i love painkillers, a confession

[hotpotato]

Im very torn.

 

In september or late august i was put on painkillers for my knee. I ran out on late september.

 

Im in a lot less pain, but i want to go back on my painkillers. I hate to say this, but my life was so much better. I was happier. Everyone eas more tolerable. I was more sociable.

 

People have told me for years that booze makes me a better person. The real hotpotato comes out. I think the same was true for my painkillers. I felt more normal. I was more focused. I had some of the best sleep of my life on those pills.

 

Not having them is making me sad.

 

Also, i came off of them too fast. I was teary. I broke down crying in public over something small. I had a scary, realistic dream that i went off on my mom. I had sleep apnea. But i want to go back on them.

 

I think i have adhd and aspergers. The pills were taking the edge off.

 

 

:(

[loveweary11]

Be strong and tough it out.

 

Be a tough potato. You know... one of those think skinned idaho ones.

 

Do not, for any reason, ever take another one of them.

 

I've seen this happen time and time again. These things will destroy your life and make you sickly looking. Like a potato with the blight. A rotten potato. No longer a hot potato.

 

Your life ends up revolving around pills, you get arrested desperately buying some off the street one day.

 

It's downward spiral you can avoid right now.

 

If you feel you have a true psychological problem, go to a psychiatrist, or better yet, a psychologist. Get the proper meds, if needed, to treat what you have (if anything but an addiction to pain killers).

 

I've seen so many girls destroy their lives being all bared out ot whatever. It's horrible.

 

And there are only 2 forks in the road once you've become a fiend.

 

Quitting them or death/jail/etc.

 

It's a lot easier to quit now while you can still do it on your own. Wait too long and rehab will be the only way.

[LoveMachine67]

Im very torn.

 

In september or late august i was put on painkillers for my knee. I ran out on late september.

 

Im in a lot less pain, but i want to go back on my painkillers. I hate to say this, but my life was so much better. I was happier. Everyone eas more tolerable. I was more sociable.

 

People have told me for years that booze makes me a better person. The real hotpotato comes out. I think the same was true for my painkillers. I felt more normal. I was more focused. I had some of the best sleep of my life on those pills.

 

Not having them is making me sad.

 

Also, i came off of them too fast. I was teary. I broke down crying in public over something small. I had a scary, realistic dream that i went off on my mom. I had sleep apnea. But i want to go back on them.

 

I think i have adhd and aspergers. The pills were taking the edge off.

 

 

:(

 

 

Please do not believe this! I know several people that started out taking them for legitimate purposes and then became addicted. One of these people was a former fling of mine, and she resorted to intentionally harming herself to continue receiving her pain meds. She eventually got to the point where she passed out driving on two separate occasions, and was critically injured in both crashes.

 

She's now on permanent disability, and is now banned for life from ever driving another vehicle. IMHO what you are describing is the beginning of addiction, and it will get worse should you resume taking those pills. You may also be experiencing some withdrawal symptoms as well.

[hotpotato]

Could i still be having withdrawals after over a month? The weird dreams and sleep apnea happened within a week or two of stopping. The tearfulness happened as i was tapering down my dose. What a rollercoaster. Btw the painkiller is actually an antidepressant as well.

 

I was so happy on painkillers. I was losing weight steadily, but i didnt look like a skinny addict (at least not yet lol). It did take away my appetite. It made me dopesick, too.

 

Passing out while driving was one of my concerns. One night after taking abt 250 300 mg i had to drive home. I was sooo high. The thought of hurting someone else is the main thing keeping me fro using. There were times at home id nod off pretty badly. Id be dead to the world.

[xxoo]

I'd say it's a great thing that you recognize what is happening so clearly. Many would rationalize and make excuses and not see it for what it is: using a drug for the escape.

 

Have you spoken to your doctor about the problem? Maybe a non-narcotic antidepressant is needed, at least during this period of adjustment getting off the pain killers.

[StBreton]

Could i still be having withdrawals after over a month? The weird dreams and sleep apnea happened within a week or two of stopping. The tearfulness happened as i was tapering down my dose. What a rollercoaster. Btw the painkiller is actually an antidepressant as well.

 

I was so happy on painkillers. I was losing weight steadily, but i didnt look like a skinny addict (at least not yet lol). It did take away my appetite. It made me dopesick, too.

 

Passing out while driving was one of my concerns. One night after taking abt 250 300 mg i had to drive home. I was sooo high. The thought of hurting someone else is the main thing keeping me fro using. There were times at home id nod off pretty badly. Id be dead to the world.

 

Falling asleep while driving is not sleep apnea ... it's narcolepsy. Have you ever had a sleep study done? There is narcolepsy where people will fall asleep suddenly during the day involuntarily. There is also narcolepsy where a person never goes into deep sleep at night and is more "wakeful" leading to being tired during the day and irritable. Maybe the painkillers allowed you to really sleep well and you were feeling better all around due to the better sleep. In any case, a sleep study can properly diagnose the condition.

 

As far as ADHD, have you gone to a doctor and ask to be diagnosed?

 

Also...it does take quite a while for your body to return to homeostasis with regards to neurotransmitters and cell receptors once the action has been disturbed by narcotics (and drugs for ADD and depression).

 

Maybe look into natural supplements that help with feeling down but I would NOT recommend staying on the painkillers ... very addicting and you'll have to continually up the dose. I would talk with your doctor about all of this and figure out a good plan of attack to get you feeling better.

[LuckyLady13]

hotpotato, you do sound like a self-medicator happening. I know what pain killer you're talking about too but the length of time you took it, you should be well out of any withdrawal phase of any kind. You're depressed and missing what it was doing for you mentally and emotionally, though.

 

Can you seriously consider going to a shrink, telling him or her what happened and how you feel now? I've seen a few people (including my parents, both ADHD) self-medicate and it usually goes sideways because they don't know what they're doing. A psychiatrist actually knows what they're doing and recognize a person self-medicating and knows what to do about it so instead of craving the closest thing you got to feeling normal so far, you can get in great shape instead with the guidance of a pro.

 

Do you see what I'm saying?

[loveweary11]

I can't believe I'm admitting this publicly, but it's in support.

 

I smoked opium a couple times in college.

 

Was literally the best drug I've ever done. Nothing before or since has ever felt better.

 

I was addicted from the first puff.

 

It's essentially smokable heroin, though I had no idea at the time.

 

After I saw hoiw much I liked it, I never, ever touched it again.

 

You can do the same.

[hotpotato]

Re:the sleep apnea

In short i peed on myself during a dream. Thats a sign of sleep apnea. Funny, thing is the same thing happened to my obese mom. We will both have sleep apnea.

 

I miss that steady 6 hr high. i was functional, actually more, functional.

 

Ill admit coming down off of the pills was a drag.

 

Im not above seeing a dr. I have a lot of symptoms of aspergers and adhd. Adhd is often a comorbid of aspergers. I dont get that happiness most people get from socialization.

 

Ill be honest that having a bf is making me feel worse. I feel like id be a more fun gf. Hes sanctified so i cant be drinking around him.

 

My house is a mess, and these meds make me want to clean up lol

[hotpotato]

I even prefer the pills to booze. I tried getting drunk. It wasnt the same. Plus, i wouldnt be functional for work. I miss the long steady high.

[LoveMachine67]

Hotpotato, this is how it starts:

 

 

 

Not saying you are this bad, or ever will be ^^^. But everyone that I know that have become addicted, all started out needing them for medical reasons. These people that I know are from all walks of life, including a local well respected businessman, that actually called me out of the blue one day, to see if I would help him find some pills. Another that I know personally, is actually a county judge! I even know a cop and his GF that are addicted.

 

I will not badger you, but hope that you will continue to solicit and consider the opinions of others, if it helps you avoid using these addictive pain medications. Back in July of this year, I was prescribed Percocet for a medical issue I was experiencing at the time. I took them for 3 days, and really started to like them too much, and that's when I flushed the remainder. They really did eliminate the pain in was in, but I could have easily become addicted to them.

[pureinheart]

Im very torn.

 

In september or late august i was put on painkillers for my knee. I ran out on late september.

 

Im in a lot less pain, but i want to go back on my painkillers. I hate to say this, but my life was so much better. I was happier. Everyone eas more tolerable. I was more sociable.

 

People have told me for years that booze makes me a better person. The real hotpotato comes out. I think the same was true for my painkillers. I felt more normal. I was more focused. I had some of the best sleep of my life on those pills.

 

Not having them is making me sad.

 

Also, i came off of them too fast. I was teary. I broke down crying in public over something small. I had a scary, realistic dream that i went off on my mom. I had sleep apnea. But i want to go back on them.

 

I think i have adhd and aspergers. The pills were taking the edge off.

 

 

:(

 

Wow, I totally understand. Take it from one who knows, they take the edge off now, but the withdrawals can be serious, not to mention nerve damage. I'm not sure how old you are, although nerve damage is a B when you are older.

 

Anyway, God I know how hard this is... take care HP and (((((hugs)))))

[pureinheart]

Hotpotato, this is how it starts:

 

 

 

Not saying you are this bad, or ever will be ^^^. But everyone that I know that have become addicted, all started out needing them for medical reasons. These people that I know are from all walks of life, including a local well respected businessman, that actually called me out of the blue one day, to see if I would help him find some pills. Another that I know personally, is actually a county judge! I even know a cop and his GF that are addicted.

 

I will not badger you, but hope that you will continue to solicit and consider the opinions of others, if it helps you avoid using these addictive pain medications. Back in July of this year, I was prescribed Percocet for a medical issue I was experiencing at the time. I took them for 3 days, and really started to like them too much, and that's when I flushed the remainder. They really did eliminate the pain in was in, but I could have easily become addicted to them.

 

HP, watch the second video too if you want, it's really good/informative ... excellent post LM. Thank you for the video, it's really encouraging.

[endlessabyss]

I have the same problem with pain killers.

 

 

Best feeling in the world.

 

 

I am completely numb to all stress, and just feel good about everything when high.

[GunslingerRoland]

Have you tried actual ADHD medication? It may allow you to be more yourself without the negative side effects.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for the sleep apnea, that can have a lot of negative side effects, you want to figure out if it can fixed by surgery, if not you'll need to wear a CPAP at night...

[hotpotato]

I highly doubt i have sleep apnea except when im on or coming off pain meds. The sleep problems didnt happen until i started taking painkillers. Unfortunately, they can cause sleep apnea and respiratory problems. See:Michael Jackson.

[bilski04]

Could i still be having withdrawals after over a month? The weird dreams and sleep apnea happened within a week or two of stopping. The tearfulness happened as i was tapering down my dose. What a rollercoaster. Btw the painkiller is actually an antidepressant as well.

I was so happy on painkillers. I was losing weight steadily, but i didnt look like a skinny addict (at least not yet lol). It did take away my appetite. It made me dopesick, too.

 

Passing out while driving was one of my concerns. One night after taking abt 250 300 mg i had to drive home. I was sooo high. The thought of hurting someone else is the main thing keeping me fro using. There were times at home id nod off pretty badly. Id be dead to the world.

 

You sound like you could easily become addicted to opiates. as far as being antidepressants-that is completely false. opiates cause the release of endorphins like dopamine etc that makes you temporarily in the short term feel less depressed, but over the long haul they will cause massive depression--ask me how I know.

 

yes you will lose weight too, because eating is no longer a concern, only how and where do I get my next fix. I lost 60 pounds in probably 5-6 months, I thought I looked great, but everyone else said I was gaunt and looked terrible.

 

hot potato, any updates?

[jay1983]

I have the same problem. If I have them, I abuse them, often with heavy amounts of alcohol. Especially when it's really cold, just laying in bed with a really thick blanket feels so good.

[hotpotato]

Drug in question IS also an antidepressant. It affects serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake. Also, the molecule itself is very similar to Effexor. When i went off the drug, i had the same issues as people going off/coming off antidepressants too fast. I certainly understand now why people who go off prozac, xanax etc shoot up schools, hurt themselves abd loved ones.

 

I still think about abd want it everyday.

[Tayla]

hotpotato, glad you have weened yourself off this type of medicine.

 

With your aspiration of wanting plastic surgery, you will need to find other ways to combat your pain tolerance. Some of us who get that type of surgery understand that pain is part of the healing.

 

How long ago did you remove the substance? I see this post was from back in Nov 2015?

[hotpotato]

I am worried about taking narcotics after surgery.

 

I do feel like i need to be careful with pharmaceuticals. Aside from weed (once) and booze, i dont take drugs with the exception of ibuprofen for me knee (havent taken since last year).

 

I had surgery years ago and was given demerol, which was fantastic.

 

I had my last dose of tramadol in september 2015, and i still think abt it. If i has known i was essentially taking effexor, i wouldve asked for something else.