, I am miserable

[electralucy]

Hello, I really need some good advice since my head is spinning. I met a man on a dating app and we dated for two month. Now he was the one who said that we are exclusive and he explained me a couple of times that there are no other women he is dating, that I am the only one. He only texted me very rare messages and always shallow texts, never really what he was doing just small talk things. I asked him once what was up with this and he said he's texting his coworkers that's why he is constantly online. But he was constantly online till way after midnight. He was the one who kept on telling me that he wants a relationship with me and wants to be with me that we are serious exclusive. He also said when we are exclusive he would delete his profile on this dating app. He didn't and I talked to him about it and he said he will log out, it's no problem. But he never deleted it. Shame on myself I know it was not right what I did but I went through his phone and I found a very flirty conversation with a woman he met on this dating app. And he texted this woman while I was sleeping at his place. I confronted him about it and he got very angry and tried to blame me for my l mistrust. I didn't make a drama scene and I just said that I told him from the beginning that I am not a woman to play with. I left his place and now he blocked me so I can't contact the him anymore. Why?? I mean did I overreact? I kept on telling him I wanna where I stand with him and he always tried to assure me that there are no worries for me to have and now this?? Can please someone explain? Or at least tell me what do you guys think about this behavior.

[lilmissjava]

If you go looking for trouble, you eventually find it.

 

Your only recourse is to let him go. It's two months, not a huge investment. It is best you find out now that he was still shopping around on the dating site rather than months or years down the road.

 

You are better off. He lied and led you on to believe you were exclusive. No room in your life for such deceit.

 

Do not give it another thought.

[kendahke]

It sounds to me like he wanted a bellywarmer and said what he needed to to get one. He didn't sound invested and it didn't sound, from what you've written, that he chose you--and by "choose" you, I mean his actions completely followed what he was saying. They never did from what you wrote.

 

You needed to follow your gut and not sleep at his place until he had followed through with the deleting of the profile on the dating site. I think that going through his phone was a step too far--you had all the information you needed to end it before stooping to his level of deceit. Yes, it's unfair, but they will always turn it around on you because they know you want them more than they want you: because they'd never chosen you.

 

Consider yourself to have dodged a bullet. You would have been dealing with this throughout your relationship with them. When a man chooses you, he deleted his profile and his focus is on you, not on other women. He makes that clear to everyone.

[dads new boyfriend]

He gave you a reason to mistrust him so your snooping is justified.

Why do you still want to contact him? It should have been you that blocked him.

[kendahke]

I kept on telling him I wanna where I stand with him

 

And that should have been your red flag.

 

I take it he speaks the same language as you, right? You shouldn't have to repeat yourself on something as fundamental to the integrity of a relationship as this. Once is enough.

 

He understood perfectly what you were saying: he chose to proceed in a fashion that let you know he didn't care how you stood with him. He was going to do what he wanted to do. You having sex with him didn't change that.

 

One thing I always say is "you can't sex a man into a relationship he has no intention on being in."

[smackie9]

His behavior is telling, you didn't need to look through his phone to figure out what is going on with him......dump his ass. If it doesn't feel right that's because it's not.

[KatZee]

If you have to ask a man where you stand, you don't stand anywhere.

 

He was shady from day one and you continued to mess with him.

 

His behaviors said: I'm a player, I'm not to be trusted.

 

Yet, you chose to believe his words. Never do this. Actions over words, ALWAYS.

 

He blocked you because he has no more use for you. Although he was saying you two were "exclusive," you weren't. He merely said those words to get as much as he could get out of you. The second you found out he was still online, still talking to other women, and getting all "territorial" and "possessive," he dropped you.

 

This guy doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a harem of women, and that's what he's going to continue to do. He's not worth being with, and not worth trying to analyze his behavior. Be glad he's gone.

[Sunlight72]

The answers before mine hold the truth. Read them slowly.

 

There is no hidden, secret thing you could have done to make this work better with that guy. Don't look for any hidden meaning, any secret answer for a way to make a good relationship with him.

 

There are two people inside each person.

 

The person of words (which can be used as lies), and the person shown by their actions (which are much, much harder to be used as lies).

 

Trust a gut feeling that is caused by someone's actions.

 

You did the right thing by leaving when you found out he was pursuing another woman(women).

[xcupid]

Be glad he's out of the picture now. He was bad news from the beginning.

[Buddhist]

I really need some good advice since my head is spinning.

 

There's no mystery here, he lied to you, you found out about it, and since you decided that you're not swallowing his crap he doesn't want to interact with you. Nothing to be confused about here.

 

- You did the right thing for yourself

- Him blocking you is doing you a favour really. You won't be tempted by this person ever again.

 

He blocked you because you hold expectations and you call him out on his lies. He is now moving onto an easier target who is more readily fooled. Don't blame yourself, congratulate yourself, bullet dodged.

[electralucy]

Thank you guys so much for your time and advices. It all makes sense what you guys wrote. I am a person who just want to understand. But why did he tell me things like we are serious exclusive and that he wants a relationship, what were his incidents?? I mean he already was in my pants but even after that he kept on telling me that he wants a serious relationship with me and that he dating no other women. We have been talking about this for a couple of times. Why did he even bother to explain and talk to me about it. Why didn't he dumped me then after he got in my pants. What was his goal? Well I am a nurse and a physical therapist and he kept on telling me that he is in dept cause his ex wife ****ed his financial situation up. Well he never asked me for money though. He paid on the first two dates but after that he always wanted me to come to his place, he lives 90 miles away. And when I was at his place he ordered food and he paid for that also, well it was like 8 bucks . and it happened twice that for dinner he just got himself some to eat, he even didn't ask me if I wanted some. When I was at his place all we did was watching Hells Kitchen episodes for hours . once we went to the movies to a movie he wanted to see really bad. But he always cuddled with me, held my hand even in the car,opened the doors for me,.. So I wouldnt think that he wanted me for my money. One thing I did I drove up to his place once just to bring him some prescription medication cause he suffers from migrane. Anyway to make it short can someone please please tell me what his intentions, why to keep me around and telling me all this relationship crap? He also talked about future plans like traveling and taking me to a ball in may. For what all those sweet words? What for???

Edited November 23, 2015 by electralucy

[kendahke]

Thank you guys so much for your time and advices. It all makes sense what you guys wrote. I am a person who just want to understand. But why did he tell me things like we are serious exclusive and that he wants a relationship, what were his incidents?? I mean he already was in my pants but even after that he kept on telling me that he wants a serious relationship with me and that he dating no other women. We have been talking about this for a couple of times. Why did he even bother to explain and talk to me about it. Why didn't he dumped me then after he got in my pants. What was his goal? Well I am a nurse and a physical therapist and he kept on telling me that he is in dept cause his ex wife ****ed his financial situation up. Well he never asked me for money though. He paid on the first two dates but after that he always wanted me to come to his place, he lives 90 miles away. And when I was at his place he ordered food and he paid for that also, well it was like 8 bucks . and it happened twice that for dinner he just got himself some to eat, he even didn't ask me if I wanted some. When I was at his place all we did was watching Hells Kitchen episodes for hours . once we went to the movies to a movie he wanted to see really bad. But he always cuddled with me, held my hand even in the car,opened the doors for me,.. So I wouldnt think that he wanted me for my money. One thing I did I drove up to his place once just to bring him some prescription medication cause he suffers from migrane. Anyway to make it short can someone please please tell me what his intentions, why to keep me around and telling me all this relationship crap? He also talked about future plans like traveling and taking me to a ball in may. For what all those sweet words? What for???

 

His intentions sound like he was only in it for the pink... and he said what he needed to say to get the pink. Now, if you were only after some slap and tickle, then this is a scenario that works to those ends.

 

He said one thing, but his actions were screaming "I DON"T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A RELATIONSHIP". Who orders take out only for themselves when they know you're driving 90 miles to come spend time with them? That doesn't sound like someone whose mind is bent to be in a relationship.

 

And only wanting to sit on the couch and watch mind numbing American reality TV shows is a huge red flag that this guy isn't into dating: he's into finding someone who will "netflix and chill". Taking a walk costs nothing. There are other ideas that don't cost $50 a pop that the two of you could have done to get off that sofa and out of the house together, but he most likely didn't want to be seen out with you because he was talking to other women.

 

While me may not have been dating other women, he was being highly inappropriate with them for someone who is telling you that he wants to be exclusive with you. There is a massive disconnect right there.

 

At the end of the day, stop trying to figure this out. It didn't work, he wasn't the man he claimed he was. He told you what he needed to tell you to get you to bite down hard on that hook. Be glad he didn't reel you in far enough to club you on the head.

Edited November 23, 2015 by kendahke

[truth_seeker]

I confronted him about it and he got very angry and tried to blame me for my l mistrust.

 

Typical scumbag tactic by a scumbag. They know they're caught so they try to throw blame on someone else - the person who caught them! They do this with the hope of convincing you that it's all your fault. This guy is trash. Throw him away.