How do I keep sexual thoughts about my co-workers out of my head while at work?

[MightyPen]

Okay, perhaps part of this is just me being a man (guys, if you can identify with my situation, tell me!) but for the past week or so, I've been ridiculously turned on and distracted by some of the women at work. And it's not like I work with a bunch of super models or anything. This is a pretty normal workplace.

 

And my thoughts have been all over the place but mostly focus on three of them...the hot 20-year-old in the yoga pants (see previous thread), the new rather curvy assistant who is extremely eager to please me, and even the 40ish office manger who has a nice body (but she smokes...so blagh!!)

 

I'm not looking for obvious advice like "don't flirt/touch/harass them!" I know that! I'm just looking for constructive advise as to how to deal with my mental distractions. And I had sex with my wife last night (sorry if TMI) so it's not like I'm starving for sex or anything. It's just my mental state that is all worked up.

[jen1447]

For highly sexual ppl it's almost impossible to push those thoughts out of your mind completely, but you can learn to just give them their own track or bandwidth so to speak. Multitasking I guess, haha. I don't know what kind of work you do but if it's sth that doesn't occupy the same region of the brain as your sexual reflections, the two can coexist successfully. I constantly think of sex (and fantasize about coworkers etc.) but I still get my work done bc I can do both at the same time, more or less.

 

I don't really like the idea of a toxic sort of response to a problem like this (where you 'eliminate' the sexual thoughts forex), seems unhealthy to me.

[Redfisher]

I save it up and pound the hell outta the girlfriend when I get home...Haha.

[MightyPen]

For highly sexual ppl it's almost impossible to push those thoughts out of your mind completely, but you can learn to just give them their own track or bandwidth so to speak. Multitasking I guess, haha. I don't know what kind of work you do but if it's sth that doesn't occupy the same region of the brain as your sexual reflections, the two can coexist successfully. I constantly think of sex (and fantasize about coworkers etc.) but I still get my work done bc I can do both at the same time, more or less.

 

I don't really like the idea of a toxic sort of response to a problem like this (where you 'eliminate' the sexual thoughts forex), seems unhealthy to me.

 

 

Thanks for the decidedly non-toxic response!

 

Yeah I've been pretty much doing the "different tracks" approach although I've also been making deals with myself in my head where I'm like, "Mighty, focus entiiiiiiirely on work for the next 45 minutes and kick ass, and then you have permission to sit at your desk and fantasize about Miss So-and-So for the next 15."

[MightyPen]

I save it up and pound the hell outta the girlfriend when I get home...Haha.

 

 

Well I did that yesterday...with my wife, I mean. My girlfriend wasn't available. I kid! I kid!

 

And you get a 'like' simply because of your signature. It's awesome.

[Gloria25]

I'm just wondering if you have all this "sexual energy" directed towards your female co-workers cuz you ended your EA and now you're just putting that sexual energy towards "any" female in your proximity/AO.

 

Ever ponder/consider that?

 

I mean, it pretty much proves my point about your EA is that you weren't attracted to your female "friend" cuz of "intellectual" stimulation, but cuz of other reasons. Not saying that your female friends ability to banter with you wasn't a reason you two connected and developed an attraction, but saying that it's not the only reason you wanted her in your life so bad.

 

Just wondering now, did your female friend mean a thing to you, or was it just the attention she gave you? Or, you miss her so much that you're hyper-sexualizing by being turned on by other women that you normally wouldn't even give a times day to?

Edited November 18, 2015 by Gloria25

[katielee]

I'm not so sure I'd want to be used for release of the sexual energy my husband had for a coworker. Ick.

[Redfisher]

I'm not so sure I'd want to be used for release of the sexual energy my husband had for a coworker. Ick.

 

I somewhat understand, Really though as long as the guy does not tell you or call you a different name...Just enjoy the fun.

[katielee]

So Red, it'd be on if your SO did this with you?

[GunslingerRoland]

So Red, it'd be on if your SO did this with you?

 

I can't speak for any other guys, but I'd have no problem with my wife being horny from checking out other guys and "taking it out" on me.

[MightyPen]

I'm just wondering if you have all this "sexual energy" directed towards your female co-workers cuz you ended your EA and now you're just putting that sexual energy towards "any" female in your proximity/AO.

 

Ever ponder/consider that?

 

I mean, it pretty much proves my point about your EA is that you weren't attracted to your female "friend" cuz of "intellectual" stimulation, but cuz of other reasons. Not saying that your female friends ability to banter with you wasn't a reason you two connected and developed an attraction, but saying that it's not the only reason you wanted her in your life so bad.

 

Just wondering now, did your female friend mean a thing to you, or was it just the attention she gave you? Or, you miss her so much that you're hyper-sexualizing by being turned on by other women that you normally wouldn't even give a times day to?

 

 

Gloria, I think that my ending the EA did contribute to my current situation. My AP was definitely my "go to" woman for the past year...I focused a huge percentage of my dirty thoughts on her, especially during the work day. It really spiced up many of our days!

 

 

However, I didn't mention any of this in the OP because I figured no one was going to say, "Well then, Mighty, just start things up again with her! At least that way your naughty thoughts will be focused on her instead of your poor female co-workers."

[MightyPen]

I can't speak for any other guys, but I'd have no problem with my wife being horny from checking out other guys and "taking it out" on me.

 

 

I'm not sure how many men HAVEN'T had sex with a woman while fantasizing about another?!? 1%?!? Fewer??

[jen1447]

I'm not sure how many men HAVEN'T had sex with a woman while fantasizing about another?!? 1%?!? Fewer??

 

Not just men.

[Gloria25]

Gloria, I think that my ending the EA did contribute to my current situation. My AP was definitely my "go to" woman for the past year...I focused a huge percentage of my dirty thoughts on her, especially during the work day. It really spiced up many of our days!

 

 

However, I didn't mention any of this in the OP because I figured no one was going to say, "Well then, Mighty, just start things up again with her! At least that way your naughty thoughts will be focused on her instead of your poor female co-workers."

 

Well, when I respond to a post/thread I sorta look at the bigger picture. So, while you didn't mention certain things in this particular OP, I still went fishing for it anyways cuz when I respond to a thread/post, I believe I'm best helping when I give the person a full and complete analysis of the situation rather than the current issue at hand.

 

So, to answer your question on how to keep these sexual thoughts out of your mind? I don't know what to tell you cuz I guess you and I can agree that these thoughts may have come up since your EA ended.

 

Does that mean you should go back to your EA/"friend"? I don't know and that's not my decision to make for you, but I think your EA and current hypersexualization at work is probably a symptom of a bigger problem here. For some reason you need attention/stimulation outside of your marriage.

 

So, its up to you if you just wanna indulge this desire for attention/stimulation - which may end up with you in bed with someone at some point if you don't get a handle on it; OR, maybe do some deep introspection and/or counseling to see why you need this attention/stimulation and why you can't get it from your wife, AND if ANY woman could ever satisfy it (cuz let's say you leave your wife, will the next woman satisfy you?).

 

Your thread makes me sad cuz I wonder if dude I was into really was into "me" or the attention I gave him. Sucks if he wasn't into "me"

[Gloria25]

I'm not sure how many men HAVEN'T had sex with a woman while fantasizing about another?!? 1%?!? Fewer??

 

Well, I think that only happened to me barely one, two times.

 

But, I just wanna put you in your wife's shoes here. I wouldn't want a guy to be having sex with me if on the regular he's thinking about other women - as if I'm a blow-up doll with a pulse. I mean, what we don't know won't hurt us, and a bit of fantasizing here/there is normal but I don't know, if you're always thinking about other women when having sex with your wife ever wonder "why" you're with her in the first place?

 

I don't know, whatever works for you...all I know if I was your woman and knew you were thinking of other women while having sex with me on the regular, I'd be devastated.

[Got it]

Maybe you need to have a heavier workload. I have no idea, with my job and duties how I have a moment to breath let alone let my imagination run rampant.

 

Start seeing them as people than sexual objects.

[Redfisher]

So Red, it'd be on if your SO did this with you?

 

Hell yes....I have taken advantage of movie nights with actors the old lady loves....SOA was always good for a throw down.

[Redfisher]

Well, I think that only happened to me barely one, two times.

 

But, I just wanna put you in your wife's shoes here. I wouldn't want a guy to be having sex with me if on the regular he's thinking about other women - as if I'm a blow-up doll with a pulse. I mean, what we don't know won't hurt us, and a bit of fantasizing here/there is normal but I don't know, if you're always thinking about other women when having sex with your wife ever wonder "why" you're with her in the first place?

 

I don't know, whatever works for you...all I know if I was your woman and knew you were thinking of other women while having sex with me on the regular, I'd be devastated.

 

Indeed, Once and a while is cool, But yeah not everytime...

[LuckyLady13]

MightyPen, your posts have left me wondering why you're allowing yourself to think about your coworkers this way. Your job is for work. Not daydreaming and fantasizing about women and if your boss finds out you're wasting this much time fantasizing about your coworkers, you may be looking for work.

 

You said yourself you're making deals with yourself to work 45 mins, then give yourself "permission" to goof off for 15?

 

I hope you're either very young (would explain a lot) or you spent 20 years in prison and just got out.

 

Gloria mentioned you had an EA too. Maybe you're not going to be able to discipline yourself enough to think about work while you're at work but it sounds like you shouldn't be married so then, at least, you can give yourself "permission" to fantasize about other women all you want and feel free to act upon your fantasies.

 

If you want to stay married, that alone should be enough to stop you from constantly fantasizing about women you aren't married to, to the point of obsession. Why isn't your marriage a good enough reason? Or your job?

 

You just don't sound like you're taking any aspect of your life seriously and you may start losing the things you don't care too much about.

[casey.lives]

i always find that thinking about a person on a whole helps. like for example: nice legs.. nice shoes.. did you walk or did your husband drive you this morning? 15 yrs of marriage.. wow.. my last relationship lasted 2 yrs.. oh yeah that autistic narcissist..lol. SEX THOUGHTS OVER! lol

[MightyPen]

i always find that thinking about a person on a whole helps. like for example: nice legs.. nice shoes.. did you walk or did your husband drive you this morning? 15 yrs of marriage.. wow.. my last relationship lasted 2 yrs.. oh yeah that autistic narcissist..lol. SEX THOUGHTS OVER! lol

 

 

 

Casey, thanks for a response that actually helped and gave me an actual technique to incorporate.

 

To other folks - if you are going to just criticize me or just say "stop thinking about women like that!" then don't respond. Those sorts of replies are nonresponsive to my OP.

 

I asked for specific ideas/techniques to help me deal with/minimize the thoughts. I did not ask for you to beat me up because I have the thoughts in the first place.

[xxoo]

It's nothing more than self-discipline. You can not hold two thoughts at the same time. Diligently replace inappropriate thoughts with focused, productive work thoughts. Rinse and repeat.

 

Hell yes....I have taken advantage of movie nights with actors the old lady loves....SOA was always good for a throw down.

 

Ah, Jax Teller

 

Yes, that show was good for our marital bed

[Got it]

Who criticizing you? I think some valid points were made that may need to be looked at from the 15,000 foot level than in the weeds. Little is done in a vacuum.

 

Okay, want thought control, every time you have an inappropriate thought, snap a rubber band on your wrist to redirect.

 

It is about self discipline so it is up to you to control your thoughts. When they come up, find a way that works best for you to redirect them. I do think learning to see women as more than sexual objects would go a long way in this manner as right now they are being viewed at as different sex pieces.

 

If this is an anomaly for you, then it may be worth heading to the doctors to see if there is something off/different for you and that may be playing a factor in this.

 

If it is due to boredom allowing your mind to wander, then find productive items to fill your time. Maybe you need to be challenged more in your job/life?

[LuckyLady13]

If you want to stay married, that alone should be enough to stop you from constantly fantasizing about women you aren't married to, to the point of obsession. Why isn't your marriage a good enough reason? Or your job?

 

Your original question was "How do I keep sexual thoughts about my co-workers out of my head while at work?"

 

1 - Take your job seriously or find a job you can take seriously.

 

2 - Consider the fact that you've already had an EA and you may end your marriage if you don't stop fantasizing about other women obsessively.

 

3 - Seriously pursue finding a job where you will work with strictly men.

 

4 - Seek professional help since you seem to not be able to control your own thoughts.

 

5 - Speak to your boss about being transferred.

[xxoo]

When changing a habit, it's important to have a plan. Have a plan for when you find yourself indulging in sexual thoughts about your coworkers. Maybe have a list of important projects that you want to tackle during your free time at work. When your mind drifts....pull out the list. Put your mind to productive use.