Very torn. Need some guidance

[LS1989]

Well this is my first post here and I signed up for this site to see if I could get some advice from others who may have experience in the same situation I am finding myself in.

 

So where to start... Well back in the beginning of July I met this girl through a dating site. She was only looking for new friends basically and I thought OK, I could use some new friends. She lives a couple hours from me. We hit it off very well basically immediately. We started talking every day and a few weeks later I went to visit her. We hung out and everything was cool. She came down near where I live the next week and we hung out again. Everything was going very well and we could talk on the phone and text each other all day, every day. I'd be at work and in the corner texting her. We talked about everything, literally. Dating, relationships, silly stuff, you name it. From there I started to go see her 1-2 times a week, usually spending the night with her. Yes, we did have sex in some form pretty much every time we saw each other and we would kiss all the time, hold hands occasionally, etc. We would go hang out, eat dinner, and do other things together. She and I would always text each other saying we missed one another, saying we wished we could be together, etc. We were calling each other baby, my love, etc and everything seemed to be perfect quite frankly. She would tell me every now and then that she didn't want me to get too attached to her and that she didn't want a relationship, but the signals were very mixed.

 

Well now lets fast forward to the middle of last month. So I was with her one night and she seemed irritated so I tried to help calm her down. I made a stupid comment like "it seems you don't want me around tonight" which really bothered her. From there, things seemed to steadily decline. We'd still talk, but not nearly as frequently. It became like once or twice a day. So at this point I'm thinking what the hell is going on here. I went up and spent Halloween weekend with her and things seemed fine. I got back and it was the same thing: barely talking. A couple days after I got back, we talked and she basically said that we are getting too close and we need to back off. She said she was taking things too far and that we should only see each other 1-2 times a month. So we agreed on this. I saw her again this past Tuesday-Thursday when we went to a concert together. Again, it was very different. Then on Wednesday night as we went to bed so said that she feels I want a girlfriend and that I like her as more than a friend. I just kinda laughed it off. So now it's the same thing. I talk to her maybe every 2 days or something. The conversations are just friendly talk, nothing major.

 

I guess my question is this: what should I do? I mean, yeah we only wanted a friendship but it progressed way beyond that. Do I keep talking to her or should I just move on to something else? I like her but I'm not sure I can keep this up. All my friends say that it seems she really likes me but I'm just so confused right now. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[d0nnivain]

She has commitment issues. She told you up front that she wanted friends but it was easy to get sucked into acting more like BF/GF When this realization dawned on her, she freaked & is now trying to back off. In essence she wants to put the genie back in the bottle. If you are OK with that, do what she asks. . . 1 or 2 times per month with minimal contact in between but I suspect that will be frustrating for you. You could press her. Get her to admit what she's afraid of but that might result in her shutting down & ending all contact. Either way, you are going to end up unhappy.

[lolablue17]

It looks like she's afraid to get hurt, and she feels that it became too lovey dovey with you, so she's trying to gain control by reducing her contact with you.

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You cannot tell what's gonna happen. She might change her view and like you more and more and ACCEPT that. On the other hand she might (as many girls do often) starting to use new ways to save her emotional defence - Like inserting other men to the equation.

 

I had few girlfriends just like that - They were afraid to be too emotional attached to me, so they had flirted \ entertained \ $crewed other men as a method to not getting hurt. If she does that, it's going to be a long hurtful miserable via dolorosa for you.

[LS1989]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure where things will lead to but I guess for now I will just keep it as it is. I do appreciate the help.