Is this poem true?

[basil67]

Then what makes first/young love something so special and unforgettable that you can't replicate?

 

This is bollocks. How many of us have to tell you that first love is but a small blip in the many experiences we have in life?

 

Even psychologists agree that teen love affects relationships and puts unrealistic expectations well into adulthood.

 

Please supply psychology research with broad peer support to back up what you say.

 

But again, teen love is purest and blind. You love for the sake of loving.

 

No. Teens can and do have parameters around what is acceptable in a relationship. If you'd had a teen relationship, you would know this.

 

But then there are theories about dopamine production and how it decreases with age.

 

Irrelevant.

[loverage21]

This is bollocks. How many of us have to tell you that first love is but a small blip in the many experiences we have in life?

 

 

 

Please supply psychology research with broad peer support to back up what you say.

 

 

 

No. Teens can and do have parameters around what is acceptable in a relationship. If you'd had a teen relationship, you would know this.

 

 

 

Irrelevant.

 

 

This is something else someone told me:

 

"

I was with a guy when I was 15-17 years old and it was just as real as my current relationship is. There was passion, it was intense, it was spontaneous, and very memorable. He was my first love and he will always have a part of me that others will not. It was a care free love. We had fun all the time and went on adventures and had dates and amazing conversation.

 

"Mature" relationships I feel kind of lack that 'fun' that I had in my teenage relationship. We have priorities now and in between school and work life there is zero time to be spontaneous or have an exciting day out just for ****s and giggles.

 

If I could go back just for one day I would. Just so I could feel that care free, fun love that I had back then. Love hasn't been the same since.

"

[Gloria25]

"Mature" relationships I feel kind of lack that 'fun' that I had in my teenage relationship. We have priorities now and in between school and work life there is zero time to be spontaneous or have an exciting day out just for ****s and giggles.

 

If I could go back just for one day I would. Just so I could feel that care free, fun love that I had back then. Love hasn't been the same since.

"

 

My FWB and I would literally leave work and go and have sex...it was fun, spontaneous and O...M...G, I was in my late 30's and he was early 40's How DARE we go and do something reserved for ages 15 - 17

 

I feel sorry for you that since you became an adult you haven't met someone "spontaneous, fun, passionate, exciting" - who also has a job, car, house, stuff, and/or kids AND is responsible because I guess no such creature exists - who can strike a balance between enjoying/living life and working to pay their bills and be responsible. No two things can exist at the same time.

[todreaminblue]

This is something else someone told me:

 

"

I was with a guy when I was 15-17 years old and it was just as real as my current relationship is. There was passion, it was intense, it was spontaneous, and very memorable. He was my first love and he will always have a part of me that others will not. It was a care free love. We had fun all the time and went on adventures and had dates and amazing conversation.

 

"Mature" relationships I feel kind of lack that 'fun' that I had in my teenage relationship. We have priorities now and in between school and work life there is zero time to be spontaneous or have an exciting day out just for ****s and giggles.

 

If I could go back just for one day I would. Just so I could feel that care free, fun love that I had back then. Love hasn't been the same since.

"

 

one of the thing about the life experience is that we grow and mature and learn and experience and feel and cry and laugh and love....create memories, we go through stages for a reason ...... its about progression through life not stagnation.....imagine if you were stuck in a movie like groundhog day ...where you went back and experienced the same day over and over and over again./....no risk attached ......just the same day that you know the outcome of you know the person you are with like the back of your hand because you have had a million days all exactly the same to know how the day ends......and you wake up again and the same day begins the same love making the same person......the same exact day do you really feel that love you felt then will still feel the same over hundreds of days exactly the same......will it feel .....pure.......exciting...new...boundless.....i doubt it.....thats why you said "just for one day if could go back"...how useful really is just that one day.......i truly think you know ...you dont really want to stay back there that you arent really believing the words you are saying..........you want to go back in time for one day mind you ....for sex......if i could go back one day in time......it would be to say no......and fight my ass off for no......having sex for me young was never pure....it was debasing and plain wrong.....not al lsexual encounters at a young age are actually fun.....

 

what is suitable for this guy who wrote that poem and what he talks about which to me is actually debasing a girl...notice i say girl and not a woman.........is thankfully not how real men think or feel..real men appreciate making love with the woman they are with not fantasizing about a teen girl they debased.....thats more ..

surreal than real .

 

porn...than love..

 

and as a woman i prefer to make love as a woman......not as girl....been done that...now its my choice......to consent as a woman.....not some confused and misguided and abused girl....that to me ....is never pure.......and it has nothing to do with materialistic goals i have...i am not materialistic...i do know that i want a man though....not a boy who fantasizes about girls.................deb

[loverage21]

one of the thing about the life experience is that we grow and mature and learn and experience and feel and cry and laugh and love....create memories, we go through stages for a reason ...... its about progression through life not stagnation.....imagine if you were stuck in a movie like groundhog day ...where you went back and experienced the same day over and over and over again./....no risk attached ......just the same day that you know the outcome of you know the person you are with like the back of your hand because you have had a million days all exactly the same to know how the day ends......and you wake up again and the same day begins the same love making the same person......the same exact day do you really feel that love you felt then will still feel the same over hundreds of days exactly the same......will it feel .....pure.......exciting...new...boundless.....i doubt it.....thats why you said "just for one day if could go back"...how useful really is just that one day.......i truly think you know ...you dont really want to stay back there that you arent really believing the words you are saying..........you want to go back in time for one day mind you ....for sex......if i could go back one day in time......it would be to say no......and fight my ass off for no......having sex for me young was never pure....it was debasing and plain wrong.....not al lsexual encounters at a young age are actually fun.....

 

what is suitable for this guy who wrote that poem and what he talks about which to me is actually debasing a girl...notice i say girl and not a woman.........is thankfully not how real men think or feel..real men appreciate making love with the woman they are with not fantasizing about a teen girl they debased.....thats more ..

surreal than real .

 

porn...than love..

 

and as a woman i prefer to make love as a woman......not as girl....been done that...now its my choice......to consent as a woman.....not some confused and misguided and abused girl....that to me ....is never pure.......and it has nothing to do with materialistic goals i have...i am not materialistic...i do know that i want a man though....not a boy who fantasizes about girls.................deb

 

But realize to you don't have to have sex in order to love. You can have love without sex and vice versa.

 

Like I said, you don't have to actively be in love with your teenage love for it to still be a novelty and memorable.

 

The thing is. It CANT BE REPLICATED. PERIOD.

 

When you are a teenager, you are in the prime of your youth. You still live at home. You don't have as many expectations. You are still "kids".

 

When you fall in love as a teenager, it is "innocent". It is a full rush of feeling that fills the virgin heart. You have never experienced true heartbreak, so you go into it unguarded and optimistic. The guy, all he had to do was be cute and have feelings for you, and you get a rush of feelings. It's new. It's exciting.

 

Some of it is short lasting. Called " infatuation ". But there are some teenagers in high school that keep it alive. There is such thing as a term, " high school sweetheart". There are plenty of high schoolers that keep their relationship alive for one or all of their years of high school.

 

Again, it is unguarded. It occurs during the prime of youth. It is fun. It is new. There is nothing like it.

 

You have no one to compare them to. You don't have the memories of heartbreak barking at your shoulder. When you go into it initially, you go into it hard and depending on how things go it can last a long time.

 

When you become an adult, you have a lot of new responsibilities. Personal expenses, job, planning and executing your own destiny. At this point, when you are seeking a partner, you are looking for one that can accommodate all that. You can never love so freely, so carelessly, and so innocently.

 

Young love is the PUREST form. You were young. Despite the fact it probably ended badly. You still look back in hindsight with the CONCEPT still standing. Again, you don't have to be in love with your first anymore. But the experiences you endured together, the learning experience, the youthfulness, it remains with you for life. It has a sweet spot of its own.

 

No other adult relationship can replicate that. It is not because of the person. The person could be absolutely the greatest guy in the world. But it is the time of life it occurs that makes a difference. Not saying it is a good or bad thing.

 

Here, I will give you the link to what this person said. He explains it better than I can ever explain it. Scroll down to his response. His username is @Roostah

 

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/q1786601-young-love-vs-mature-love-what-has-been-the-difference-to-you

Edited November 22, 2015 by loverage21

[Gloria25]

Here, I will give you the link to what this person said. He explains it better than I can ever explain it. Scroll down to his response. His username is @Roostah

 

Young love vs mature love, what has been the difference to you? - GirlsAskGuys

 

@Roostah is an idiot.

 

For one, that's his "opinion". He has nothing to back up his "opinion". I respect the "opinions" of someone who actually has half a brain and/or can back up their stuff - like my fav podcaster. She is not only educated, but has knowledge gained over decades of experience in not only her studies - but life experiences and people she's counseled over the years. So when she says something, I place value on it.

 

This is what someone replied and I believe it makes more sense than that Roostah idiot could ever make:

 

"I would not want to be with a person I was with in my younger years. It's a sweet memory, something that puts a smile to my face, but as we go trough life we change - I'm not the same person I was back then and I don't want the same things. I'm also a much better boyfriend these days. I understand women and their needs better, I know how to deal with emotions and I am a better lover. I've learned not to take anything for granted so I show my girl that I love her every single day. I have the confidence and a bit of dominance that she craves - I lacked that in my teens. I make her happy and fulfilled because I know how. I find my adult relationship better, because I'M better, if that makes any sense."

 

This person ^^ acknowledges how "sweet" his teenage experience was - but he sees it for what it was, NOTHING. He realizes that he's past that stage in his life and is a better man now a days. He doesn't dwell on his teenage experience as the ONLY moment in his life where he would experience so-called "love" and that the teenage so-called "love" wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In other words, he's PAST that teenage nonsense.

 

So, you can hold onto your teenage experience because it's the only time you felt validated by a chick - when in fact that chick pretty much would have liked a broomstick with a penis cuz she wasn't discerning in who she fell for (like 100% of teenagers)....OR, you can do like the guy above and work on your confidence, persona and go out there and meet a woman who for once can date you with clear knowledge of what real "love" is.

 

See, you keep on harping on "responsibilities and bills and whether or not you can provide for a woman" as the reason why dating past your teens sucks cuz women need a provider instead of wanting "you" like "girls" did in their teens. Well, that's not true.

 

For one, even though a teen wasn't looking at your ability to pay bills and provide, she still was basing her likes on you on her hormones, hornies, emotions, and her own insecurities (wanting a boy to like her). So, it still wasn't "love", it still wasn't a validation of "you", it was ALLL BASED ON FALSE PRETENSES. Your gf, now is probably looking back and smacking herself upside her head and realizing how silly she was to be all over a "boy" she'd never want now as an adult.

 

There "are" women who will date and marry just about anyone as long as he can get her pregnant and/or pay her bills....DON'T MARRY/DATE THESE TYPES OF WOMEN. And, if you MARRIED/DATING this type of woman, drop her like a hot pocket.

 

Again, I feel so sorry for you that past your teens no woman has shown interest in you besides what you can "do" for them (i.e. money, stability, earning potential). There are women out there who while needing a provider is a practical consideration in them picking a mate, they still want someone they can have sex with without just closing their eyes, lying down, and opening up their legs and waiting for it to be over with so they can get back to sleep.

 

How do you know which woman she is? You date her. Preferably 1 1/2 - 2 years. You don't shack-up with her. Let her keep her own place and pay her own bills till you walk her down the isle in marriage. And once you marry her, you wait 2 - 3 years before you start having kids to figure out for sure if she enjoys being married "to you". And, even 'if' you have one child with her, wait a while until you have another one to see how she acts towards you after you given her the child, home, and bills paid - to see if it was all about you giving her your sperm and your paycheck.

 

I'm done and walking away from this thread, cuz I bet ya this post is going to into one eye and out the other eye.

[loverage21]

@Roostah is an idiot.

 

For one, that's his "opinion". He has nothing to back up his "opinion". I respect the "opinions" of someone who actually has half a brain and/or can back up their stuff - like my fav podcaster. She is not only educated, but has knowledge gained over decades of experience in not only her studies - but life experiences and people she's counseled over the years. So when she says something, I place value on it.

 

This is what someone replied and I believe it makes more sense than that Roostah idiot could ever make:

 

"I would not want to be with a person I was with in my younger years. It's a sweet memory, something that puts a smile to my face, but as we go trough life we change - I'm not the same person I was back then and I don't want the same things. I'm also a much better boyfriend these days. I understand women and their needs better, I know how to deal with emotions and I am a better lover. I've learned not to take anything for granted so I show my girl that I love her every single day. I have the confidence and a bit of dominance that she craves - I lacked that in my teens. I make her happy and fulfilled because I know how. I find my adult relationship better, because I'M better, if that makes any sense."

 

This person ^^ acknowledges how "sweet" his teenage experience was - but he sees it for what it was, NOTHING. He realizes that he's past that stage in his life and is a better man now a days. He doesn't dwell on his teenage experience as the ONLY moment in his life where he would experience so-called "love" and that the teenage so-called "love" wasn't all it was cracked up to be. In other words, he's PAST that teenage nonsense.

 

So, you can hold onto your teenage experience because it's the only time you felt validated by a chick - when in fact that chick pretty much would have liked a broomstick with a penis cuz she wasn't discerning in who she fell for (like 100% of teenagers)....OR, you can do like the guy above and work on your confidence, persona and go out there and meet a woman who for once can date you with clear knowledge of what real "love" is.

 

See, you keep on harping on "responsibilities and bills and whether or not you can provide for a woman" as the reason why dating past your teens sucks cuz women need a provider instead of wanting "you" like "girls" did in their teens. Well, that's not true.

 

For one, even though a teen wasn't looking at your ability to pay bills and provide, she still was basing her likes on you on her hormones, hornies, emotions, and her own insecurities (wanting a boy to like her). So, it still wasn't "love", it still wasn't a validation of "you", it was ALLL BASED ON FALSE PRETENSES. Your gf, now is probably looking back and smacking herself upside her head and realizing how silly she was to be all over a "boy" she'd never want now as an adult.

 

There "are" women who will date and marry just about anyone as long as he can get her pregnant and/or pay her bills....DON'T MARRY/DATE THESE TYPES OF WOMEN. And, if you MARRIED/DATING this type of woman, drop her like a hot pocket.

 

Again, I feel so sorry for you that past your teens no woman has shown interest in you besides what you can "do" for them (i.e. money, stability, earning potential). There are women out there who while needing a provider is a practical consideration in them picking a mate, they still want someone they can have sex with without just closing their eyes, lying down, and opening up their legs and waiting for it to be over with so they can get back to sleep.

 

How do you know which woman she is? You date her. Preferably 1 1/2 - 2 years. You don't shack-up with her. Let her keep her own place and pay her own bills till you walk her down the isle in marriage. And once you marry her, you wait 2 - 3 years before you start having kids to figure out for sure if she enjoys being married "to you". And, even 'if' you have one child with her, wait a while until you have another one to see how she acts towards you after you given her the child, home, and bills paid - to see if it was all about you giving her your sperm and your paycheck.

 

I'm done and walking away from this thread, cuz I bet ya this post is going to into one eye and out the other eye.

 

Just another question tho, what if you are neither her first or her last?

 

And is it true you always compare every other love experience to your first?

Edited November 22, 2015 by loverage21

[Gloria25]

Just another question tho, what if you are neither her first or her last?

 

What do you mean?

 

If as a teenager you didn't take her virginity and/or not the first guy she dated...AND, although you two never married as "high school sweethearts", moved on, had your own lives and now she's single (not her last).

 

Dude, doesn't matter cuz if you weren't her "first" - yet she found you so "special", she did so with the brain of a freakn' teenager - not a mature adult woman.

 

And, if now, as both of you moved onto adulthood, she maybe have even married and divorced and now is single and been through a few guys - doesn't mean you both can bring back the same "feeling" you had as teenagers. Why? cuz she wanted you for different reasons back then (a teenage brain). Now, as mature adults, you can't just think "she's the one" cuz of a teenage fling. You can try to reconnect, but don't be surprised when you two aren't the same people you were as teenagers.

 

But go ahead, cuz in your mind you were something "special" to her back then and you can pick up where you left off without a glitch. Hope that works out for you cuz you're gonna need all the luck you got.

 

I mean, if past your teenage fling she, as an adult still haven't had a RL that lasted - goes to show you her scattered brain as a teenager hasn't matured one freakin' bit. Probably like you, she still looks at the world through the eyes of a silly teenage "girl" - instead of a mature "woman". Then, that would mean you two are meant for each other cuz you two are immature and unrealistic about relationships and life.

 

And no, I do not compare every RL to my "first" because no one is going to be 100% like a person in your past. I've learned things from past RLs that now I want/expect in current RLs though. And that's the whole point about having a past - you learn from your past to know what you want/don't want in a mate - but not to sit down and meticulously compare every thing to one past experience and diss them if it isn't 100% it - especially if in the past what you "thought" you had was NOTHING.

Edited November 22, 2015 by Gloria25

[Robert Z]

They say the older you get the less dopamine you release.

 

Read three years of my posts. I fell madly, insanely, passionately in love while in my early 50s. And it consumed my life for three years. I never knew it was possible to love anyone that much. I didn't believe that love like that exists. I dreamt about her every night. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw hers. For the first three months I could barely sleep or work. The sight of her coming through the door was always the best moment of my life. It was crazy, out of control, total reckless abandon. I was completely helpless. I would have done ANYTHING for her. Nothing I have ever experienced can compare, not puppy love, or infatuation, or the love I had for gfs or my first fiancée, or the love I once felt for my wife of 25 years. It was the most amazing experience of my life. And I cried every day for two months when she left. That was six months ago. Last night I was thinking of the day she walked out the door and I cried again. And you know what, it feels good because as much as my heart still breaks, I still feel the love. My life will always be richer because for three years she was a part of it.

Edited November 22, 2015 by Robert Z

[loverage21]

Read three years of my posts. I fell madly, insanely, passionately in love while in my early 50s. And it consumed my life for three years. I never knew it was possible to love anyone that much. I didn't believe that love like that exists. I dreamt about her every night. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw hers. For the first three months I could barely sleep or work. The sight of her coming through the door was always the best moment of my life. It was crazy, out of control, total reckless abandon. I was completely helpless. I would have done ANYTHING for her. Nothing I have ever experienced can compare, not puppy love, or infatuation, or the love I had for gfs or my first fiancée, or the love I once felt for my wife of 25 years. It was the most amazing experience of my life. And I cried every day for two months when she left. That was six months ago. Last night I was thinking of the day she walked out the door and I cried again. And you know what, it feels good because as much as my heart still breaks, I still feel the love. My life will always be richer because for three years she was a part of it.

 

Do you think you are saying this because you aren't really over her yet?

[Gloria25]

Read three years of my posts. I fell madly, insanely, passionately in love while in my early 50s. And it consumed my life for three years. I never knew it was possible to love anyone that much. I didn't believe that love like that exists. I dreamt about her every night. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw hers. For the first three months I could barely sleep or work. The sight of her coming through the door was always the best moment of my life. It was crazy, out of control, total reckless abandon. I was completely helpless. I would have done ANYTHING for her. Nothing I have ever experienced can compare, not puppy love, or infatuation, or the love I had for gfs or my first fiancée, or the love I once felt for my wife of 25 years. It was the most amazing experience of my life. And I cried every day for two months when she left. That was six months ago. Last night I was thinking of the day she walked out the door and I cried again. And you know what, it feels good because as much as my heart still breaks, I still feel the love. My life will always be richer because for three years she was a part of it.

 

And this was over a "sugar baby"...a woman who makes an "arrangement" for an older man to provide for her in exchange for her "company". In other words, pay her bills, wine and dine her and she'll "pretend" she actually gives a hoot about you.

 

If I'm correct, isn't the OP upset that women he seeks only want him for what he can "do" for them?

 

Women in the sex industry (escorts, strippers, sugar babies) HAVE to make you want them, it's their j...o...b. How else are you gonna obsess and spend money on them?

 

So there you go, another guy (like the OP) putting so much weight/value on a RL that was based on NOTHING real.

[Gloria25]

Do you think you are saying this because you aren't really over her yet?

 

Neither you nor Robert Z are missing these women because you wanted these women. You want/wanted these women for how they made you "feel".

 

These women showing interest in you made you feel good, validated - something that other women didn't do for you.

 

I mean, if I'm correct, Robert Z's marriage wasn't good...so, like the OP, I'm sure that people he dated were pretty much like his wife. Same with the OP, for whatever reason you're not scoring decent women.

 

I'm not sure if it has to do with your looks, personalities, etc. - but you aren't attractive to most women - especially women you'd like to date.

 

Sugar babies play on these insecurities Robert Z and the OP have. Shoot, even the OP's teenage fling might have been doing the same at her young age (playing him to see if she could get "stuff" from him).

 

And I'm assuming it hurts to know/accept that someone whom you thought "loved" you for the first time was using you - just like the other women in your experiences. Well, in life, sometimes acceptance of ugly truths is something that some of us cannot handle - so we create these delusions in our mind to avoid facing the truth.

 

So, I don't know - stay in the delusion that your teenage "love" was all that and a bag of chips and/or your sugar babies actually loved you - then keep on recycling the same situation of women taking advantage of you cuz you keep on holding onto a delusional and unrealistic view of what relationships are and refuse to see a manipulative woman when you actually have one right in front of you cuz you're just happy that "someone" is making you feel good about yourself.

[MidwestUSA]

By extrapolation, our first love was when we were attached to our mother's boobs. So really, we're all screwed, especially those who were bottle fed. They missed it completely.

 

How can I go back and make that up?

[lollipopspot]

you have missed out on teenage love

you'll never be 15 and in love

lying on the grass on a warm summer night, watching the stars, carelessly chatting

not worrying about rent, bills, student loans

only worry in life is how you're gonna cheat on that history test on Monday

you'll never take a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity, pulling out to cum all over her back and have her look in your eyes and say "I love you"

you'll never have a girl around every day after school, pretend to be doing homework together, but instead just **** like rabbits

you're in your 20's now

gotta get a good job

gotta be a serious man now

all the good ones are taken

maybe a nice girl will eventually settle with you

they have already felt all those new exciting feelings before, and are usually jaded and bitter

you missed what it feels like to have not a care in the world other than making your girl happy

you have missed out on teenage love"

 

Wait - this is the poem? I expected to open up this thread and read a poem. This is more a self pitying diary entry. Disappointed!

 

Not only that, I don't agree with the values of the author. Its focused on missing out on the experience of "tak[ing] a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity" and how the women who are available are "usually jaded and bitter." It seems very objectifying to me, as though every guy, no matter who he is, was owed this young hot bodied girl as part of his life experience. How do you think this might read from a female perspective? What if a female was never "hot bodied?" What if she is still unattached? What if the objects of this poem are subjects?

[Gloria25]

Wait - this is the poem? I expected to open up this thread and read a poem. This is more a self pitying diary entry. Disappointed!

 

Not only that, I don't agree with the values of the author. Its focused on missing out on the experience of "tak[ing] a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity" and how the women who are available are "usually jaded and bitter." It seems very objectifying to me, as though every guy, no matter who he is, was owed this young hot bodied girl as part of his life experience. How do you think this might read from a female perspective? What if a female was never "hot bodied?" What if she is still unattached? What if the objects of this poem are subjects?

 

THANK YOU^^,

 

As if a girl doesn't look back with regret in her teens that she let some guy "cum" on her back - only for him to move on and date and even marry other women in his lifetime

 

That's what "teenage love" is...a bunch of "kids" with raging hormones "pretending" to be adults and taking on adult activities (sex, dating) when they don't have the maturity of brains and emotions to handle the same. That's why it's so "intense" cuz they're young, they can't handle taking on something they weren't able to handle. If young people in their teens were qualified to do adult stuff like having kids, marriage and raising a family - then why haven't they been doing it successfully for all the years that we've been on this planet? Oh yea, cuz their brains - even bodies aren't "there" yet.

[Robert Z]

Do you think you are saying this because you aren't really over her yet?

 

 

No. I have been in love a number of times but never fell for anyone like that before; not even close. As I said, I didn't believe love like that exists. I can love again but I will never be completely over her.

 

We did get very close, and after two years she eventually admitted that she loves me, but she was thirty years younger than me. I always knew the day would come that I would have to let her go. But that doesn't stop the love. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met.

 

Anyway, as far as dopamine, I was swimming in the stuff for three years... in my fifties!

Edited November 22, 2015 by Robert Z

[Wewon]

The bad thing about the poem is that it falls into the fallacy that things were better in some distant time; thinking like that is toxic because it keeps you stuck in the past and longing for something that you can never have.

 

That being said, we need to get away from this terrifying attitude that anytime a guy likes something or longs for something its because he feels "entitled". Longing just that, longing, nothing more nothing less. That being said, this problem would be no different if this were a woman longing for some past teen love.

[Gloria25]

The bad thing about the poem is that it falls into the fallacy that things were better in some distant time; thinking like that is toxic because it keeps you stuck in the past and longing for something that you can never have.

 

That being said, we need to get away from this terrifying attitude that anytime a guy likes something or longs for something its because he feels "entitled". Longing just that, longing, nothing more nothing less. That being said, this problem would be no different if this were a woman longing for some past teen love.

 

I agree with "longing" for something - but I feel that the OP and some others who agree with him, are "longing" for something that didn't exist. They classify "teenage" hornies, hormones, emotions with "love" when it isn't even close to that.

 

They also are not "longing". They seriously believe that the teenage experience they "think" they had (carelessness, "pure love", passion, wanting someone for "them" instead of what they can "do" for you) can never, ever be obtained again....and that is sad.

[Wewon]

I agree with "longing" for something - but I feel that the OP and some others who agree with him, are "longing" for something that didn't exist. They classify "teenage" hornies, hormones, emotions with "love" when it isn't even close to that.

 

They also are not "longing". They seriously believe that the teenage experience they "think" they had (carelessness, "pure love", passion, wanting someone for "them" instead of what they can "do" for you) can never, ever be obtained again....and that is sad.

 

 

I don't want to get into semantics of what is 'longing' so use whatever word you want to describe it. They're idealizing a period in their lives, either for what they did or what they wish they had done. They're not looking at it with a clear head or a critical eye.

 

The true problem here however, is that its living in the past, which is not productive to anyone.

[loverage21]

Wait - this is the poem? I expected to open up this thread and read a poem. This is more a self pitying diary entry. Disappointed!

 

Not only that, I don't agree with the values of the author. Its focused on missing out on the experience of "tak[ing] a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity" and how the women who are available are "usually jaded and bitter." It seems very objectifying to me, as though every guy, no matter who he is, was owed this young hot bodied girl as part of his life experience. How do you think this might read from a female perspective? What if a female was never "hot bodied?" What if she is still unattached? What if the objects of this poem are subjects?

 

What @Rootah was saying is that with first love (or teen love), that is the only time where you can love someone for them alone. It is the purest form. The only two requirements is that you find them attractive and they love you back. With adult relationships, all that intensity fades and you start looking at external factors such as if they can provide financial security, a job, a solid household, etc. Yes you can love again, but you don't love them for them alone like you did as a teen.

 

@Roostah explains

"Most people in their 20's aren't looking out for "true love" in liking the person fully. At mid 20's and later many women especially are looking out for partners that would be stable for LTR relationship. When your in your 20's outside of school you got student loans, jobs and so forth. Many people have already experience their first love, done all the usual sexual positions already, had a few partners (you can't beat out first love no matter what anyone says) and by then nothing is new. The emotion they've felt and things they've done has already been done with another. It's like going to an amusement park for the first time or new country. It's exciting as hell for the first time, but repeat visits and the novelty wears off.

 

20's and 30's love is less about romance, fire and passion and more about finding stable, relationships, with someone you can stand.

 

The idea of steamy, passionate, head over heel relationship for something more pragmatic.

 

The most intense feeling of love in which both parties love one another for each other alone will only be felt when they are in their teens."

 

Does this sound about right?

[loverage21]

I don't want to get into semantics of what is 'longing' so use whatever word you want to describe it. They're idealizing a period in their lives, either for what they did or what they wish they had done. They're not looking at it with a clear head or a critical eye.

 

The true problem here however, is that its living in the past, which is not productive to anyone.

 

What @Rootah was saying is that with first love (or teen love), that is the only time where you can love someone for them alone. It is the purest form. The only two requirements is that you find them attractive and they love you back. With adult relationships, all that intensity fades and you start looking at external factors such as if they can provide financial security, a job, a solid household, etc. Yes you can love again, but you don't love them for them alone like you did as a teen.

 

@Roostah explains

"Most people in their 20's aren't looking out for "true love" in liking the person fully. At mid 20's and later many women especially are looking out for partners that would be stable for LTR relationship. When your in your 20's outside of school you got student loans, jobs and so forth. Many people have already experience their first love, done all the usual sexual positions already, had a few partners (you can't beat out first love no matter what anyone says) and by then nothing is new. The emotion they've felt and things they've done has already been done with another. It's like going to an amusement park for the first time or new country. It's exciting as hell for the first time, but repeat visits and the novelty wears off.

 

20's and 30's love is less about romance, fire and passion and more about finding stable, relationships, with someone you can stand.

 

The idea of steamy, passionate, head over heel relationship for something more pragmatic.

 

The most intense feeling of love in which both parties love one another for each other alone will only be felt when they are in their teens."

 

Does this sound about right?

[basil67]

This is something else someone told me:

 

"

I was with a guy when I was 15-17 years old and it was just as real as my current relationship is. There was passion, it was intense, it was spontaneous, and very memorable. He was my first love and he will always have a part of me that others will not. It was a care free love. We had fun all the time and went on adventures and had dates and amazing conversation.

 

"Mature" relationships I feel kind of lack that 'fun' that I had in my teenage relationship. We have priorities now and in between school and work life there is zero time to be spontaneous or have an exciting day out just for ****s and giggles.

 

If I could go back just for one day I would. Just so I could feel that care free, fun love that I had back then. Love hasn't been the same since.

"

 

Why are you quoting some random on the internet to me? Are you trying suggest that I am wrong or lying about my own experiences?

 

If you don't have time for having regular days off for fun in your 20's then you've got your life priorities wrong. All twenty somethings I know have very full social lives with lots of interesting ways to go and have fun with friends and partners.

[basil67]

Just so that you feel understood - I do know the type of nostalgia you speak of. And while some people may feel this for their first relationships, many others do not.

 

My wonderful nostalgic feelings are about the summer vacations spent with my family at my Grandparents place by the beach. Those long days with nothing to do other than read books, shop and surf. Having all meals laid out on the table for me without a care in the world. Hell, I even have fond memories of the terrible sunburns I got! Yes, those holidays set the standard for me. And I cannot replicate those carefree summer holidays because now I have to look after my kids. I have to shop for food and make plans and deal with kid drama. This is the same type of feeling you're describing, yes?

 

So while my first love didn't make a long term impact - my childhood vacations are a completely different story.

[todreaminblue]

But realize to you don't have to have sex in order to love. You can have love without sex and vice versa.

 

Like I said, you don't have to actively be in love with your teenage love for it to still be a novelty and memorable.

 

The thing is. It CANT BE REPLICATED. PERIOD.

 

When you are a teenager, you are in the prime of your youth. You still live at home. You don't have as many expectations. You are still "kids".

 

When you fall in love as a teenager, it is "innocent". It is a full rush of feeling that fills the virgin heart. You have never experienced true heartbreak, so you go into it unguarded and optimistic. The guy, all he had to do was be cute and have feelings for you, and you get a rush of feelings. It's new. It's exciting.

 

Some of it is short lasting. Called " infatuation ". But there are some teenagers in high school that keep it alive. There is such thing as a term, " high school sweetheart". There are plenty of high schoolers that keep their relationship alive for one or all of their years of high school.

 

Again, it is unguarded. It occurs during the prime of youth. It is fun. It is new. There is nothing like it.

 

You have no one to compare them to. You don't have the memories of heartbreak barking at your shoulder. When you go into it initially, you go into it hard and depending on how things go it can last a long time.

 

When you become an adult, you have a lot of new responsibilities. Personal expenses, job, planning and executing your own destiny. At this point, when you are seeking a partner, you are looking for one that can accommodate all that. You can never love so freely, so carelessly, and so innocently.

 

Young love is the PUREST form. You were young. Despite the fact it probably ended badly. You still look back in hindsight with the CONCEPT still standing. Again, you don't have to be in love with your first anymore. But the experiences you endured together, the learning experience, the youthfulness, it remains with you for life. It has a sweet spot of its own.

 

No other adult relationship can replicate that. It is not because of the person. The person could be absolutely the greatest guy in the world. But it is the time of life it occurs that makes a difference. Not saying it is a good or bad thing.

 

Here, I will give you the link to what this person said. He explains it better than I can ever explain it. Scroll down to his response. His username is @Roostah

 

Young love vs mature love, what has been the difference to you? - GirlsAskGuys

 

i am not fan of reading others ideals or fancies and taking them on as my own.....i follow what i feel in my heart, and if i feel it strongly enough that to me is truth......

 

as far as love goes....love is what you give....not what you take or expect to happen......i want you to feel this question below and not base your answer on what roostah wrote but feel it yourself.....

 

 

the greatest love stories ever written and even true love stories..or poems or sonnets....were not written in teenage years or even about teenage love..........why is that ?..

 

you knwo when i think about my teenage years the times i loved the most was when i felt pure happiness.... innocence.....had nothing to do with love of a guy...it was fishing with my grandfather on a wharf..him batiing my hook with deft fingers.......sitting with him on his concrete bench near the water listening to the wisdom so freely given the time he had for me ...because he loved me.....

 

purity in innocence......my first school camp i was ever allowed to go on was when i was fifteen.....i have a snap shot memory of me in the creek knee deep in clear cool water.......looking at dappled sunlight through green leaves that lined the banks feeling smooth stones beneath my feet..admiring the colors ...russet,steel blue, burnt orange hues of earthy browns...hearing the babble sound of water, hearing cicadas clicking, feeling the hot sun and the cool water in unison..that is a fond memory i have....i felt free.....and i felt like me.......at the time i dont feel i was really thinking anything.....just enjoying that moment in time.....can that moment be replicated...no....it cant..not that exact moment.....but it can be remembered for what it was...it was pure...it was free...and i was in love....with life......

 

 

can i have that again....for sure....i know where to find those rocks...see those trees feel cool clear water......and as an adult...i dont need my mums permission to go there.....i dont need consent of another...simply my own two feet my knowledge that i have and a smile on my face when i remember what it felt like............yes.....purity can be felt again......and considering that poem was about sex in your opening post and not what i consdier sensual or making love.......i dont consider that to to be pure or innocent or delightful..... thought......in fact of certain teen years it is illegal to have sex...for good reason.....deb

Edited November 23, 2015 by todreaminblue

[todreaminblue]

Just so that you feel understood - I do know the type of nostalgia you speak of. And while some people may feel this for their first relationships, many others do not.

 

My wonderful nostalgic feelings are about the summer vacations spent with my family at my Grandparents place by the beach. Those long days with nothing to do other than read books, shop and surf. Having all meals laid out on the table for me without a care in the world. Hell, I even have fond memories of the terrible sunburns I got! Yes, those holidays set the standard for me. And I cannot replicate those carefree summer holidays because now I have to look after my kids. I have to shop for food and make plans and deal with kid drama. This is the same type of feeling you're describing, yes?

 

So while my first love didn't make a long term impact - my childhood vacations are a completely different story.

 

My wonderful nostalgic feelings are about the summer vacations spent with my family at my Grandparents place by the beach. Those long days with nothing to do other than read books, shop and surf. Having all meals laid out on the table for me without a care in the world. Hell, I even have fond memories of the terrible sunburns I got! Yes, those holidays set the standard for me. And I cannot replicate those carefree summer holidays because now I have to look after my kids. I have to shop for food and make plans and deal with kid drama. This is the same type of feeling you're describing, yes?

 

 

 

 

exactly.......what i wrote about just now.....you wrote it first...smilin....deb