Jennifer Posted May 30, 1999 Share Posted May 30, 1999 I need some advice & quick! My name is Jenny, and my problem is a mortally wounded heart! My ex-boyfriend, I'll call him Rob, and I started going out about 3 1/2-4 years ago. We met in high school and fell in love almost instantly. We had been together for about 3 years when it all came crumbling down!........ I had gone away on a trip to see family for a few weeks. While I was away, Rob was introduced to cocaine and speed. Prior to which he was stricktly a stoner who did a lot of LSD. No big deal-it matched my lifestyle at the time! And he was very against "tweakers", due to family drug problems. But, in that short 2 week period he became totally subdued by the speed... When I returned form my trip I was real sick- come to find out the next day that I was pregnant!! Then the relationship crumbled. He was so scared of the responsibility of fatherhood, that he went running for the dope..... The next thing I know, its 2 years later, and here I sit- a single mother, a broken heart, and an almost uncontrollable urge to track him down-just to see how he responds to seeing me. Thinking that that might bring him back to reality, that he would look at me & think- "why did I leave you & become a strung out dope fiend!I could be with the women who loves me & the baby we made!"........ But, that's not going to happen! In all truth, I know that he is having fun being a tweaker, playing the bad-ass role by carring a gun, stealing cars,& living in slums & utter filth!!! He is just following in his fathers footsteps-his role model. A tragic story, a tragic lifestyle! And with all of the horrible things that he has done to me over the years- I CAN NOT seem to get him out of my mind & on w/ my life! My love for him is so,so strong that it makes my soul ache every day that I can't talk to him,see him,raise the baby with him!... My heart is literally imprisoned by his very being. I can't control it. It's as if I'm powerless to him,still,even though I haven't even seen him since mid November. I just want to let it go, or at least have closure for my heart. I don't know how to stop letting the hurt control my life, my goals, my ability to love again! Please, I just don't know how to regain my self-control! I don't want to be depressed,lonely,or controlled any more!!! My heart needs to heal, can you give me some advice?!! Link to post Share on other sites
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