Author Protec Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Well i broke the NC. It helped me. I feel less anxious now. She did not answer me, i saw it coming and i did not expect any answers from her. I just needed to get stuff out of my system. To her. Now i enter NC again as i feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Well i broke the NC. It helped me. I feel less anxious now. She did not answer me, i saw it coming and i did not expect any answers from her. I just needed to get stuff out of my system. To her. Now i enter NC again as i feel better. Until the next time you have "unfinished business". You can't just keep caving and obsessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Until the next time you have "unfinished business". You can't just keep caving and obsessing. I really do feel better now. I did not miss her at all today. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I really do feel better now. I did not miss her at all today. Hopefully that continues. Judging by your posting history, I doubt it. But whatever you do, this has to be the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 Hopefully that continues. Judging by your posting history, I doubt it. But whatever you do, this has to be the last time. Well, i had a date today. With very gorgeous woman. And to be honest did not compare her to my ex not even once. The date went...well, not too great from my part, since i am VERY slow to warm up. So i was quite silent, maybe it was also because she was so damn beautiful. I kinda gave her the "mental" advantage already. I'm not really used to dating that beautiful women...but i would give myself a score of 7/10. I made her laugh couple times and she wanted to touch me. That's always a good sign. It doesn't mean nothing but it is not a bad thing. I felt pretty confy with her, she seemed also feeling comfortable around me because she wanted to touch me and she came pretty close. i think she "sniffed" me, her nose touched my chest. So she came pretty close... There was these awkward moments too...i really suck at small talk. Couple of times she looked nervous. Anyway, she gave me a hug and last words from her was "Lets keep messaging and good night!" Well, i usually know what that means... I still had a good time and it did miracles to my self confidence. If a women of that caliber wants to date me, i have nothing to be afraid of. I mean she was really beautiful. REALLY. Even more beautiful than my ex and she was so damn beautiful. Also i felt she is from a different world. I am from poor family and i am still poor. She on the other hand goes fancy restaurants, buys expensive wines, goes to expensive places and so on... I would love to see her again, i mean we have a similar movie taste. But it's pretty much up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 I would love to see her again, i mean we have a similar movie taste. But it's pretty much up to her. Why? Just invite her to a movie in a couple of days. Link to post Share on other sites
slider1985 Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 You may be feeling bether and relieved today because you broke NC and said what you needed to but I assure you your anxiety will come back in a few days and you'll be back in the dumps. You need therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 Why? Just invite her to a movie in a couple of days. Actually, i thought about asking her to watch stars with me in an observatory. She likes stars. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 You may be feeling bether and relieved today because you broke NC and said what you needed to but I assure you your anxiety will come back in a few days and you'll be back in the dumps. You need therapy. No. I don't need therapy. I need time. I have always been a slow "healer". And today i had fun at the date. I didn't even think about my ex in the way "oh god i miss her". The only time i thought about her was when we went to eat, it was the same place my ex took me when i had my birthday. Then i thought "oh...that's where we sit back then". I actually am starting to feel better. I was in a movie, with a very beautiful woman of my age. I have nothing to feel ****ty about right now. Sure, i may not see her again, but it did miracles to my self-confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 No. I don't need therapy. I need time. Suppose you were a seemingly wonderful women interested in me, your answer would be enough for me to be very careful the least, but probably avoid you. I find your answers concerning therapy a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Ganz7 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Bud, don't waste too much time on this one. There are lots of better women out there and each one better that the last with so much more to offer you will wonder why you wasted so much time on this one. Don't waste years like I did. I've just been over a year NC. I accept we were not meant to be but regret wasting all those years when I had offers and turned them down because I thought I was with my soul mate lol! Find someone with no issues and build a life together with that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Suppose you were a seemingly wonderful women interested in me, your answer would be enough for me to be very careful the least, but probably avoid you. I find your answers concerning therapy a red flag. Why? So i am finally getting over my ex little by little, i dated a nice woman and she even said yes to date #2, so being happy about it means i need therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 No, but your total dismissal of therapy would suggest to some people that you aren't really willing to work on your deeply-rooted codependency and self-esteem issues that have been on full display throughout this thread. I think dating is part of the recovery process, but that should come later on, after you've really addressed your own issues and role in the previous relationship's breakdown. While your ex sounds incredibly toxic, your willingness to stay for the abuse during and after the relationship shouldn't be overlooked. Right now, it still seems like your happiness largely depends on whether or not you've got a girlfriend. No one is saying that this new girl doesn't have potential. But if you haven't addressed and worked to correct your codependency and self-esteem issues, then how long before those start to re-emerge in your next relationship? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why? So i am finally getting over my ex little by little, i dated a nice woman and she even said yes to date #2, so being happy about it means i need therapy? What Blanco said. Nothing wrong with dating if you feel like it, but not for finding a new girlfriend. That seems far too soon for you. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why? So i am finally getting over my ex little by little, i dated a nice woman and she even said yes to date #2, so being happy about it means i need therapy? Because you're nowhere near ready to date yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 No, but your total dismissal of therapy would suggest to some people that you aren't really willing to work on your deeply-rooted codependency and self-esteem issues that have been on full display throughout this thread. I think dating is part of the recovery process, but that should come later on, after you've really addressed your own issues and role in the previous relationship's breakdown. While your ex sounds incredibly toxic, your willingness to stay for the abuse during and after the relationship shouldn't be overlooked. Right now, it still seems like your happiness largely depends on whether or not you've got a girlfriend. No one is saying that this new girl doesn't have potential. But if you haven't addressed and worked to correct your codependency and self-esteem issues, then how long before those start to re-emerge in your next relationship? I used to be codependedt a lot. I admit that. But I was messed up after the break up. I really liked that girl. Yes, it was toxic. I really am starting to feel better now. My ex really torn my self-esteem apart and did some major damage to me mentally. I am finally starting to feel like my old self again. Hitting the gym and running almost daily...making music etc. I am really starting to be my old self again. Not yet completely healed, but at least the first thing in the morning is not my ex anymore. I can be happy by myself. But i admit i am more happy with someone else. Don't we all miss that someone to share things with? To fall in sleep next to...etc? To talk about daily things, do stuff together, create memories...? Those things would make me happy. If that makes me a bad person, then i guess i am. I know i am not ready for anything too serious, not yet. But yesterday, i had fun. Not once i compared my date to my ex. I did not have to. It reminded me that i can still meet nice people and get along with them. There i was, on a date with a woman of MY AGE (about time), and we seemed to have good time. Not a perfect date, and i don't get sad if i ever don't see her again. But it really did good things to me. I felt like human again. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 We are not judging you and having fun is great and important. And no you are not a bad person, but just like me you need to work on yourself. We do not become codependent by magic, and you did not choose you ex out of coincidence. Just as I did not choose someone who abandoned me by coincidence. I know one thing and that is I need to understand why, and what I can do myself to be attracted to people who are good to me and vice-versa. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I was on a 4th "date" last evening. I went to her place and wathched movie and cuddled a bit. So there is something going on! But i still wonder why i act so different around this woman than i did with my ex. I am comfy around this new woman, she feels nice and all, but still i feel i am holding myself back a LOT. It's like i don't want to show my true self to her. And when i think about my ex, i showed my true self to her on first date. But then again, i was talking with my ex on skype, on phone etc for hours and hours before we actually met and we knew that both of us are attracted to each other. This case on the other hand has been completely different, i met this woman on Tinder, and we have not talked online that much, barely at all before we met. So we are getting known to each other in "classic way". By talking. But now that i have spent time with a woman of my age (she is actually only 2 weeks younger than me), i have seen things in different ways. My ex was all this "look at me! touch me! notice me!", since she was young. In other words, "attention whore". I know we all love attention, but being with an adult...it's very different. Completely different athmosphere. And it's funny how someone of my age can actually feel so much older than me. I've always been boyish (peter pan syndrome ? ), still can be serious at right times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 So...had another "date" with her. Again at her place. We kissed. Weird. I still think about my ex now and then...but...spending time with this woman has showed me new sides about myself. I understand myself better now. And i also see my flaws better. We are nothing serious yet...i don't even know if we are dating. But well... i needed this. And when i kissed her, i didn't feel like cheating on my ex so i think i am getting over her. But i admit, i thinked about my ex for a moment when i kissed her... But i am happy i did it. Since i enjoy being around this woman. It really opened my eyes. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/561066-i-ve-had-2-dates-her-i-wonder-if-she-likes-me Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 spending time with this woman has showed me new sides about myself. I understand myself better now. And i also see my flaws better. [...] http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/561066-i-ve-had-2-dates-her-i-wonder-if-she-likes-me It sounds like she is going to eat you for dessert. Suppose if she suddenly would loose interest in you overnight, what than? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 16, 2015 Author Share Posted December 16, 2015 It sounds like she is going to eat you for dessert. Suppose if she suddenly would loose interest in you overnight, what than? I would be sad, of course but also i would just be happy that i had a chance to know her and learn from the experience.It would not tear my world apart. Since i don't have that strong emotional feelings towards her yet. I do like her, i know that It's all been good experience for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 I sent "merry christmas!" to my Ex today. To my surprise, she answered. Just to wish her marry Xmas. Best Xmas ever, i have a GF now! Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I sent "merry christmas!" to my Ex today. To my surprise, she answered. Just to wish her marry Xmas. Best Xmas ever, i have a GF now! Perhaps I am fishing to the obvious here, why? You have a new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Because some people can't leave well enough alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Because as much as he would like to believe, he's still not over his ex, regardless of the fact that he has a new gf. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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