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Maybe trying to "test" him was not such a good idea... or was it?

lonelylittlething

By lonelylittlething,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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[QUOTbagsnelylittlething;6648419]Thank you ... my heart is aching right now. I wish there was a pill for that.

We were supposed to go on a trip we've been planning for months... still weighing the pros and cons.

Cons... all the advice I've been given here and the reality of the facts.

Pros... I want to spend some more time with him.

Why does affection make us so dumb?

 

The only trip I'd want to send this guy on was one where he packed His bags and got the boot out the door.

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salparadise

salparadise

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We were supposed to go on a trip we've been planning for months... still weighing the pros and cons.

Cons... all the advice I've been given here and the reality of the facts.

Pros... I want to spend some more time with him.

 

You aren't seriously considering this are you? What deductions could he make about you if you do? What deductions could you make about yourself?

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BlueIris

BlueIris

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Thank you ... my heart is aching right now. I wish there was a pill for that.

We were supposed to go on a trip we've been planning for months... still weighing the pros and cons.

Cons... all the advice I've been given here and the reality of the facts.

Pros... I want to spend some more time with him.

Why does affection make us so dumb?

 

Ohferheavensake.... so you are looking for reasons to stay with this guy who isn't into you.

 

Why?

 

Don't say that you love him. It's something else.

 

Is he gorgeous? Rich? Powerful? Flashy? Dangerous? What is it- really?

 

Do you like tragedy or pain? Do you not want to have to date again?

 

Is it because you view yourself as lonely or little?

 

I'm worried for you. You are worth so much more than this.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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You aren't seriously considering this are you? What deductions could he make about you if you do? What deductions could you make about yourself?

 

He would deduct that I can live with it, and I would deduct I'm an idiot. I feel that a part of me already knows that.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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Ohferheavensake.... so you are looking for reasons to stay with this guy who isn't into you.

 

Why?

 

Don't say that you love him. It's something else.

 

Is he gorgeous? Rich? Powerful? Flashy? Dangerous? What is it- really?

 

Do you like tragedy or pain? Do you not want to have to date again?

 

Is it because you view yourself as lonely or little?

 

I'm worried for you. You are worth so much more than this.

 

Honestly, and without wanting to sound arrogant, this is the ugliest guy I were with, ever. He is far from rich, dangerous or whatever, just a normal man. Very intelligent, very perceptive but apparently not that into me.

Maybe I like tragedy and don't realise it?

And I do view myself like that, at least since the last couple of days, I feel reduced to nothingness.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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Honestly, and without wanting to sound arrogant, this is the ugliest guy I were with, ever. He is far from rich, dangerous or whatever, just a normal man. Very intelligent, very perceptive but apparently not that into me.

Maybe I like tragedy and don't realise it?

And I do view myself like that, at least since the last couple of days, I feel reduced to nothingness.

 

And yes, I'm also a bit afraid of dating in general, since I'm one of those overly qualified professionals that work crazy hours during the week and just lie in bed during the weekend, unable to do more than breathe :( that doesn't leave too much time to play any kind of field...

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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Update... we were on the phone quite a lot, according to him, he realised immediately it was me and he flirted just to see "to what extent I was willing to go". The problem: the loss of trust ... I'm not well.

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Update... we were on the phone quite a lot, according to him, he realised immediately it was me and he flirted just to see "to what extent I was willing to go". The problem: the loss of trust ... I'm not well.

 

Oh bull crap.

 

He's so full of himself.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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Well what reasons did he give for knowing it was you?

 

Apparently some language stereotypes that had slipped (English is not my first language, as is the case with him; without mentioning which ones... but I was too tired to continue the "trial"..) and the fact that the profile was not "credible" etc

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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No chance he might be telling the truth? ... just grasping here... :(

No, absolutely none.

 

He got busted cheating and is now using any old excuse he can think of, to make himself look like his poo don't stink, and to make you into the psycho controlling ex. Whereas in reality he was the unfaithful player who got busted for his idiotic behaviour.

 

Don't talk to him any more! What good will come of it? Just NC the idiot.

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lonelylittlething

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No, absolutely none.

 

He got busted cheating and is now using any old excuse he can think of, to make himself look like his poo don't stink, and to make you into the psycho controlling ex. Whereas in reality he was the unfaithful player who got busted for his idiotic behaviour.

 

Don't talk to him any more! What good will come of it? Just NC the idiot.

 

Sadly, I think you are right. Maybe later during the convo he realised something was off or maybe even that it might be me... but in the beginning I think he had no idea, and still expressed his desires in such a direct way that even my inlove mind can't ignore it...

Why do I continue talking to him? Because this was so brutal, I can't come to terms with the idea that ... it's really over. :(

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PegNosePete

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Yes, he's certainly back-pedalling because he got caught.

 

Think about it. If he knew it was you, wouldn't he have said something about it? Like, stop it, why don't you trust me, why are you testing me like this? Of course he would. Anybody would.

 

I didn't ask why you still talk to him; I asked what good you think will come from it. What will it achieve? How will it help you? It's a rhetorical question. The answer is "nothing good". Carry on talking to him will just prolong your pain and suffering, and make you feel worse and worse. He is a lying cheater who got caught. Unfortunately there's nothing he can say that will un-do that so there's no point talking to him any more.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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Yes, he's certainly back-pedalling because he got caught.

 

Think about it. If he knew it was you, wouldn't he have said something about it? Like, stop it, why don't you trust me, why are you testing me like this? Of course he would. Anybody would.

 

I didn't ask why you still talk to him; I asked what good you think will come from it. What will it achieve? How will it help you? It's a rhetorical question. The answer is "nothing good". Carry on talking to him will just prolong your pain and suffering, and make you feel worse and worse. He is a lying cheater who got caught. Unfortunately there's nothing he can say that will un-do that so there's no point talking to him any more.

 

Oh, yeah... he has an explanation for that too: he didn't say anything because he was too disgusted by my lack of respect and he wanted to see if I will be honest and later confess that I have been snooping.

 

He also said that he would have told me about it, before acting on it...

 

Of course, nothing good can come from continuing this, you are totally right. I am unreasonable

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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he didn't say anything because he was too disgusted by my lack of respect and he wanted to see if I will be honest and later confess that I have been snooping.

BS. If it wasn't such a tragic situation for you, that would just be laughable.

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Mrin

Mrin

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As a guy who has multi dated a lot in the past via OLD I guarantee you that he had no clue it was you. This is the only card he can play so he's playing it.

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Redfisher

Redfisher

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Love watching dudes back peddling...So funny. After what my ex wife did to me I will never lie to a loved one ever again, I don't care if the truth destroys everything I care for I just can't do it. Truth is the best answer even when its the one that hurts the most.

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m4p

m4p

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If he knew it was you, why would he ask for a reason for the breakup as a "closure"? It should had been the perfect opportunity for him to say "hey I know it was you with the fake account!". But nope he didn't. Only when you told him then he was yelling about it being disrespectful etc..... Don't fall for it please. This is a warning sign for you about what kind a person he is. You really want this for the rest of your life? You deserve someone better and trust me there are plenty of decent guys out there that actually understands monogamy.

 

You gotta love yourself before loving someone so hard or else you're just gonna attract all sorts of players trying to take advantage of you.

 

Stay strong, dump him and good luck!

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MightyPen

MightyPen

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hmmm lots of ideas come to mind here.....

 

1) book a date with the fake girl, then show up yourself!

 

2) book a date with the fake girl, then insist on booking a date yourself at that time and see what excuse he comes up with?

 

3) book a date with the fake girl then hire a transsexual to go on that date with him!!

 

4) book a date with the fake profile, then happen to show up five minutes before and watch him sweat looking out for the other girl!

 

Lots of fun things can be done :)

 

Any of these could be a sit-com scene! This is one of the best posts I've read this month.

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BlueIris

BlueIris

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Oh, yeah... he has an explanation for that too: he didn't say anything because he was too disgusted by my lack of respect and he wanted to see if I will be honest and later confess that I have been snooping.

 

He also said that he would have told me about it, before acting on it...

 

Of course, nothing good can come from continuing this, you are totally right. I am unreasonable

 

I hear you condemning yourself, which is wrong. HE is unreasonable. HE is gas lighting you, as CarrieT said. Do not allow yourself to be twisted by him.

 

You are right that nothing good can come from interacting with this person in any way. Lesson learned: some people are manipulative users and they just might appear to be sweet, caring and honest.

 

Your initial instincts were right. You suspected and tested. He failed. Cut him off.

 

Something a friend used to say to me: the only place that spineless flexibility has value is in a circus.

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lonelylittlething

lonelylittlething

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BS. If it wasn't such a tragic situation for you, that would just be laughable.

 

Yes, with all the hurt that I've been experiencing, I still see what you're talking about... it is laughable... :(

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