I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[Mrlovahlovah]

aye. these toxic relationships with people who might've treated us badly are often the hardest to recover from and the ones we masochistically want back the most. for various 2 cent psychological reasons. we're stupid monkeys after all.

 

as stated above it's not gonna be easy but please man up and stop reading into her actions. i think the details of how to implement nc aren't set in stone but in your case i would highly recommend just blocking her on every frontier. delete her number so that you can never retrieve it. it's a hard thing to do but once it's done you'll feel better and won;t be tempted. you are begining to realize how poorly she really treated you. doesn't that make you want to make her feel like you don't give a **** about her?put some rocky music in your headphones, run up some stairs, do something proactive and start regaining confidence in your life. i believe in you mate.

 

btw, very cool track.

[Simon Phoenix]

Is NC acceptable if i don't delete her from whatsapp but i just don't talk at her?

 

I checked and she hasn't deleted me at least not yet from whatsapp. OR maybe she is waiting to get the rest of her stuff and then she deletes me.

 

I still wonder what she meant by "When you are over me, call me". That was...weird. That's why i hate her so much. All those mixed messages. She says she doesn't know how to talk with me, but couple of weeks ago we talked in phone for several hours.

 

In our RS i really tried to put up on her BS. But every time she started calling me immature, crazy, mentally ill, or something else and i started to feel i did something wrong...she got me, got me bad. I've never been this messed up after breakup. Never.

 

You need to delete her from everything. Do not provide her a lifeline to you. I don't have Whatsapp and I'm not sure if you can track what someone's doing even if you aren't talking to them, but it's best just to get rid of all avenues of communication at this time.

[greenleaves54]

Is NC acceptable if i don't delete her from whatsapp but i just don't talk at her?

 

I checked and she hasn't deleted me at least not yet from whatsapp. OR maybe she is waiting to get the rest of her stuff and then she deletes me.

 

I still wonder what she meant by "When you are over me, call me". That was...weird. That's why i hate her so much. All those mixed messages. She says she doesn't know how to talk with me, but couple of weeks ago we talked in phone for several hours.

 

In our RS i really tried to put up on her BS. But every time she started calling me immature, crazy, mentally ill, or something else and i started to feel i did something wrong...she got me, got me bad. I've never been this messed up after breakup. Never.

 

It's okay to feel messed up. We all go through that.

 

But don't give her an inch now. Remove her from everything, and block her if she tries to contact you. If it's possible, make sure you can't get ANY updates on her life.

 

Show her that you don't take her ****. You demand respect. You don't accept her nasty comments. You don't need her.

 

It's hard but you will win in the end, I promise.

[Protec]

I still wonder why she came over.

 

She could have just said "Put my things in a box and send them to me, or throw them into dumpster, it's only stuff. I can buy new one. I don't want to see you. Ever."

 

She said "i just came here to get my stuff." IF she really did not want to see me, why go buy beer with me? Why would she want to have a nice night with me? She was only here to get her stuff right?

 

I think there was something more into that. Maybe she came to check if i had changed.

 

She also said "i don't want to talk about our RS". Then later "I still remember you calling me names..." Yes. I called her names. I was angry at her...little drunk too then. So i said bad things. And that is now the only thing she remembers from our RS. Me being drunk and calling her names

 

Also "you haven't changed at all. Maybe a little but you're still pretty much the same".

 

Sorry for being a mess after you dumped me via text message.

[Protec]

In WhatsApp it's not possible to track a person. Only thing that changes is the icon picture if you want to change it. It's only ment to send text messages/pictures etc. via phonenumber.

 

So it's not a social media app at all. I don't have her in facebook or any other social media so i don't know what she is doing.

[Shock148]

I still wonder why she came over.

 

She could have just said "Put my things in a box and send them to me, or throw them into dumpster, it's only stuff. I can buy new one. I don't want to see you. Ever."

 

She said "i just came here to get my stuff." IF she really did not want to see me, why go buy beer with me? Why would she want to have a nice night with me? She was only here to get her stuff right?

 

I think there was something more into that. Maybe she came to check if i had changed.

 

She also said "i don't want to talk about our RS". Then later "I still remember you calling me names..." Yes. I called her names. I was angry at her...little drunk too then. So i said bad things. And that is now the only thing she remembers from our RS. Me being drunk and calling her names

 

Also "you haven't changed at all. Maybe a little but you're still pretty much the same".

 

Sorry for being a mess after you dumped me via text message.

Does it really matter at this point? Stop over analyzing everything. You are just trying to find excuses to see if she secretly wanted to be back with you if you showed her you changed. All of her actions so far indicates that she does not want you back at all so you need to understand that. She told you call her when you are over her for a reason, because she might want to still be friends with you and nothing more. She chose to go see and spend time with you because I suppose you can be a friend, but she does not want you as anything more than that. You need to NC her until you are completely over her, and yes that means deleting her from whatsapp and any other app or social media too you have.

[Xidion]

Man, I am really sorry to hear that you've had to deal with a situation like this.

 

You obviously still have feelings for the girl and wanted to see what would happen. Unfortunately, the way you had played it out in your mind isn't what really happened.

 

I've been there brother. I've had a girl leave me and come back into my life after a month for only 3 days, just to leave me broken hearted again.

 

I will tell you now, that asking "why" isn't going to help you at all. You only want to know why because there's something you're hanging onto and not ready to let go of. That something is hope. Broken hearts heal, but hopes and dreams die a long hard death.

 

This will be a test of what you're made of. But right now you need to respect yourself, love yourself, and learn to deal with these types of things in life. Don't focus on why she came to see you, focus on the childish things she said that were meant to inflict just a little more pain on you.

 

some people have no empathy whatsoever and enjoy getting a rise out of other people. It gave her an ego boost to see you showing feelings for her. That's why she didn't stay.. She would have stayed until you showed your feelings.. and since you did right away.. she didn't have to stay another day.

 

Put this behind you. I know it hurts.. it hurts a lot, and this has set you back. But it DOES get better. This is coming from someone who was left after a 2 year relationship only to see her go right into the arms of someone else. I had a ring, and had to return it. I had hit rock bottom, and I'm here right now telling you that I am completely okay and don't even think of that person anymore at all. You WILL be okay.

 

Remember this. No one will ever say or do anything to you that you don't invite them to do. You must participate in your own rescue.

[mightycpa]

Holy ****, what a thread!

 

OP, I can't decide if you're weak or strong.

 

The actions scream weakness...the very first mistake you made was showing up at the train station. But when she pouted about your disinterest in her date, I was hoping you'd have told us that you turned around and went back to the train station; but you didn't. So that seems weak.

 

But you hung in there through all of the abuse and all of the self-centered mewly bull****, you buried your stick in her crack and you didn't try to bang her and you didn't cry and you didn't beg for her to come back. So that's pretty strong.

 

You're beginning to feel the beginning of your new friend, MISERY. You will be tested. Every fiber except for one in your body will tell you that you are the one making her forget you and that by staying silent, you are closing the door to communication and reconciliation. You'll think it is some game of chicken, and you'll try to convince yourself that she is waiting to hear from you. Or worse, she'll contact you, and demand that you reply. You are going to have to listen to that one fiber that knows better than the rest of you! Resist! Refuse! Don't go backwards for any reason whatsoever.

 

That's when we'll see if you're weak or strong, and that whatsapp question you had is pointing to weak. If you're committed to your own well-being, then you need to ditch every little thing that has to do with this girl. Everything. But if you're more interested in her feelings and her reactions, then you'll hang on to something, and you'll respond when she pulls your chain.

 

We're all rooting for you, and we'd love to hear that you're strong. We hope you don't let us down, but we hope even more that you don't let yourself down.

 

Good luck OP. You're going to need it.

Edited October 5, 2015 by mightycpa

[Protec]

Thank you.

 

This is going to be tough. My best "NC" was 5 days. Until i caved in and contacted her.

 

But i was thinking about her flaws and i start to see now that i was mentally abused by her.

 

I am not perfect myself. But no one deserves treatment like this. Not in RS or after RS.

[Xidion]

Thank you.

 

This is going to be tough. My best "NC" was 5 days. Until i caved in and contacted her.

 

But i was thinking about her flaws and i start to see now that i was mentally abused by her.

 

I am not perfect myself. But no one deserves treatment like this. Not in RS or after RS.

 

there you go man. always focus on her flaws and the times you had to deal with bull****. it helps a lot.

[Protec]

Talked to my friend about what my ex said to me (a girl).

 

"Guys can't hit girls right, i feel so sorry for you so what if i punch the living s*it out of her!"

 

I lauhged. She is great.

 

And. I got a message from my ex "Yeah, it was a rought trip".

But that was just a response to me when last night i sent her Before i was in NC "I guess you're almost at home now"

 

I did not reply to her. I will not delete her from whatsapp yet. But I will not write at her. I will not contact her, i promise. If she starts sending me selfies, talking abour her dates etc. then i will delete her.

 

But for now, i want to keep her there. I am having a date later this week, i met this woman already once and we are going outside for a walk again. Just as friends. I am not ready for anything serious in a while. And she is not really my type.

 

Mind is racing. One moment i am thinking about all the good times we had last winter. Playing Mario Kart and laughing, having fun then at the other moment i think about when we had a fight...i yelled at her and she yelled at me...we had no money. Life was hard.

 

This is hard.

[Blanco]

Man, you just don't get it.

 

When you go NC after a toxic relationship (and yes, yours absolutely was), you need to sever any potential way your ex could contact you, especially when they've shown they will continue to communicate with you. Short of her showing up at your door, there should be no way she directly communicates with you.

 

But, you want to leave the door open, because you apparently are a glutton for punishment.

[dumbass2]

You are your own worst enemy. She is doing nothing to you. You are now doing this to yourself. you are no allowing it when there is no future with you two. It's about you, not her. She's already showed you she doesn't want you. You're her play thing. It's sad to see that it is continuing on, but again, you are now doing it yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your stubborn refusal to keep the Whatsapp lifeline will be your undoing.

[Protec]

Your stubborn refusal to keep the Whatsapp lifeline will be your undoing.

 

This is my weird logic...Little by little, fading away instead of vanishing in a heartbeat.

 

I will forget her more and more every day. My anxiety, these feelings will fade away over time.

 

I have the urge to write to her. But i just need to keep myself busy.

[Simon Phoenix]

This is my weird logic...Little by little, fading away instead of vanishing in a heartbeat.

 

I will forget her more and more every day. My anxiety, these feelings will fade away over time.

 

I have the urge to write to her. But i just need to keep myself busy.

 

Your logic is ass-backwards. All you are doing is increasing the degree of difficulty of your recovery. Having access to her just makes it take more time and makes you expend more energy. You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery.

 

You are keeping a lifeline because some part of you is delusional and thinks that she's going to come beg you back. But that delusion is going to cause you to waste time and energy. Stop being stupid, do a proper block, and start the process of moving forward. It's a tough process, but you are making it tougher by being foolish.

[Protec]

Your logic is ass-backwards. All you are doing is increasing the degree of difficulty of your recovery. Having access to her just makes it take more time and makes you expend more energy. You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery.

 

You are keeping a lifeline because some part of you is delusional and thinks that she's going to come beg you back. But that delusion is going to cause you to waste time and energy. Stop being stupid, do a proper block, and start the process of moving forward. It's a tough process, but you are making it tougher by being foolish.

 

What i am afraid is that i am using NC for wrong reasons.

I feel like if i go full NC now, i am just trying to do it to get her back. "Oh no, he disappeared, i wonder what happened to him, maybe i contact him". That's how i feel now if i go full NC. I don't want that to happen.

 

I sent picture of the packet i am going to send her and i told her that she pays me back the costs of sending it. She replied "Ok, good."

 

Now i just need to take the package to post office.

[PegNosePete]

I feel like if i go full NC now, i am just trying to do it to get her back. "Oh no, he disappeared, i wonder what happened to him, maybe i contact him". That's how i feel now if i go full NC. I don't want that to happen.

Whereas instead you're keeping lifeline open hoping she will come back to you.

 

How is that any better?

[Protec]

Whereas instead you're keeping lifeline open hoping she will come back to you.

 

How is that any better?

 

I don't think she will ever come back to me. After what she has done to me, how she has treated me, i don't see it happening. She is not even angry at me anymore. She used to be.

 

I sent her a message "Now your stuff is in post office. Pay me 10 euros when you have the money and we are even."

She said "Thanks."

 

That's it then. Now i need to start my "NC".

[Protec]

I am just writing to ease my pain.

 

Lonely night. Played some battlefield with friends. Still i think about her all the time.

 

Why? I've had other great girlfriends, i've had longer relationships. Why am i having so much trouble getting over this one?

 

But i've never felt like this before. I always felt different with her than my other girlfriends. I felt like i was safe. I was able to be myself. She didn't restrict me in any way. She let me play games, watch movies etc. She let me be who i was. I was comfortable around her.

 

Blah. Gotta go sleep now.

[dumbass2]

I don't think she will ever come back to me. After what she has done to me, how she has treated me, i don't see it happening. She is not even angry at me anymore. She used to be.

 

I sent her a message "Now your stuff is in post office. Pay me 10 euros when you have the money and we are even."

She said "Thanks."

 

That's it then. Now i need to start my "NC".

 

No, you will not be in NC very long. Just another way for you to stay attached. Why in the hell would you ask her to pay? Okay, now you have a reason in your mind for communication. Now you can use it as an excuse to contact her and go "where's my money?". I see exactly what you did and you know exactly what you did. You just can't get yourself away from her.

[Protec]

No, you will not be in NC very long. Just another way for you to stay attached. Why in the hell would you ask her to pay? Okay, now you have a reason in your mind for communication. Now you can use it as an excuse to contact her and go "where's my money?". I see exactly what you did and you know exactly what you did. You just can't get yourself away from her.

 

I was thinking about this earlier this morning. It's not much money anyway. I will not ask her for that money. I won't get bankrupt if i don't get it back.

Only reason i am in this situation now is i "fought" to get back in contact with her.

 

1 week after breakup we had this fight in skype and in phone. She deleted me from everywhere.

Then i started fighting. I acted cool, indifferent. I spoke in short sentences. I even didn't use smilies. I seemed "serious". Then se added me back.

Finally she even promised to visit me and then i f'd it all up. I showed how i really felt.

 

But now i have to go. I have a woman to meet. We are going outside for a walk and to climb into a bird watching tower.

Edited October 8, 2015 by Protec

[PegNosePete]

Finally she even promised to visit me and then i f'd it all up. I showed how i really felt.

Do you really believe that if you hadn't shown how you really felt, she would have come back to you?

 

If you do... then you're wrong.

 

You f'd it up by believing there was some kind of script or method you could follow that would get her back. That if you did X or Y or acted like Z then she would do as you wish. Sorry, but human interactions simply don't work that way. You're clearly in the "bargaining" phase.

[Protec]

Do you really believe that if you hadn't shown how you really felt, she would have come back to you?

 

If you do... then you're wrong.

 

You f'd it up by believing there was some kind of script or method you could follow that would get her back. That if you did X or Y or acted like Z then she would do as you wish. Sorry, but human interactions simply don't work that way. You're clearly in the "bargaining" phase.

 

Yeah i guess. It's been rough week for me.

 

I was out for a walk today with this other woman (just as friends) but still i was thinking about my ex all the time. Not good. Because i would like to meet new people, just as friends, but my mind is somewhere else.

 

And i have other meeting (with a woman) planned as well for the weekend. But all i do is compare these women to my ex.

 

My Ex will be hard to beat. She really was something else. She made me feel these emotions i have last felt 6 years ago. And now i am afraid it will take 6 years to feel them again.

[frigginlost]

I was out for a walk today with this other woman (just as friends) but still i was thinking about my ex all the time. Not good.

 

 

Normal.

 

 

Because i would like to meet new people, just as friends, but my mind is somewhere else.

 

 

Normal.

 

 

And i have other meeting (with a woman) planned as well for the weekend. But all i do is compare these women to my ex.

 

 

Normal.

 

 

My Ex will be hard to beat.

 

 

Incorrect.

 

 

She really was something else. She made me feel these emotions i have last felt 6 years ago. And now i am afraid it will take 6 years to feel them again.

 

 

You're healing. All of what you are feeling is completely normal. We have all felt exactly what you are feeling right now.

 

Give yourself some time. Don't look for answers, and try not to analyze. Live entirely for you right now. It's going to be tough to get through, but you will start to see things clearly when the fog starts to lift.