sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I'm a fairly positive person and I like to genuinely compliment my male friends or even male acquaintances. I will tell them that I like their shirt, or their haircut, etc., and I'm known as the "friendly/nice" girl, and so in return, I've often gotten some shocked/flattered looks from them, but of course they genuinely also appreciate the compliment. My question is, does a guy take a compliment as a sign that I'm interested in them? Because I totally am NOT interested in them, I just think that if I have something nice to say about them, then why not? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 very few women dole out compliments on a regular basis to men and usually when they do it means there is some level of interest, either friendly or romantic. most men are not used to getting compliments from women cause they are so cheap about it so, yes, be careful when u do this. men, on the other hand, compliment women all the time so they are used to it, esp the good looking ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 I'm a fairly positive person and I like to genuinely compliment my male friends or even male acquaintances. I will tell them that I like their shirt, or their haircut, etc., and I'm known as the "friendly/nice" girl, and so in return, I've often gotten some shocked/flattered looks from them, but of course they genuinely also appreciate the compliment. My question is, does a guy take a compliment as a sign that I'm interested in them? Because I totally am NOT interested in them, I just think that if I have something nice to say about them, then why not? I see no problem with a compliment as long as they understand you're just friends. Do they compliment you and do you like it? Why are women always so concerned about their male friends getting the wrong ideas. How are you going to handle it if one of them falls for you? Just let them know that you have no other interest in them and the compliment is just being your nice/friendly self. Why are women always so concerned about a male friend becoming interested. Guess what? They probably are. They just don't tell you. IF he does then the friendship will probably end. Not the end of the world. It happens and I don't think there is much you can do to keep it from happening. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Why are women always so concerned about their male friends getting the wrong ideas. I will tell you why MARSHBEAR....cause most women are fairly smart when it comes to interpersonal relationships, much more so than men. See...most of these male "friends" are nice guys who think they can get into her pants by being friendly and nice and non-threatening. The girls who are their "friends" know this instinctually and know these guys are sorta naive and masturbating 7x per day thinking of her. That is why they are so worried. These girls use these male "friends" for emotional support and to give them things and pay attention to them. But these girls won't f*** them cause deep down they have little respect for them. They will f*** the bad boy who is sexual and domineering and treats them krappy and who they can get nothing but grief from. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I will tell you why MARSHBEAR....cause most women are fairly smart when it comes to interpersonal relationships, much more so than men. See...most of these male "friends" are nice guys who think they can get into her pants by being friendly and nice and non-threatening. The girls who are their "friends" know this instinctually and know these guys are sorta naive and masturbating 7x per day thinking of her. That is why they are so worried. These girls use these male "friends" for emotional support and to give them things and pay attention to them. But these girls won't f*** them cause deep down they have little respect for them. They will f*** the bad boy who is sexual and domineering and treats them krappy and who they can get nothing but grief from. AMEN ALPHA!!!! You expressed most male "friends" thoughts exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Why are women always so concerned about their male friends getting the wrong ideas. Because a lot of guys just do get the wrong idea. You smile at them and say hi and they think you're interested. How are you going to handle it if one of them falls for you? It's happened, and one of them didn't take it well. The friendship is over. The other one, it was awkward for a bit but we're okay now. I've had a lot of guy friends who confessed having crushes on me while having had a girlfriend but none of those friendships ended. OK I guess I should rephrase and not call these guys my 'friends' because I don't instinctly believe that men and women can be just friends, and I see that you both know this as well. They are guys that we hang out with, most of whom have girlfriends. Why are women always so concerned about a male friend becoming interested. Guess what? They probably are. They just don't tell you. IF he does then the friendship will probably end. Not the end of the world. It happens and I don't think there is much you can do to keep it from happening. We're concerned because we don't want the friendship to end. If he says he has feelings for me and I don't like him back, I don't understand why he can't just take some time to get over it and then we can hang out again. And when I say hang out, I mean in a group, not one on one, I don't do that with male friends b/c it will probably lead to something unwanted. Unless they have a gf and we're going shopping for a gift or something. The girls who are their "friends" know this instinctually and know these guys are sorta naive and masturbating 7x per day thinking of her. That's gross. I'd like to think that they're jerking off to porn instead. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 That's gross. I'd like to think that they're jerking off to porn instead. no, actually SARAH12, they are thinkin' of YOU Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I like my male friends. And they like me. But I never compliment them on stuff like clothes, parfume or accessories. That has to do with look and they're not my galfriends to tell them "hey, you, you're hot!". We like eachother, have common interests, hang out together and that's about it. We talk about their dates or my dates, have a laugh and this is where it all stops. I know they can give me an honest input about men, i can give them an honest input about women. I don't think they're weak or pathetic and I don't prefer to sleep with a bad boy instead because of it. Yes, it a certain connexion between us, because we like eachother. You need to like those people if they're your friend. Hey, I like my galfriends too. I sure as hell don't want to f*ck 'em! Friends are asexuate, as far as my personal interracting with them. Back to the compliments: some of them write articles or create computer games. I target that when complimenting! Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 We're concerned because we don't want the friendship to end. If he says he has feelings for me and I don't like him back, I don't understand why he can't just take some time to get over it and then we can hang out again This is such a typical female response. I like him well enough to be a friend or acquaintance but not enough to f^ck him. Would you be friends with a guy you had feelings for but he didn't return them? Women expect men to be just friends when they themselves wouldn't do it. A guy cannot just hang out if he still has feelings. It would take quite awhile to get over them and by then the friendship would probably be over. And if he did go back to hanging out those feelings might return. The only way it would work is if you have a male friend who is a wuss and denies is feelings because he doesn't want to stop hanging around you. He will wish from afar and hope you change your mind. He really is not just your friend but is to chicken to tell you what he really wants. IT's just the way things are between men and women.. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Back to the compliments: some of them write articles or create computer games. I target that when complimenting! Yes I've done this too. But even when I compliment them on these things I get some shocked/flattered looks. I think it's mostly b/c they don't think I would appreciate their work as much as I actually do. This is such a typical female response. I like him well enough to be a friend or acquaintance but not enough to f^ck him. A friend is a friend for a reason. Do you want to f*ck all YOUR guy friends? No. So why would we? Same goes for my female friends. I'm not attracted. Friends are people you hang out with that you aren't attracted to. So yes, I don't understand why the guy had feelings for me in the first place, cause that's so deceiving. He let me think that we are just friends and then the minute he has feelings, we can't be friends anymore. It's such BS. Would you be friends with a guy you had feelings for but he didn't return them?I've never really been in this situation. But there is an ex in our circle of friends and both of us still have some residual feelings but he has a girlfriend. He will wish from afar and hope you change your mind. He really is not just your friend but is to chicken to tell you what he really wants. When a girl says no, she really means NO. Once a girl has made up her mind, there is usually no going back because she was smart enough to think everything through before making the decision. And if you do change her mind, you will be forever wondering if it wasn't just your persuasion that got her, and not who you really are. IT's just the way things are between men and women.. I know. The never ending battle of the sexes.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Would you be friends with a guy you had feelings for but he didn't return them? almost every woman I have dated and then dumped or left for whatever reason has declined to be "friends". Sometimes, if she is nice and we have things in common but I don't want to move fwd with the romance thing I'll ask them to be "just friends". Almost always they decline this consolation prize. And that is why I ask, cause I know they will say NO. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 When a girl says no, she really means NO. Once a girl has made up her mind, there is usually no going back because she was smart enough to think everything through before making the decision. Until she changes her mind. Then rationalisation kicks in, and she always meant this. Until she changes her mind again... And if you do change her mind, you will be forever wondering if it wasn't just your persuasion that got her, and not who you really are. You don't get it, girly. Men just don't give a sh*t. If we've got you, we've got you. On the subject of compliments, I get them from women all the time. And give them too. I think that even as a guy, you can usually tell if there is interest behind them or not. 90% of the time not. In fact, I would tend to assume that a woman who gave me frequent and casual compliments was NOT interested in me. Girls who are interested are more nervous/excited and careful about what they say Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear This is such a typical female response. I like him well enough to be a friend or acquaintance but not enough to f^ck him. Would you be friends with a guy you had feelings for but he didn't return them? Yes, I would. And I have. I've also been friends with a guy I had a fling with in the past but he decided to end it. And no, it wasn't because I still wanted to be with him. Even after he got married, I was still his friend. I know he's a good guy, and I don't hold it against him that he didn't want to be with me. I've actually gotten good advice from a guy friend of mine that I had such strong feelings for that I didn't think I could continue to be just friends with him. He basically asked me why I would want to dismiss someone who is a good person (enough so that I fell for him) from my life completely just because I can't date him. It's hard to meet genuinely good people, so why throw away the ones you've already found? About compliments: I've never given my guy friends compliments. I am afraid of giving them the wrong idea, because if a guy friend isn't interested in me, and I give him a compliment, it may make him start to think about *why* I did. Him thinking that I'm interested might lead to him being interested. Of course, I don't really give my *girl* friends many compliments either. I'm just not a complimenting type person. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Of course, I don't really give my *girl* friends many compliments either. I'm just not a complimenting type person. most women would rather have a root canal done than give a compliment to someone. that is why they mean so much, cause they are so rare. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale most women would rather have a root canal done than give a compliment to someone. that is why they mean so much, cause they are so rare. I'm not most women. I've actually heard women giving other women compliments quite a bit. At least in my experience. I haven't had many women friends, so I'm not sure whether it's the norm. I do give plenty of well-deserved compliments to someone I'm dating, but I just don't see it as my responsibility to have to give that kind of reassurance to my friends. I also think it's better to give a meaningful compliment than a flippant one. Compliments can brighten someone's day, but when you continually give them, they lose all meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I only shamelessly compliment a guy when I know there's not going to be any hassle or fallout from doing it. You just have to be careful of who you compliment, and what they are likely to read into it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I make it a joke, a la Paris Hilton (oddly enough) "That's hot. You're hot. Your haircut's hot." blah blah blah., in the appropriately vacuous tone of voice. You should have defined and clear boundaries with your friends anyways, especially if you are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Yes, I would. And I have. I've also been friends with a guy I had a fling with in the past but he decided to end it. And no, it wasn't because I still wanted to be with him. Even after he got married, I was still his friend. I know he's a good guy, and I don't hold it against him that he didn't want to be with me. I've actually gotten good advice from a guy friend of mine that I had such strong feelings for that I didn't think I could continue to be just friends with him. He basically asked me why I would want to dismiss someone who is a good person (enough so that I fell for him) from my life completely just because I can't date him. It's hard to meet genuinely good people, so why throw away the ones you've already found? I commend you if you can do this. It is hard to be friends when you respect someone but you also have such strong feelings that you want a physical way of expressing those feelings to them. I cannot do it because not being able to espress the way I feel about them would kill me inside. It would be toooo painful. I do think your way is best if you can do it. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear I commend you if you can do this. It is hard to be friends when you respect someone but you also have such strong feelings that you want a physical way of expressing those feelings to them. I cannot do it because not being able to espress the way I feel about them would kill me inside. It would be toooo painful. I do think your way is best if you can do it. Peace... Thanks. I guess it really is hard. For a long time though, I didn't realize that other people *didn't* stay friends with exes and friends who didn't share feelings for them. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl It's hard to meet genuinely good people, so why throw away the ones you've already found? A quotable quote. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts