i can feel it close, i see it on the horizon, and im nervous as heck!

[willduggan]

ok here goes, around newyears my fiance broke up with me, saying things like i was a jerk, that i didnt treat her like i should and she was probably right, this was all set off by an event a few days previous i believe when we had a huge arguement in the car, she grabbed my arm while yelling, and i pushed it away, accidentily hitting it into the center console(huge mistake, i appologized many times for it). and this left a big rift between us.

 

well i was devestated, i was in tears and couldnt eat for a couple weeks if not more, we stayed in fair contact but it hurt really badly, i would draw her things to express my feelings, or write her poems, not the right choice...,after about 2 weeks i found out she was with an ex before me (we had been together for about a year and a half) and this crushed me further, but during their time together i went to therapy, to improve things i felt were issues, my controling personality, that i needed to learn to appreciate what i had instead of looking for constant improvement, things of that nature. and we continued to have mild contact.

 

well 3 months go by and we start to hit it off again, she wasnt happy with the guy she was with (i didnt care for him either, he would verbally abuse her and was very physical with her) she came over and we held eachother for what seemed like hours, and we were incredibly happy, but during our month back together the ex was relentless, he would call, email, come by her house all the time looking for her, things like that. this put a huge strain on our relationship, and we started to slip back into our arguementative nature, i felt we handled the arguements a lot better, but she felt otherwise. and so she broke up with me, it was a very strange breakup because we held eachother crying and kissing over and over saying how much we loved eachother and not knowing what to do. all the way out to my car as i left. so it was a very confusing and hurtful breakup

 

well i decide to go to a convention in wisconsin, mostly to get away from everything i knew, get away and just relax, didnt have a lot of fun but it was needed, well i come back home and find out shes engaged to the guy... as you can imagine i was crushed, i had never hurt so badly, this was my first love, and it was slipping away. so i completly stopped contact, all her photo's i put away, i didnt block her phone or IM's but i deleted them so i didnt have to look at them, and i was without contact with her for about a month, i was feeling pretty good about myself, but she was in the back of my mind, i had managed to go on a few dates, they werent bad but not that great either, i was enjoying life.

 

well about 3 weeks ago she im's me to kind of just check up, we chatted for a while, i told her of my trip, things like that, i could tell she wasnt happy with the guy again, but i played it cool, was a sholder for her to cry on, a person to talk to, and weve gotten to chatting almost every morning before she goes to work, on the phone sometimes, on the internet other times, shes gotten to calling me hun and ....lol stud its gotten very friendly, and now for the climax of this very long message.

 

i felt bold, and so i asked her if she would like to go to lunch with me, she said yes, we havent decided on a day, but i get the gut feeling shes interested in me again, and i think i am too. but after asking her to lunch(which was today by the way) im suddenly incredibly nervous, i dont think ive ever been so nervous, where should we go for lunch, what should i talk about, should i keep it casual, should i be aggressive in hitting on her, should i dress nice, blah! this could all almost go in the dating forums because it feels like a brand new relationship, i know i still love her, but im trying my best to make this into a brand new experience, any and all tips would be helpful, any comments on what i should work on, what i should and shouldnt say at the lunch, i dont even know what to ask lol but i feel the urge to ask a billion things. any help would be incredible if this turns out to be the elusive third chance:) thanks for reading all of this, i hope someone can help me straighten out my feelings lol.

[ConfusedInOC]

Look up the user UNIVERSE and read his post entitled "LOVE IS A STATION, NOT A DESTINATION" and you'll see some good advice for what to expect when you get back with an ex. It's well written and really helps you see the relationship from the outside looking in.

 

Good luck and please, take it slow.

[sarah12]

I have read your story before, I remember you and I remember how hurt you were by this woman. She sounds like an emotional rollercoaster, and is confused between the two men in her life. Yes, there is another man in her life, in her heart and thoughts and you need to recognize that she clearly isn't done with it if she keeps bouncing between the two of you. Mark her words and keep in mind that you don't know whether or not she is saying the same things to the ex. You must face the reality of the situation and understand that you deserve SO much more than this woman is giving you. First loves are hard to get over, but you need to stay away from this woman as she is toxic!

[willduggan]

a couple quick comments, i read through a few of universe's posts, i was amazed how similar his situation sounded(atleast me it did) as for the advice you both gave, il try to keep my brain going, keep in mind the things that have happened between the two of us and the fact that she still has unfinished business with him also, and that she could be playing this game on both sides(il give some extra info though that ive kept in contact with her mom because weve been good friends and her mom says they seem to fight all the time so im thinking theres less chance of her playing both of us) i guess what i pull out of both of your comments is keep my head on my shoulders, take it slow, and try to figure out what(if anything) i really want out of it. with your comments .... i still feel like taking a chance, i might be a little afraid of the hurt again, but i guess i still want to see where it could lead, if nothing i wont be too hurt, ive had dates while weve been apart and i know im a great guy so i wont be too bummed out if it goes poorly. with that sad could you still advise me on the lunch? should i keep the conversation light or just talk or should i deffinately flirt a good amount or try to let her do it all? i guess any dating tips would fit in this spot...haha. thanks again for the support and sarah im glad your watching out for me, i promise to take your advice to heart and be careful.

[ConfusedInOC]

Read the thread in my signature: Love Must Be Tough

 

Not everything will apply, but some of the suggestions I think might help you.

 

Above all, take it slow. There's no need to rush. She does sound like an emotional roller coaster so I would proceed with extreme caution.

 

Best of luck.

[pippen_2k]

Taking it slow is near impossible if you want them back.

 

Their thoughts are gonna constantly be on ur mind, and any time they cancell on you or something its gonna hurt you!

 

I know this all to well.. but like most continue to look for any hope..

 

Be very very carefull and expect the worst.

 

This story is all too common.

[willduggan]

thanks for your comments, i promise to take it slow, see where things are really going, ive read advice something to the effect of making this a brand new relationship instead of trying to rebuild what was destroyed, so im going to do my best to let the good and the bad from the past go and just go from here hoping it works out in both of our favors:) i dont want to sabbatage it by expecting it to go wrong, but il keep in mind that its a possibility, thanks for all your help everyone.