Future?

[Mobius14]

So about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I broke up (we're both 27) and initially I was devastated but slowly have began to realize a few things from it and am working on improving myself, but I'm trying to see if there are any signs for a second chance? I'll tell the story here and I apologize for the length:

 

We had been dating for about a year and a half and had a pretty intimate start to the relationship after a few weeks to a month of dating. However, something odd happened one time when we were having sex, she just started crying. I wasn't sure what was wrong so we stopped for the night and I comforted her. This happened another time (not consecutively) and I started to wonder if it was something I had done.

 

Fast forward about 8 months, we had both been out at a bar and got home and decided to have some fun. This time we were both drunk and it happened again except this time I went to the bathroom and passed out because of the drinking. Apparently she got very upset and had a breakdown for a few hours, and I wasn't there for her because I had passed out. Keep this in mind because of the following:

 

A month or so after that event I noticed that she was starting to communicate less and there were some things happening at work that was stressing me out. So I was at her place one night for dinner and she was being moody and short with me so I asked her what was the deal? She immediately got mad and then broke down telling me that she was sexually assaulted by a previous ex in a past relationship. I had never been with someone who had this happened to them so I immediately (with tears in my eyes) told her that she didn't have to tell me, because I thought that it would spare her the pain...I'm thinking that was the wrong choice because of what happens the next few months. I end up holding her and telling her that it will be alright and that the sex doesn't matter and that we will get through it. She had told me that she had never opened up to anyone about it...and I was the one that said she didn't have to tell me. We seem to be alright again and love again, but no sex which is fine.

 

Fast forward another month or two and I send her a text about if she is feeling up to it again. However, that was met with her sending me a lengthy response back about how this is something that she has to work on. And that she understands if this is something that I can't handle but she deserves to know that. She stated that I told her that I didn't want to her what happened and was offended that she brought it up. I told her that wasn't the reason I was mad but rather the communication side of things. We make up and stuff is going alright again but definitely the "honey moon" period is over.

 

Another few months go by and my anxiety is kicking in again, she isn't talking like she used to (or maybe she was and I didn't notice because I'm working more?) and I start getting scared that something is wrong. I was cheated on in my last relationship so I get big time anxiety when things change or I perceive them to change. I'm now realizing that I'm becoming more clingy with things and just want to spend time with her. But she just starts working more (she works overnight as a nurse) and it seems like I'm pulling teeth to get her to come to events I want to do but I attend all the weddings and stuff that she wants to do. So then I pretty much ask the same stupid question that I asked a few months prior about if she is ready again? But this time it was while she was at work.

 

She gets upset (as she should) and sends a lengthy response back to me as she gets off work and I'm getting up to go to work about everything the first time and how it isn't ever going to be a spot where she is comfortable and I'm (me) happy. I had told her that I had been doing research online on how to help and she took that as I'm trying to fix her. I really was just trying to learn how to help her trust me.

 

We don't text or talk for about 4 days. I go over to her house before she goes into work on the 5th day and she gets really upset saying that "You don't live here" and that "This just isn't working for me"...and at that point we are both upset. We hand over keys that we had given to each other for our places and then we hug for what seems like 5 minutes, both with tears in our eyes. She said that she wants to remain friends (happens a lot) and we have texted a few times here and there.

 

This is the social media part that I don't like to dwell on but just seems odd to me:

 

She removes all of my family and a lot of my friends, except one of my best friend's fiancee and then has her two closest friends still stay friends with me. Her mom then blocks me on the site, which I thought was weird. Any of my past relationships we have just both cut off completely from each other so I've done that before but this just seems different. She just recently unfollowed me on Instagram (I'm guessing since she doesn't follow a ton of people I kept popping up and it is hard for her) which is what it is because it is just the internet, but the Facebook thing seems odd.

 

Anyways, we go about 5 days between sending one or two texts but about 5 days after break-up I had called her in the evening to see if she wanted to talk sometime and she answered very fast. She didn't give a yes or no but gave me her work schedule. We are both very busy so that week was out of the question so I send her a text that I owe her an apology and to see if she was free this weekend but she was going out of town with her mom. I'm not sure if I'm reading into this much but a few girls that I know said that if she didn't care she would have just said she was busy or not even answered the question.

 

I'm planning on doing NC for about 2 weeks and then giving her a call to see if she wants to meet up but I can't really read this whole thing out. This relationship hasn't been like others that I've been in and I've been in a longer one. I just feel more connected to her on a soul level than just physical like my last long one (that I was cheated on in). She has a strong independent personality and she has cut other people out pretty quickly, so that is the only reason I'm asking.

 

I've been working on myself again for the past 2 weeks and have been getting back to where I'm trying to get confidence back and regain that edge I got when we first started dating. I'm thinking that I just became to predictable and gave in to everything she wanted/needed to do and lost myself in the process. I'm planning on going to counselling for anxiety and to help to where I don't freak out in relationships from my past, so that they don't ruin future relationships. I just screwed up big time by asking if she was ready when clearly she told me that she would let me know when she was. I think she just started working more to escape my personality that derailed.

 

Do I stand a chance? I just don't want to NC for so long that she thinks I don't care and want to apologize but at the same time I don't want to keep asking her because I think that clingy behavior is what drove away and was too much for her. A few girls I've talked to say she knows that I want to talk, so I should just chill for a few weeks and then see.

Edited November 15, 2015 by Mobius14

[TaraMaiden2]

For the life of me, I can never, ever understand this '2nd Chance' business.... it rarely, if ever, works, and IF it works, it works at least 2 years down the line, not 2 weeks.

 

If it's over, it's over, go NC and move on.

With goodness-knows how many more, possible, better opportunities there are on this planet for finding love, you want to revisit a wreck?

 

Why, for god's sake, why?

 

Nope.

 

Don't get it at all.

[Mobius14]

For the life of me, I can never, ever understand this '2nd Chance' business.... it rarely, if ever, works, and IF it works, it works at least 2 years down the line, not 2 weeks.

 

If it's over, it's over, go NC and move on.

With goodness-knows how many more, possible, better opportunities there are on this planet for finding love, you want to revisit a wreck?

 

Why, for god's sake, why?

 

Nope.

 

Don't get it at all.

 

Tara, thanks for your response. In past relationships I've never even thought about a second chance but this one just felt different...it is hard to explain. I wouldn't exactly call this one a wreck, just that I feel as if I had caused it, if that makes sense.

 

I guess time will tell. If someone else crosses paths with me before then then so be it but I just feel like this one owes an attempt...I don't know, just different I guess.