grabaka Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I have a friend/co-worker that texts me me daily....which has been going on since April. Keep in mind I am 32 years old and she is 40 years old. In the beginning the texts where more frequent I believe because we didnt really know each other all to well and it was rather exciting. Now their more a long the lines of hey how are you and simple banter. Our texts have never been of the sexual nature at all....at the most it has been mentioned what it would have been like if we dated in.. which she said we would have been a great couple. We used to be in the same office building, but now I am in another building and rarely see her. She calls me her "bestie" as in best friend, and I think she genuinely cares about me. She also says the next time she see's me she wants me to hug her cause she loves my hugs and misses them. I guess my real question is is she interested? Does she have "more than friends" feelings for me or am a "bestie". See I have other female friends who are like sisters to me and they dont text me daily....heck none of my friends text me daily. Now you ready for the clincher?.......She's married. Also she never texts me on the weekends. Please give honest opinions...dont judge...Im not trying to get involved in an affair. I just want to know if she truly sees me as a best friend, or if she has feelings or an attachment to me so I know whats going on and how to handle the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 She's using you as an emotional crutch. While I don't really believe in EA's this woman is looking for something from you that she isn't getting from her husband & he'd be upset if he found out. I would deescalate your contact with her but take her at her word that all she wants is for you to be her "bestie" & she's not looking to physically cheat on her husband. Whatever she's doing, there is nothing good or healthy in this situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 She's married. The fact you have to come here to ask is a bad sign. Stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grabaka Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 She's married. The fact you have to come here to ask is a bad sign. Stay away. Yes she is married, but a person should be able to have friends whether married or not. I am trying to see if she see's it as just friends, or if not does she have feelings for me because my gut says maybe she does have feelings. I dont want to jump the gun and assume she does when she does not and ruin a good friendship and look like an ass. Like I said we talk everyday and nothing sexual has ever been said at all. At the most she says I really miss my friend and need a hug when she sees me again. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Of course married people can have opposite sex friends. Maybe her feelings are friendly & maybe they are more. Either way she has crossed a line because she is spending too much time chatting with you & not enough nurturing her marriage. Even if she does want to have an affair with you, why do you want to go down that tortured road? Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Yes she is married, but a person should be able to have friends whether married or not. I am trying to see if she see's it as just friends, or if not does she have feelings for me because my gut says maybe she does have feelings. I dont want to jump the gun and assume she does when she does not and ruin a good friendship and look like an ass. Like I said we talk everyday and nothing sexual has ever been said at all. At the most she says I really miss my friend and need a hug when she sees me again. First you say you don't want to be in an affair but then you come back around and say you're worried you'll ruin a friendship by 'jumping the gun' (i.e; making a move on a married woman). You're stepping around technicalities and using them as an excuse. You wouldn't care if she had feelings that are more than friends towards you unless you did as well when you say things like you just did. Im not trying to get involved in an affair. and then suddenly Yes she is married, but a person should be able to have friends whether married or not. [...]my gut says maybe she does have feelings. I dont want to jump the gun and assume she does when she does not and ruin a good friendship and look like an ass. Just be honest, geeze. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grabaka Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 First you say you don't want to be in an affair but then you come back around and say you're worried you'll ruin a friendship by 'jumping the gun' (i.e; making a move on a married woman). You're stepping around technicalities and using them as an excuse. You wouldn't care if she had feelings that are more than friends towards you unless you did as well when you say things like you just did. and then suddenly Just be honest, geeze. Your right I need to be honest....So here I'll admit it, I dont want to be douche bag and cease talking to her because I assume she wants to have an affair....especially when nothing along those lines have ever been said and therefore coming off like a complete idiot when I cease speaking to her cause I assume things. Nope sorry dont work that way! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 You don't have to stop talking to her. You just have to talk to her less, especially during non-work hours. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Your right I need to be honest....So here I'll admit it, I dont want to be douche bag and cease talking to her because I assume she wants to have an affair....especially when nothing along those lines have ever been said and therefore coming off like a complete idiot when I cease speaking to her cause I assume things. Nope sorry dont work that way! d0nnivan has the right idea. The problem is, is that she may want one. Follow her advice and it'll become apparent when you keep it professional. Link to post Share on other sites
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