LDR issues *long*

[IncognitoDorito]

Okay, so I'm going to put everything out here so you guys can get the best understanding of what's going on.

I met this guy last year over a game, we both didn't expect or were looking to date anyone but after we started talking it just clicked and so we started dating. That was almost a year ago, we're just two weeks away from our 1 year anniversary.

In between now and then, we've had our share of problems but got past them.

We're both young, him being 17 and me being 16. I know people say that ldr's never work out, or that it's too young to know what love is, but I'm not here to hear that. I just need some advice. In the beginning, I'd say first 4 months or so we were perfect, inseparable despite the distance which is roughly 2,730 miles. Both U.S, just opposite coasts. We used to talk for hours, up to 10 a day non-stop with conversation that just made my day and his better. He was so sweet, honestly the nicest guy I had ever met. Fast forward to May. He had gotten this new game and around that time is when we started having problems. We both met on a game, so he got tired of the game we played together, and started playing on the new one more. Which is fine, I mean everyone gets tired of the same old thing after a while.

Skip to June, 6 month anniversary, we break up at the end of June.

The week before this, he had gotten very rude, said I was on his hate list and such. I've asked him about that now and he said he didn't mean it. But we broke up at the end of June, which hurt more than you'd think it would. We always talked about our future and how we're going to meet soon, etc. He said he couldn't handle it and wasn't ready for a relationship. Skip to the beginning of July, we get back together and I'm not going to lie, things never really were the same after our break up. Everything we once said to each other suddenly didn't matter after we broke up the first time. However we were still going strong, and continued onto our 7 months. He told me the sweetest things ever on our 7 month anniversary, how he'd never leave me and only wants to make me happy, break up the day after. Then got back together 5 days or so later.

This is so hard for me to talk about.

I love this guy so much....

After our 2nd breakup, I had just told my parents about him. We were getting pretty serious, then I had some jealousy issues because he kept wanting to do things with this other girl (gaming_ as well as with me, I'm not talking about anything sexual, he just joked about it and we all played games together instead of just quality time with just us.

August comes around, it finally goes back to just us.

However he had started to act differently, like he wasn't as open with me anymore, conversations got slower and shorter, things like that.

September comes around, he says we're losing our connection but he isn't doing anything to fix that. I can only take the conversation so far without him trying to continue it.

I'd like to note that he hates showing me his face so he rarely facecams, as to I do all the time.

October, pretty much the same but the conversations have gotten shorter.

November, his birthday, I had bought things in advance to send to him but he wouldn't let me because of his parents not knowing about us.

That brings us to today

We've been having petty arguments every weekend, none of which I remember the cause of.

He gets jealous very easily though, to the point when I can't talk about my guy friends without him assuming I like them or anything of the sort.

We had a huge argument last night, one that really made me question and would've most certainly made most girls walk out of the relationship.

*Note* He plays the new game he got from May a lot and I question if he'd rather play that than talk to me

I had been having an incredibly rough day, I get anxiety a lot, and he asked me what was wrong so I told him.

He proceeds to ask why I care so much about what people think of me, sends me a picture of someone who is anorexic, says if I want to become that then go ahead and that he doesn't want that. Spammed me the picture, said that was going to be me in two years, even though right before that I explained why I was so insecure. I have scoliosis, which does affect my body image. He knows that too.

I had got off my computer after that, not replying, not knowing what to say, and completely hurt and upset.

He had texted me twice after that. Skip to 3 hours, I text him

This is our conversation for the rest of the night

His name will be J and mine will be M

 

I had said hi and he said what, and I told him how badly that hurt and I thought he would've apologized, he said that he isn't going to apologize because he doesn't need to. He said it was my fault that I see myself wrongly and that he's just telling me the truth and what will be the truth if I keep "fasting" and that he doesn't see himself with me if I do. I told him I wouldn't ever do that and he says I'm the one thinking it, then said he had to go.

 

 

Please note I haven't brought up fasting once I don't know where he got that from, but I have had one problem in July that was similar to it but none since

 

Little later that night, I say goodnight and he said "miss I hate J2121"

I had told him I don't hate him, I love him, and that only him cheating on me would make me hate him.

*Note

he has accused me of liking other guys/questioning if I'd cheat

 

Then said he had to go and love you

 

*Note

he's been saying just love you a lot lately instead of I love you

and there's a difference.

 

I told him goodnight and that I'll be up most all night if he needs me.

He then said that have fun, think about our relationship and when it's going to end

I said why the hell are you being so rude, I've done nothing.

He then said "you're my problem

you're the one saying I think about fasting for a week like who the **** are even are you anymore

You have changed so much

sent me his favorite picture of me and said thats the girl I want

not

sent me the anorexic girl he had send me earlier that night

 

I apologized to him saying I promise I wouldn't ever do that

 

"Why the **** are you bringing it up for no reason

Clearly you have thought of it"

 

"I only want my stomach flatter, I'm not going to do that crap because once you do it you can't stop. I wouldn't do that. I'm not (name)"

 

"Flatter is what (name) wanted

And look at her

******* bones"

 

"J I wouldn't want to be that skinny, ever."

 

"You know what

I'm done

Do what you want

Just do what you want

Don't even ask me

Cause I won't be bothered to answer you

I'm going to bed goodnight and goodbye

If you don't want to sleep then fine don't

Don't be bothering me about a headache or you're tired

cause I won't give a ****

You're causing yourself harm not me

You tell me I'm being mean or are you the one just learning reality

You don't learn with the kinds of words you're told

So I'm being rude so you actually pay attention

If you can't be yourself I don't see me and you dating anymore,

you may go with yourself somewhere into the future with kids and a family

but I'm not going to be in that picture

So do what you want"

 

"J please wait"

 

"Be what you want to be"

 

"please wait"

 

"But do not tell me I am wrong, or being rude

just because you can't take the truth.

GOODNIGHT"

 

"J please wait please"

 

I was couldn't stop crying by that point, being so completely hurt by what I was just told I'm still surprised he had told all of that to me.

 

I hadn't replied after that

But I did look back at the conversation about 10 minutes after.

I had an anxiety attack

He must've saw the dot dot dot on imessage because he said

 

"what do you want"

"Ok then bye"

"M ANSWER ME RN"

"fine I wont answer you back for a week goodbye"

 

So I told him I had an anxiety attack and that I'm sorry for everything

 

"Are we going to talk or not"

 

Yes

 

"Whats your problem"

 

I just feel really insecure

 

"Y"

 

Like a lot because of a lot of reasons

 

"tell me rn"

 

I listed them

 

"may I ask why you feel insecure"

 

*note he hasnt compliment me very much lately or said any sweet things.*

 

"Because I look at other girls and they don't look like I do"

 

"so"

 

"It just makes me jealous that I don't look as hot as they do and I never will because I can't change any of that stuff"

 

"Did you come out of the same vagina"

 

"no"

 

"So why you care

Why do you want to be as "hot" as them"

 

"I don't know honestly I just don't like how I look it isn't attractive to me not even talking about my weight just in general

Because I think they're pretty"

 

"Well I didn't know u care so much"

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"So you're going lesbian/gay now"

 

"whoa what no lol never"

 

"mhm so gay it is"

 

"I'm straight even though my spine isn't."

 

"So who's the girl you into"

 

"no one unless you're calling yourself a girl"

 

"What's her name and where's my release contract at"

 

"J stop I'm not into girls I like you"

 

"mhm so how hot is she"

 

"She just looks like every other girl at my school"

 

"Ok so multiple girls dang

Always knew u couldn't handle just 1 person relationship"

 

Note* I had never cheated on him, nor would I ever do that

 

"What the ****"

 

"always gotta have another backup"

 

"Are you really going to accuse me of that

J I've been 100% loyal to you and I always would be"

 

"So when are we gonna break up still waiting for that release"

 

"You really hate me that much now what the ****"

 

"sure"

 

"J please be honest with me"

 

"since you really wanna be "hot"

 

"I dont want this to happen to us"

 

"that means you got no time for me"

 

"Babe wait omfg please"

 

"so there's something that should be done ya know"

 

"j please omfg I just don't like how I look okay"

 

"Goodbye M

Have a good time"

 

"No.

We need to talk about this"

 

"Nothing to talk about

I'm gonna go now"

 

"PLEASE

you can't do this to me omfg

after everything"

 

"Yes I can

Watch me

M

?*throws a tv at u* now stop being stupid and fix yourself before I do end up breaking up with you for good"

 

"okay"

 

"Fix yourself before I uppercut ur face"

 

"okay I will"

 

"Actually

No I'll need a promise for u to stop caring and being yourself like before

I don't know what has gotten into you lately"

 

"I promise

I'm sorry"

 

"You can't be sorry

U better tell me rn what has gotten into H

U"

 

"well I am sorry, because I never knew I was doing this to you and I didn't mean to at all

you're not going to like the answer

well part of it anyway"

 

"Tell me rn"

 

"okay

I just don't find myself attractive at all, well, like I do sometimes, and the other reason is because you haven't been complimenting me as much lately and as annoying as that sounds I need it"

 

"I didn't think I needed to compliment you when I already know you're the prettiest girl i know sorry"

 

"you don't have to be sorry its okay just I like hearing it, makes my day"

 

"Now stop being someone else and go back to being my girlfriend"

 

"okay I will"

 

"NOW GOODNIGHT

Love you"

 

"I love you too"

 

Okay, little more detail to this now.

We haven't called since Monday, asked him about it today and he said it's because I'm always in a bad mood. Which isn't true, I have the best time with him when we call. I asked him if I could call him and he said no.

 

Backstory;

He stopped doing the monthly anniversaries and said he has something special for our one year.

Won't let me send anything to him because of his parents

He won't tell his parents about us

Won't add me on facebook

He's stopped the pet names, just calls me "fam" but earlier today he called someone else that too

He stopped saying sweet things to me

Stopped the goodnight calls

Stopped talking to me so I fall asleep

Stopped asking about me

Stopped being open and talking about himself

 

A week ago he got mad when I asked him to be more open, saying that he's more stressed out than anything etc

almost broke up

Said to just let him choose when he talks about himself

 

I know the most logical thing to do is to just break up, but I don't want to. He's an amazing guy, I just miss being his priority, I miss him being affectionate with him, even said he couldn't do that anymore because it feels like he's dating a computer. We've always been long distance but have plans to meet as soon as possible.

I just want him to stop being so rude to me and make me feel like he wants me in his life. I'm putting all the effort in now and whenever I stand up for myself or bring a problem up, it's automatically my fault.

 

Thanks for anyone who read this, I understand it was long. I just really need some help.

[Els]

Ummm... no offense but I sincerely doubt most people will read this. I think you will get more answers if you summarize that... is your 'backstory' section a summary?

[IncognitoDorito]

Yeah you're probably right, what made it so long was our conversation from last night. I'll try summarizing that. Mostly it is

[violetdiamond]

Yikes!!!!!! The way he was talking to you is NOT acceptable. I briefly read through the coversation you posted and I can't believe how cruel he was...the things he said bordered on emotionally abusive. You deserve to be treated much better than this . No one should talk to their girlfriend this way...

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll be honest that I didn't the entire post, as it's far too long.

 

But if I understand correctly, you've never this guy, correct? (apologies if you wrote somewhere that you have)

 

Time to get off your computer and get out to start living a real life, sweetie. You're way too young to be worrying about a guy like this who has a lot of maturing to do. This is not a relationship, not in the sense you think it is. Don't waste any more of your of your precious youth on some boy who treats you like that, especially one you've only ever seen on a computer screen.