Clockwork Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 In all honesty, growing up I barely saw my dad cry. In fact I didn't until I was well into my teens and my grandmother died. It was weird seeing him cry, almost like it was the end of the world. I sort of grew up with this myth that boys and girls cry, women/mothers cry, but men never will cry. It wasn't something my dad ever told me of course, I just sort of thought it. My dad has aged and become much more of a softie now, though. As for me, my wife has known me for 10 years. I am not the crying type at all. Certainly not in public. But I am just wondering how normal this is compared to other men, privately or publicly. I don't cry over movies. Never have. It doesn't mean I can't get a lump in my throat or be sad, but I just never bring myself to cry. My wife has seen me cry once in 10 years. In fact, I have only cried once in the last 10 years. This was on our wedding day. Prior to my wedding I cried for a number of reasons (it was happy/thankful/etc. put together) and during the vows I sort of stumbled. But that's it. We've had 3 kids and I didn't even cry tears of joy, I was just happy. Not that I didn't feel it coming on, I just stopped myself. There hasn't been much death, but a close uncle and aunt. While very sad, I didn't break down. So ladies, is it normal for you to never see your husband cry? Privately or publicly? Fellas, how many of you are like me and how many cry more frequently? Just wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Yes it's completely normal to never see men cry. I've never had a partner that has cried ever and I'm 35 years old. I've never seen my father cry either and he's 69. Men express hurt in the form of anger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I have seen my dad and adult brothers cry lots of times as well as my adult sons and my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Yes it's completely normal to never see men cry. I've never had a partner that has cried ever and I'm 35 years old. I've never seen my father cry either and he's 69. Men express hurt in the form of anger. This is true for me, as well (except I'm older ) I don't think it's healthy that men express hurt in the form of anger, but I do understand it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I cried once in front of my ex after a close friend was murdered and she held against me for the rest of the marriage. She always said she lost attraction when I did it and questioned my masculinity. That was why showing vulnerability in front of my wife was one of the scariest things I have ever done and I am ashamed to say I was shocked it actually made our relationship better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) This is true for me, as well (except I'm older ) I don't think it's healthy that men express hurt in the form of anger, but I do understand it. Anger as in lift weights at the gym or go for a run etc Healthy anger not unhealthy I like anger it keeps me fit! Edited November 14, 2015 by Dolfin80 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I've seen my husband cry once. When we found out our dog has cancer. I think men are socialized to stifle this kind of emotional response. It's not really healthy, but it's overwhelmingly common. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 the last time I really cried was in 1997 when my ma passed away Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 During the divorce fog a few years back. Also, when my first company failed. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I've seen my dad cry a few times, mainly when someone has died. Not often though. My fiance is a big softie, he cries at movies, he cried last night after my birthday party because he was so happy that I'd enjoyed it so much. My 17yo son had tears in his eyes recently when he nearly lost his temper. My 22yo son cried when the dog had to be put to sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I've seen my dad cry a few times, mainly when someone has died. Not often though. My fiance is a big softie, he cries at movies, he cried last night after my birthday party because he was so happy that I'd enjoyed it so much. My 17yo son had tears in his eyes recently when he nearly lost his temper. My 22yo son cried when the dog had to be put to sleep. Does it turn you off when your fiance cries? Honest question because stupidly I still sometimes am afraid to show tender emotions in front of my wife when I know I shouldn't be. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Today............... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Carriages Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I actually just can't cry. I've felt I've needed to lately, I can feel the emotion welling up but......... nothing comes. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I got really teary a couple months ago. If you are talking about full on sobbing... probably over a year ago. It's normal for men not to cry very often. But just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's healthy. Crying doesn't mean you're a wuss. It is just expressing emotions, sort of like an old train that needs to shoot out steam. If you feel like crying and you fight it back, you are holding the steam (emotion) inside your body. You can't hold it in forever. Well you can try, but you might damage yourself. Build it up over years and one day it will come out like a busted dam. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Today....but then I have found myself crying more -particularly at touching moments - more as i age. I think I just have gotten to a point at my age where I don't give a damn about holding back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnAdams Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) I do not cry often. I do "tear up" actually quite a bit. It seems the older I get the more emotional I get. My temper is not as bad as it was when I was younger, but, I am more emotional. I find myself even tearing up at heart jerking movies. I do try to hide it as I feel like a wimp when I do. Now, the last time I actually cried, I am not sure, it has been a long time. I think the last time I actually cried was when our dog died about a year ago. Edited November 14, 2015 by JohnAdams Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I cry a bunch, but i dont let others see it. My wife has seen me cry a a few times. Probably 10 or so times in 15+ years. I cry a lot more then that though. Sometimes on a day off ill rent a sad movie with the intention of crying going in lol. Call me strange, but sometimes i kind of enjoy a good cry. Although enjoy might not be the right word... But u know what i mean Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 John forgot that he cried when we put the horses down on March 31 of this year. It was one of the hardest things we have done. They were 29 and 27 and we had them 24 years. We had to hire a backhoe to come dig the grave...then the vet came and put them down...and then the guy came back to put them in the grave. So we had to plan this undertaking...and the days leading up to it were horrible. John was strong for me but he did cry ....he wept. john does tear up more often than he used to....and I think it is a good thing. I think he is much more tender hearted than he used to be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 My boyfriend balled his eyes out when his best friend, the cat died...the only time he ever had more than a sniffle. I had to give him a long hug and console him. He loved his father but didn't cry when he died. I've heard other men mention this. My boyfriend said his first thoughts turned to his mother and needing to be there for her. Perhaps men are practical and are alert to immediate situation and needs. I can cry 10 times during a movie. He would find it funny and sit with a box of tissues and hand them to me...even during corny Christmas specials like 'Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer'. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Call me strange, but sometimes i kind of enjoy a good cry. Although enjoy might not be the right word... But u know what i mean I know exactly what you mean. It must be something that slowly builds up, Because once a year or so, I feel like a good cry provides some sort of release. It's not something I would ever do in front of anyone. When I was single, I was always dumped for being too "nice", too sensitive, too relationship-minded, etc. so I have to be very wary of my masculinity taking a hit from any show of sadness or sensitivity. Ironically, it's the men with the gruff "alpha" exteriors that get the most credit for any sensitivity they have. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 but then I have found myself crying more -particularly at touching moments - more as i age. Same here. Also, now in my 60's, I've shed tears over the loss as friends and family members have passed. I also cried when each of my kids were born... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Last time was during my divorce a few years back. I got it all out. And haven't shed a tear since. Wait, that's not totally true. I lost it when I watched the Tenth Doctor regenerate into the Eleventh on Netflix a couple years back. Moffat is a wonderfully sadistic storyteller. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I've seen my dad cry a few times, mainly when someone has died. Not often though. My fiance is a big softie, he cries at movies, he cried last night after my birthday party because he was so happy that I'd enjoyed it so much. My 17yo son had tears in his eyes recently when he nearly lost his temper. My 22yo son cried when the dog had to be put to sleep. That is a softie, haha..........nah it's alright. All men are different. A buddy of mine is very emotional at the drop of a hat too. He literally cried at the end of the third installment of the Lord of the Rings franchise. Yeah, I can't see it either. That's a strange one to be upset over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Call me strange, but sometimes i kind of enjoy a good cry. Although enjoy might not be the right word... But u know what i mean Yes, I do know what you mean. I have come to the conclusion at my age that I'd rather truly feel the emotion because holding back and suppressing the feelings keeps them bottled up. My wife is understanding and non judgemental in seeing me cry, and we often share a cry when the feelings are also shared. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 I cried once in front of my ex after a close friend was murdered and she held against me for the rest of the marriage. She always said she lost attraction when I did it and questioned my masculinity. That was why showing vulnerability in front of my wife was one of the scariest things I have ever done and I am ashamed to say I was shocked it actually made our relationship better. I'm glad to hear your ex is an EX and is no longer a part of your life. So at a time of grief and loss, you expressed sadness in a genuine way and opened up to her, and, instead of sharing compassion, she 'lost attraction'? Wow. It is exactly at the time of weakness, when you feel down, you get to realize whose 'love' is genuine, who actually cares about you. Glad to hear you show your vulnerability to your current wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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