Wives who like to control

[jen1447]

Hmm, I think you have the meaning of pussy whipped mixed up! What you described is just kind and loving things a husband does for his wife.

 

Everything except carrying her bag. That's a major no-no, bc you're reduced to 'carry b*tch' when you do that. It's diff than carrying groceries or sth heavy and whatnot, it's carrying an easily carriable thing that represents her femininity, entirely for her convenience, at the expense of your masculinity. You might as well symbolically put your penis in the bag too and zip it up, bc that's what you're communicating to everyone around you - that her feminine will and identity overwhelms yours to the point that you function as a mule to prop hers up.

 

Srsly, don't ever do that except for a few moments if it's really necessary. She can carry her own bag just fine 99.9% of the time.

[beatcuff]

OP stop with the symptoms and/or being worried what others think --- tell us why YOU are NOW concerned about this.

[sandylee1]

I agree with Jen. ... The purse carrying is a big no no.

Everything else is fine.

 

I love my husband to open the car door for me and he does. It's one of the things I loved when we were dating.

 

I like controlling our holiday accommodation... I think I choose better.

But we jointly decide on furniture and white goods.

 

My husband is uncontrollable.... but I can get my way by using my feminine charm.

 

But I would not loose respect based on what you've said...just stop carrying her purse...not cool.

[Gaumab12]

My wife makes the final decisions on many things, i.e., kids, where we go for dinner, etc. She has control issues. She is the head of the household.

 

However, this is the key to making sure she does not lose respect for you. Make sure you do all the hard leg work and provide her with alternatives. She then makes the final decision. Trust me, the leg work is the hardest part. Making the decision is easy.

 

I also do all the cleaning, cooking and a lot of the kids stuff. But the reason is not that I am a wimp it is because I am better at it. So not only am I Mr. Mom but also pay most of the financial expenses. My wife tells me many times she would be lost without me, and she means it because it is true.

Edited November 19, 2015 by Gaumab12

[wed4ever]

Everything except carrying her bag. That's a major no-no, bc you're reduced to 'carry b*tch'.......

Srsly, don't ever do that except for a few moments if it's really necessary. She can carry her own bag just fine 99.9% of the time.

 

I was using that as an example. I don't, and never have done that. But its good you said that because its something I would have most likely tried. Now I know!

 

But can't a woman open her own car door 99.9% of the time too? I'm sure you will explain why its different. My wife has specifically stated that she loves it when I open the car door for her and wishes I would do it more.

 

The more I read this thread and think about it, I think I'm beginning to understand the issue is that I'm totally UN-romantic. I don't think I need to worry about over-doing it at this point. It would just be moving myself into the realm of normalcy. ?

[OldRover]

Everything except carrying her bag. That's a major no-no, bc you're reduced to 'carry b*tch' when you do that. It's diff than carrying groceries or sth heavy and whatnot, it's carrying an easily carriable thing that represents her femininity, entirely for her convenience, at the expense of your masculinity. You might as well symbolically put your penis in the bag too and zip it up, bc that's what you're communicating to everyone around you - that her feminine will and identity overwhelms yours to the point that you function as a mule to prop hers up.

 

Srsly, don't ever do that except for a few moments if it's really necessary. She can carry her own bag just fine 99.9% of the time.

 

Jen,

If you mean her handbag (purse) absolutely a no no, unless there's a really good reason, like digging into her pockets to get money and pay for my dinner, then I'll hold it <g>.

 

Now if you mean luggage, I ALWAYS carry the luggage, unless there is just too much, then she carries.

 

As for opening a door, absolutely I want to do that for her... it's romantic at times. That (and a lot of other things that men specifically do for women) is part of male/female romance, which usually works very well.

[OldRover]

Well, everyone is an individual, so I think its hard to really generalize what two individuals will do in their relationship.

 

Here are some things I have noticed about MY relationship, maybe it will relate to yours, maybe it won’t.

 

I wear the pants, that’s just the kind of person I am. From the time I was young, I was often “the leader” among my group of friends growing up, always directed the group projects in college, professionally I am a project manager, part of my daily routine is to direct others, and make decisions.

 

Add to that, at home, I am the “bread winner”, I manage the money, and I don’t want any big purchases made without my input.

 

Has this made me lose respect for my guy? In some ways, I think it has. At this point, when it comes down to it, he is more dependent on me, than I am on him. This is definitely something that has progressed over time… I don’t belittle him, and he has total freedom when it comes to his career, how he wants to spend his time etc.

 

Sexually? Again, I am usually in charge…. From initiating to calling the shots. There was one point in time at I relished in the control. But now? Oh geees, I would love nothing more for him to take that power away from me and just F’ me already. I am victim of my own devises I guess.

 

I think my relationship would be better if the scales were tipped more equally.

 

Recent,

 

Wow, you would probably be a lot of fun to be with, but certainly a challenge. While I like my woman to have some control, I want the final say if there's a draw, and I DO wear the pants in the family. However, there are some things that are just hers.... the kitchen, "her" spending for personal items, her work, etc., unless it totally conflicts with mine (and I'd better have a pretty good reason.

 

As for the bedroom, I'm totally convinced that the man should usually take charge, with the goal of making his woman happy, and meeting her needs. But some specifics, and times should be totally the man, and the woman submissive.... and occasionally that works in reverse, too, but not the majority of time.

 

Now, along with wearing the pants and heading the family comes the responsibility, which I'll take anytime. Generally, I feel men want that position. But, if couples can make it work opposite to that, and are happy, more power to them... just not my thing.

[lolablue17]

But can't a woman open her own car door 99.9% of the time too? I'm sure you will explain why its different. My wife has specifically stated that she loves it when I open the car door for her and wishes I would do it more. ?

 

I,ll use that example to explain my view: I think the things that keep good long loving marriage, are the wishes that aren't always fulfilled.

T

he example - Your wife wishes you to open her own car door, to do it more. . I advice you to not doing it more. Because if you do it constantly, she will start taking it for granted. She will be no more excited about it, she will see it as a thing she deserves, and in time you will stop getting any credit for it.

 

Your wife's wishes, are the thing that will keep your marriage. So, you should remember to always supply her more things to wish for. If you give it all, she will stop wishing. How can she wish for something she already has?

[jen1447]

But can't a woman open her own car door 99.9% of the time too? I'm sure you will explain why its different. My wife has specifically stated that she loves it when I open the car door for her and wishes I would do it more.

 

Opening doors is a courtesy, and actually more of a gesture than anything else most of the time. That's why women like it - it shows that you value and respect them, outwardly. Carrying a woman's bag (handbag, purse) on the other hand is a service, albeit an unnecessary one. Women who make men carry their bags don't like it bc it's an outward show of value/respect, they like it bc they don't want to carry their own f*cking bag. The fact that it's unnecessary reduces it to a convenience-based service, and that fact (as well as the nature of what you're carrying - a symbol of femininity as opposed to a manly thing like a sack of fertilizer) reduces the provider to the role of asexual butler. And the fact that you'd willingly do, given all that, makes you look like a pussy.

[Almond_Joy]

The more I think about/revisit the purse thing, the more I believe it may be launched, in some cases (not this one, don't know enough about your wife to imply anything malicious), as a test by manipulative women.

 

Flowers and candy and compliments are all forms of expressing appreciation or affection, integral to a healthy relationship.

 

Having someone hold your accessory when you are perfectly capable of holding it yourself or carrying a practically sized accessory so you don't have trouble with it? Different ball game and what's the message there? "You have nothing better to do, you're supposed to stay at my beck and call while I leisurely roam wherever for however long I feel like in this store." Women don't ask their girlfriends to hold their purse for undetermined amounts of time while their hands are free do they? I haven't seen it.

 

Sorry purse holding's a pet peeve for me. Unless I'm carrying something with two hands and the purse is delicate or strappy I can handle it myself. And if I can't that's my bad, not a problem to be transferred to my boo. Ugh.

 

The other things she's asking for sound like gestures of affection....so maybe she wants more of that? And if you love her and she makes you feel loved and cherished, there's nothing shameful about making your woman feel cherished. If that's what she wants and needs and you can give it to her, then what other people think when they see that is irrelevant.

[sandylee1]

There's a nice feeling with a man opening the car door for you.... although I can do this myself. My husband does it when we are out without the kids... it's lovely. No way would I want him carrying my handbag... suitcase?

 

It's not about not being able to do it for yourself....it's just nice if your spouse does it for you. I can buy flowers for myself.. but when he buys them it's different.

 

These are little things for the one you love really...... and if you don't do them...... any of them..resentment builds over time and they slip away.