xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 just look back to all the threads you posted in LS. I did just that last night and it was a eye-opening experience. I read about my trials and my tears and about all the relationships that failed in hindsight. And I tried to remember the person that wrote those threads years ago (dating back to 2007), and I just couldn't believe how immature and narcissistic I was. My recent 3 years relationship changed me significantly. There was emotional and verbal abuse and after he left me, I became a shell. I hated myself and I lacked the confidence to think I could do better after him. It's been a year and I still feel worst for wears (to put it correctly). Reading my past threads made me realize I don't want to be that old xpaperxcutx either. I wanted my confidence back but I didn't wanted to be that girl from 18-22 years old who was jumping around sleeping with whoever will date her. I kept wanting somebody to save me and since they can't I have turned my faith to God more and more. But I still feel like I don't know who I am or who I actually want to be. There needed to be a catalyst in my life, and somehow everything is building up to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BelleSkye Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 (edited) I read a post from another poster on LS (quite an old post too), about how worried he was about his 'psycho ex gf'.....another poster listed BPD for her. I realised after years of breaking up, getting together and breaking up again with my ex, my anxiety escalated, I suffered from PTSD and now suffer from BPD. Maybe that it is why I found it so easy to cut off so many people this year, quit two jobs and now go overseas to start new. I used to handle our break ups so graciously before that HE ALWAYS CAME RUNNING BACK. Our last fight, I actually started throwing stuff at him, I never did that before in all our fights. Think he found that was good enough reason to walk out on me. Hence my sudden pain and shock of the whole break up. Maybe the BPD gene was always in me.... was there all along.... and he was the one who triggered it. I hope with this realisation I can start therapy and get over my breakup peacefully. Thank you sooo much LS I am looking forward to starting treatment. Edited November 21, 2015 by BelleSkye Link to post Share on other sites
baffin Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 God is out there just waiting for you to look for Him. When you put your faith in other people, time and time again you will be disappointed; but when you put your faith in God - He will never disappoint you. You are very special to Him. He loves you unconditionally. Is there a pastor nearby you can talk to? Or have you considered counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
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