brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Hello all, I just came back from a first date that lasted 3 hours. I'm really attracted to him, and overall the date went good: -we had dinner at an upscale restaurant -he then invited me for a glass of wine at the bar -we kissed -I invited him to say goodbye inside my car -we kissed again -I said goodbye, he said he didn't want to leave but ok Now, I feel stupid and ugly why us that??? He is a doctor and a professor, go figure. I'm just a stupid girl finishing my bachelor. I feel so inadequate!!! And so ignorant and stupid!!! Of course, he still hasn't texted me and I'm sure there won't be a second date. I was on a date two months ago with another doctor (totally unrelated, I meet this guys in a dating site) and he kissed me blah blah but never texted me back. Why us this continuing happening to me??? I feel ugly and that the pictures I have up in the dating site are deceiving (this last guy told me I look nothing like my pictures) I'm frustrated and sad. Goshhh ( Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I have no idea why you're freaking out. Honestly. He said he didn't want to leave and you now feel stupid and ugly - what am I missing here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I had a date with another guy two months ago, he told me I was one of the most beautiful women in okcupid, he told me we should go see a band together, he kissed me a lot and paid gif my drink. He never texted after that. I feel this one will disappear too. He's online on the dating site btw Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 They probably were hoping for first date sex and didn't get those signals. Many guys do that. They are not looking for anything serious, just casual relationships. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Do you ever send a follow up text to say "hey, I had a nice time tonight, thanks for taking me to dinner". ? Or do you end the dates and then just expect the guy to reach out after he just picked you up, took you out, and tried to make it a good time? Because I'd bet that the guys you're gong out with are thinking "well she kissed me then just said goodbye and didn't say she wanted to see me again, didn't text me afterwards or even the following day to say thanks, I had fun.... She's definitely not interested in a 2nd date" Expecting the guys to do everything and facilitate the communication is going to keep ending with the same results. You probably had 2 guys that would've continued seeing you if you would've just showed a little interest back instead of being so self loathing and thinning that things went terribly. If a guy kisses you and says he doesn't want the date to end..... That's a good thing..... The fact that you think it means he thinks you're ugly and doesn't wanna see you again leads me to believe there are deeper issues of self value and confidence you need to deal with and fix before you'll be able to successfully date anyone. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I agree that a text saying "thanks for the lovely date. I had a great time :)" or something similar, usually sent on the way home, is a good idea. This isn't being clingy, it's just an 'in the moment' thing that shows the guy that you enjoyed yourself and appreciated his efforts. Don't assume anything just because he is a doctor. It doesn't mean he is better than you. Besides many men don't care about occupation status as much as we women can do. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 good looking doctor on okcupid just hanging around all 'single' like waiting for some lucky girl to live happily ever after?? Well, sure, i suppose it is possible, and so is winning lotto! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I think he wanted just first date sex. Like the other. I'm really boomed right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I still don't get why you're automatically assuming this man will disappear too. Can you explain? Doesn't make sense, based on the information you've given. Also, you said he hasn't texted. Have you reached out to him to thank him for dinner? It sounds to me like you're in dire need of some work on your self-esteem. That level of insecurity can be apparent to others and in turn can affect your dating life. I would think about that first before dating, to be honest. You went from a good date to feeling stupid, ugly and inadequate. There's a deeper issue concerning self-worth here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Well if you happen to read some posts on LS there are some people who "don't chase". He must be one of them. I hope the people on here to see your thread and at least show some balls to some men why it matters to chase. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 This keeps happening to you because you have a self esteem problem & you give yourself negative self talk, YOU have convinced yourself that you are ugly, that you are stupid & that guys only want you for sex. Stop talking to yourself that way. Solely from what you posted I see a woman who is attractive & intelligent enough to get dates from not 1 but 2 doctors; who got them to take her on a real date not some meet up for coffee; who can hold up her end of a conversation throughout a 4 hour dinner & beyond; who is sexy enough that the guy wanted some 1st date kisses & expressed a longing to part but who was respectful enough to end it in a parking lot with kisses. He was not pressuring you for sex. There is no indication that he will not call but it is ridiculous for you to expect a text from him within hours after the date ended. The better protocol is for you to wait until the day after your date & text him "thank you; I had fun." Then during the week he will most likely reach out for a 2nd date. The only thing I could see from what you wrote that could upset that normal course is if you carried on about being unattractive & stupid to him. Get yourself some therapy to ascertain why you have such a low opinion of yourself & start telling yourself you are pretty, sexy, smart & worth getting to know. Until you break the negative pattern you established, you will continue to feel worthless because you are telling yourself to feel that way. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 When someone takes you out and pays for your evening you thank them. Period. Whether I'm into a woman or not if she is not thanking me for the date I took her on I assume she is either not into me or just has no manners. I will not contact that woman again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 It sounds like you're chasing the wrong kind of men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 Research says we don't have to send the thank you text. I thanked him during the date. Several times actually. Should I Send a Thank-You Text after a Date? : Christie Hartman, PhD Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Research says we don't have to send the thank you text. I thanked him during the date. Several times actually. Should I Send a Thank-You Text after a Date? : Christie Hartman, PhD And how is following dating advice out of a book working for you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 It sounds like you're chasing the wrong kind of men. I think you're right. The similarity between this doctor and the first one is overwhelmingly significant. How can I change this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 good looking doctor on okcupid just hanging around all 'single' like waiting for some lucky girl to live happily ever after?? Well, sure, i suppose it is possible, and so is winning lotto! I agree with this too!! But he only told me he was a doctor in our date. I didn't know his profession before meeting and he didn't know mine either. We both drove 25 minutes for our dinner date and it was kind of a blind date because we didn't chat much before. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 He ' told ' you that he was a doctor. Maybe he wasn't. Most likely he wasn't, just looking for first date sex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 He ' told ' you that he was a doctor. Maybe he wasn't. Most likely he wasn't, just looking for first date sex. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was a liar, a player looking for sex. He told me he is a professor at a well known university too. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about though. Who knows. I'm super sad this morning. Can't shake this feeling of inadequacy he made me feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Instead of feeling in adequate, you should feel grateful that you didn't get used up ! I have no clue why you are feeling so low , it's off base. Next time, research better 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 Instead of feeling in adequate, you should feel grateful that you didn't get used up ! I have no clue why you are feeling so low , it's off base. Next time, research better Your comment actually makes me feel better txs I don't really know how to research better or what questions to ask guys before meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 At least you now know that what you did ask wasn't enough Take it as an experience. You'll get there Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Are the pictures you have up really deceiving? That's kind of a big deal in online dating. But then, if you posted something you know is deceiving, that means you are not happy with how you really look. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Instead of feeling in adequate, you should feel grateful that you didn't get used up ! I have no clue why you are feeling so low , it's off base. Next time, research better This is just sad. Why even online date if you seem to think every man is a liar and just wants sex? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 OP, the answer to your stated query was found in Expat's post (#9). Don't know why you glossed over it, since you did want to know what was causing the trouble, but instead have chosen to concentrate on 'what is wrong with all the guys' you're choosing to date. Best of luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
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