Why this continues to happen to me???

[katiegrl]

I already replied, about 20 minutes later his text, THANKING HIM again for our great date and expressing my interest in meeting him again.

 

Guys, I think I'm doing what I can to let him know I AM INTO HIM. Now it's his job to propose a second date. I don't want to look that desperate either!

I myself contacted him on okcupid first, gave him my number, he changed our date from tuesday to Saturday and I accepted! What else?

 

I honestly think I've done enough. I know he's a doctor, and handsome, and whatever, but I have my life as well.

 

Oh, Qboro90, I couldn't agree more with you in that my self-esteem is really low and I often rely in other's point of view to feel good or bad. I need to change this!

 

BTW, we are both online in okcupid now. I'll love to chat with him, honestly, I cannot get him out of my mind now, but I just can't text him to chat!

 

Has he responded back yet???

 

I agree...the ball is in his court now .....to schedule that second date!

 

Good luck ..fingers crossed this works out well for you!

[brokengirl85]

Has he responded back yet???

 

No, he didn't text me back. Maybe he was just being polite?

[katiegrl]

See how many times I thanked him during our date:

 

-when he paid for our dinner. I thanked him

-When he paid for our wine at the wine bar. I thanked him

-Walking to the car. I thanked him again for our wonderful date

-Inside my car, before and after kissing, I said to him I really enjoyed our date.

 

Honestly, how many times does a man need to acknowledge I am thankful, indeed??

 

Oh geez ...did not know you thanked him *that* many times! Good heavens!

 

That was enough...you don't want to come off as overly grateful either ...makes it seem like you never had a guy treat you to dinner before!

 

Anyhoo what's done is done, now wait for him to respond, schedule that second date, and take it from there.

[slider1985]

Ill go on a date with you! For real. 33 years old, Eduacted, Successful career. Above average looking. Caring, kind, and considerate.

 

Just throwing it out there..

[Qboro90]

I already replied, about 20 minutes later his text, THANKING HIM again for our great date and expressing my interest in meeting him again.

 

Guys, I think I'm doing what I can to let him know I AM INTO HIM. Now it's his job to propose a second date. I don't want to look that desperate either!

I myself contacted him on okcupid first, gave him my number, he changed our date from tuesday to Saturday and I accepted! What else?

 

I honestly think I've done enough. I know he's a doctor, and handsome, and whatever, but I have my life as well.

 

Oh, Qboro90, I couldn't agree more with you in that my self-esteem is really low and I often rely in other's point of view to feel good or bad. I need to change this!

 

BTW, we are both online in okcupid now. I'll love to chat with him, honestly, I cannot get him out of my mind now, but I just can't text him to chat!

 

 

He already did express that he wants to see you again though? It's ok for you to lead him down the path in order to make things happen faster. He texted you saying he "had a great time and wants to see you again if that would be ok with you"

 

This is where you say "sure, that'd be nice, what'd you have in mind?"

 

From there I'm sure he'll propose a day or something to do. But you've gotten the confirm and info that he's interested. Don't look for him to spell it out over and over again.

 

If you responded already then just send a follow up text with "what'd you have in mind for doing together?" Or "let me know what you want to do, not sure what your schedule is like. I have a work thing I'll be busy with Tuesday-Thursday, but other than that I'm free. Let me know what works"

 

That's assertive on your part. I think you need to sometimes realize there's a different between sounding desperate, clingy, over interested.... And being a confident, assertive woman, who doesn't need to be walked through each get together and date.

[brokengirl85]

Ill go on a date with you! For real. 33 years old, Eduacted, Successful career. Above average looking. Caring, kind, and considerate.

 

Just throwing it out there..

 

Thank you! I hope you're not a doctor

[brokengirl85]

He already did express that he wants to see you again though? It's ok for you to lead him down the path in order to make things happen faster. He texted you saying he "had a great time and wants to see you again if that would be ok with you"

 

This is where you say "sure, that'd be nice, what'd you have in mind?"

 

From there I'm sure he'll propose a day or something to do. But you've gotten the confirm and info that he's interested. Don't look for him to spell it out over and over again.

 

If you responded already then just send a follow up text with "what'd you have in mind for doing together?" Or "let me know what you want to do, not sure what your schedule is like. I have a work thing I'll be busy with Tuesday-Thursday, but other than that I'm free. Let me know what works"

 

That's assertive on your part. I think you need to sometimes realize there's a different between sounding desperate, clingy, over interested.... And being a confident, assertive woman, who doesn't need to be walked through each get together and date.

 

 

Yes, I texted him 20 minutes after I received his text. He did not reply, but I'll wait to see if he's really interested or not.

I'm intense. So I need to regulate myself. I know if I text him again and he doesn't reply, I'll feel terrible. I'm preserving myself a little now because I know j get invested in guys and then I suffer when I'm not reciprocated.

[katiegrl]

He already did express that he wants to see you again though? It's ok for you to lead him down the path in order to make things happen faster. He texted you saying he "had a great time and wants to see you again if that would be ok with you"

 

This is where you say "sure, that'd be nice, what'd you have in mind?"

 

From there I'm sure he'll propose a day or something to do. But you've gotten the confirm and info that he's interested. Don't look for him to spell it out over and over again.

 

If you responded already then just send a follow up text with "what'd you have in mind for doing together?" Or "let me know what you want to do, not sure what your schedule is like. I have a work thing I'll be busy with Tuesday-Thursday, but other than that I'm free. Let me know what works"

 

That's assertive on your part. I think you need to sometimes realize there's a different between sounding desperate, clingy, over interested.... And being a confident, assertive woman, who doesn't need to be walked through each get together and date.

 

Qboro, with respect, what are doing???

 

She already thanked him four times during the date, she has already responded to his text, taking your advice and thanking him AGAIN, telling him she had a great time ...and now you think she should send yet "another" text pushing (yes pushing) for him to schedule the second date?

 

No ..no no!!!!

 

OP please, relax, go on with your life ....and WAIT for him to respond back, he **knows** you are interested.

 

Otherwise, you risk appearing anxious, insecure and gasp....needy. No!

 

The ball is in HIS court!

[nheeya]

They are not the ones, that's why they left. Stop worrying, one day the right one will just come.

[StBreton]

And how is following dating advice out of a book working for you?

 

So before cell phone texting, did women write thank you notes for a date? No, they just said thank you at the end of the evening. I don't agree that a follow-up text is at issue here. The OP stated she said thank you.

 

I find no correlation between follow-up texting and 2nd dates. If a guy is interested, do you think a lack of a follow-up text is going to stop him?

[Qboro90]

Qboro, with respect, what are doing???

 

She already thanked him four times during the date, she has already responded to his text, taking your advice and thanking him AGAIN, telling him she had a great time ...and now you think she should send yet "another" text pushing (yes pushing) for him to schedule the second date?

 

No ..no no!!!!

 

OP please, relax, go on with your life ....and WAIT for him to respond back, he **knows** you are interested.

 

Otherwise, you risk appearing anxious, insecure and gasp....needy. No!

 

The ball is in HIS court!

 

Huh? I said she should ask what he had in mind.... Why is that terrible? I don't understand the fear that's being instilled in Op about sounding anxious and insecure. She is anxious and insecure. But he reached out to her and said "I'd like to see you again, if that's alright with you".

 

She didn't detail her exact response to that so i suggested what that should've been. Making this more complicated than it needs to be and getting into "take this much time to reply so you don't seem desperate", or "don't say that it comes off as needy". Is just making a 2nd date out to be brain surgery.

 

She liked him and wants to see him again. He said he'd like to see her again. Soooo, if I'm her I'm asking "sounds good, what'd you have in mind or what do you wanna do/when?"

 

As the guy, I'm not gonna read that and think "pshhh, girl wants me so bad, I got this" . I'm gonna think it's a normal reply to what I sent her.

 

If you're seeing more to it... Point out what... And what would be wrong with asking what he was thinking of doing for their next date?

[brokengirl85]

My answer to his last text was:

 

Hi XXX, thank you again for a great date. I'd like to meet you again too.

 

That was all. Guys, honestly, I think he texted me today because he's polite, but he didn't like me. He said: you look nothing like your pictures.

Then, I'm remembering now, when I just got there, he was sitting at the bar, and the waitress came to us to let us know our table was ready. He then said to the waitress: I think we're staying here, instead.

I quickly said, noticing his change of plans: Yes, we can have a glass of wine instead of having dinner.

He then, noticing my comment, changed his mind again and called the waitress, who showed us our table.

 

See? He was just not interested or impressed when he just saw me.

 

that's why I think he's just being polite with me, but he's not thinking on a second date at all. Afterall, he didn't follow up my text.

[Qboro90]

My answer to his last text was:

 

Hi XXX, thank you again for a great date. I'd like to meet you again too.

 

That was all. Guys, honestly, I think he texted me today because he's polite, but he didn't like me. He said: you look nothing like your pictures.

Then, I'm remembering now, when I just got there, he was sitting at the bar, and the waitress came to us to let us know our table was ready. He then said to the waitress: I think we're staying here, instead.

I quickly said, noticing his change of plans: Yes, we can have a glass of wine instead of having dinner.

He then, noticing my comment, changed his mind again and called the waitress, who showed us our table.

 

See? He was just not interested or impressed when he just saw me.

 

that's why I think he's just being polite with me, but he's not thinking on a second date at all. Afterall, he didn't follow up my text.

 

 

Your kind of making it more difficult than it needs to be. When you arrived at the restaurant and he was at the bar, he couldve wanted to sit next to you and be closer instead of at a table. Ever consider that? When you said you'd just have a glass of wine... If he wasn't into you, then he would've been looking to get through the date quickly... So he wouldn't have asked for a table. Asking for a table shows he wanted to spend time with you. If he didn't, you would've had your wine, and parted ways after.

 

When you say "see, he wasn't interested or impressed" it comes across in my opinion like you're actually hoping to be right that this guy doesn't like you. Why is that your goal? Even if your skeptical. Big freaking deal. You went on one date with him. He might not know enough about you to decide if he likes you or not. You should feel the same way.

 

Polite guys don't say they'd like to see you again just to be nice. If he didn't wanna see you he wouldn't have worded his text like that.

 

What time did he text you today? When did you text him back? While I think he should've replied by now, there could be reasons he hasn't. You said he's a doctor... Was he working today? If so then he won't be able to text very frequently. If he read your reply and doesn't know his schedule for the week and what patients will come up, he might not have a set date and time to ask you about.

 

I also am not a fan of closed ended texts and replies. When he texted you and asked about going out again... You said " I'd like to meet you again too".... What's he supposed to say to that? "Ok great"? Pose a question back to him... When's he wanna go, what'd he wanna do... How was his weekend?".

 

It's ok to start a convo with this guy on your own. Socializing and communicating and learning more about someone is how people interact and date. He's not gonna think "oh she asked me about my weekend, what a desperate loser".

 

If you don't hear from him then you can wait a day or two and shoot him a text "hey what's going on" .... If he doesn't reply to that, then you can close the book and move on. But just slow down with the emotional definitive decisions right now. You went on 1 date.

[losangelena]

OP, your extreme emotional back and forth is a bit concerning. You thought you had an awful date, but then you heard from him, and you sounded giddy for about three posts, and now, since he hasn't replied quickly enough, you're back to reading everything through a negative lens.

 

Girl, pump the brakes.

 

Dating is supposed to be fun, by the way. Getting to know people and seeing if you click. Even if you DO go out on a date and you don't hear from the guy again, so what? What does it really matter in the long run? 99% of dates end in rejection; not everyone is going to click with everyone else. That doesn't mean you're ugly, or that you're too personal or that you made mistakes or that he was disappointed when he saw you. From everything you describe, it sounds like the guy had a good time with you—and even if he didn't, WHO CARES??

 

Jesus christ! You're torturing yourself with these mental gymnastics. It's like you're on the world's least enjoyable roller coaster ride. You shouldn't be letting ONE person's opinion of you—a near stranger at that—dictate how you feel about yourself! You are better than that.

[veggirl]

First of all, the post-date thank you text isn't so much about thanking him again, it's giving him the green light to ask you out again. Lots of people say/do things on the date they have no intention on following up with...the post-date thank you text tells him that you ACTUALLY ARE interested in continuing on.

 

When he said he wants to go out again, you should have been more conversational. Should've said that sounds great, what's your week look like? or something.

 

I remember my 1st date w/ my bf, he said we should do it again and I said "we should! when?" and we planned it then and there.

 

Text him and tell him hope he has a good week and to let you know when he is free or something....

[d0nnivain]

Of for heaven's sake! Get a grip.

 

You had a great date.

 

You freaked out, & had an emotional meltdown on us, not him fortunately.

 

While you were busy lamenting that you are ugly & he did not like you, he sent you a Text. That text was a sign of continued interest.

 

You replied & expressed interest in seeing him again.

 

It's all good so far. Just because he didn't text you back immediately & start planning your next date (or entire future) does not mean he isn't interested. Have a little faith but do understand that you know he's still on OLD so he may be exploring other options. He's also a doctor. How do you know he's not on call & up to his elbows in patients?

 

Have some patience. There is no need to freak out at this very early stage.

[katiegrl]

Of for heaven's sake! Get a grip.

 

You had a great date.

 

You freaked out, & had an emotional meltdown on us, not him fortunately.

 

While you were busy lamenting that you are ugly & he did not like you, he sent you a Text. That text was a sign of continued interest.

 

You replied & expressed interest in seeing him again.

 

It's all good so far. Just because he didn't text you back immediately & start planning your next date (or entire future) does not mean he isn't interested. Have a little faith but do understand that you know he's still on OLD so he may be exploring other options. He's also a doctor. How do you know he's not on call & up to his elbows in patients?

 

Have some patience. There is no need to freak out at this very early stage.

 

^^Absolutely! Just go on with your life, and when and if he responds, you take it from there.

 

You have already responded back, he KNOWS you are interested.

 

No need to text again for heaven's sake.

 

As d0nnivan said, patience! Chill.

 

It's all good, and if he does not respond back, so what? You had one date for chrissakes.....

 

Happy Holidays!

Edited November 23, 2015 by katiegrl

[brokengirl85]

He texted me last night proposing to meet after thanksgiving and wishing I had a great Sunday.

I texted back that that sounded good, that I was excited and if he had anything in mind for our next date.

He texted not yet but he'll think about it.

 

At that point I did t reply bc I fell asleep

Edited November 23, 2015 by brokengirl85

[katiegrl]

He texted me last night proposing to meet after thanksgiving and wishing I had a great Sunday.

I texted back that that sounded good, that I was excited and if he had anything in mind for our next date.

He texted not yet but he'll think about it.

 

At that point I did t reply bc I fell asleep

 

Sounds good!

 

If it were me, I would text back today saying exactly that.

 

"Sounds good....have a great holiday! :)"

 

Then go on with your life, have a great thanksgiving...and continue to chill....

 

Slow and steady....no pushing!

Edited November 23, 2015 by katiegrl

[introverted1]

First of all, the post-date thank you text isn't so much about thanking him again, it's giving him the green light to ask you out again. Lots of people say/do things on the date they have no intention on following up with...the post-date thank you text tells him that you ACTUALLY ARE interested in continuing on.

 

This.

 

I always send a follow-up text to "green light" the guy for date #2.

 

Hope you have a nice post-Thanksgiving date, OP. Try to just enjoy yourself.

[d0nnivain]

He texted me last night proposing to meet after thanksgiving and wishing I had a great Sunday.

I texted back that that sounded good, that I was excited and if he had anything in mind for our next date.

He texted not yet but he'll think about it.

 

It's a holiday week. Everybody's schedules are off & they have family & stress etc to deal with. Put dating him on hold until next Monday. If he gets in touch before that, fantastic but if he doesn't recognize it as being a function of the time of year.

[brokengirl85]

Just texted a morning text, that I was looking forward to our date and wishing a good holidays.

 

Thank you guys for the advice. I look like a little girl who's never dated before when I like someone

[Rydo]

First of all, the post-date thank you text isn't so much about thanking him again, it's giving him the green light to ask you out again. Lots of people say/do things on the date they have no intention on following up with...the post-date thank you text tells him that you ACTUALLY ARE interested in continuing on.

 

Madness, everyone knows that you should only thank someone an even number of times, unless it's the second Tuesday of the month or your name rhymes with banana. That's dating rule 4537!

 

You're coming across as someone that has never read a dating book in your life.

[brokengirl85]

Madness, everyone knows that you should only thank someone an even number of times, unless it's the second Tuesday of the month or your name rhymes with banana. That's dating rule 4537!

 

You're coming across as someone that has never read a dating book in your life.

 

I have to agree with this. One should thank the guy during the date. One can express gratitude and give the green light for a second date while in the date.

 

After that, it's the guys choice whether to contact or not. There's a need for space as well, and time to think about the prospects of a second date. Why pushing it more?

[Rydo]

I have to agree with this. One should thank the guy during the date. One can express gratitude and give the green light for a second date while in the date.

 

After that, it's the guys choice whether to contact or not. There's a need for space as well, and time to think about the prospects of a second date. Why pushing it more?

 

I apologise, I assumed my post was sufficiently sarcastic so as not to be taken seriously