womans opinions, am i being strung along, whats going on?

[rastafari]

wow these forums are great, they make me feel a lot better. anyways, need to vent (this is a lot of "he said, she said") its a lot to read...

 

when my ex broke it to me she first told me she "needed to explore herself." then i asked her if she was trying to break up with me and she said she didn't know. over the next few days i was freeking out about her dumping me and she said that she couldn't explain it, she didn't know.then i said if your going to do it just do it because i cant live waiting to be broken up with, i have school work i have to do. then that night(valentines day) she came up with all these bs excuses...i don't kiss her when i go to bed, i don't tell her she's beautiful, im moody, we don't have anything in common, maby there is better people for us, then would bring up specific times i screwed up. i told her that i wasn't perfect. so we didn't officaly break up that night, next day she dumped me. she claimed we were "too dependent on each other" and "i cant and dont want to change you"...then i asked if there was any chance we would get back together. she says "maby in 2 years, but don't wait for me"???? i was shocked that she gave me a number, i get out of school in two years as well.

 

a week or so before this she asked me a bunch of weird questions..."if we broke up would you hook up with a bunch of girls?", "you don't even like girls like me", and "if i stopped taking birth control would you still go out with me?"

 

i thought she was crazy for saying all this stuff at the time. maby she thought that i wasnt into her because i was extremely depressed and was so focused on school, but the depression was making me act all weird, i was crying and throwing things for no apparent reason.

 

during this time she was telling me she wanted to watch me grow old and random people on the street would comment on us being love birds multiple times.

 

i talked to her mother on the phone about it, and she said.."the only thing she told me was that she couldn't handle your stress and her stress and school at the same time"

 

i started writing her notes about my thoughts on the situation. then one day, like a Dumas, i asked her why we never really see each other (i was a mess at the time, i know its sort of funny. i mean we did split) she said "it was too early to be friends because there are too many feelings"(which i agree on) an that she tried to be friends with her past ex too soon and it didn't work at all...then i rambled on about there is no point on trial and error with people, might as well work things out in order to learn, or something along those lines...but basically.."we might get back together" she said "yea"...

 

anyways is this girl stringing me on or what. do you think we are just on a long break, or is this really over for good. i think it would be really mean to tell someone its possible that they would get back with someone when they don't intend to....

 

there was a few things that i needed to personally take care of that i didnt see at the time, which could be the things that "she didnt want to change." and they are taken care of. i wish i could show her. but i dont want to call her, we need our space for now. any suggestions?

[Shey]

You said you were looking for women's views on this sitch so I thought I would throw in my 2 cents...

 

It sounds to me that your gal is confused about what she wants out of life, and that is why she is sending you mixed signals...she is scared to let go of you totally, because she is afraid that she may regret it later on. She is confused, and therefore is trying to "test the waters" by dipping her toe in but still hanging on to the tree next to the pond....

 

If you really do love this girl this is what I would highly suggest you do, as I have felt the way I believe she is feeling right now...give her space. Show her that you are an interesting, fun guy. Be there as a friend if she needs somebody to talk to, but do not, and I mean this, do NOT hound her about deep emotions and why you two aren't together anymore...don't plead for pity or anything along those lines...this will only drive her further away from you.

 

By focusing on YOURSELF and improving your own life...conquering those stresses that have been bugging you about school for example, you will be impressing her...I'm not saying that she will come running back to you, because honestly from the sounds of it, she probably is not coming back hon...and I know you don't want to hear that but that's how it looks from my perspective. I'm also not saying that it's a lost cause either though...my husband and I got back together after over a year of being seperated...it can be done. Whether we'll be together for a long time or not is unknown, but I do know that 2nd chances can and DO occur.

 

The best advice I can give is to be yourself, and to remember you two started out as friends, and to go back to that attitude. Drop the jealousy (as much as possible), don't freak about her decisions (b/f's do that, not friends), and focus on you...you can still let her know that you are into her, by the way you look at her and by complimenting her....just make sure they are REAL compliments...not something you pull out of your a$$ that sounds cheesy....if you think she sincerely looks great on a certain day, tell her. If she looks like crap, don't say she looks great.... Hope this helps a bit! Good Luck!

[rastafari]

thanks for the advice and taking the time to read all that. i have been doing some of the things you have been talking about, like giving compliments, but only when need be. and when i see her im always very smily, and she askes why. she knows whys, she knows she doesnt even have to ask. anyway, what makes you say she isnt comming back? just curious. so she is stringn me along.

[rastafari]

yea at first i sort of bothered her about why we broke up becuase i didnt understand, i think it started to send her in the opposite direction. my mom seys "she is just a confused 20 year old girl that doesnt know what she wants"...i have been leaving her alone for a good while to give her something to miss, i hope.