Found IM'ing from H to OW, what does it all mean?

[StillHurtin]

Quote from Kkat:

Psychologically, people can become so accustomed to pain, sadness, and/or anger, that it can become cycle, a mainstay of our being, and one can become literally comforted by the familiarity of it. You may have heard the expression "He/she loves/thrives on being miserable" or something along those lines. It's a common problem when someone is a victim. I think if you can take yourself out of the mental position of being a victim that might be a nifty change for you.

 

Yes, I have heard about that. I don't want to be miserable. I want to get past this A so badly. I guess what it boils down to is that I am jealous of the OW. She had what H wanted and he wanted it bad enough to risk his family for it. I know he chose to come back to me, but I don't want him to ever regret that and sometimes I think he does b/c I am not the sports fan W like he wants me to be. The OW loved sports just as much as H did and he loved that they had that in common and that she was willing and understanding to talk to him about sports. Not to mention that she paid a lot of attention to him and flirted w/ him all the time, something I didn't do much b/c when you are treated like dirt it's hard to pay attention to someone like that. I asked H why he M me if he knew I didn't like sports and he said b/c he was hoping I would change, well I didn't. I wasn't raised in a sports family like H was. He was playing several different sports since the time he was a child. The only sports my dad and brothers watch is the college football team here. My sister flat out hates sports and said she was suprised I M a jock. I never planned on marrying a jock, in fact I didn't want to M a jock, but I met H and fell in love w/ him and wanted to spend the rest of my life w/ him, jock or no jock. About the paying attention part. H drank a lot and would come home several nights a week drunk. After 10 years of this BS I finally told him he either quits drinking or me and our kids were leaving. He did quit, but 6 months later he started his A so I feel he resented me for makig him quit but it's was ruining our M. We fought a lot when he was drinking.

 

I try to be more supportive of his sports, but I get so bored watching them. I know I should try to enjoy what he enjoys, I just can't. And if me not being a sports freak like him is going to cause him to have an A w/ someone who loves sports just as much as him, then that is pretty immature. I can't change the fact that I am not a sports person. He has his sports, and that is fine, but he shouldn't expect me to love them just as much as him. Everyone has their own interest and a person shouldn't feel badly or not supportive b/c of it. I do go watch H when he plays and I am interested in watching him play, I just don't want to watch other ppl (besides my kids) play.

 

 

The M has been a lot better since the A ended but I am still worried that if I don't show more interest in sports, he will find someone that will, big trust issue there. I guess if he wants to destroy our M for some woman that loves sports then I guess that is his choice, but I will not take him back, I wont go through that crap again. I am a stronger person now than I was b4 the A (one positive thing about the A) and now I know what it's like to be alone and a single mom, I am not scared of that anymore like I was b4 the A. I loved him enough to give him a second chance, but I wont do it again. I don't think he would be stupid enough to destroy our M again for another woman.