Im really struggling here

[Stasiman]

Ok so long story short. Met a girl online from another country, Chatted daily via text and regular skyping. Met after 3 months, hit it off really well. Agreed to be exclusive. Only spent two weeks together and not seen each other since them (this was 3 months ago). Planning on meeting again next month.

 

Ok so heres my problem. I have done LDR before and found it ok but this time Im really struggling to deal with it and Im finding trust a major issue.

 

For me this is serious and has always been serious and Im certainly in love with her. We've communicated a lot over since we met and its been pretty intense.

 

But Im finding it very hard to trust her. I have this niggling feeling shes not being completely honest with me. Ive caught her telling small lies before, things like telling me shes in one place when it transpires shes actually elsewhere (which I later found out by her slipping up). Ive seen her telling lies on her facebook too. Its not major just small white lies but still lies nontheless. In short, it does seem she can be dishonest.

 

Ive also come to the conclusion that she likes attention seeking. She seems to have lots of guys on her facebook always commenting and complimenting her and adds new dudes fairly regularly. Sure theres nothing wrong with this, shes a very sociable and friendly person and has plenty of new female friends too. I do however get the picture that guys do tend to fawn over her.

 

Ok so heres my big issue. Our communication has dropped off a little recently, shes not been as quick to respond and just seems less chatty. Some of my texts went unanswered for over a day or two, she has done this before in the past. I backed off to give her some space and she then started asking questions as to why we wernt speaking etc. Recently shes met this guy and talked about him a lot. Brazenly texting him lots whilst skyping me, hanging out with him and I saw a picture he tagged her in on facebook of the two of them snuggled up in a bar. I confronted her about this and she said hes just a friend who shes recently met. They spend lots and lots of time together and seem to do date style things e.g. restuarants/cinema/bars. From my limited perspective it seems that they are courting to some extent. It just doesnt feel right to me. For what its worth she does have a lot of guy friends and tends to hang out with guys quite a lot.

 

Her acknowledgment of our relationship on facebook etc is nonexistent. Sure she doesnt tend to put much private stuff on her page but considering shes told me she loves me, wants to make plans for us to live together and stuff I would think she would at least acknowledge our relationship on her facebook in some way. We have pics of us together etc and shes put non of them online or anything. I understand for whatever reason she may not be keen on putting her romantic details online however. If im being totally honest she does seem the type of girl who could potentially string guys along. The way she came on so strong with me was strange and from what I can tell looking at her social media stuff she seems to have lots of dudes fawning over her. She has had a couple of LDRs before and they all ended badly from what I can tell.

 

Theres something else that was a red flag for me. As is common in LDRs we exchange sexy picture messages lol. When we met on one occasion she was showing me pics in her phone of a recent holiday she had with her friends. As she was scrolling accross up popped a pic of her posing in sexy underwear. She exclaimed 'oh theres a pic I sent to you' but the thing was Id never seen it. I 100% sure she didnt send it to me. Sure it could just be she took it and forgot to send it but on the other hand its possible she was sending it too someone else. I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Now this was three weeks ago since she met this guy and since then our communication has continued at a slow pace. Sure she still gets in touch and tells me she loves me, wants to be with me etc etc but there has definetly been a change in our communicating, largely coming from her lack of effort. We've had a couple of arguments (our first ones) which have largely been started by her. I certainly contributed towards us arguing but she was the main instigator. Ive spoken to a friend about all this and he thinks she may be playing me a bit.

 

 

Ive experienced being strung along before. I had a relationship with a girl many years ago who seemed to have plenty of men fawning over her and seemed to enjoy it. I felt something was wrong so did some 'research' by speaking to some of her guy friends and it turns out she was telling a few guys (me included) she loved them and was playing all manner of head games with me and a few other dudes. In a sadistic way she saw herself as innocent in all of this. But some things from that previous experience I had seem to be similar to what Im seeing now. Namely the guys fawning over her on social media, her constantly texting other guys and her ability to tell lies.

 

Im torn. I realise It could just be me as my last relationship left me wounded and with trust issues. Its perfectly possible shes being honest and this dude is nothing more than a friend. On the other hand things just dont feel right and Im worried about giving away my trust to someone who is taking me for a ride. I need to learn to trust again and feel that if my trust is betrayed again I will never really be able to trust again. Im stuck between listening to my gut but I cant be sure my gut isnt just me being overly paranoid due to trust issues from my last relationship. I do think I would have some problems trusting any girlfriend regardless of LDR or not.

 

The problem is there is no way I can 100% feel sure shes being honest. What can I do???? Ive already tried backing off and it leads to her getting in touch asking why I was being chatty. I could end it and say im finding it too difficult (which I am). Sure I do feel it would be a shame but this is causing me unnecessary grief and I need to feel comfortable in a relationship, especially after my last one ended so badly.

 

Im kinda thinking that maybe I should just keep my head level and see how it plays out. After all if she is indeed seeing this dude its likely she will finish what me and her have. Also our next meetup is fairly soon so should be able to get a good idea how things are going. On the other hand its causing me a lot of anguish and Im not sure if It just me being unreasonable and paranoid or if Im being played for a fool. I wouldnt want to screw this up by being suspicious but at the same time I dont want to be played. I need to feel that shes being genuine and at the moment Im just not sure.

 

There is some reasons which stand in her favour. She always has been the one doing most of the initiating in regard to our communicating and she is always the one to suggest skyping times. Generally its been rare for me to initiate communication. Of course Ive always shown interest but I have certainly played it cool and not been too keen. Despite our communication slowing down she does still appear happy to speak to me and its obvious she likes skyping with me. She has invited me to an important family event in a four months and she is making the effort to meetup in the coming weeks. Something that will be expensive for her. If she is stringing me along Im sure she wouldnt make the effort to meet and certainly wouldnt invite me to meet her family and closest friends.

Edited November 16, 2015 by Stasiman

[SweetCharade]

Hi! I actually just joined this site because I was looking around for advice on dealing with my own insecurities/trust issues and happened across this site.

 

 

Quick background on me: I just started a LDR with a guy from another country (UK). We've hung out twice - he came here for a week and I stopped by his city when I went backpacking with a friend through Europe a month ago. He had always pushed for a LDR with me and I was hesitant because I'm crazy. And insecure and need to work out some trust issues, blah, blah, blah. But I agreed that we would test it out through Valentine's Day. Then I will fly over there and spend about a week there where we're going to discuss the reality of this going any further. So far so good though despite me having doubts about every 2 weeks.

 

 

Yikes! I am reading your situation through my eyes and I definitely know my envy would get the best of me and I would have walked away by now, but you're doing really well!

 

 

Let's look at this from a rational perspective - no one can stop anyone from cheating or lying. And worrying about it is just going to drive you INSANE. I know it's really REALLY cliché but it's true when they say "trust is the foundation of any relationship". If you feel like she is not trustworthy, then there really is no reason for you to stay in this. It's just going to hurt you 10 times worse in the end.

 

 

The best thing to do is to trust someone until they do something to lose your trust. If she does have feelings for someone else, it's only a matter of time before that becomes apparent.

 

 

I hope it works out for you!

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, it sounds like she's losing interest to me. Going more than a day without a reply to a simple text from you while she's off getting quite friendly with another guy says a lot though, in my opinion. You aren't there and she's apparently happy to be socializing with others, which in and of itself isn't a big problem. But coupled with her drop in contact it could become a problem. What have your arguments been about? And what have her previous lies been?

 

I would stop playing it so cool and simply initiate a talk. Explain to her why this makes you concerned and ask her how she sees this relationship panning out. See if she's able to offer any suggestions as to how you can work together to mend this. But frankly, it sounds like it's already going off the rails. Do you mind if I ask how old the both of you are?

[Stasiman]

Let's look at this from a rational perspective - no one can stop anyone from cheating or lying. And worrying about it is just going to drive you INSANE. I know it's really REALLY cliché but it's true when they say "trust is the foundation of any relationship". If you feel like she is not trustworthy, then there really is no reason for you to stay in this. It's just going to hurt you 10 times worse in the end.

 

 

The best thing to do is to trust someone until they do something to lose your trust. If she does have feelings for someone else, it's only a matter of time before that becomes apparent.

 

 

I hope it works out for you!

 

I think the main problem is that she has given me reasons to doubt her trust. Mainly the lies Ive noticed and her actions not matching her words. I am aware though this could be a heavy dose of my own trust issues causing problems.

 

I have been seriously thinking of calling it off and forgetting about her but I do think waiting it out is probably better. Im trying to not think about it too much as I figure if she is indeed seeing someone else she will end it with me sooner rather than later. I think the big test will be whether she comes to see me next month or not.

 

Hope things work out ok for you. LDRs are tough and with existing trust issues its very difficult.

Edited November 16, 2015 by Stasiman

[Stasiman]

Honestly, it sounds like she's losing interest to me. Going more than a day without a reply to a simple text from you while she's off getting quite friendly with another guy says a lot though, in my opinion. You aren't there and she's apparently happy to be socializing with others, which in and of itself isn't a big problem. But coupled with her drop in contact it could become a problem. What have your arguments been about? And what have her previous lies been?

 

I would stop playing it so cool and simply initiate a talk. Explain to her why this makes you concerned and ask her how she sees this relationship panning out. See if she's able to offer any suggestions as to how you can work together to mend this. But frankly, it sounds like it's already going off the rails. Do you mind if I ask how old the both of you are?

 

Yes I kinda feel thats the case. No matter how I look at it the bottom line is shes not making half as much effort anymore and the dynamic between us has changed largely due to her distancing herself. Admittedly my response to this probably wasnt the best and by playing it cool I have probably only made the situation worse.

 

Our arguments have been about nothing really. Just simple miscommunications and misunderstanding. Nothing that wasnt cleared up quickly. I did feel as if she has been picking a fight though, in fairness I did the same. The lies have been small white lies really. Mainly about where she has been or what she has done (usually fantastical stories which in themselves sound unrealistic). I dont think its just me she lies too, Im pretty sure she tells tall stories in general. Its not not so much the actual lies that are a major issue its just the fact that she obviously has no problem being dishonest.

 

I did stop playing it cool and initiate a talk. I basically asked if she wanted to call it a day, she said no way. Then she asked if I did, I said no. Things went back to being ok for a bit then drifted again. What seems to happen (on loop) is this:

 

She backs off and will ignore a text or two I sent her

I back off

She reaches out asking why havent we talked

We start communicating more frequently again

Repeat

 

This pattern has been like this for a good few weeks now. I did think I have been partially to blame by playing it cool as she could be unsure as to just how serious I am. Its possible we both think we're being played by the other. So I took the initiative and started laying it on more, making more of an effort etc. But alas its true to say that in general she ignores me more than I do her.

 

We have had a serious talk about do we want to carry it on, where is it going etc and we both agreed we do made some plans for the future. The point of my whole original post is that her words are not really matching her actions.

 

Shes telling me she loves and misses me yet often wont reply or communicate. Up until a few weeks ago she'd be texting me lots and lots and often calling etc. When given the chance to end it (on good terms) she declines. Shes making little effort and then seemingly wonders why our commincation is faltering. I have made a good effort over the past few days to communicate and she has responded.

 

A part of me does feel like Im being played. Call me a cynic but maybe she likes the idea of having a foreign boyfriend thousands of miles away and shes doesnt want to close the door on the whole thing but she also doesnt want to put in the necessary effort or work to keep it going. I dont think it would be unfair to suggest she could just like the fantasy of it all but when it comes to the reality shes not as keen.

 

I have initiated plenty of positive communication over the past few days, there should be no doubt in her mind that Im still interested. The balls been left in her court. See how the next few days go.

 

Im starting to think maybe this type of relationship isnt for me. I need to feel something is 100% real and that Im not being taken for a fool and sadly I cant say that about this.

 

We're both early 30's.

Edited November 16, 2015 by Stasiman

[SweetCharade]

The fact that she lies about where she's been is a huge red flag. Why would anyone need to lie about something like that unless they are hiding something? Or unless she just doesn't want you to think something was going on.

 

What are your plans for the future of any? Would one of you move?

[Silver_star]

Trust your gut.

My instinct from hearing this is she is still seeing other options. She may not be cheating, but her energies are not fully invested in you.

[Stasiman]

The fact that she lies about where she's been is a huge red flag. Why would anyone need to lie about something like that unless they are hiding something? Or unless she just doesn't want you to think something was going on.

 

What are your plans for the future of any? Would one of you move?

 

To be honest her lies seem pointless and mainly to try and impress people. Saying she went to such a such upmarket bar when in fact shes never been. That kinda stuff. Harmless but lies all the same.

 

We have talked a fair bit about the future and how we both want to settle down together. The possibility of one of us moving has been discussed too and she seemed keen to resolve the distance in the near future.

 

All of this is now obviously doubtful in my mind and Im left wondering how genuine this whole thing has been. If as she claims she loves me and wants to be with me then why is she clearly backing away.

Edited November 16, 2015 by Stasiman

[Stasiman]

Trust your gut.

My instinct from hearing this is she is still seeing other options. She may not be cheating, but her energies are not fully invested in you.

 

Yes. Her engergies are certainly not fully invested in me or even as much as they where.

 

She knows Im unhappy with the communication breakdown and want to work things out but shes hardly making much effort.

 

She initiated contact today asking how I was etc. I responded asking her the same, no reply and this was 8 hours ago.

 

Im at a point now where I may just stop responding and see what happens. Shes ignored too many of my responses recently and is effectively stonewalling me whilst trying to keep the door open.

Edited November 16, 2015 by Stasiman

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes. Her engergies are certainly not fully invested in me or even as much as they where.

 

She knows Im unhappy with the communication breakdown and want to work things out but shes hardly making much effort.

 

She initiated contact today asking how I was etc. I responded asking her the same, no reply and this was 8 hours ago.

 

Im at a point now where I may just stop responding and see what happens. Shes ignored too many of my responses recently and is effectively stonewalling me whilst trying to keep the door open.

 

When you said she's in her early 30s, I was very surprised. Her actions are those of someone much younger/inexperienced.

 

If you've already talked to her about this and nothing has really changed, then I don't see much point in continuing. You're obviously not happy and rightfully so. We ladies make effort where and when we want; the fact that she's really not doing so with you says all you need to know, in my opinion. I would never let a text go unanswered for a day or two from a guy I really liked and considered my boyfriend. It just wouldn't happen.

 

Sorry, but I think she's stringing you along and seeing this other guy at the same time. Or perhaps he is her boyfriend and you're the side-guy now.

[Stasiman]

When you said she's in her early 30s, I was very surprised. Her actions are those of someone much younger/inexperienced.

 

If you've already talked to her about this and nothing has really changed, then I don't see much point in continuing. You're obviously not happy and rightfully so. We ladies make effort where and when we want; the fact that she's really not doing so with you says all you need to know, in my opinion. I would never let a text go unanswered for a day or two from a guy I really liked and considered my boyfriend. It just wouldn't happen.

 

Sorry, but I think she's stringing you along and seeing this other guy at the same time. Or perhaps he is her boyfriend and you're the side-guy now.

 

Yes! It does seem like Im in a LDR with a 21 year old to be honest. In general she does seem a bit immature and still doing things people in their 30s are long past.

 

Your right. Ive spoken to her and nothing has really changed and she kind of makes it out its somehow lack of effort at my end.

 

We had a skpe session the other night and it went pretty well really, since then she seems to be texting and communicating a lot more. So now Im confused. She seems to drop out for a while and be generally unresponsive then a few days later she will be constantly texting me telling me how crazy she is for me etc.

 

Im coming to the realisation that anyone who treats me his way surely cant really be interested.

 

Im pretty sure If I backed away or ended it she'd be upset and trying to get me back. She seems to switch quickly between being very intensely interested, to nothing, then back to very interested again. Deep down as much as I want it to work Im starting to think that thsi sort of behaviour is a precursor for future problems. Shes clearly a handful and if she can cause this much hassle from another country I dont know what she'd be like to live with!

 

Im genuinely starting to wonder if she has some sort of issues here.

Edited November 18, 2015 by Stasiman

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes! It does seem like Im in a LDR with a 21 year old to be honest. In general she does seem a bit immature and still doing things people in their 30s are long past.

 

Your right. Ive spoken to her and nothing has really changed and she kind of makes it out its somehow lack of effort at my end.

 

We had a skpe session the other night and it went pretty well really, since then she seems to be texting and communicating a lot more. So now Im confused. She seems to drop out for a while and be generally unresponsive then a few days later she will be constantly texting me telling me how crazy she is for me etc.

 

Im coming to the realisation that anyone who treats me his way surely cant really be interested.

 

Im pretty sure If I backed away or ended it she'd be upset and trying to get me back. She seems to switch quickly between being very intensely interested, to nothing, then back to very interested again. Deep down as much as I want it to work Im starting to think that thsi sort of behaviour is a precursor for future problems. Shes clearly a handful and if she can cause this much hassle from another country I dont know what she'd be like to live with!

 

Im genuinely starting to wonder if she has some sort of issues here.

 

This the most important point here.

 

Would you ever go out of contact with her for a few days? Probably not. She doesn't seem to take this relationship seriously. Perhaps she has underlying intimacy issues; perhaps she is seeing other guys. Who knows? It doesn't change the fact that she is inconsistent and it doesn't appear she has any intention to change that.

 

Only you can decide if this is acceptable for you. Her short bursts of attention aren't enough to sustain something long-term, particularly if she's in another country.

[Stasiman]

This the most important point here.

 

Would you ever go out of contact with her for a few days? Probably not. She doesn't seem to take this relationship seriously. Perhaps she has underlying intimacy issues; perhaps she is seeing other guys. Who knows? It doesn't change the fact that she is inconsistent and it doesn't appear she has any intention to change that.

 

Only you can decide if this is acceptable for you. Her short bursts of attention aren't enough to sustain something long-term, particularly if she's in another country.

 

Yes. Your insight is very good and I really appreciate your advice. I now have some further information which can shed more light on the subject.

 

I confronted her about this other dude (via skype) and we had a huge arguement, she then told me hes gay. Its very possible shes telling the truth but something about it all seems off when taken into consideration with her lukewarm communication. I gave her an out at this point and offered a chance for us to break up on good terms. She said she wanted to stay together.

 

Anyway today she posts a pic on twitter of a box of chocolates she has been sent. Turns out they're from this guy. Ive ascertained this by him commenting on the picture in a way that suggests they're from him. Ive not mentioned it to her. Seems a bit strange to me as its the sort of thing Id do if I was courting a girl. Could be innocent but I will never know. If this is an untoward situation shes doing it right in my face, which makes me think maybe its innocen t.

 

So Im stuck. On the one hand shes telling me shes crazy in love with me and when Ive backed away she comes running. Any opportunity Ive given her to break up she cast aside. On the other hand shes not communicating as much and seems a bit distant.

 

I dont know what to do? I dont want to waste anymore time on her if shes stringing me along but at the same time if this can be salvaged Im willing to try. A friend has suggested I dont do anything rash and see how it goes over the next few weeks but I dont want to waste anymore time on her if this isnt for real.

 

I think I need to play hardball now. When I look at whats actually happening it seems very bad but she does seem to have some level of interest in carrying it on. When we skyped it was obvious she still likes me. As you say though it seems to be short bursts of attention when it suits her.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Stasiman

[ExpatInItaly]

So she only decides to tell you now that he is gay? I don't buy it. I would have believed her if she'd let you know as soon as you first expressed reservations about him.

 

The bottom line is that her behaviour is inconsistent and you're not very happy anymore. Do you have plans to visit each other soon?

[Stasiman]

So she only decides to tell you now that he is gay? I don't buy it. I would have believed her if she'd let you know as soon as you first expressed reservations about him.

 

The bottom line is that her behaviour is inconsistent and you're not very happy anymore. Do you have plans to visit each other soon?

 

No sorry Ive been unclear. She had told me he was gay, a point she reiterated. The thing is Im not quite sure he is. It just seems strange that shes dropped back in her communication and this guy pops up, who sends her chocolates and going out with her lots. I have no way of knowing if shes telling the truth and her inconsistent behaviour and the fact I know she does lie makes me suspicious.

 

Yes indeed I am not happy. For about the past two weeks Ive stressed about it. I suspect she is being manipulative too, why would she post on twitter about the chocolates when she knows it will cause me to raise an eyebrow? Sure she can post whatever she wants but a part of her must have thought 'Stasiman will be upset by this'. Especially as we only had a argument the other day about this dude. A friend pointed out today that she could be trying to make me jealous. Shes telling me that my jealousy will cause problems but she seems to be making moves towards encouraging it. During our arguement the other day she was being very manipulative towards suggesting things that Im imagining but Ive never been a remotely jealous person so its making me suspicious that I even feel this way. Also for what its worth shes told me how her previous boyfriend was insanely jealous. Im starting to feel that she keeps trying to make out that things are my fault. She drops back in communication, I do the same then a few days later shes coming to me saying 'why aint you talking to me anymore'.

 

The visiting is another point in contention. Ive been to visit her (2 months ago) and she agreed to come see me at christmas. She has been talking about it over the past few weeks but in a vague way. Given christmas is going to be very expensive to book her flights and hotels (we agreed to get a hotel in my home city because I live with my sister and her family at the moment) I would have thought she would be making moves towards booking it all now. I recently asked her about it and she said she is coming, I mentioned it might be difficult to book and if so maybe she can come after christmas or in the new year, February or something. Shes told me she cant because of work (Shes a security officer at a school so cant take time off during school terms). In short it wouldnt be unreasonable for me to say I have a feeling shes going to cancel the trip because it will be too expensive (which it will) and then she will suggest I come visit her again in the new year. This I obviously dont want to do as I want her to make the effort to come see me.

 

I have been thinking today about just laying all this out in an email and telling her how I feel. Im pretty sure it will kill the relationship flat though.

 

Communication has been bad again today (for no apparent reason). Yesterday she was all crazy for me, today shes not responding. I need to feel that she is not making the effort and taking it for granted that she can just have me here to get attention when she feels like it.

 

Im a very genuine, open person and It feels like shes not being the same with me as I am with her.

 

The thing is If there is a chance of working it out I want to try so walking away based on limited evidence isnt really what I want but I dont want to be waiting for what feels inevitable at this point. Im confused as hell. Im doing all the running here and she seems to be just doing little bits to keep me here.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Stasiman

[Stasiman]

Thought Id post an update since I got some good advice here that has really helped.

 

So our communication slowed right right down. Barely texting each other. I figured it was over so backed away and started to detach myself emotionally. It was getting to the point where she showed no interest in me bar two or three word texts. So I stopped responding figuring. We went three days with no contact at all then she sent me a very angry text basically saying 'What is going on, you dont even want to speak to me anymore, you dont respond etc etc'.

 

Obviously I was taken aback by as it was clearly her who started the whole backing away thing so I explained I wasnt going to pester someone who isnt interested. She said she still is crazy about me and feel like I dont care anymore.

 

We laid it all out and agreed to carry on as normal and make more of an effort to communicate. For me this was her last chance. This lasted about 2 days then she started backing away again and not responding. Its a waste of time even speaking to her now as she seems to be stringing me along.

 

Im rather annoyed because she seems to be playing some messed up game in which shes blaming me whilst shes the one whos messing things up.

 

I deserve better than this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Just end it. It's obvious she isn't ready for the type of relationship you're looking for. She seems very immature and not at all someone who can be in a relationship. let alone a long-distance one. Cut it off completely so you can move on,

[Stasiman]

She seems very immature and not at all someone who can be in a relationship. let alone a long-distance one.

 

Ive been thinking this for a while. She has said and done some things recently that has made me think shes not on the same page as me in so far as trying to make it work.

 

Im going to end it with her tonight.

[Stasiman]

Well I did it. Feel much better for it and glad the weight on my shoulders has been lifted.

 

I tried to make it as amicable as possible. She didnt respond well to it and seemed to lack any understanding of why things had gone wrong. She kept saying things like 'I thought we would always be together etc'. I basically told her I didnt think she was taking it seriously enough and wasnt ready for a committed relationship. She seemed to be totally confused as to my reasons for ending it.

 

I dont think its the last Ive heard from her. Im done though and moving on.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well I did it. Feel much better for it and glad the weight on my shoulders has been lifted.

 

I tried to make it as amicable as possible. She didnt respond well to it and seemed to lack any understanding of why things had gone wrong. She kept saying things like 'I thought we would always be together etc'. I basically told her I didnt think she was taking it seriously enough and wasnt ready for a committed relationship. She seemed to be totally confused as to my reasons for ending it.

 

I dont think its the last Ive heard from her. Im done though and moving on.

 

If she's that emotionally clueless, she simply isn't capable of being a good partner. I think she is not as dumb as she makes herself out to be.

 

Whatever the case, you will be better off without her. It wasn't adding anything to your life anymore.

[Jimmysss]

My current relationship evolved from LDR.

Trust is a major issue always, but you have to decide that you either trust her fully... or be obsessive maniac.

 

I agree that lying about the place is a huge red flag. Best thing to do is to tell her honestly and openly that you have some issues and explain it.

 

Maybe she's been lying to you because she doesn't want you to worry... which of course produces counter effect...