Do You See What I See?

[Marc878]

Does your family arrive before her?

 

If your sister is like mine she'll be out for blood. You will be well supported:eek:

[Hero]

It has partially hit the fan. Is she texting anyone about recent events?

 

 

Being able to read her texts is gold. If you do what you said I would confront with all you have but hold back the texts. Let her tell you that you’re crazy etc. Then read her texts to the OM and her friends.

 

nothing from her and all activity on her phone and texting came to a dead stop hours ago

 

I honestly don't know what she knows

[Hero]

Does your family arrive before her?

 

If your sister is like mine she'll be out for blood. You will be well supported:eek:

 

 

Brother from Atlanta should be here Tuesday

My son and sister will arriving on Wednesday

 

Once I let her know sister will be here for Thanksgiving she will run the other direction

[Hero]

Hero. I recently had my heart broken by the one person in this world I believed completely would always be there for me. It's beyond brutal. There aren't words. I'm so glad that you are going to have your family there for you. That's wonderful!

 

PLEASE, Please remember this.... Eventually you are going to talk, shout, scream & cry. She will tell you that's "Things have been bad in your marriage for a long time.". She is going to rewrite your marital history. The sane part of your mind knows this but part of what she says is going to burn its way into your mind, heart & soul. DON'T LET IT!!! It's all twaddle!!

 

Please don't let this change you. Don't let this break you & don't let this make you doubt yourself. When people betray its ALL on them!! She won't be able to handle that reality...it makes her a shallow, thoughtless cow....she NEEDS to blame you & she will!! You know that you are better than this!

 

I know this isn't as valuable advise as you've been given by the great members here. I'm just telling you what I wish someone had told me! It's not my fault & it's not your fault. We loved. We trusted. We had faith. This isn't our fault in any way!

 

I'm sorry you went through this, nobody deserves to be treated this way

Your post really hit me hard, thank you so much for the heart felt reply

 

I will keep everything you said in mind, thank you,

I wish you nothing but the best

[happyman64]

Hero

Great to see a BS living up to their username.

 

Your plan to circle the wagons is awesome.

 

Have a great thanksgiving I'm sure it will be memorable.

 

Remember these simple words.

 

Be cool, calm and collected with your WW.

 

Being cool means you are in control and she is not pushing your buttons.

 

Listen to what she has to say calmly.

Always remain calm no matter what she says. Most of her words will be nonsense and lies in the beginning.

 

Stay collected throughout this week. Do not give her one ounce of weakness. No tears or begging. Save that for family that loves you, respects you and is there for you.

 

Let us know how you make out.

 

HM

[Hero]

well it's done, sent her the "I know everything" text

 

thanks again people, glad I found this place

 

time to go out for a jog with my dog, I need some air

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Wow, I just read this entire thread, so fitting is your username. You are truly my hero for your actions today. This thread brings tears to my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this right now.

 

The advice from others, especially BS's on this site, is golden. I'm not a BS, I can't imagine what you feel, but I can't imagine doing a better job then you are right now. Your strength is apparent. Your ability to see when you need support and ask for it is enviable to me. Another sign of your strength.

 

Stay strong and see a lawyer asap.

[mrldii]

Does your family arrive before her?

 

If your sister is like mine she'll be out for blood. You will be well supported:eek:

 

 

I meant to add, I'm a "Little Sister" to a one-and-only Big Brother.

 

 

'Nuff sed to put the fear of God into others, I do believe.

[66Charger]

Hero, If you are the type that believes infidelity equals divorce, then shut it all down. Do not view any more dirt. Save the text and photos for your lawyer. Do not look at them again. Monitor and capture new info, if you must, but bring a end to that quickly.

 

If you are in a no fault state, the infidelity won't matter anyway. You cannot hide assets. Rage if you must, seek solace in family, but do not torture yourself anymore.

 

Accept, and let it be done.

[Krashi]

Hero is all smiles, finally a bit of good news

 

Decided the best course of action right now is to call in the cavalry and surround myself with loved ones, can't go through this alone.

 

called my little sister, older brother and my son, told them everything

 

my son got quiet, then asked me if I was alright, told him yes

he's pretty angry at what she's done

told him I didn't want to come between him and STBXW

he said "are you serious?, you're my dad, end of conversation"

 

my oldest brother from Atlanta said he's catching a flight out here

decided he's going to spend the holidays here with me

said I needed family with me right now, told me I'm not in this alone (tears)

 

my sister is a different story

she never liked my STBXW, something that women can sense in other women I guess, I don't know

 

my sister's response was classic

"I told you not to marry that B!tch, I knew it, I knew it

If you don't kick her @ss to the curb, I'll do it for free!"

 

don't you love little sisters?

 

Anyways, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy right now, sister decided to change her plans for Thanksgiving

she and her family are coming here instead

can't wait to see my nieces and nephews, it's been awhile

 

STBXW won't come near the house once she finds out my sister is here

 

so there it is folks, Hero will be spending Thanksgiving with lots of family in his own house with own his dog

Members of the same sex, often, are not fooled. No attraction blinding them.Same with mybsisters. They knew.

[Krashi]

let's just say she's been living the good life

Classic example of hypergamy.

[bubbaganoosh]

Thank you everyone for all the advice, I appreciate everyone of you who have posted

I'll have to try and respond to your questions a little later

right now my mind is racing at 1000 mph

 

how can somebody do this to another human being?

10 years of breaking my back and for what? 10 years wasted, 10 years down the drain

 

Just got a text message asking me what time I was picking her from the airport tomorrow

 

replied and told her to take a cab

 

**** her

 

Just wondering. This other man she's with is local so no doubt when she left for her trip, they left together.

 

Now you told her to take a cab, so when she gets off the plane and has to pick up the luggage, there's a real good chance that the OM will be with her, so why don't you make a trip to the airport and find a place out of the way and when you see her and the OM, get a picture of them, try to follow them out of the air port and chances are she wont take a cab but the OM will give her a ride. Then you see it with your own eyes and there you have it.

 

Another thing. Tomorrow go to the bank and start your own account, checking and savings, take you half before she has a chance to take it all, cancel the credit cards and start new ones and then show her what you got. You have enough to hang her and then tell her not to unpack because she lost her right to live there. Get a lawyer and get the ball rolling. Have her served at work so everyone can see and let everyone know what's going on, friends, family and her co workers who have to be covering her ass since she brought some other guy rather then her husband. That should tell you that she already started bad mouthing you to the co workers. And Like I said don't sweat the tears.

[turnera]

You still need to tell her parents and siblings.

[happyman64]

Not a bad plan for the airport but I would have a friend do it that she would not know of.

 

 

Then again Hero has all the info he really needs now and probably saw more selfish crap of theirs than he wished he did.

 

 

I am glad he sent the text.

 

 

I hope it ruins her last night of her "trip". Work my @ss!

 

 

Way to go hero.

[Bryanp]

I am so sorry for you and also angry reading what has happened to you.

 

Remember that you need to get tested for STD's as well. Just in case you feel your resolve weakening just remember that there were probably some times that you were with her after she had been with him.

 

Actually you are in fact a hero because you have respect for yourself.

 

This is the first time in a very long time that I have not had to say

if you don't respect yourself then who will? It is clear that you respect yourself and that your family loves and respects you a great deal. Your wife has brought this on her self. Please retain a top notch attorney. Good luck.

[Hero]

Still haven't heard anything back from STBXW since I delivered the news,

 

Here's the text I sent her, it might sound a little sappy, but here it is

 

===================================

No more lies, no more games, I know everything.

I know what you and boy toy have been up to.

 

I don't need a doctor, I need a divorce,

so let's behave like adults and do this amicably.

 

You should also make other living arrangements,

my sister has offered to help

 

Remember what you promised me on the beach that night?

You broke your promise STBXW

 

I told you this package comes with a full course meal complete with side dishes

but that wasn't enough for you was it? You just had to order the desert

 

The dog stays with me

 

The Fool

===================================

 

Full disclosure, I'm about to get very drunk right now!

[Scarlett.O'hara]

The only person who looks like a fool right now is her. You deserve so much better.

 

Take care.

[Poutrew]

Yeoman's service, Hero. Your STBXW is right now in pure hyper panic mode. The boy toy she has been fuc*ing is probably already telling her that this isn't what he has signed up for, and is headed out the door. If anyone deserves a drink or two or three tonight it is you. You played the cards you were dealt with well. You know, ironically your wifey has given you a huge compliment by nicknaming you 'The Fool'. Historically, the fool was an advisor to Royalty. Many times, The Court Jester, or Fool, was the only one who could tell the King what was up without loosing his head to the guillotine. I'd give your STBXW the nick "The Joker" because ultimately, the joke's on her. As she is going to find out in the coming days and weeks.

 

 

Just remember, Hero - we are here for you. Each and every one of us denizens of this board, whether our advice is good or not, whether you take our suggestions or not, have been to one degree or another in the same position of pain you are now finding yourself in. We have your back, and we are here 24 / 7 / 365. You have things covered pretty well, so as of now, my advice to you is to completely surround yourself with Family. Do not let The Bitch steal away from you this holiday season. Your best revenge is living well.

 

 

Happiest of holidays, my friend.

[aliveagain]

Talk to a lawyer in the morning. Expose the affair to her parents, tell them you are packing some of her things and dropping them off at their place because it's probably a good idea to have some space between the two of you since she's actively dating. Let them know that they may want to pick her and her boyfriend up at the airport since you won't be. Legally you can't keep her out of the house(check with your lawyer) but there is nothing that prevents you from having a houseful of family when she returns. She's busted and she knows it, they are together plotting their strategy even as we post to your post.

[lolablue17]

Hero, I want to apologize for saying that she's out of your league, and that you're weak.

 

Though i meant that you're weak now, only because you can't think clearly now, and i meant "out of you league in the area of deceptions, lies, wickedness, manipulations...

 

I understand now that i was wrong. You're are a strong man, you've managed to collect yourself in the middle of a hurricane, I take back everything i wrote.

 

I admire you.

[NewLeaf512]

This thread is filled with pain. OP I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is awful.

 

May I ask what country you are in? You are very lucky to be in one that has very relaxed data protection acts so that you could obtain the actual content of text messages. Colleagues who hav tried cases in America, the UK and IRE have had to get court orders to obtain this data, and apparently it's much more difficult in America as the carriers 1. Are only mandated to keep Mobile electronic communications for 6 months, 2. The only time they are usually willing to give it is if it's a matter of National security, 3. By the time the motion is filed and heard, 6 months has gone by and the record s have been deleted.

 

Although reading that must have been excruciating, at the same time getting clarity on the reality of the situation must have been a relief. It seems that many Betrayed's here suffer from never concretely knowing what happened and when that the not knowing for sure makes it so much worse.

 

You have so much strength it's no doubt you will get through this. Just post often, it gets it all out and you will find a lot of support here.

 

NL

[Sastrugi]

This thread is filled with pain. OP I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is awful.

 

May I ask what country you are in? You are very lucky to be in one that has very relaxed data protection acts so that you could obtain the actual content of text messages. Colleagues who hav tried cases in America, the UK and IRE have had to get court orders to obtain this data, and apparently it's much more difficult in America as the carriers 1. Are only mandated to keep Mobile electronic communications for 6 months, 2. The only time they are usually willing to give it is if it's a matter of National security, 3. By the time the motion is filed and heard, 6 months has gone by and the record s have been deleted.

 

Although reading that must have been excruciating, at the same time getting clarity on the reality of the situation must have been a relief. It seems that many Betrayed's here suffer from never concretely knowing what happened and when that the not knowing for sure makes it so much worse.

 

You have so much strength it's no doubt you will get through this. Just post often, it gets it all out and you will find a lot of support here.

 

NL

That was very subtle New Leaf. Reread post #77 , should answer your questions.

[Marc878]

Hero,

 

When all your family gets in you can all get together and have a "Pack Her ***** Party".

 

I know your sister would love that!

[lollipopspot]

I don't agree with some of the things I'm reading in this thread.

 

......and sisters are rarely wrong if they think their big brothers are involved with a snake in the grass.

 

I think sisters and other family members are wrong all the time, and can be jealous and competitive with the spouse.

 

Then read her texts to the OM and her friends.

 

I don't agree with the advice to tell her friends and family. It's none of their business what happened in your marriage. I actually think it makes you look bad if you do this. If I had a friend and the husband told me she cheated on him in some attempt to expose her and make her look bad to me, I'd think the guy was a really vindictive person and it wouldn't make him seem very mature to me. I think you deal with your business yourself and with your wife and lawyers and counselors, and you move on.

 

I've been cheated on. I've never cheated on anyone. And I don't think that affairs are the worst thing in the world, nor is losing one's partner. It feels really bad for awhile, but you move on. But I don't think love relationships are necessarily "forever." I think they work when they work, and when they don't, and you both give it whatever effort you're willing to, and it still doesn't work, it's time to move on. This relationship has been over for awhile, from what you describe. This was just her crappy way of moving on. A lot of people have exit affairs. They suck, but one way or another the relationship was going to end. Sorry you're going through this. It will get better.

[Midwestmissy]

Lollipop - when people act in secrecy and lie ferociously, and make decisions about your marriage without your knowledge, getting support is good. Sometimes the best way is to just take the lid off the garbage can, let some light in and watch the cockroaches scurry all over. If the ap is so great, why hide the affair?

 

If the affair is true love, why wouldn't you want the world to know? It's not vengeful, it's being honest. Secrets and lies will always out and the fallout is always worse than just laying the truth on the table.

 

I had no problem telling friends and family what my wh did and with whom. Why should I carry the burden and protect him? Bursting the bubble showed him exactly who he was dealing with in his mow. He was mortified at who she really was and how she had lied to him. Lies suck, live honestly, it's always better.