Bf got back in touch with ex. believe him that they're just friends. still jealous

[Coraline]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and are serious about each other. I love him wholeheartedly. We live together, have pets together and talk about the future (marriage, babies, etc.) I trust him and don't think he would cheat on me.

 

But then he started talking to his ex and it's making me really irritable and jealous. Am I overreacting?

 

I think I'm a pretty accepting person (within reason). I'm aware that he has had several ex-girlfriends and while it stings at first to think about them, I do eventually get over it when I realize it was in his past and we didn't even know each other then.

 

He is not in touch with the majority of them. Most he would never contact, but would acknowledge if seen in public or occasionally answer a text or call that came once in a blue moon. One is a close family friend that we see at get-togethers and parties and they are fine with each other but don't intentionally communicate outside of that environment. Very acceptable in my opinion.

 

The difference with this latest ex-gf situation is that they had been friends for years before going out and still have many friends in common. She was his last "serious" girlfriend before me and they had basically been avoiding each other and not speaking for years since their break up.

 

A couple of months ago they got back in touch. My bf heard through their common friends that she was going through a rough time and he reached out to her. I think they felt that enough time had passed and that they had both moved on so it would be okay. (she also has a serious boyfriend who she has been with for about 3 years) Their friends had previously been having to awkwardly hang out with each of them separately instead of doing a large group. So I get it and I want to be cool about it since they were friends for a long time and maybe want to still be friends.

 

 

But lately they have been texting non-stop and it's making me really uncomfortable. It's all pretty innocent, but the amount that they communicate is really what I find unsettling. I didn't realize how often they were communicating until recently and I'm having a hard time getting through it. They text everyday, throughout the day, morning noon, and night, joking and bantering and sending pictures and talking about video games mostly. That seems like way to f*cking much right? Or am I being crazy? I get that they have a lot in common and are catching up and he's probably just excited to be talking to her again after all this time, but sh*t! Also, I'm not a gamer but they both are so a lot of the conversation is about whatever games they are playing and they have all these old jokes and stories about gaming and talk about whatever latest game came out and I pretty much just feel left out and like they have their own little secret world that I'm not a part of.

 

I've met her in person too and it was alright. I prefer it that way because they can still hang out but I feel more included and am aware of what's going on. I thought when they got back in contact it would be like they could just start hanging out again with all their friends and maybe texting once in a while and I'd be fine with it. I was not planning to be having dinner with my boyfriend and hear his text alert go off 10 times in a row, all from her. At 7am, first thing when we wake up, when we're grocery shopping, 100s of times at work I'm sure that I don't know about...

 

I'm trying not to be jealous, but it's really hard when she keeps popping up way more than I am comfortable with.. I'm trying to be an understanding girlfriend, but this is getting to be way too much.

 

 

Help

What do you think? Just a chatty friend who has gaming interests in common? Or I am within reason to be feeling insecure and upset?

Have you ever had anything like this happen? What did you do?

[Redfisher]

I think its way off base and would not like it, You should tell him the truth about how it makes you feel. I cannot see any good coming from him doing this.

[hippychick3]

This would not be okay with me. At all.

 

He's putting too much energy into the newfound "friendship" with her. I would be very uncomfortable with that level of contact. He is acting like a single guy.

[d0nnivain]

I wouldn't be crazy about the constant contact. Once in a while maybe. DH puts up with the fact that every couple of months I run into my grad school EX at a work event. It can't be helped . We say hi how you doing & wander away. When my parents died, he hugged me in sympathy but that was probably the most physical contact we'd had in 20 years. We absolutely do not communicate in between the times we bump into each other.

 

Organize a double date: you & your BF plus his EX & her BF. Keep an eye n them. Teasingly mention the texting. . . See how her BF reacts.

[MovingOnIsHard]

I wouldn't be crazy about the constant contact. Once in a while maybe. DH puts up with the fact that every couple of months I run into my grad school EX at a work event. It can't be helped . We say hi how you doing & wander away. When my parents died, he hugged me in sympathy but that was probably the most physical contact we'd had in 20 years. We absolutely do not communicate in between the times we bump into each other.

 

Organize a double date: you & your BF plus his EX & her BF. Keep an eye n them. Teasingly mention the texting. . . See how her BF reacts.

 

Mhmm. I would be interested how she reacts when asked to do double date.

[Timshel]

Sorry Coraline. No way this will end well for you. He is not done playing. When a man is serious about a woman, this kind of nonsense does not happen.

Move out, take him off your heart, he is done with you. You have become the equivalent of the couch in your living room.

 

Tell me I am wrong dudes.

 

Dump him.

[Lois_Griffin]

I have lifelong friends that I'm close with.

 

I don't text them all day and all night long.

 

And if I had an ex that I was suddenly texting ALL day and ALL night long, my husband would toss me out the front door right on my ass. And I would deserve it.

 

Sure, you can cry and moan to him that it's unacceptable, and they'll just find another to stay in touch and be more sneaky about it and start hiding it from you is all.

 

I see exactly where THIS is going.

[Redfisher]

I have lifelong friends that I'm close with.

 

I don't text them all day and all night long.

 

And if I had an ex that I was suddenly texting ALL day and ALL night long, my husband would toss me out the front door right on my ass. And I would deserve it.

 

Sure, you can cry and moan to him that it's unacceptable, and they'll just find another to stay in touch and be more sneaky about it and start hiding it from you is all.

 

I see exactly where THIS is going.

 

Yep, You'll say something...He will take it underground....An affair will happen.

[Coraline]

Thanks for the pep talk guys. I know I have been needing to confront this and tell him how I feel but I've just been terrified.

 

I was planning on doing it tonight when it happened again, but surprisingly his phone didn't go off once. Or maybe it was on silent if he's noticed that I've finally picked up on what's going on.

 

I'll try to bring it up again tonight whether or not she texts. I've not always been the best at communicating, but it's crossed a line now where I have to say something. I think he's noticed that something is bothering me because I've been kind of depressed lately.

 

Most of me is still thinking and hoping that it's nothing. Just that they used to be best friends and now that they are back in contact they are falling right back into the level of communication they used to have before. And I'm wishing it would just wither out on its own and that if she has been starting it he was just being his friendly self and responding... I just didn't want to come off as that controlling gf who tells her bf he can never have any female friends and he resents her for it.

 

But I'm coming to realize that this amount of contact in his life from an EX is not respectful to our relationship. Just scared about what it means if he doesn't see it the same way.

 

Ugggghhhhh.

[Redfisher]

Don't you dare start to waffle or be wishy washy....Stand up

[Spectre]

There is no reason for him to be talking to any ex's. They are exes for a reason. Tell him it needs to stop or you are gone.

[nmarie86]

I have the same issue... whether they are friends of his that happen to be women, or women he used to date... the constant flirting and teasing drive me crazy too! At some pointr, you have to say, exes aren't your friends. You dated, it didn't work out, you have no other commonalities or common friends, so there's no need for it. Hope this helps! Maybe i'll learn to take my own advice lol.