Have I (foolishly) frightened her away??

[manfromthesouth]

Hey,

 

Sorry if I ramble a bit but I've tried to give as much information as possible as succinctly as I can.

 

I started a thread here back in June. It was relating to a woman (let's call her Jenna) I met in addiction recovery. We'd been spending much time together and she seemed really interested so I decided to tell her how I felt. She replied that she did have feelings for me but that the timing wasn't right.

 

A couple of months later she seemed to be hinting to me that the timing was getting close to being right but I wasn't sure myself this time and things went no farther.

 

After a problem with my AA sponsor and just general confusion about the state of my life, I broke away from AA for around six weeks. During this time I began to try other things, live life as we are supposed to while recovering. Her and I had very little contact during this time.

 

Three weeks ago I had a 'close shave' with the booze and returned to AA, the girl in question walked into the meeting. Things picked up where they had left off in early September.

 

Two weekends ago I was asked out by another girl and decided to accept. I wasn't sure how Jenna was feeling and so mentioned to her that I was thinking about going out with this other girl. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the week.

 

While I was out with the other girl, I realised how much I actually like Jenna. Damn it - it kept me awake the whole night thinking about it.

 

I spoke with a few friends about the situation and they all said that I should tell her how I was feeling. The friendship has already survived this twice before. She was quite difficult to get a hold of and I began to fret that she wasn't speaking with me.

 

I wrote a little note and posted it through her door while she was working. Cowardly, yes, but she was so difficult to get a hold of. As soon as I posted the note I knew I'd made a mistake. Amazingly - Jenna contacted me (just through text) less than ten minutes later.

 

I explained to her what I had done and that I'd rather when she got home she ignored the note and we spoke face-to-face instead. She said that this was okay but that her mother was going to hers for something in the afternoon and asked if the letter was in an envelope.

 

It wasn't. I tried to get to the letter but couldn't manage to and now I haven't been able to reach her since. She said that her mother is the type who would be nosy enough to read it.

 

Now I'm thinking that they have both read it and that it was too full-on. It didn't mention love or anything like that, but I did mention that my date with the other girl didn't go well as I kept thinking that I'd rather it be Jenna herself sitting with me, and that I didn't think I knew how much I cared about her until I was on this 'date.'

 

Now I feel like a weirdo! A stalker! A bit pathetic actually. I think she's maybe been freaked out a bit by what was written and is now avoiding me. I told her how I felt back in June though and things were fine after that. In August she then tried to start the ball rolling again but I apologised and left, having to see myself out. Things were still fine between us afterwards.

 

Maybe she needs time to digest it, think about what she wants. I gave her from when the letter was posted on Thursday, until yesterday, Sunday, and then tried to phone but got no answer and so left a text saying that I was sorry for putting her in an awkward position with her mum perhaps having read the letter before she got home from work, but that I'm not going to apologise for how I feel.

 

Finally, one of her other friends....let's call him Tristan, during the six weeks I was away from AA, confessed his affection for her in an alcohol-fueled evening of text messaging. I know this because she (rather bizarrely I thought) showed me the text 'conversation.' She tells him that she is sorry but that there will never be anything more than friendship between Tristan and her and they remain friends. His drunken texts were a bit more full-on than my note perhaps was. Yet they are fine.

 

I mentioned this in the note and said that I think it's reached the stage for me too where I think I'd be best knowing if there can never be anything more than friendship. Then I can accept that, move on and we can still be friends, like her and Tristan.

 

I'll give her more space but it is messing my head up a little. Part of me thinks that the letter, which I tried to ask that she ignored, has freaked her out and she now thinks of me as some sort of creeper. Maybe her mum objected to it and has played a part. Tristan did a similar thing a month ago and they are back to being friends again, the incident dealt with quickly and painlessly.

 

I've had no response whatsoever. Why wouldn't she just tell me the same as she told him? Does she need time to think about how she feels? Did the letter freak her out so much that she has broken contact with me for a time? Did her mum even read it? Did Jenna even read it?

 

Damnit!!! I think I may have lost a good friend over this.

 

 

Nice forum though.....

[jen1447]

All of those questions are moot if she won't talk to you and you have no other way to find out. Which really points at the question you should be asking instead - what type of person would do that to you? Answer - someone you don't want to date (or even be friends with). Sorry.