 

but believe me, Its only when your lying in the gutters long enough that you will start seeing the stars

[Blanco]

Well, she was on the front page at that site. "recently logged in".

I had to click

She deleted me from whatsapp and there is no way to contact her anymore.

 

She was my dream woman outlook wise. She had everything i could wish from a woman. Perfect body and face. Even eyecolor!!!

 

Maybe i was more attracted to her outlook than her nature... i dunno.

 

I am destroying myself by thinking about her. What can i do?!

 

What the hell happened to me....

 

No, you did not HAVE to click.

 

Stop focusing so much on her appearance. A great face doesn't make up for the other crap. My last girlfriend was gorgeous; couldn't go out without at least one guy making a pass at her. But by the end of the relationship, I didn't even find her all that attractive because she had revealed herself to be such a cold, controlling person.

 

Looks fade. A bad personality does not.

[PegNosePete]

I had to click

No, you didn't. You chose to click.

 

I am destroying myself by thinking about her. What can i do?!

Next time, don't click.

[Protec]

I don't need to find a woman who likes videogames as much as me. I don't need a woman who listens same music. I am not looking for ME, i am looking for a person that i feel comfortable with and who can accept different things in humans.

 

I spend 24/7 with myself. Do i really want another me? My ex was different than me. I learned a lot from her. New type of music, new type of films, tv-series i enjoyed i never thought i would, even new way of eating!

 

I still think our problems could have been solved. But she made up her mind and it was impossible to change it. We had no cheating, no trust issues etc.

 

But we had these stupid fights over music, what movie we should watch etc. Such stupid stupid issues.

 

No, i don't want to listen Rihanna or some other R'n B artist 24/7. I asked her politely to use headphones, she got mad. I listened my music with headphones since i knew she does not like electronic music too much.

 

If you don't like the latest batman movie, i don't stop loving you because of it. If you listen Rihanna, so what. If i complain about it, i still like YOU, i just don't like the music you listen.

 

We moved in too fast together, not enough personal space caused conficts. But i guess that was not true love then. I would have not left her because of her music style or anything. I liked her because we could talk about things, we had very similar political view. I started a sentence, she finished it. Similar humour. Etc.

 

Then it started "you don't listen enough! You never want to talk!" Well, she wanted to talk with me at 2 in midnight.

I'm the type of guy that when i hit my head on the pillow, i start sleeping. Mornings are different things, but i usually go to bed when i am tired. And i want to sleep.

 

I wanted to talk with her. I even asked her next day "so what was the thing you wanted to talk about last night? I was just too tired". "Oh never mind."

 

I had a job yes. And it was in a shop so i really had to be fresh in that jonb. Customer service, sales, you know. I can't stay up all night talking and be in my work like i have risen from grave. She never understood that.

 

 

I really miss her. I am mad at myself because i caused the breakup in some way. Sure, it always takes 2 but still...

 

I miss the scent of her morning coffee.

I miss her throwing me with a pillow at mornings. ( i was sitting on my PC, i heard this "thud" next to me). I am an early bird, so i did not want to wake her up and i let her sleep. When she woke up i went back to bed next to her.

I miss the walks we did together.

I miss the way she did this beavis voice "need more TP for my bungholiooo"

I miss the food she made. She was awesome cook.

I miss how i made her laugh by acting stupid and making funny voices.

I miss her cute thumbs. Never seen such cute thumbs on anyone. Kinda short. Very cute.

I miss the Mario Kart / Tetris battles. I beat her in Mario Kart, she usually beat me in Tetris. She was awesome in tetris. I am not bad myself.

 

I miss almost everything about her. I am so frustrated i lost her. I even havent talked to her in 3 weeks.... see how messed up i am?

 

Couple nights ago i was pretty drunk...and in the middle of the night i woke up and "heard" her crying. That's how messed up i am.

 

I have never met a person like that in my life. I have never felt like this with anyone and i have dated women before and had even longer RS's.

 

I still wonder if it's hard for a woman to find a good man...?

 

Well, maybe there even more greater woman out there for me. Maybe not.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Protec

[Protec]

I still feel guilt. I still feel i caused it all.

 

Why i called her bad names?

Why i was evil towards person i cared about?

 

But she abused me...i don't say anything if i'm not pushed towards it...

 

Still, i hurt her.

 

Damn this.

[organizedchaos]

I still feel guilt. I still feel i caused it all.

 

Why i called her bad names?

Why i was evil towards person i cared about?

 

But she abused me...i don't say anything if i'm not pushed towards it...

 

Still, i hurt her.

 

Damn this.

 

You are a walking contradiction and apologist.

[Protec]

You are a walking contradiction and apologist.

 

Yes i am.

 

I am still blaming myself, i have have acted faster, differently, maybe we could have saved the relationship. But on the other hand, if she would have REALLY cared for me she would have slapped me into face and "Listen! Now listen! We have problems in this RS, we will break up if we don't do anything. LISTEN TO ME! We need to talk! Now!"

 

She never did that. I did not see the problems until it was too late.

[Shock148]

Yes i am.

 

I am still blaming myself, i have have acted faster, differently, maybe we could have saved the relationship. But on the other hand, if she would have REALLY cared for me she would have slapped me into face and "Listen! Now listen! We have problems in this RS, we will break up if we don't do anything. LISTEN TO ME! We need to talk! Now!"

 

She never did that. I did not see the problems until it was too late.

 

Learn from your mistakes and move on.

[Protec]

Learn from your mistakes and move on.

 

I guess...

 

I am worried about myself. Before i met her, i did not drink. I went to gym 2-3 times a week.

 

Now, i am wasted 3-4 times a week and barely go out anymore.

 

 

Why am i doing this? Why do i still think of her? It's been a month almost since i've last talked with her.

 

Every time i watch a movie i think "wow, this used to be so much better with her"

 

Every time i go out for a walk "It sure was nice to go out with her..."

 

Losing my mind here...

[Protec]

Still miss her.

 

I would love to fix things between me and her but...i guess that is a lost cause.

 

I fell in love with my 1st girlfriend and that was in 2006. 2nd time i fell in love was 2014...