bride05 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 My husband was married to his exwife for 10 years and they have a seven year old son. She has been ver intrusive and abusive at times towards both of us. She can be the friendliest person one minute and a pitbul the next. She calls the house over the littlest thing. If he doesn't asnswer she pages him, calls the cell phone and leaves nasty messages. We got married three weeks ago. Three months prior to the wedding I asked my now husband if he could talk to her and tell her that her son will be at the wedding for only three days (it was out of town) and that he would not have time to call her and that he would see her when they got back. He thought it was a good idea that could avoid any drama that she would impose on us and her son. I brought it up a lot because I know how she is and she would do whatever she can to upset us. So the day after we got married I was making a call from his phone and noticed that he called her on our wedding day! He said it was to let the son talk to her (the call was only 27 seconds long) but then I looked and her called her the night before our wedding as well. This just blew my mind since he knew how I felt about it. Now the son goes days at a time not talking with his mother and never askes to call her so it wasn't like it was out of the ordinary. My problem is is that I cannot let it go! I am 37 and it is my first and last wedding and it was tarnished by this. Help...? Link to post Share on other sites
prissymissy Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I would let it go. He has a past with this woman, he has fathered their child. If he married you, he is ready to commit to you, and love you. I would let it pass, see if you get any other strange signs that are telling you it is not right Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
swirlingdaisy Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Maybe he was calling her the night before to reassure her that their son was "fine"..to thereby lessen the chances of her doing something stupid on your wedding day, to get him or their son upset. Seriously, you're not starting your married life right if you're already checking his cell phone/call logs.....sounds like you're quite suspicious. Have you had trust issues in the past? Life is short. Let it go. He married you because you're the woman he wants to be with. Do you really want to start your married life out with such resentment and mistrust? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 I don't see a single problem in him letting his son call his mom for 27 seconds on the wedding day. What I see as a huge problem is that you said three times "her son" and twice "the son." You cannot comprehend that he will always be your husband's son too and that they share a child together forever. This has nothing to do with love. The love is history. But his past will always interfere and the sooner you reconcile with that in your heart and mind the better. My ex-husband had a daughter from his first marriage and her mom died in a car accident before we got married. I never accepted the fact that she had to be a part of our lives. She was unbearable and my ex spent a lot of time with her. I felt that me and our two sons were always in the second place (on a huge distance from the 1st place she took). Jealousy killed me and he abandoned me and our sons because of her. Your situation is not so bad, but I am just telling you this so you can understand that I have experience with this particular matter. I am not preaching moral lessons here. I promised myself that I would never marry a man with a child again although I have two kids. You have to learn to deal with the kid and his wife. Some things change. She is on your back now because she is jealous, she is probably not re-married and she envies her ex-husband's happiness. Perhaps it's too soon after the divorce. Maybe she will eventually leave him alone. My dad's 2nd ex-wife doesn't want to leave him alone after 10 years, but she is not as bitchy as she was at the beginning. But some things don't change. His son will always be in the first place for him. You will have a lot of problems and fights over him, be prepared for that. And just know that every time you're attacking him about his son, he will love you less and less. The love for his son is unconditional unlike his love for you. Be careful what you say and do, because you might find your marriage falling apart because of his son. You wouldn't be the first or the last to experience that. So save your anger and don't stand between him and his son, because you won't succeed. If anyone has to be out of the picture, you're the first in the line to go. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 RecordProducer, that was very true what you said. bride05 if you're not careful, your insecurities will turn your jealousy into an obsession. Someone who calls a wedding day "tarnished" let's me suspect that this person has very high expectations. Also your emphasis that it's your first and last wedding. I can tell you ahead, life is not going to be perfect, be prepared for more problems down the road that will arise with his son and his wife. RecordProducer already mentioned some of the possible problems. If you don't wake up and see how the situation really is, your expectations will always be disappointed by the harsh facts of reality. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Why didn't you ask him about that? Maybe if was the kid making a brief phone to his mom. Maybe your husband doen't even know. Maybe he doesn't even remember that. I say talk to him. What's the big worry? Link to post Share on other sites
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