justbreathe123 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. During that time, I've gained a better understanding of what went wrong in the relationship, and a lot of it had to do with my emotional dependence and lack of understanding of how to manage my anxiety (I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and my mother basically coddled me until I was an adult so I never got the opportunity to learn how to deal with my anxiety on my own using appropriate behaviors). I would take out my anxiety on my ex and make him feel horrible. He would end up blaming himself a lot of the time because he loved me and trusted my judgement. The problem is that I didn't understand that the anxiety I was experiencing wasn't proportional to the situation I was dealing with, so I thought I was justified in behaving the way that I did. It wasn't until after he broke up with me that I realized my anxiety is just way overblown and someone I needed to learn how to manage. Since the breakup, I've been working diligently on fixing this and have made a lot of progress. I'm doing this for myself, but for a while, I also wanted to do it for my ex so after some time, he would see how much I've changed and maybe consider starting things over. However, last night we talked, and he clarified to me that he's not interested in trying again: ... Him We're not dating again Me Ok Thank you for making that clear Him I was forced into a role the entire relationship. In a sense, you weren't really dating me. Me You're right I should never have brought that up Him No, I needed to be clear with you Me Ok Him I'm not reviving that person, and I'm not sure I can be anyone else while dating you. But I want to be your friend. ... He's obviously extremely hurt, and I expect him to be for a long time. I'm glad he still wants to be friends with me, but does this mean than I definitely never have a chance with him again? Even after a lot of time passes (and I'm talking years here)? I don't want to comfort myself through this with the thought that he and I could be together again, because that's what I've been doing for the past month and after I talked to him last night, all that comfort went away and I was devastated. So based on that conversation and the fact that it's only been a month since we broke up (and we were together for about 21 months), do you think there's any chance that things could change in his mind about the situation? Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 I don't think there is much hope. Good for you for addressing your condition & taking steps to deal with it. However, one month of introspection after a lifetime of anxiety is not enough. You don't yet have the healthy foundation to move forward. Your EX BF knows there is too much water under the bridge. BTW, his statement about wanting to be friends is a throw away white lie. He doesn't really want to interact with you in any meaningful way. He does want you to be OK & he doesn't want to fight but please don't think you two are going to talk regularly or meet up. It's not that kind of genuine friendship. It's more part company without drama & be able to be civil should you bump into each other on the street. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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