My boyfriend called me a 'nobody' in an argument...

[Emily_Umpire]

So yeh, the title says it all- we were arguing and he was very drunk and told me that i am a nobody! He said he has dated doctors, models, etc. in the past but that i'm nothing, a nobody!

 

since then he has apologized, blamed it on him being completely intoxicated and told me that he only said it to hurt my feelings and that he was 'playing on my insecurities'

 

to be honest, if he had called me 'ugly' or 'fat' i don't think it would have hurt me as much, maybe as i don't think i am either of those things haha. but to say 'a nobody' it really hurt, it has shattered my confidence.

 

i admit, i have a bit of an inferiority complex as i am very ordinary, i'm not attention seeking, i'm not popular or 'known', i'm not a doctor or a model, i'm from a working class background and him saying 'nobody' just made me feel even worse. because deep down i know he is abit of a show-off and that 'status' is important to him so maybe deep down i think that he meant it.

 

he is grovelling back now, apologising, said the argument got out of hand, blamed the alcohol, but those words are now stuck in my head and have cut deep.

 

what should i do? i feel worthless

[jen1447]

Is there any history of marginalizing you or putting you down before? If not and this is an isolated incident, I think he's actually being remarkably honest and forthcoming about what he was doing bc it sounds completely true. Usually when ppl insult other ppl it's their own insecurity talking. I realize the words can hurt, but they should have less sting when you understand they're more about him than you. He wanted you to feel bad, so he could just as easily have said any other inane thing.

 

As to what to do, tell him in no uncertain terms to knock that sh*t off in the future and that you won't tolerate it. Also maybe avoid getting "completely intoxicated" - that never leads to anything good.

[Gloria25]

I've heard a saying in Spanish that sorta goes like 'A drunk doesn't eat his own poop'. In other words, while alcohol lowers inhibitions and loosens the tongue a bit, people do/say what really was on their mind.

 

He meant what he said and alcohol gave him the courage to actually come out and say it.

 

Now you gotta decide if you wanna stick around for this.

[GunslingerRoland]

This is why you don't say things in an argument attempting to hurt people, because they will work and you can't take them back.

 

 

If this was a one time thing, I'd probably try to get over it. But if this is what happens when you guys get in a disagreement regularly, I'd leave personally.

[stillafool]

Deep down he feels he's lowered his standards by being with you compared to the model and doctor. I would free him up to go find someone he feels is his equal.

[Wewon]

This is one of those situations when you have to consider the character behind the act.

 

People argue and do stupid things but this stood out to me:

 

since then he has apologized, blamed it on him being completely intoxicated and told me that he only said it to hurt my feelings and that he was 'playing on my insecurities'

 

If this is his way of 'getting drunk' or what he does when he's heated (I don't know what the argument was about) I see this as a character issue. Noticing this is far more important than calling you a 'nobody'.

 

There will be future arguments and conflict, will his goto position be to tear you down on such a fundamental level?

 

Its been my experience that character will keep making repeat appearances but in different ways.

[No Limit]

I'd get away from him. Intentionally making direct shots at others' insecurities is the starting point for many abusive people. Besides - why stick with someone who thinks you to be a consolation prize? It's far better to be with a "nobody" than a fool.

[BlueIris]

in vino veritas

 

The words could not have come out unless the thought existed.

 

Move on to someone who appreciates you. He IS out there.

[loveflower]

Now I know it's better to be with somebody who is my rank than someone outside of my league...Life is easier that way.

[Popsicle]

He is mean and thinks he's better than you so, no. He sounds like a future abuser.

[Samhain]

Sounds like he has delusions of grandeur to me. If to him it's the social caliber of people he dates who define who he is then it's certainly him with the insecurities not you.

 

And what makes people with high paying jobs/public roles a somebody anyway? Human nature is human nature drs and lawyers can be a******* too with just as much baggage and as many bad traits as anybody else on the planet.

 

If he knows you already got insecurities and he says mean things to "play on them" then he is possibly not a good guy and may end up slowly chipping away at you over time and then escalate to more abusive things so I'd be very careful what you disregard and what you allow.

[oldshirt]

Alcohol doesn't make you dream up hurtful and mean things to say or do. It lowers the inhibitions that keep people from saying or doing what's already on their mind.

 

 

The fact that he said he wanted to hurt you in your soft spot says volumes.