I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[D.r.e]

So I find your thread, and read through it and it's similar to what I just went through. I was looking for inspiration and a sign that things get better.

 

I am older than you, but was dating a 23yr old. I was hoping to see that things get better, and I am glad things seem to be for you, but man.... how many months have you wasted? You heal slow, or are you constantly pulling off scabs and pouring acid in the would?

 

You are just starting back at the gym recently? You could have had a brand new body by now. You are addicted to your ex and you keep going back for one more hit. It's almost a cautionary tale for myself. It's telling me, stay NC forever. I was questioning if NC was the best, and I even found articles that said NC was a mistake.

 

Someone has to get this right... I vow to not txt my ex, not facebook, not Instagram or any other bull**** this coming year. So the **** what if it hurts? So the **** what if contacting takes the pain away?

 

I vow to be 10x the man I am today by this time next year. You all are my witness. 365 days of building myself anyway I can.

 

So while the inspiration didn't happen the way I expected, you did inspire me. Thank you for your story.

[K2z]

I vow to be 10x the man I am today by this time next year. You all are my witness. 365 days of building myself anyway I can.

 

I wish I could say this kind of thing with sincerity. I psych myself out with my metaphors, but in truth my heart is a smear of smoldering ashes on the lawn. I feel no trust, motivation, or self-esteem.

 

This may not be permanent. I function a bit now, which is more than I can say for months ago. I am not suicidally inclined (beyond very low level passive ideation), which I was for a considerable amount of time previously.

 

I miss this woman, in whom I have ZERO trust now and who made herself another man's wife, with a seismic intensity. It is paradoxical -- I could not take her back now even if she crawled to my front door -- but she is on my mind 24/7. I do not wish her abuse or anything sinister in her marriage, but I wish her profound regret over her decision... I'm sorry if that's petty.

 

What I need desperately now is pattern breaks. I need to get out of this apartment, which is now a graveyard of broken hopes. Maybe I need to get out of the city I'm in.

[D.r.e]

I wish I could say this kind of thing with sincerity. I psych myself out with my metaphors, but in truth my heart is a smear of smoldering ashes on the lawn. I feel no trust, motivation, or self-esteem.

 

This may not be permanent. I function a bit now, which is more than I can say for months ago. I am not suicidally inclined (beyond very low level passive ideation), which I was for a considerable amount of time previously.

 

I miss this woman, in whom I have ZERO trust now and who made herself another man's wife, with a seismic intensity. It is paradoxical -- I could not take her back now even if she crawled to my front door -- but she is on my mind 24/7. I do not wish her abuse or anything sinister in her marriage, but I wish her profound regret over her decision... I'm sorry if that's petty.

 

What I need desperately now is pattern breaks. I need to get out of this apartment, which is now a graveyard of broken hopes. Maybe I need to get out of the city I'm in.

 

I function low as well. For 15 years of my life I had suicidal tendencies. I was simply too scared to actually jump.

 

I agree, break that pattern, start new habits. If you need to move, move. We live in such a great time that you have those options. Even just start looking up places you would like to go, put some job applications to other cities, you don't have to go, but the simple action creates momentum.

[Simon Phoenix]

I sent "merry christmas!" to my Ex today. To my surprise, she answered.

 

Just to wish her marry Xmas. Best Xmas ever, i have a GF now!

 

That was completely pointless.

[Protec]

Yeah, it seems i don't have a GF. I was just fooling myself. Now i am hurt and alone again.

 

****.

 

Foolish me. Never learn from my foolish mistakes. Falling in too quickly even if i tried to hold my emotions back. Oh man.

[Silver_star]

You shouldn't have been trying to have a meaningful relationship so fast anyways. You are still hung up on your ex. You need to emotionally heal from it.

 

 

Go ahead and have sex but don't kid yourself with the relationship stuff, and the whole "im happier with someone else thing". It's probably fairly transparent to women anyways that you are not emotionally available...so just enjoy some time off for a while.

[Itspointless]

So, what happened? Doesn't seem like it but I am sorry, although to be honest I am not surprised

[Blanco]

It won't seem like it now, but this is for the best if you let it be. Stop looking to other women to give you your value. You did it with your ex and you were on the path to doing it with this one. I don't know what happened, but this new one probably saved you from yourself again.

 

Stop trying to take shortcuts and learn to be content with yourself. Romantic relationships will no longer feel vital to your sense of happiness. Believe it or not, that's when relationships can be the most fulfilling.

[Protec]

So, what happened? Doesn't seem like it but I am sorry, although to be honest I am not surprised

 

So this is all about the NEW woman:

 

Well we were supposed to spend new years eve together, then she bailed.

 

And now she says things like "i need to clear my head and my feelings".

So she went to spend new years eve with her friends. So here i am, sitting home alone. And just yesterday she still wanted to spend new years eve with me.

 

But anyway:

 

We have had sex, many times.

I've slept at her place with her children at home, few times

She has slept at my place

We have kissed in front of her kids

We have hugged in front of her kids

I have met her cousin

Her kids saw us sleep together in same bed.

I played with her kids.

 

She even called me "darling" when we went to sleep one night. That's something!

etc.

 

 

I really don't think we are just seeing each other but....then i said to her "my father asked me to visit them this saturday". Then she goes haywire "we are just seeing each other, we don't visit others parents"

 

I was like "...allright?"

 

So i have no idea what is going on here.

 

This tuesday she said all kinds of stuff. "i would love to do so many things with you...but i just don't know where we are standing". I never had the guts to ask her if she would want something "more". Since we have just known each other for about 3 weeks...

 

 

she sent me a message few hours ago "I am sorry we did not meet today, but i need to solve my feelings..."

 

My wild guess: It's another man. Her ex maybe.

 

So tomorrow, i am going to hear something "I AM SO SORRY!!! I did not mean to but...but i was so drunk and i slept with my ex...and i realized i want to be with you but...!!!!"

 

She has quite wild past...if you know what i mean. Lots of guys...different guys...not too keen about stuff like that. But she is my exact opposite. which is kinda fun.

 

We have crazy chemistry between us. Never had a woman look at me like that. "My body shivers when you touch my neck". That is something. We have very good chemistry. But yes, i know, chemistry alone is not enough. I know that.

 

I really hope i could continue seeing her. She is fun, her kids are sometimes fun (still would like her without kids though...), and she even stopped smoking because of me!!

 

"You don't smoke, so i don't want you to kiss an ashtray". That really is something!!

 

I hope for the best and i try to be prepared for the worst....

Edited December 31, 2015 by Protec

[Blanco]

Totally inappropriate for the kids to be seeing their mother kissing and sharing a bed with a relative stranger.

 

No way should the kids be seeing you as anyone other than their mom's friend so soon into the "relationship." Kids are a LOT more perceptive than they're given credit for, even younger ones.

 

Their mother shouldn't be so careless about letting her romantic and parental lives overlap like that. And you shouldn't feel comfortable with that, either, even if she's saying it's OK.

 

I see this so much with single mothers. They can't bear to be alone or they aren't cautious with protecting their children from getting attached to The Next Guy, so the latest boyfriend is immersed in her life and the kids' lives almost right off the bat. Then things don't work out, the guy disappears, the kids get to feel a loss, and then it's all repeated again and again.

 

I know this isn't why you're posting, but I think it's kind of **** that you went along with this unless her kids are extremely young and literally have no concept of the world around them.

[Itspointless]

I really don't think we are just seeing each other but....then i said to her "my father asked me to visit them this saturday". Then she goes haywire "we are just seeing each other, we don't visit others parents"

Well she knows where you stand.

I see this so much with single mothers. They can't bear to be alone or they aren't cautious with protecting their children from getting attached to The Next Guy

it says something about their (emotional) maturity.

she sent me a message few hours ago "I am sorry we did not meet today, but i need to solve my feelings..." [...] I hope for the best and i try to be prepared for the worst....

It could mean anything. I dislike it when women sent mixed messages. Sometimes people need to think before they act and step into something. It all seems a bit twisted, first playing house and then the thinking. Protec be mindful that such a pace is often a red flag itself.

 

As for this evening (yes I am in Europe too) I am alone too for the first time in my life. I do not mind, I actually like a quiet evening this year.

[Protec]

UPDATE:

 

Yes. I am "single" again.

 

She sent me a message via whatsapp "We cannot see each other anymore. I still have unsolved feelings towards my ex and i need to see where that leads. I had wonderful time with you..."

 

Apparently not wonderful enough.

 

I just feel bad for the kids. They saw us making out etc. so now the kids are going to ask "mom? where protec is?"

 

I just at swinger her younger kid at the playpark this tuesday!!!

 

She is not thinking it clearly... But her ex has one thing i don't have: Money.

 

And at first when i was at her place we kept it secret when we "made out". So the kids did not see...

 

She still sent me a text "you are a wonderful person :)".

 

Well yes, yes i am. I am ****ing awesome person.

 

I just feel sad i never got the change to show her my true self.

[Simon Phoenix]

You really need to be single for a while ... badly.

[Itspointless]

You could be some sort Finish mixture of George Clooney and Brad Pitt, if she still has feelings for her ex, than that elephant will be there every time you blink with your eyes. I just cannot understand how people are not aware if these things before they jump into these things. Well actually I can: denial. Use it as a mirror.

[Protec]

You could be some sort Finish mixture of George Clooney and Brad Pitt, if she still has feelings for her ex, than that elephant will be there every time you blink with your eyes. I just cannot understand how people are not aware if these things before they jump into these things. Well actually I can: denial. Use it as a mirror.

 

I thought she was over her ex. I really did. But guess i was some sort of **** buddy in the end.

 

Funny thing still that she let me see her kids and even play with them. Just when i learned that the older kid had Nintendo 3DS xD

 

But well, now she gets the money she needs. She really needs just someone to support her. Trust me on this. She complained many times "i don't have money to this...and that..."

 

And her ex just started a coffee shop or something. So, my wild guess: It's money she is after.

 

One of her ex's used to have a company and she told me "I could just basically buy anything i wanted. It was so great!"

 

So...

 

Oh well. At least i had some awesome sex for few weeks from one of the most beautiful woman i have ever met in my life. I mean she was GORGEOUS. So god damn beautiful. A real MILF.

 

I still feel stupid i did not see this coming. I really had no idea. Darn.

[Protec]

Just yesterday she sent me a message "i miss you". It's weird.

 

"Good night, still considering everything. It was a hard decision..."

 

WOW. A DECISION.

 

What am i? Why do i attract every unstable woman into my life?!

Edited December 31, 2015 by Protec

[Blanco]

You've traded one obsession for another. She's not in a spot for a healthy relationship, but neither are you.

 

Edit: I'm a big believer in the idea that we often attract who and where we are emotionally. Maybe you attract unstable women because you yourself are, too.

[Protec]

You've traded one obsession for another. She's not in a spot for a healthy relationship, but neither are you.

 

Edit: I'm a big believer in the idea that we often attract who and where we are emotionally. Maybe you attract unstable women because you yourself are, too.

 

But we met in Tinder...all she saw from me was my picture.

 

Well, it was fun as long as it lasted. We knew each other for over a month. I opened my "armor" too much since i notice now how bad i feel. I was trying hard not to develop too strong feelings for her...but last week i spent 4 days out of 7 at her place.

 

Now i really need to keep NC!!! Can't stay in contact with someone like her.

So i don't even know what to call her... "a fling?" Since we never were actually in relationship.

 

But i am still glad. I learned many things from myself i did not know before her. I also found out what i did wrong with my ex that this thread is about.

 

Yes, still sometimes think about my ex. Well obviously since i am here. But now i also realised that i really did like her. She had such good sides in her. I was really able to be myself around her and talk with her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Just yesterday she sent me a message "i miss you". It's weird.

 

"Good night, still considering everything. It was a hard decision..."

 

WOW. A DECISION.

 

What am i? Why do i attract every unstable woman into my life?!

 

Because you aren't exactly stable yourself.

[Protec]

Because you aren't exactly stable yourself.

 

Well, she just saw a picture of me in Tinder. Maybe i look unstable

 

Darn, what a way to start a new year. Oh well. I can only go up!

I can only hope she made a bad decision

 

And i wonder if i should move things forward more quickly. But i couldn't. I can't say "hey, let's get serious", if i've only spent few nights at her place with her kids at home. I can't promise something i cannot keep.

 

Ahg. Maybe this was actually a good thing. At least now i know i can get along with beautiful women and i really have nothing to be afraid of.

[BC1980]

We have had sex, many times.

I've slept at her place with her children at home, few times

She has slept at my place

We have kissed in front of her kids

We have hugged in front of her kids

I have met her cousin

Her kids saw us sleep together in same bed.

I played with her kids.

 

All of these things are huge red flags in someone you just met. I think you need to learn to read the red flags and then remove yourself from the situation. It seems that you can't pick partners very well. I think that instead of seeing these things as bad news, you see them as signs of something good. That is a problem in and of itself. Do you honestly think that all of what you mentioned is good? If you do, then I think you are either very naive or simply desperate for any type of companionship. I'm not saying all of this to knock you down, but you really need to reevaluate what you are doing when you are dating people. Until you can date with some type of standards and an understanding of red flag behavior, it's best to stay single.

[Protec]

All of these things are huge red flags in someone you just met. I think you need to learn to read the red flags and then remove yourself from the situation. It seems that you can't pick partners very well. I think that instead of seeing these things as bad news, you see them as signs of something good. That is a problem in and of itself. Do you honestly think that all of what you mentioned is good? If you do, then I think you are either very naive or simply desperate for any type of companionship. I'm not saying all of this to knock you down, but you really need to reevaluate what you are doing when you are dating people. Until you can date with some type of standards and an understanding of red flag behavior, it's best to stay single.

 

How is having sex a bad thing?

How is staying over a bad thing?

 

We have known each other from the start of december. Our first date was 5th December.

 

I really liked being with her. I felt confortable around her. I wanted to be around her. I know when i don't like someone and i cannot force myself to liking just anyone. Trust me. Longest time i've been single was 2 years. And yes, i dated in that time, but no one "clicked".

 

I admit i am naive. I often get hurt because i trust in people too much.

Edited December 31, 2015 by Protec

[Protec]

Anyway, happy new year to all of you

[Itspointless]

Happy new year Protec

 

Sometimes the people that arouse us, are not the healthiest people for us. Psychology can teach us certain things about this.

[Blanco]

How is having sex a bad thing?

How is staying over a bad thing?

 

They aren't necessarily bad things, but in your situation, might I suggest that:

 

1) Sleeping together so quickly probably made you feel much more attached to her than if you hadn't.

2) Staying over when she has her kids is inappropriate unless you are a long-established boyfriend or step-father. Kids aren't dumb, but the mother obviously either thinks that or grossly underestimates how confusing these things are to young children.

 

We have known each other from the start of december. Our first date was 5th December.

 

I really liked being with her. I felt confortable around her. I wanted to be around her. I know when i don't like someone and i cannot force myself to liking just anyone. Trust me. Longest time i've been single was 2 years. And yes, i dated in that time, but no one "clicked".

 

You literally said a lot of these things about your ex in this same thread.