Rydo Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Articulate, just what I want in a woman. Forget about nice thick hair, smooth skin and legs that don't creak when they open 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I wasn't saying older women in general weren't sexy. In fact I said that they are. You missed the point. Women will actually say they like gray on a guy. Men won't say "I love a woman with that salt and pepper hair!" I have dated much younger often and most of those men found sexier a woman's face with expression lines. As a woman gets older her eyes and face is more expressive because of those lines. Feelings of love, appreciation, happiness is easier to read on an older woman's face. Lets call it the equivalent of 'salt and pepper' hair on a man. You like salt & pepper hair because they're symbol of experience and security. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Not in my world. Susan Sarandon was 30 years older than Tim Robbins. They were together something like 25 years. You think he was not a lucky guy to have her? Maybe you think Megan Fox would is a more interesting, accomplished and articulate woman. I'm not a Megan Fox fan - whether she's 15 years younger or 25 years older than me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 It's not a big deal now but it will be later. When you hit 40 at the peak of your life he'll be 52 and on the decline. When you're 50 and be at the top of your game as a woman, still beautiful, still full of energy, he'll be 62. Women stay healthy and active much longer than men. To me there is more age-gap successful relationships when the woman is older. I am 50 yo and I don't see myself with a 62 yo man. You're entitled to your opinion, obviously, but I don't think you could be any more wrong. And it does depend more or less on individuals... but you're drawing conclusions that have no real basis. Yea, we're in that age category and my gf is 12 years younger. I don't want to sound like a braggart, but I think she'd tell you differently. Yea, no details... but it's workin'. I'm with Rydo on the inverse though... just can't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Articulate, just what I want in a woman. Forget about nice thick hair, smooth skin and legs that don't creak when they open I find 40 yo Eva Mendes a lot more sexy than 29 yo Megan Fox who always has the look in her face 'my IQ is under 10'. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 You're entitled to your opinion, obviously, but I don't think you could be any more wrong. And it does depend more or less on individuals... but you're drawing conclusions that have no real basis. Yea, we're in that age category and my gf is 12 years younger. I don't want to sound like a braggart, but I think she'd tell you differently. Yea, no details... but it's workin'. I'm with Rydo on the inverse though... just can't see it. I am sharing my experience. I did mentioned in another post I did have a relationship with someone 12 years older. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Hey LS, I was just looking for some firsthand experiences or opinions on the larger age gaps. I know age is literally just a number...but once we get past that 10 year mark is when more heads start to turn and it gets a little questionable. Now there's a man in his late 30s and I'm in my mid 20s. I'm really clicking with him, we're just talking/texting and going out for drinks once in a while. He's 12 years older. My experience? Big deal. My previous partner was 12yrs younger, it's more likely to be a bigger problem for the older partner than the younger one. If you are over being silly, then I see no real compatibiity issues with that match. Late 30's - mid twenties, it's all the same life path trajectory. You're both orientated towards your careers, both probably got excessive drinking and partying out of your system by now. Both looking for stability to at least moving towards that. Many men don't even want to think about settling down until his age anyway, which could suit you depending on where you are at on he same subject. The biggest problem I had with my younger partner was that I just wasn't interested in the celebrity, look at me scene that he was. He was also more interested in settling down and having children than I was. Depends on the couple really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I find 40 yo Eva Mendes a lot more sexy than 29 yo Megan Fox who always has the look in her face 'my IQ is under 10'. I prefer 40 year old Eva over Megan Fox. That's just a taste thing. I mean, really, can we control who we fall in love with? If OP is in love with a guy 12-15 years older than her, then who is anyone to judge her? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 And just to add. We were never stared at in public either or had any problems with other people judging the age gap. Really unless you look like you could be his daughter it's not going to be an issue. And even then, people will probably just assume he's your dad.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rydo Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I find 40 yo Eva Mendes a lot more sexy than 29 yo Megan Fox who always has the look in her face 'my IQ is under 10'. Eva mendes is hot. I have my doubts about how hot she would look in the morning though. You will find guys that like older woman. I have no doubt about that. But you will find the opposite a lot more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author An0nymiss666 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Share Posted November 17, 2015 My experience? Big deal. My previous partner was 12yrs younger, it's more likely to be a bigger problem for the older partner than the younger one. If you are over being silly, then I see no real compatibiity issues with that match. Late 30's - mid twenties, it's all the same life path trajectory. You're both orientated towards your careers, both probably got excessive drinking and partying out of your system by now. Both looking for stability to at least moving towards that. Many men don't even want to think about settling down until his age anyway, which could suit you depending on where you are at on he same subject. The biggest problem I had with my younger partner was that I just wasn't interested in the celebrity, look at me scene that he was. He was also more interested in settling down and having children than I was. Depends on the couple really. There hasn't been any serious discussion other than we don't really care what people say about us. We're both busy with work most of the time. We end up hanging out and drinking a bit in our free time, but we're on the same level. We're not crazy club people, and don't run around throwing up and blacking out in bars but we still enjoy a good night out (or in). So I think right now it'll be fine, we seem to be on the same page with everything, it might just be a matter of getting to know him more. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 It's not a big deal now but it will be later. When you hit 40 at the peak of your life he'll be 52 and on the decline. When you're 50 and be at the top of your game as a woman, still beautiful, still full of energy, he'll be 62. Women stay healthy and active much longer than men. To me there is more age-gap successful relationships when the woman is older. I am 50 yo and I don't see myself with a 62 yo man. What are you basing this huge generalisation on? I have no problem with age gaps, either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Just on the whole, ageing tangent. Both men and women look godawful if they go into their advancing years (past 40) still doing what they've always done about their health....zero. The human body, regardless of gender, can only take so much punishment. Forty years of bad habits is usually the limit before things start falling apart. Trouble is most people coast through their twenties thinking they're immortal and ageing is something that happens to their parents but never them. If they wait until they're 40, had a health scare or have some injuries before they start caring for the biodegradable packaging they're in, then the chances of pulling that back aren't good. I was lucky, I fixed my diet somewhere around 28yrs old and have maintained a very healthy way of eating ever since. I added daily exercise in the following few years and I've cut sugar completely and most processed food now too. The result is a huge slowdown on the biodegrading. If you then get a bit more proactive you can even reverse some of the more obvious signs of 'ageing' which are really just the obvious signs of a poor lifestyle. I think scientifically speaking, the human organism under ideal conditions is built to last around 120yrs. The fact we're dropping dead a lot sooner than that tends to indicate the conditions aren't ideal. But you can do a lot about that yourself. People who look after themselves age a hell of a lot better than those that don't. Genetic material plays a minor role only. I come from some of the worst genetic stock there is, but I'm looking pretty favourable standing next to 30yr olds. That's good enough for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I heard the general rule of thumb for dating age wise that actually kind of makes sense and for it to still work out is to halve the guy's age and +7...then that age should be the age the girl should be minimum for going out with said guy at x age. I've dated a few years younger than me, same age, and my wife is +1 year older than me (who actually happens to be the first person I've been with who is older). Personally for me, I feel like most successful relationships are those where the age gap is maximum a few years and better if it's around the same age. Though that gap may probably widen as both individuals get much older. But all in all, after my dating experiences I feel like while the idea of a guy dating a younger woman sounds good on paper..it isn't that practical in reality. Like others have said, the life experiences, stage/goals in life, maturity levels, really influence how compatible long-term you are. I do know 2 perfectly good examples of guys dating 10 years their junior in real life. Though they are an extreme example to me because the guys don't want to grow up and are mentally immature, hence the desire to date someone younger who doesn't want what a woman of the guy's age would want (kids, marriage, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 10 yrs or more age difference can matter. It depends on where you guys are in your life. A good friend of mine ...he has something like 12-14 yrs age difference with his wife. They are happy. On the flip side us a cousin of mine who married a guy about 10yrs younger. When they hit married she was in her early 40s. The concern potentially in my cousins marriage is the issue of wanting children. She didn't gave kids. This could be a regret on him if they don't have children and he wants to have a child. That is one of the issues with old woman snd younger jan is wanting of children. On the flip side like my friend he got married in his late 30s and had kids with his second wife. He had an older child from when he was younger (around 21-22). Biologically and want is easier than if he married so done in their mid 30s or older where she may not want kids or want more kids. The big factor will be how compatible are you in life snd what you want and like snd how much do you share in your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Age can be just a number OR it can make a huge difference. It's never always just a number. Age can often come with particular life experiences, life stages, various other variables that might make a big difference in dating, but you have to see where things gel and don't in your individual case. I've generally been into men 5-8 years older than me but I find that this was more common for me when I was younger and I think it was partly because when I was younger I wasn't thinking seriously about settling down so the nitty gritty of how it would work didn't matter (but it's also a smaller gap than a decade). I'm in my mid-late twenties and am thinking more seriously about marriage and kids and I find that in the last 3 years or so I've tended more towards men of a similar age as me and pretty much all the guys I've dated lately, both seriously and casually, have been either the same age or there has been no more than a 3 year age difference where they're 3 years older and one guy was a year younger. I find that being of similar age and life stages matters more to me now and seems to make more sense in where we'd be starting out. But again it's up to you to weigh in your situations what will and won't make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 All I can say is if the 40 year old+ women on tinder in my area are anything to go by, the Hollywood types are the exception rather than the rule. It is very common for the 40+ women round here to look like they have had a very hard innings in life. That being said when I myself am older I would be quite attracted to a 40 year old woman who is actually in shape and looks younger than her years, there is something really hot about that....but it is a real rarity. Plus I have not completely given up on having kids so for that reason (as I am sure a lot of men will agree) I will aim for early 30s until I am getting into my mid 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 All I can say is if the 40 year old+ women on tinder in my area are anything to go by, the Hollywood types are the exception rather than the rule. It is very common for the 40+ women round here to look like they have had a very hard innings in life. Yes I've found the same thing. Now maybe if I switch to looking for guys that age, they will also look like they had a hard innings. But all I can say is the women do. HOWEVER not all of them are like that by a long shot. I'm currently seeing a very hot sexy fit 40 yo woman. She's not obsessive about exercise or healthy eating, but she does enough of each to make a big difference. Never smoked, light drinker. Sleeps enough. Gets a little sun but not too much. People of both sexes can age a lot more gracefully if they put a bit of effort into it. And you feel a helluva lot better for it too. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 You are asking my opinion and here it is. When I was 33 I entered a relationship with a man that was 45. We were together 4 years. Our age gap had no meaning. We got along great, we liked the same things, we were active etc. Fast forward. I am now 50 and if I'd still be with him I'd have a boyfriend of 62 who gets annoyed at children's laughter and who falls asleep in front of tv at 8 pm. Sounds like you picked the wrong guy. I mean who falls asleep at 8pm in front of a tv? That's just a loser. It's more about the individuals than any one generalization. I'm far more physically fit and have more natural energy than at least 50% of 19 year olds. If we're just talking physically fit, more than 80% of 19 year olds. It's definitely down to the individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I've dated people 8-11 years older than me. It's very easy for someone older to think that he can patronise you or tell you how to live your life if you are younger. If the person is controlling it's not a very fulfilling experience. But it doesn't always happen that way. In the end it's all about how well you click with someone and how much he "feels" you and is open to you. Say something appreciative to him. If he really likes you, he'll be really happy - even if you do it a bit awkwardly. I can be kind of awkward when I'm falling for someone, in the sense that I want to share what I'm feeling but at the same time being shy about it. You can see if he's ready to be loved by you if your simplest verbal affection has a positive effect on him. Then you know that he doesn't see you as someone who's "younger" but really appreciates who you are and what you're feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I think 10 years can be a bigger deal with anyone in their 20s who is dating up man or woman. I think after 35 you are not growing and maturing in the same way, you have figured who you are at that point. People trying to have serious relationships with ppl in their mid 20s who are older and then complain about the partner's maturity is common on loveshack. I am also usually pretty weary of ppl who over 30 and are interested in dating women who are in their early 20s. There can be a huge power dynamic at play and it is common for ppl in their 30s to date down b/c it's "easier" and young women don't have as many expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I am also usually pretty weary of ppl who over 30 and are interested in dating women who are in their early 20s. There can be a huge power dynamic at play and it is common for ppl in their 30s to date down b/c it's "easier" and young women don't have as many expectations. What if a guy like me in his mid 30s falls for a woman in her mid 20s? Vice versa. Then what? I'm interested in women in that 24-29 range because of the desire to have a family someday. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years... he is 20 and I am 29. The biggest concern for age gap relationships, from all the reading I have read (I researched madly in the beginning because I felt crazy) is to find a way not to rob the other partner of their respective life phase experience. I think this is doubly important for the younger partner, if they are under 25, due to the fact they are still in the final stages of cognitive development and identity formation. I do my best to let my boyfriend make all his decisions and figure out his path on his own. We've had a few interesting third-party challenges (he dealt with an exploitative boss, his best friend was in love with him, he chose roommates from hell). I let him know how situations made me feel, but I never told him what to do. When he was ready to sever ties or put his foot down, he did, and he's learned from those challenges. It would have destroyed our relationship if I got in his face and told him what to do, acted like his mom, etc. Some of the AGRs I've read about that failed have failed due to an excessively controlling older partner. The age gap really isn't an issue for me, because my boyfriend is extremely independent, and naturally takes the lead. He's more headstrong than any of the other guys I've dated that were my age or older, and it makes me weak in the knees. As a woman, it's awesome to be pursued. He's amaaaaazing at listening to my feelings and supporting me emotionally. He's by my side for everything. Another problem I've seen in failed AGRs is when an older partner is excessively flattered by a younger person's affections, BUT the younger person behaves badly and the older partner consequently writes off abuse/taking advantage due to age. If you focus on healthy relationship dynamics, the relationship is going to be healthy. More than age roles, I found the greatest comfort in focusing on masculine/feminine polarity. I don't care how old my boyfriend is... He is THE MAN. I love it when he makes decisions, and I encourage him to do it. I look up to him. He's brilliant. He takes my emotions into consideration and tries to make the best decisions for us. Lots of relationships (period) fail when there's a power imbalance. So it all comes down to good, old-fashioned, healthy relationship skills. They will get you through almost any relationship. Beware of power games. There are a lot of positives to an age gap, too. I love my boyfriend's perspective. He's so tech savvy it's ridiculous. He learned to cook from me. I know every now and then I drop a kernel of wisdom that's life-altering, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 What if a guy like me in his mid 30s falls for a woman in her mid 20s? Vice versa. Then what? I'm interested in women in that 24-29 range because of the desire to have a family someday. Why can't you have a family with a woman in her 30s? Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Why can't you have a family with a woman in her 30s? Hard to meet a woman over 33 interested in having kids. I'm not against it, but the pool shrinks with women after 30. Link to post Share on other sites
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