Author brokengirl85 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 I apologise, I assumed my post was sufficiently sarcastic so as not to be taken seriously Gotcha I was just replying to the lady who said a post date text is a way to give a green light to a second date. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 If you said thank you enough on / after the date that should be sufficient, at least before texting it always was. However, the new norm seems to me that some guys wait for that post date thank you as the signal that's she's interested. If that is the case, I am all for cutting a guy a break & doing what I can to make him feel more at ease. It's tough to be the one who always risks rejection by doing the asking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 See how many times I thanked him during our date: -when he paid for our dinner. I thanked him -When he paid for our wine at the wine bar. I thanked him -Walking to the car. I thanked him again for our wonderful date -Inside my car, before and after kissing, I said to him I really enjoyed our date. Honestly, how many times does a man need to acknowledge I am thankful, indeed?? Nonsense, you don't have to thank men by text a million times. Don't listen to these people. If he likes you, he'll ask you out at the end of the date, next day or in max 2 days. A man who really likes you will not drop you because you didn't thank him for the 5th time And yes this has been working out for me. It's always true and as inevitable as gravity: A man who likes you will ask you out again! Guaranteed. Those who won't because of stuff like that, wouldn't work out anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rydo Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 It's true if he likes you he will still ask you out. The thank you thing just makes it easier. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) It's true if he likes you he will still ask you out. The thank you thing just makes it easier. Rydo I'm having a hard time deciphering if you are being sarcastic about the thank you thing because it's not necessary to send a thank you text on top of the during the date thank you or find it necessary to send a follow up thank you text or else the guy won't take the risk of asking out again. When did dating get so complicated with inane rules ... we have teacup children and now teacup men ... who for years would ask out a girl for a second date even in the face of rejection. Now guys can't handle rejection ... they are so insecure they need a definitive "green light text" or else they take their toys and go home. I wonder what side Emily Post would be on... Edited November 23, 2015 by StBreton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 If you said thank you enough on / after the date that should be sufficient, at least before texting it always was. However, the new norm seems to me that some guys wait for that post date thank you as the signal that's she's interested. If that is the case, I am all for cutting a guy a break & doing what I can to make him feel more at ease. It's tough to be the one who always risks rejection by doing the asking. It's a fine limit one would have to consider. Whether wait for a guy to text or anticipate and text him thanking again for dinner. I'd say, guys like the chase. If you make them too easy, they'll prob lose interest IF they were not sure about it in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 "The survey found 22 percent of women wait to be contacted first after a date, while just 5 percent of men waited for a call after meeting someone. The men who do follow up better act fast, or risk losing out. A woman’s impatience is another factor that even cell phones, iPads and email has not changed. In the survey, 28 percent of women said they would sever contact if they didn’t hear from their romantic interest the first time around" New Dating Rules Slash First-Date Follow-up Times - ABC News Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I feel like the whole debate over whether to thank or not to thank is getting a bit off-topic from OP's original post. It just goes part and parcel to all the other arguments about early dating etiquette and protocol, and that it's all become very confusing. Personally, I have never had a problem sending a guy a follow-up text saying thanks, but I'm not a naturally bubbly person, and I've gotten flack in various life arenas for coming off as unexcited by things. I can't help that, so I feel a follow-up text is warranted. However, I never send it with the hope of spurring the guy to text back, it's just genuine show of goodwill and gratitude. That being said, I don't think I've ever gotten flack for not sending a follow-up text, either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rydo Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Rydo I'm having a hard time deciphering if you are being sarcastic about the thank you thing because it's not necessary to send a thank you text on top of the during the date thank you or find it necessary to send a follow up thank you text or else the guy won't take the risk of asking out again. When did dating get so complicated with inane rules ... we have teacup children and now teacup men ... who for years would ask out a girl for a second date even in the face of rejection. Now guys can't handle rejection ... they are so insecure they need a definitive "green light text" or else they take their toys and go home. I wonder what side Emily Post would be on... It's not necessary to say please and thank you at all. This isn't really complicated. I don't need to see studies. In my experience I am more inclined to return a thank you text with an offer of another date. Do you have to do that? Not at all. Does it make the guys life easier when it comes to asking for a second date? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Like a guy? Go ahead and send him a text after the date, expressing the fun you had. Even if you don't, he should send one if he likes you. If neither of you texts the other, it's what we call a "mutual fade", meaning neither person wants a second date. This is kind of perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 It's a fine limit one would have to consider. Whether wait for a guy to text or anticipate and text him thanking again for dinner. I'd say, guys like the chase. If you make them too easy, they'll prob lose interest IF they were not sure about it in the first place. I am not advocating anything other than good manners. I hardly think thanking someone via text is making it too easy. For me it's about being clear. I like to make sure that if I am interested, a guy isn't guessing about that. Coy cat & mouse games serve no purpose. Simply because I make it clear that I will say yes to a next date, assuming the time & date work for me, hardly obliterates the mystery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I have to agree with this. One should thank the guy during the date. One can express gratitude and give the green light for a second date while in the date. After that, it's the guys choice whether to contact or not. There's a need for space as well, and time to think about the prospects of a second date. Why pushing it more? Giving thanks is a matter of courtesy, assuming the guy bought your coffee or, in your case, dinner. To not thank someone who has purchased something for you is just rude. A text with a second thanks or, assuming you split costs, one saying "I had fun, hope we can do this again" (or whatever) is just a nice thing to do assuming you are actually interested in the guy. Yes, it's his choice whether to contact but guys have all the same doubts and anxieties women do, so why not help clear the path? Plus, for me -- and this is just a style thing, I suppose -- I tend to be very direct. So if I had a good time, I will say so. Any guy who would be put off by me saying so is probably not the right guy for me. Link to post Share on other sites
walkingonair Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 The guy was going to have sex and isn't looking for a relationship, just wants to hookup. He realized that you're not the hook up type sobhes not texting. Be happy that he's not texting!!! You want a relationship not a one night stand! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Giving thanks is a matter of courtesy, assuming the guy bought your coffee or, in your case, dinner. To not thank someone who has purchased something for you is just rude. A text with a second thanks or, assuming you split costs, one saying "I had fun, hope we can do this again" (or whatever) is just a nice thing to do assuming you are actually interested in the guy. Yes, it's his choice whether to contact but guys have all the same doubts and anxieties women do, so why not help clear the path? Plus, for me -- and this is just a style thing, I suppose -- I tend to be very direct. So if I had a good time, I will say so. Any guy who would be put off by me saying so is probably not the right guy for me. She thanked him four times during and at the end of the date....and also told him what a great time she had. He texted her the following day and she responded thanking him again.... I think that's enough thanks for one dinner...and we can stop beating her up now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 The guy was going to have sex and isn't looking for a relationship, just wants to hookup. He realized that you're not the hook up type sobhes not texting. Be happy that he's not texting!!! You want a relationship not a one night stand! Please at least try to scan all the posts before responding... He did text her, she responded and he texted back setting their second date for after Thanksgiving... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 I am not advocating anything other than good manners. I hardly think thanking someone via text is making it too easy. For me it's about being clear. I like to make sure that if I am interested, a guy isn't guessing about that. Coy cat & mouse games serve no purpose. Simply because I make it clear that I will say yes to a next date, assuming the time & date work for me, hardly obliterates the mystery. Right. personally, I think I made it clear enough and I'm now at a point where he could easily reject me not texting anymore and disappearing. Since I've invested some feelings and hopes of meeting him again so far, I'd take his lack of interest as a rejection. My main point is that I feel uneasy in this position. I feel vulnerable and it's a feeling I don't like at all, given my poor self esteem. It's easier for me to look uninterested and not to reply or thank him again and again because, at the end, in case he stops contacting me I could think it's because he didn't like me enough but I'd be fine because I wasn't invested either way on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I think you're right. The similarity between this doctor and the first one is overwhelmingly significant. How can I change this? Try dating a lumberjack! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 The majority of guys want a girl that is in interested in them. Showing your game face of being uninterested to save your ego, isn't helping the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 It's easier for me to look uninterested and not to reply or thank him again and again because, at the end, in case he stops contacting me I could think it's because he didn't like me enough but I'd be fine because I wasn't invested either way on him. I don't get this train of thought really. What's the difference between sending him one text saying thanks for the date, it was fun, and doing nothing? If you don't hear from him one way or another, it's the same. But if you send the text, then at least you will have done something proactive rather than being passive. Maybe he won't reply, so what? Are you any worse off? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Sounds like all is good, and you worried for nothing . But if you don't get a grip of your insecurity, I'm not sure how you won't sabotage a budding relationship. Make sure that every time you feel insecure and going nuts , you give yourself ample time to calm down and wait for a conclusion to a situation before you react. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I don't get this train of thought really. What's the difference between sending him one text saying thanks for the date, it was fun, and doing nothing? If you don't hear from him one way or another, it's the same. But if you send the text, then at least you will have done something proactive rather than being passive. Maybe he won't reply, so what? Are you any worse off? I'll tell you what's wrong with texting a guy once or seven times too many. It'll not give you a better chance with him, as a man who is interested will always ask you out no matter what. And if he doesn't like you, why give the guy who isn't into you an extra ego stroke ? Nothing to gain from texting omg thank you for the nth time for the coffee and your godly company . When someone likes you, it's easy. You don't wonder and you're not left hanging. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I'll tell you what's wrong with texting a guy once or seven times too many. It'll not give you a better chance with him, as a man who is interested will always ask you out no matter what. And if he doesn't like you, why give the guy who isn't into you an extra ego stroke ? Nothing to gain from texting omg thank you for the nth time for the coffee and your godly company . When someone likes you, it's easy. You don't wonder and you're not left hanging. I agree with this....and there is such a thing as appearing too grateful. Jeez....you'd think no man ever bought her dinner before....that's what a guy is gonna think. I know that is what I would think if thanked a zillion times for doing something. It's too much. She already thanked him FOUR TIMES on the date and at the end for chrissakes, after an intense make out session.... that is enough! He'd have to be a complete moron not to know how interested she is. So..he texted her the next day which is great asking if she'd like to get together again. She responded back thanking him again... If it had been me I would have simply responded "sure, I would love too! When did you have in mind?" BluEyel is right...when a man is interested, he's not gonna say "gee we had a great time and really clicked... I am very attracted to her, but she didn't text me afterwards thanking me....so next"! No way!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 She already thanked him FOUR TIMES on the date and at the end for chrissakes, after an intense make out session.... that is enough! He'd have to be a complete moron not to know how interested she is. So..he texted her the next day which is great asking if she'd like to get together again. What? Sorry missed that - so he texted her to set up another date? Great! What's the problem now again? I thought that the issue was the old "I'm waiting for him to text so I wont text" that most women seem to engage in. Like a Mexican standoff. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Before my current relationship, I went on a LOT of dates. At the end of every single date, I expressed gratitude by sincerely thanking him for dinner and/or drinks. Never did I send a thank you text after the date. I waited each time for him to initiate contact after the first date. And you know what? 9 out of 10 times, the guy contacted me to ask for another date. I didn't get the feeling I was perceived as unappreciative because I didn't sent a "thank you text" after thanking him in person at the end of our date. If a guy is interested, the lack of a thank you text will NOT deter him from asking her out again (provided she thanked him during the date). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Before my current relationship, I went on a LOT of dates. At the end of every single date, I expressed gratitude by sincerely thanking him for dinner and/or drinks. Never did I send a thank you text after the date. I waited each time for him to initiate contact after the first date. And you know what? 9 out of 10 times, the guy contacted me to ask for another date. I didn't get the feeling I was perceived as unappreciative because I didn't sent a "thank you text" after thanking him in person at the end of our date. If a guy is interested, the lack of a thank you text will NOT deter him from asking her out again (provided she thanked him during the date). This has been exactly my experience as well. Thanked them once or twice during and at the end of the date, both said something of the effect of seeing each other again, often setting it up on the spot. Moreover, most men sent ME a thank you text or email after the date, thanking me for my time and company, and asked me out on another, if we didn't already set it up at the end of the first one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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