Why this continues to happen to me???

[mystikmind2005]

I agree with this too!! But he only told me he was a doctor in our date. I didn't know his profession before meeting and he didn't know mine either.

 

We both drove 25 minutes for our dinner date and it was kind of a blind date because we didn't chat much before.

 

People in certain professions such as doctors and chef's are slaves of servitude, forbidden to have any kind of social life, so they don't have time for dating and frankly may as well donate their sex organs to science because their not going to be needing them.

 

He was no doctor.

[brokengirl85]

Sounds like all is good, and you worried for nothing . But if you don't get a grip of your insecurity, I'm not sure how you won't sabotage a budding relationship. Make sure that every time you feel insecure and going nuts , you give yourself ample time to calm down and wait for a conclusion to a situation before you react. Good luck!

Every time I feel insecure I post here!

[katiegrl]

What? Sorry missed that - so he texted her to set up another date?

Great!

What's the problem now again?

 

I thought that the issue was the old "I'm waiting for him to text so I wont text" that most women seem to engage in. Like a Mexican standoff.

 

Beats the hell outta me what the issue is.

 

As I said, she thanked him four times on the date, and told him she had a great time.

 

The next day, he texted her telling her HE had a great time, and asked if she'd like to get together again.

 

Qboro suggested she respond thanking him AGAIN, which she did ... saying yes she would like to get together again.

 

She had not heard back from him by mid-afternoon, and was becoming anxious to Qboro advised her to send another text following up on the date he suggested.

 

The OP did not take that advise (thankfully!).... and he responded back last night saying great and suggested their next date be after Thanksgiving.

 

 

So I don't know what the issue is....except some posters aren't reading all the posts and are responding based on what they've read which isn't the entire story.

[Oregon_Dude]

Who cares at this point?

 

OP, just stay indoors and turn off your phone. You may resume dating when you're ready to quit the games.

 

If you want to text someone, text them. Women have all these rights now. Use them.

[joseb]

So I don't know what the issue is....except some posters aren't reading all the posts and are responding based on what they've read which isn't the entire story.

 

Yeah I'm guilty on this occasion - my bad, usually I do read them all - missed the whole bit in the middle here!

[BlueIris]

OP, you seem determined to pull a loss from the jaws of victory or happiness.

 

Be happy. You're going out again. Have fun.

 

Also don't expect professionals to be breathing on their phones and texting every day, or very often at all.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If you can see he is actively on the dating website then you can be sure he is looking at all his options. He will be getting to know other women and making dates, so it would be in your best interest to do the same thing. If you are compatible it should come naturally in time.

 

For now, if you get to know some other men then it might help you feel less anxious and invested in this one guy. It might help take the pressure off when you spend time with him. It will remind you that if it doesn't work out it will be ok because you have other options.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

Good luck!

[brokengirl85]

People in certain professions such as doctors and chef's are slaves of servitude, forbidden to have any kind of social life, so they don't have time for dating and frankly may as well donate their sex organs to science because their not going to be needing them.

 

He was no doctor.

 

If you can see he is actively on the dating website then you can be sure he is looking at all his options. He will be getting to know other women and making dates, so it would be in your best interest to do the same thing. If you are compatible it should come naturally in time.

 

For now, if you get to know some other men then it might help you feel less anxious and invested in this one guy. It might help take the pressure off when you spend time with him. It will remind you that if it doesn't work out it will be ok because you have other options.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

Good luck!

 

Completely agree, thank you. Yes, he's active in dating sites. So am I.

I remember one or two guys I talked to in the past, decided to take down their profiles after we messaged for a few days, before even meeting. That was such a turn off for me. I'd instantly lose my interest.

With this I mean, it would be really silly for someone to just focus in one person after just a few chats or even a few dates.

 

I think being exclusive with someone is first based in trust and mutual agreement. One cannot trust someone after a few messages or even a few dates, even though you can still feel butterflies for this person.

 

I'm active in online dating. Why I shouldn't be? I'm open to other guys and I'll probably say yes if I find someone else attractive. Likewise, I don't think I'm his only dating interest right now.

[brokengirl85]

Happy thanksgiving!!

 

I'd like your opinion on this:

 

The doctor sent me a happy thanksgiving two hours ago. I did reply wishing him a happy holidays and asking how was he doing.

 

Silence. Never replied. Instead, he is online in okcupid.

 

My question is: is he playing? Am I not his first choice? Damn how I hate being in this position, to actually don't know where I'm standing :/

[Zippy2000]

The majority of guys want a girl that is in interested in them. Showing your game face of being uninterested to save your ego, isn't helping the situation.

 

I totally agree!

 

I ve read the posts on here and the texts aren`t "fluent" and consistent.

 

Theres a lot of thank yous and how are you doing but no other open questions to continue a dialogue.

 

You need to start initiating texts and maybe suggest a second date rather than leaving it up to him,

[Zippy2000]

Happy thanksgiving!!

 

I'd like your opinion on this:

 

The doctor sent me a happy thanksgiving two hours ago. I did reply wishing him a happy holidays and asking how was he doing.

 

Silence. Never replied. Instead, he is online in okcupid.

 

My question is: is he playing? Am I not his first choice? Damn how I hate being in this position, to actually don't know where I'm standing :/

 

 

Im seeing a girl now and when I speak to her she always how I am. To think about it when she asks me this. It feels like a friend. I mean you would say this to a friend or an acquaintance you hadnt seen for a while. So it like starting all over again a conversation with someone you havent seen for a while.

 

This is why I dislike OLD is becuase you can see they are back on the site looking for other potential dates.

 

I d ask you to play it cool for now. Remember he isnt your boyfriend and he is still allowed to look as you two arent exclusive yet.

 

Like everything else. Its how you portray yourself to him if you are fun, flirty and a secure person to be with. If you start asking questions it ll no doubt make him walk the other way.

 

Time will tell.

[brokengirl85]

That's what I hate the most, to know he is actively searching for others.

I'm just relaxing about all this. what makes me feel hopeful is to know that, either is him or another, I'm able to feel excited with someone.

For a long time I thought I'd never find love because my previous relationship was intense and painful.

 

I'm a little wary now, because all that I suffered in the past. I'm not asking any questions about why is he active online, nor I will initiate.

 

I'm not initiating because I'm not sure whether this guy is really interested or wants to have me as a plan B. So, until I get to know him a little, maybe after a second date (if there's actually a second date) I'll feel more secure about me initiating.

 

There are some guys I know for sure they are into me. Some others are obvious because they are not into me at all. But there is a middle, a blurred limit between those two categories that really makes me feel insecure. It happens when I do like the guy, but I receive mixed signals: they text me, but they don't want to have a second date. I really hate when this happens.

[brokengirl85]

Hello,

 

the doctor asked me for a second date today.

 

we've been texting randomly since our first date. no flirting in our messages, just very polite, almost dry texts.

 

He's been very active on okcupid every day, all day long, so I thought he lost interest. After all, he is hot and everything.

 

however, he keep sending this dry texts, always initiating (never, nor once, I initiated) and replying hours later to my texts.

 

wth, I still don't get this situation. He asked me when I was available, if Friday or Saturday evening, I told him Friday. He said ok, Friday, but never set a time or place.

 

gezz, this guy. Is he overly polite and takes his time to organize things or what's happening here?

[mrs rubble]

Hello,

 

the doctor asked me for a second date today.

 

we've been texting randomly since our first date. no flirting in our messages, just very polite, almost dry texts.

 

He's been very active on okcupid every day, all day long, so I thought he lost interest. After all, he is hot and everything.

 

however, he keep sending this dry texts, always initiating (never, nor once, I initiated) and replying hours later to my texts.

 

wth, I still don't get this situation. He asked me when I was available, if Friday or Saturday evening, I told him Friday. He said ok, Friday, but never set a time or place.

 

gezz, this guy. Is he overly polite and takes his time to organize things or what's happening here?

 

I'd do some investigating, none of the doctors I know have the time to be on OLD all day, every day.....and all of the doctors I know can be identified as Doctors quite easily by putting their name into google.(registration etc.) First ascertain whether he's telling you the truth about who he is.....he sound's like a player to me....he may be a fraud too.

[Natalie8]

good looking doctor on okcupid just hanging around all 'single' like waiting for some lucky girl to live happily ever after?? Well, sure, i suppose it is possible, and so is winning lotto!

 

Why couldnt an attractive professional be single? Online dating is not just for ugly losers. I actually have a female friend who is a lawyer, attractive and lovely too. She is single and is on a dating site. And she regularly gets messages such as " i bet you are married..blablabla..attractive successful people wouldnt need to use a dating site..i bet you are using fake pics". The same cynical mentality you just implied in your message.

Besides, dating a doctor is not exactly like winning the lottery. For me, at least, a doctor is someone who is over stressed, over worked and has tons of student debt. Not exactly my prince charming. I would rather date a self employed tree surgeon.

I am not saying that guys never lie about their profession but if they did they surely do come up with something better than 'doctor'. ( or maybe in the US the word 'doctor' conveys a very different image. But here i dont know any girl who would drop their painties upon hearing the words 'im a doctor'.)

[JGirl83]

People in certain professions such as doctors and chef's are slaves of servitude, forbidden to have any kind of social life, so they don't have time for dating and frankly may as well donate their sex organs to science because their not going to be needing them.

 

He was no doctor.

 

Forbidden to have an social life..what??? Are you saying that all chefs and doctors are single forever because they never ever ever have time to date or they get married prior to becoming a doctor/chef?

One of my brothers is a chef. He is engaged. And he dated other girls before that. They dont work 24/7. Yes, they have to work long hours, unsociable schedules but they do get out!

The doctor in question might not be a doctor for all we know but just because he managed to find time to go on a date it doesnt mean he is definitely not one!

[brokengirl85]

I'd do some investigating, none of the doctors I know have the time to be on OLD all day, every day.....and all of the doctors I know can be identified as Doctors quite easily by putting their name into google.(registration etc.) First ascertain whether he's telling you the truth about who he is.....he sound's like a player to me....he may be a fraud too.

 

I googled him. He is a doctor, no doubt of that.

[brokengirl85]

He is a doctor, but he also is online all day long in okcupid. I can probe both statements

 

So, he messaged me this afternoon proposing a place and a time to meet. We are having a second date tomorrow.

I replied that I'll meet him tomorrow, so my guess is we are meeting indeed! Can't really believe it.

 

Now, I have several concerns:

 

1. We were supposing to have dinner at a restaurant we discussed on Monday. He made a reservation at a wine bar, instead.

2. I know he's been active on okcupid talking to others. I know this for sure because I disabled my profile for a couple days, but he was still online all day long

3. Given the nature of why we first have contact in okcupid (it was me, suggesting something about a kiss , my fear is he might think I'm not girlfriend material and wants to only sleep with me. After all, he practically didn't ask me any questions on the first date, it was me being curious about him.

4. I feel insecure

[SwordofFlame]

He is a doctor, but he also is online all day long in okcupid. I can probe both statements

 

So, he messaged me this afternoon proposing a place and a time to meet. We are having a second date tomorrow.

I replied that I'll meet him tomorrow, so my guess is we are meeting indeed! Can't really believe it.

 

Now, I have several concerns:

 

1. We were supposing to have dinner at a restaurant we discussed on Monday. He made a reservation at a wine bar, instead.

2. I know he's been active on okcupid talking to others. I know this for sure because I disabled my profile for a couple days, but he was still online all day long

3. Given the nature of why we first have contact in okcupid (it was me, suggesting something about a kiss , my fear is he might think I'm not girlfriend material and wants to only sleep with me. After all, he practically didn't ask me any questions on the first date, it was me being curious about him.

4. I feel insecure

 

I think if you have the okc app on your phone. It always says you're online. What doctor has that much time be online all day? Sounds like a struggling doctor to me.

[losangelena]

I think if you have the okc app on your phone. It always says you're online. What doctor has that much time be online all day? Sounds like a struggling doctor to me.

 

I was going to say this. If you have the app open (even in the background) and your phone is picking up a Wi-Fi signal, then it shows that you're online. So, his PHONE may be online, but that doesn't mean he's spending all day swiping right.

 

OP, just go on your date and don't worry, jesus. It's OK to feel insecure in the beginning, but just keep your expectations at bay. Who cares if he only wants you for sex? That doesn't mean you have to have sex with him. This is a guy you've only met once or a couple of times—he doesn't get any say in your worth as an individual.

 

Also, I'm sure you can eat at a wine bar or go get food afterward. No big deal.

[stillafool]

Happy thanksgiving!!

 

I'd like your opinion on this:

 

The doctor sent me a happy thanksgiving two hours ago. I did reply wishing him a happy holidays and asking how was he doing.

 

Silence. Never replied. Instead, he is online in okcupid.

 

My question is: is he playing? Am I not his first choice? Damn how I hate being in this position, to actually don't know where I'm standing :/

 

He probably sent out the "happy thanksgiving" to a list of people. That's what I did on Thanksgiving. I wouldn't read too much into it.

[brokengirl85]

About the app., he is always online except yesterday from 6 pm to 1 am, when he went online again. Today he's been off line all day.

 

My guess is he's dating others and probably he had a date last night, they exchanged numbers and now he has no need anymore to message through okcupid anymore.

 

I'm still undecided whether to cancel or not.

[Mikau]

For the love of God stop overthinking everything. You have a good thing going, stop doubting every little thing he does until he gives you reason to (and no, you being insecure is not him giving a reason).

[losangelena]

About the app., he is always online except yesterday from 6 pm to 1 am, when he went online again. Today he's been off line all day.

 

My guess is he's dating others and probably he had a date last night, they exchanged numbers and now he has no need anymore to message through okcupid anymore.

 

I'm still undecided whether to cancel or not.

 

Why do you keep checking up on his online activity? Didn't you read our comments about that?

 

You are reading WAY too much into this. You have no idea why he's online or offline, especially if it shows him being online when he's actually not. You need to quit monitoring him, girl.

 

Is this process fun for you in anyway? Please, just enjoy it, everything is fine. Go on your date. You have absolutely zero reason to cancel.

[brokengirl85]

Second date: D I S A S T E R

 

Omg I cannot feel worse.

This guy surprised me taking me to a wine bar and then to a French restaurant and it was all perfect except that I'm a total weirdo, and I'm goofy and dorky. Gezzz, I cannot face a glass of wine I'm already tipsy! The bread fell out of my hands, I couldn't handle the scargots girl and I grabbed it with my hand. Omg cannot believe this.

 

 

Plus, this guy expected me to have deep phylosofical conversations when. I had a terrible day crying and crying because I'm overly sensitive for my period

 

At the end, I was so drunk I just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and he stopped me (softly) and wanted me to go. What's wrong with the world? I just needed to be kissed

 

Plus, he said all the women he meet call him don draper. Wtf.

 

Terrible, horrible date (because of myself, I ruined)