OM at the breaking point

[AShyguy]

So i am back with another post, and I'm in desperat need for some advice, and some sort of translation or interpretation of my situation. I've posted a post previously going in detail, if u find this post lacking, or want the whole story. Anyhow:

 

For 4 months ive been the OM to a girl, who has BF. They life together, no kids no nothing. We have been talking everyday on the internet, for hours on end. Easily up to 9 hrs a day. We have also been seeing eachother every couple weeks, and had sex and all. I love her,and she told me she loves me. However, last month, she decided she didn't want the affair to continue. It messed with her, she was guilty etc. She told me we could continue as friends, so she can sort it out with him, and maybe one day get together. I was quite sad ofc, but was ok with it, since she kinda hinted that it was a temporary thing. However, the only thing that rly changed, was that she didnt tell me romantic things anymore. For the whole month, we still talked all the time, she talked more to me than her BF probably. And she still wanted to hear my feelings, confess my love etc. I did.

 

Now she went to visit us on friday, and stayed the night. This because of a birthday party. It ended with us once again having sex. She also told me she wasn't certain if she was happy or not, that she doesnt know if she loves me/loves him. As she went back home, i had hopes that maybe things were turning for the better. No. She is still on the same page. She wants us to be friends, she wants things to stay as they are. She told me that she did after all say before sex "Are u sure u want this? isnt it gonna make things hard for u", as if the problem with having sex is that it would make it hard for me to stay friends? Idk

 

Anyways, today i told her, if she wants to be friends, we can. But i cant spend up to 9 hrs a day with u, and I told her that maybe we should have a week off, no contact, so she can sort her feelings out. Because as of this date, she hadn't ever had to miss me, ive always been there. So if i gave her life without me,maybe she would reconsider? She told me that not talking to me would slowly kill her from the inside, that she can't stand it. Anyways, the NC ended after 2 hrs, i was so heartbroken.. because she was so sad..and.. i just couldnt.

 

Now what do i do??.. I have no clue how to approach this.. I feel like she wants to be with me, that her insecurity is whats holding her back. I asked her a question recently "Is your decision based, what so ever, of you being insecure about my feelings?". She didnt answer, i asked if she didnt want to answer, she didnt answer that either. Just completely ignored it.

 

This was probably very messy, if u read my last post, it might be a bit clearer. However, i dont know what i should do.. I can stay a friend, but i feel like her heart is telling her to be with me, but she is unsecure, and feeling guilty.. I also said "If u can tell me you dont love me, and that u love him. Than i will be able to live with your decision". She told me she didnt know. .

 

I'm weak, and pathetic i know. All i want is her, and i feel like there might be something i can do. Stay friends, push her, what to do?

[Ryyrich11]

Tonight last 3weeks,same **** ..I think u...us ,..need to go nc and stay tht way ..all this **** of dragging i love u crap out ..is to hurtful

[AShyguy]

Tonight last 3weeks,same **** ..I think u...us ,..need to go nc and stay tht way ..all this **** of dragging i love u crap out ..is to hurtful

 

I don't see myself without her. If i ever decide NC or something, its only because I think its the only way i might get her. Maybe im blind.. idk. Hurts indeed.

 

What hurts the most is that i feel like she wants this, but lets outer motives hinder her. If only she could tell me she loves him, and wants him. Then atleast i feel like i can move on.

[Dylon]

So I see you never gave the suggestions from the other thread a try. If she can't even go NC for even 2 hrs without you, why can't she leave her bf? Now she has you as she wants, why would she ever leave the comfort of her older bf? Stay and let her use you because you are weak and you will lose her when she grows tired of you. You are not even trying to stand up .

[AShyguy]

So I see you never gave the suggestions from the other thread a try. If she can't even go NC for even 2 hrs without you, why can't she leave her bf? Now she has you as she wants, why would she ever leave the comfort of her older bf? Stay and let her use you because you are weak and you will lose her when she grows tired of you. You are not even trying to stand up .

 

I'm the one who broke the NC. She was writing to a friend, and they were chatting. I was in the skype conversation, so even tho i blocked her, i saw it.. And well.. i honestly feel she might have done that deliberately. However, I was legit concerned for her heatlh, she has been suicidal..

 

I know I should take this week off, but damn, now i made it even harder to do so. I also know i didn't follow any advice.. and it's not because i dont think their good, or correct..they probably are.. Im just too damn weak and i know it..

[Marc878]

Eventually you'll starve from her breadcrumbs.

[FusionCutter]

You need to read the replies of your original post man.

 

You might think she's someone amazing, wonderful, etc, but if that was really the case, she wouldn't let things get as ugly as they have for you. You have to see the situation for what it is, she doesn't truly care about either person, she's just being greedy and selfish and it's obviously hurting you, (and devastate him, if he knew what was going on)

 

You need to keep trying NC and just stick to it. If you're not willing to help yourself, nothing anyone will say here will help you.

 

The only solution to fix yourself is consistent NC.

 

She's not a good person, and even if she somehow left to be with you, down the line she would leave you in a similar fashion. It's not worth the pain, spare yourself and NC.

Edited November 15, 2015 by FusionCutter

[sandylee1]

You need to....

 

Block her number

Uninstall skye for a while

Block her email or send it straight spam

 

Look how she uses you... she stops saying sexual stuff but still wants to hear your feelings. She's using you to boost her ego. I bet the minute you tell her you are dating and seeing others..... She'll cut off the friendship or come back to you.

 

Love is clouding your judgement.

[privategal]

Here is a little tough love...

First you look so weak and desperate and pathetic. If your going to be in a love triangle, grow a pair and know your place.

I couldn't date a guy who is asking "do you doubt my feelings, can you say you love him and not me..." then you cant go NC for 2 hours.

So needy...get off her.

Shes talking for 9 hours cause shes being entertained and ego stroked for 9 hours.

Her BF has a life, his work, other friends and family and hobbies.

He gets to have her because he isn't clinging to her. That interests her.

You are her time filler.

You H-A-V-E to go NC and mean it and block everything.

But you won't because your obsessed.

Even if she was yours 100% you can not make another person your entire world.

You need more in your life. 9 hours on the internet isn't LIVING.

Theres a whole world outside.

Read about the 180 on the marriage infidelity and do THAT.

Get a grip. She will never ever leave for a wimp and a pushover. It shows no self respect.

Id start dating too but your gonna have to get your act together to be attractive. No woman wants a man who is weak, needy, clingy.

So sorry to be harsh but really feel this girl isnt in to you. At all.

[CarrieT]

You can't be "just friends" with someone you have romantic feelings for.

 

If she can't won't leave her boyfriend for you, then you need to cut her off 100%, go No Contact and move on.

[wanderingxsoulz]

Sounds like she just wants the best of both worlds so she is dragging things out on purpose. You need to go NC and if she really loved you, she would choose to be with you. You always being there will not change the current situation.