Quiet-One Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 My bf and I have been together for almost 5 yrs. About 1 yr. ago I found out that he is subscribing to several dating sites. He uses different profiles, with different occupations, ages, and locations. What is he doing?! He is listed on a wide range of sites...from the mild to swingers! I've talked to him about this, but he says it is not him. On sites where he has posted a photo, you can tell where he has altered the image, and there are even nude photos of him on the extreme sites. Other than this obsession he has, he is a nice man. I find myself searching for him on these sites, which I know is not a good thing for me to do. I'm so worried that he may/or has met someone thru these sites. I'm hurting..... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Until you get some solid proof, he will continue to gaslight you. As long as he knows there is uncertainty, he will exploit that. Just make a note of the sites, and gather together everything until you find the one thing that nails him down. It won't be easy, as he will just take greater measures to hide what he's doing. Is he doing this on your home computer, or outside computers? Do you have any tech-savvy friends there to help you out? I read about one woman who caught someone by replying to a personal, inviting him for an IM chat and then printing out what they talked about and confronted him with it. I don't know if something like that would work - and it would take some planning and savvy to pull off. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Quiet, This is what my bf did when we were dating. He was online looking for women and I didn't know it. You did say he posted photos of himself - that is proof right? Can you tell the photo is him or is it altered too much? I didn't understand why he denies that being him if his picture is right there in black and white in his profile even though sounds like he's lied about himself. 5 years is a long time to have invested in this relationship for him to be "looking". I assume that you think your relationship is exclusive. Does your bf think it is? Does he think it would be ok for you to date other men if he is looking to date other women? When I went through the devastation at finding out my bf was cheating behind my back with women online, I went to a counselor. She asked me if we were in a committed relationship at the time he was "dating others." I told her I thought we were and I'm sure he did too because I asked him how he would have felt if I had dated other men at the same time I dated him. He said he would not have been happy. She said we should have sat down and laid down the ground rules - I didn't agree that I had to "verbally" tell him we are in a committed relationship. I just knew from where our relationship was going. So I'm assuming your bf is considering you two to be in a committed relationship, he just doesn't want you to know about his fun on the side. My bf also lied to other women he chatted with about his personal life, etc. I caught up with some of his women and questioned them on what they talked about. It seemed he lied to each of them about something personal in his life, whether it be where he lives or his exwife's name. I just chalked that up to him wanting to have his fun but throwing these women off so they couldn't track him down. At least that's my opinion. If I were you, I'd keep my eyes wide open. This is not a good sign. As I said, I've lived through this online cheating and it is devastating. You might want to consider talking to a counselor. Good luck SueBee Link to post Share on other sites
swirlingdaisy Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 So the question of the day is....why the heck are you still with him if he's been doing this crap for at least a year now? It's entirely possible he changes his age and location simply because if you ever found out, he could say, "how could that be me? That's not my age/I obviously don't live there." Men don't do this kind of thing for any reason than wanting to meet someone.......and if he's posting profiles in the Swingers sites, you can rest assured he's looking for sex............and is very likely getting it. So why are you willing to remain with someone who's putting your health at risk? (God only knows what diseases he could catch/has caught). My God, you say he's posting nude pics.............if that's not a big red flag that he's looking for sex with strangers online, I don't know what is. You know w/ 100% certainty that these were created by him? How do you know for sure? Is it because although the pics are altered, you still recognize them? So again, why are you putting up with this crap and remaining with someone who's so deceitful and skanky? Link to post Share on other sites
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