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Can I go back to my bar?

Initium138

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Initium138

Initium138

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Hello, I have aspergers and it's always social situations are always very challenging for me. Recently, I found a local bar that made me feel very comfortable, the bartenders are very kind and I am a regular patron. I can even go to this bar alone without being gripped by anxiety - this is a big, exciting step for me!

 

Last night a very cute girl sat next to me (who is also a regular) and we had a conversation that was about an hour. She revealed that she's single and dates online. She left and I regretted not asking her for her number. I am on the same dating website as she is and decided to message her. I told her it was nice meeting her and gave her my number. I noticed she immediately blocked me and didn't respond. After further analyzing the situation, I think she talked to me to be polite and maybe felt sorry for me which is fine by me.

 

Being that we are both regulars, would it be inappropriate or creepy for me to return to this bar?

I would really appreciate some input. Cheers!

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OrangeParty

OrangeParty

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Sorry to hear she blocked you. On the bright side, I doubt someone who just wants to be polite would talk to you for an hour, I'm inclined to think she found you interesting. Did you tell her about being an Aspie?

 

As for going back to the bar, it sounds like it is a great space for your personal development, so I think you should continue going there. You say that it makes you feel good and comfortable.

 

She may have freaked out when you messaged her on OLD. Many people feel awkward to communicate with someone they know on OLD. I really think that if it was another person, she would have blocked them too, unless she really already decided to date them.

 

Chalk this one up to a loss, but keep your chin up. Keep going to the bar, but don't interact with her anymore unless she does it first. You're a regular, so it's not weird or creepy if you are in the bar. Make eye contact and smile if you want, but leave her alone and don't approach her unless she comes up to you. Time to move on. :)

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GunslingerRoland

GunslingerRoland

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Go back, if you see her politely smile but don't initiate conversation with her.

 

 

She wasn't into you, don't get down over it.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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She's the one who was less than gracious here. Of course you can go back to the bar. However, do not initiate any conversation with her. You can smile & nod in her direction if you must acknowledge her but nothing beyond that. If she approaches you, keep it neutral & impersonal . . . conversations about the weather, or the game on the TV but nothing more.

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Initium138

Initium138

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Truly great advise that makes me feel a lot more comfortable and even a little fearless. I appreciate it.

 

I never get my hopes up high when asking anyone out, she was cool but she wasn't interested (and I wasn't too interested) I just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything unacceptable.

 

Also as far as being an aspie - some of my nearest friends don't know. I am more or less an avg joe. I just have a difficult time understanding or appreciating social cues which I usually joke about anyway - life is good!

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Aspy or not, I think you picked up on the cue when she blocked you. Granted that was more a 2x4 upside the head on her part but hey you put yourself out there & you took a shot. Good for you!

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preraph

preraph

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You can go back to the bar, but you'll have to just totally ignore her. If you can't do that casually, then if she's a regular patron there, it's no longer the place for you because it's you who will be uncomfortable. Hey, everyone gets shot down a gazillion times. But don't give any one person the chance to shoot you down twice.

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WaitingForBardot

WaitingForBardot

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Rightly or wrongly, she may have thought you promptly went home and started stalking her online, which she would rightly regard as creepy, so she blocked you.

 

Also, a rhetorical question: Since you are/were both regulars, why would you message her as opposed to waiting to get her number the next time you saw her at the bar? Once you've met IRL there really is no reason whatsoever to contact someone online.

 

I think it's okay to return to the bar provided you can behave the way you did prior to meeting her. Nothing wrong with nodding a greeting if she looks at you, but if you find yourself gazing at her repeatedly or anything of the sort, it is time to find another place.

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loveweary11

loveweary11

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Don't be self conscious.

 

It's your bar as well as hers. Just stand your ground and enjoy the place. Resist the urge to talk to her.

 

You should "block" her at the bar just as she blocked you on the site.

 

Talk to anyone and everyone except her.

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impatiently_patient

impatiently_patient

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Don't be self conscious.

 

It's your bar as well as hers. Just stand your ground and enjoy the place. Resist the urge to talk to her.

 

You should "block" her at the bar just as she blocked you on the site.

 

Talk to anyone and everyone except her.

 

Yup. It's your haunt. I wouldn't even make eye contact.

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Initium138

Initium138

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Rightly or wrongly, she may have thought you promptly went home and started stalking her online, which she would rightly regard as creepy, so she blocked you.

 

Also, a rhetorical question: Since you are/were both regulars, why would you message her as opposed to waiting to get her number the next time you saw her at the bar? Once you've met IRL there really is no reason whatsoever to contact someone online.

 

I think it's okay to return to the bar provided you can behave the way you did prior to meeting her. Nothing wrong with nodding a greeting if she looks at you, but if you find yourself gazing at her repeatedly or anything of the sort, it is time to find another place.

 

I chalk the mix up as being related to my issues. I should of asked for her number after we spoke - looking her up online might be creepy to some, it's just logical to me. I agree with you as well that once I meet someone IRL, there shouldn't be online contact but I didn't think it was an issue when I did it. Social interaction is difficult to me. Writing someone via chat is so much easier than talking with them because I don't have to continually try to interpret facial expressions and voice.

 

ANYWAYS - I didn't say anything explicit; I just sent her my number in a slightly odd way. I am not interested in her now at all. After reading these post, I will go back to the bar and talk with the people there that I know and I will be polite to her if I see her as she wasn't rude in person. It took a long time for me to be able to go out alone and it's a healthy thing for me to do. I am not too worried about getting made fun of as it's happened a lot through my life. My friends embrace me for who I am, some dates like a quirky guy and I know that for a fact!

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