capricornmnl Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 We have been together for almost 2 years, and I know that I love him so much. I came from a very troublesome relationship and he has accepted and helped me go through all of that. When I was cheated before, I have learned a lot from that and has reminded myself that I will never let anyone play the fool with me again. I have learned to study his body language and tone of speaking, and analyzed how he spoke when he's telling the truth or when he's lying. He's not really good at it. His ex girlfriend has been texting him a lot and he knew I didn't like it. Around December, I noticed he changed his ex-girlfriend's name on his phone, while I pretended I had no idea. Then came by New Year, we were together in the afternoon and just spent the day chilling and Netflix. Everything was normal. He was acting very normal. He fell asleep, then something came to me, I had to check his phone. I saw a very long conversation about him and his ex with all those flirting and missing you messages, he even asked his ex to sing for her if they get to see each other. When he woke up, I asked him if his ex has texted him again, but he just denied it. He was insisting until I told him I have already read the messages. The second time was about this same ex gf too, when this girl had texted him that she "misses him all the time". I told my bf that I will send that girl a reply. I pretended I was my bf and told her that "I am happy that you are in a relationship now (I learned upon stalking her), so please be happy that I am too happy now". Weeks after, I saw a log on my boyfriend's phone that he has called that girl twice! For 5 minutes! He told me he doesn't remember anything and that he was drunk. Third was when, he wanted to go out with his "new" friends he met upon joining a competition in their office. They have already gone out twice before, but I hadn't met them. I had a bad feeling with one of the girls that I always see seated next to him in the photos, so when he told me he is going out with the same group again, I insisted I wanted to come to "meet" them. He said probably next time because he has no car that night, but I said it's no problem, I can wait and just take Uber. I waited hours, he didn't even tell me he already left. He went to the place where they are supposed to meet and I was really mad that he left me. I followed and when I got there, it was just the four of them. A couple, the girl I don't like in the photos, and him. It seemed to me like a double date. When we were about to go home, surprisingly, he got his car with him! I was really upset! The most recent one was when I had to go to a friend's house, and he told me he is going out with his friends from another company. It was fine with me. Around 10pm that Friday night, he texted me that he's already home and that they just had dinner. I thought, he wanted to go out so I decided to go to his place. I was calling him several times, but was not picked up. I have waited for more than an hour in the lobby to where he lives, but he's not answering his phone. A friend of mine called me and told me she saw my bf at a videoke bar, she was actually looking for me if I was at the same place too. I had no idea he was there! I went to that place, 3am and saw him together with 2 friends who are girls I have not met. I did not show up. When I got home, he was calling me and pretended he just woke up and he did not see my calls and messages. I asked him where he went, but he was insisting he was just at home asleep. I got really mad that he is again lying on my face now that I know the truth. So I told him I saw him, he did not give up lying until I told him the name of the place. He was sorry and said he was worried I will get mad if he went out with the girls. I told him I was worried too, that's why I went to his place only to find out he went out with other girls. He also told me that it was not the first time he lied about going out and not telling me. He confessed that he also went out 2 days prior to that with a female college friend. I was very disappointed for not telling me all these. He said I did not trust him that was why he lied, referring to that incident when he left me to go out bringing his car when he said he can't. I never stopped nor bothered him every time he wanted to go out with his friends. He promised he would not lie to me again. We spend most of the days together and meet every after work. I can feel his care and love for me but why does he have to lie? It's really hard to trust him again. Am I being too controlling? Should I still stay in this kind of relationship? I love him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Should I still stay in this kind of relationship? Nope. Let me guess - you are in your early 20s? Or younger? Time to move on. He is still an adolescent and hasn't learned what it means to be in a committed relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 We have been together for almost 2 years, and I know that I love him so much. I came from a very troublesome relationship and he has accepted and helped me go through all of that. When I was cheated before, I have learned a lot from that and has reminded myself that I will never let anyone play the fool with me again. I have learned to study his body language and tone of speaking, and analyzed how he spoke when he's telling the truth or when he's lying. He's not really good at it. His ex girlfriend has been texting him a lot and he knew I didn't like it. Around December, I noticed he changed his ex-girlfriend's name on his phone, while I pretended I had no idea. Then came by New Year, we were together in the afternoon and just spent the day chilling and Netflix. Everything was normal. He was acting very normal. He fell asleep, then something came to me, I had to check his phone. I saw a very long conversation about him and his ex with all those flirting and missing you messages, he even asked his ex to sing for her if they get to see each other. When he woke up, I asked him if his ex has texted him again, but he just denied it. He was insisting until I told him I have already read the messages. The second time was about this same ex gf too, when this girl had texted him that she "misses him all the time". I told my bf that I will send that girl a reply. I pretended I was my bf and told her that "I am happy that you are in a relationship now (I learned upon stalking her), so please be happy that I am too happy now". Weeks after, I saw a log on my boyfriend's phone that he has called that girl twice! For 5 minutes! He told me he doesn't remember anything and that he was drunk. Third was when, he wanted to go out with his "new" friends he met upon joining a competition in their office. They have already gone out twice before, but I hadn't met them. I had a bad feeling with one of the girls that I always see seated next to him in the photos, so when he told me he is going out with the same group again, I insisted I wanted to come to "meet" them. He said probably next time because he has no car that night, but I said it's no problem, I can wait and just take Uber. I waited hours, he didn't even tell me he already left. He went to the place where they are supposed to meet and I was really mad that he left me. I followed and when I got there, it was just the four of them. A couple, the girl I don't like in the photos, and him. It seemed to me like a double date. When we were about to go home, surprisingly, he got his car with him! I was really upset! The most recent one was when I had to go to a friend's house, and he told me he is going out with his friends from another company. It was fine with me. Around 10pm that Friday night, he texted me that he's already home and that they just had dinner. I thought, he wanted to go out so I decided to go to his place. I was calling him several times, but was not picked up. I have waited for more than an hour in the lobby to where he lives, but he's not answering his phone. A friend of mine called me and told me she saw my bf at a videoke bar, she was actually looking for me if I was at the same place too. I had no idea he was there! I went to that place, 3am and saw him together with 2 friends who are girls I have not met. I did not show up. When I got home, he was calling me and pretended he just woke up and he did not see my calls and messages. I asked him where he went, but he was insisting he was just at home asleep. I got really mad that he is again lying on my face now that I know the truth. So I told him I saw him, he did not give up lying until I told him the name of the place. He was sorry and said he was worried I will get mad if he went out with the girls. I told him I was worried too, that's why I went to his place only to find out he went out with other girls. He also told me that it was not the first time he lied about going out and not telling me. He confessed that he also went out 2 days prior to that with a female college friend. I was very disappointed for not telling me all these. He said I did not trust him that was why he lied, referring to that incident when he left me to go out bringing his car when he said he can't. I never stopped nor bothered him every time he wanted to go out with his friends. He promised he would not lie to me again. We spend most of the days together and meet every after work. I can feel his care and love for me but why does he have to lie? It's really hard to trust him again. Am I being too controlling? Should I still stay in this kind of relationship? I love him so much. You see the problem right? Guys a bum...Walk and walk fast. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author capricornmnl Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Nope. Let me guess - you are in your early 20s? Or younger? Time to move on. He is still an adolescent and hasn't learned what it means to be in a committed relationship. I am 26 and he's 32. I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes, he told me he loves me still, he was just worried how I was gonna react on him going out with the girls. He discusses future with me and he told me he's house hunting for us. His actions are really confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capricornmnl Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 You see the problem right? Guys a bum...Walk and walk fast. I see it clear. But his actions are really confusing. I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes, he told me he loves me still, he was just worried how I was gonna react on him going out with the girls. He discusses future with me and he told me he's started house hunting for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Sorry but he is just back peddling because your are his regular piece. Sad but true. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated, ALL the time, not some of the time. This guy has disrespected you right out of the gate, and since you didn't walk when he lied about being in constant contact with his ex, he knows he has control over you. And that is why he continues to lie to you...you keep forgiving him. NOW stop it and drop him. So what if he says he wants you in his life, doesn't change his behavior in anyway now does it? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 He wants a future with you , he might even marry you but won't change his ways. Reason is that most likely you are the only woman he knows he can wrap around with his lies and make false promises. No one else will put up with it. You shouldn't as well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I see it clear. But his actions are really confusing. I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes, he told me he loves me still, he was just worried how I was gonna react on him going out with the girls. He discusses future with me and he told me he's started house hunting for us. He is playing you for a fool. You already promised yourself you'd never allow that to happen again. What happens from here is all up to you. Either continue to allow yourself to be played or walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I stopped reading at the point where he had his car and it looked like a double date. Please.......get wise and dump hum. He's messing you around and taking you for a fool. Just end it and leave him to the Ex. You will get hurt and you should get tested for Std's. Take it from an older more experienced person...He's cheating on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 If he does marry you...he'll have been cheating as he takes his vows. You are the nice type and he'll screw around with the nasty ones.......The Madonna Whore complex. He continues to lie and gaslight you...you don't need to accept his behaviour. It's not even about him just going out. ... even if he's not physically cheating. ...He's untrustworthy...why would you want a man you can't trust in your life? Don't marry him and get saddled with kids.....or you'll be a full betrayed spouse in a few years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 OP, I think you need to go back and re-read your post. There are COUNTLESS red flags and no amount of sugar is going to coat what's blatantly obvious to all of us who are reading this. I'm sorry but he's playing you for a fool. Take control of your life and your happiness and end the cycle already. His actions aren't confusing at all because he's SHOWING you who is really is. START PAYING ATTENTION! Don't you think you deserve better than this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 He does not respect you and does not love you. You said that his actions confuse you? How? He is pretty much leading a double life, lying to you continuously and taking every chance to hang out with women other than you. His actions are telling you that he has no respect for you or the relationship. He tells you he loves you and needs you...but then again, he's a proven LIAR, so his words are worth nothing. So...again...how are you confused? Why would you want to stay with someone like this? You know what you need to do. DUMP HIM..and do it quick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated, ALL the time, not some of the time. This guy has disrespected you right out of the gate, and since you didn't walk when he lied about being in constant contact with his ex, he knows he has control over you. And that is why he continues to lie to you...you keep forgiving him. NOW stop it and drop him. So what if he says he wants you in his life, doesn't change his behavior in anyway now does it? Totally agree with this. When I was in college I went out with a guy that acted like your bf. He always had women 'friends' around. He is the only one I have dated I didn't trust not to cheat. It really sucks but IMO you don't want to be with someone you don't trust. I don't care he's dangling the carrot (i.e., future talk) with you because being on the same page about honesty is too important to ignore. You don't want to be with someone you can't trust. Think of it this way. If you were married, owned a house together, had kids, etc. you you really want to choose between divorce, being a single mom, etc. or knowing this guy has a few mistresses on the side? He will NOT change and is showing you who he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Wow, look at the level of 'stalking' he is triggering in you, this is not a healthy relationship, it is not at all good for you and your emotional situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I am 26 and he's 32. I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes, he told me he loves me still, he was just worried how I was gonna react on him going out with the girls. He discusses future with me and he told me he's house hunting for us. His actions are really confusing. They're not confusing at all. You're with a cheating liar who has continually disrespected you over and over and over and over and over. And this guy was supposed to be such a knight in shining armor who helped you get over the devastation of the last horrible relationship. Well, the sad truth is that you got another bad one. His words and actions aren't confusing at all. He's SHOWN you who he is. Loud and clear, he's SHOWN you exactly who he is. But for some odd reason, you refuse to believe him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I am 26 and he's 32. I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes, he told me he loves me still, he was just worried how I was gonna react on him going out with the girls. He discusses future with me and he told me he's house hunting for us. His actions are really confusing. OMG< NO! I thought you guys were like maybe 19 & 20, 22 MAX. He's far too late in the game pulling BS with the ex and lying about going out with other girls. DO NOT house-hunt with this idiot. He has cheater written all over him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I didn't even get to the 3rd paragraph and knew you were/are being played. It's your problem but it's easily fixable. Know that you can and deserve better. OAN I'm constantly reminded reading here how ppl are so easily fooled by their significant other. "He needs me in his life" What a fantastic load of **** ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 OMG< NO! I thought you guys were like maybe 19 & 20, 22 MAX. He's far too late in the game pulling BS with the ex and lying about going out with other girls. DO NOT house-hunt with this idiot. He has cheater written all over him. Ahh the old house hunting and marriage game. It ensures the men keeps control of the sex life with women. Or the living situation. It adds at least six months to a doomed relationship. Until she exposes the game or he finds "better" Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I asked him if he still needs me in his life and he said yes Well yeah, he needs you for all the sex you give him. Start respecting yourself OP and walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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