Should I press charges?

[Country_Girl]

I've been in a mental/emotional/verbally abusive relationship for 5 months now, which ended yesterday.

 

He has called me every name in the book, stonewalled me, gas lighted me. I don't know why I put up with it, to be honest, I guess I just thought/hoped things would get better. And I think because the first month and a half was so great, I was chasing what we used to have.

 

He's abusive, he even beat up my neighbor because he thought this guy had the hits for me (mind u, this guy is 20 years older and I look at him like a father figure). He accuses me of sleeping with all the neighbors (both men and women)- because he doesn't like me having friends outside of him, he finds something wrong with all my friends. He can be a nice guy at times, but he's an alcoholic, drinks every day, and after about 8-9 beers, that's when he starts to become angry/jealous/controlling.

 

I moved in with him about a week ago. I didn't neccesarily want to, but

I was in transition of leaving my apartment (we are neighbors) to moving to my moms. My mom had heard all about his abusive behavior, and said he was not welcome at her house. Unbenounced to me, he drunk dialed her one night and said he was coming over. I had no idea he called her. This causes a rift with mom and she said I couldn't move in.

 

So I moved in with the boyfriend despite our problems. He got drunk yesterday and we got into a fight. He noticed I had a new lighter and accused me of sleeping with the neighbors. I let him have it and told him I was sick of his jealousy and controlling behavior.

 

He told me to get out of his place, I told him I need to make phone calls first to find a place to stay. He proceded to push me on the ground, grab me by the collar, drag me 10 feet and push me out the front door. He then tried to close the door, but he was so drunk I was able to get back inside (I did not want to go without my car keys or cell phone which was inside).

 

I then went inside looking for my phone charger, he then took the cat litter box and threw it in the hallway, and dumped my clothes on it. He then told me he let the dog go outside. He took my purse and threw it out the door. He then told me to get out and he can get me to leave, so he took my cat and threw him out the door. He locked the door behind me when I went out to get the cat and I went to a neighbors.

 

I called the cops later for a police escort to go get some of my things. The cops encouraged me to press charges for harassment or domestic violence. If you were in my situation what would you do? I believe in karma and I like to let nature do it's job, but at the same time I feel like he should have to deal with some legal consequences.

 

Advice?

[Samhain]

First thing anybody would ask would be "he beat up your neighbor, he's a drunk, he wont let you have any friends, but you moved in with him"? .. Probably wouldn't be too hard for him to convince anyone that he physically removed you from his home because YOU were abusive and wouldn't leave by yourself.

[mrldii]

Personally, I would let my permanent absence be his forever punishment...to keep him company through all eternity while he rots in hell.

 

 

But, hey...that's just me.

 

I wouldn't put myself through having to see him again during protracted court proceedings.

[loveweary11]

He didn't do anything illegal to you, so what charges?

 

The person who should press charges is the neighbor who he could get a battery charge from.

[Country_Girl]

Thank you for the responses guys.

 

The cops told me I have enough for harassment or domestic violence. When I went with them to collect my things he refused to answer the door after they stated they were with the sheriffs office. The deputy told me if he doesn't call them with a statement, then they will side with my version of events since he wasn't willing to tell his side.

 

The neighbor he hit was drunk at the time, so he couldn't press charges because they couldn't get an accurate statement from him.

[loveweary11]

Where do you live?? Sounds like the worst projects/section 8 complex I've ever heard of.

 

Time to upgrade your life, I think.

 

Move out of places that even have neighbors. How about a stand alone apartment somewhere?

 

I wouldn't do it though. The best revenge is living well.

 

Spending another moment on this trashy loser is just a waste of time. You're helping Johnny Law make his quota and that's about it. Total waste of your time.

 

Take all those hours pressing charges would take and use them to find somewhere good to live.

Edited November 24, 2015 by loveweary11

[Country_Girl]

Where do you live?? Sounds like the worst projects/section 8 complex I've ever heard of.

 

Time to upgrade your life, I think.

 

Move out of places that even have neighbors. How about a stand alone apartment somewhere?

 

I wouldn't do it though. The best revenge is living well.

 

Spending another moment on this trashy loser is just a waste of time. You're helping Johnny Law make his quota and that's about it. Total waste of your time.

 

Take all those hours pressing charges would take and use them to find somewhere good to live.

 

That's kind of uncalled for, I actually live in an upscale community. Rent is $1200 a month.

[basil67]

Where do you live?? Sounds like the worst projects/section 8 complex I've ever heard of.

 

Time to upgrade your life, I think.

 

Move out of places that even have neighbors. How about a stand alone apartment somewhere?

 

I wouldn't do it though. The best revenge is living well.

 

Spending another moment on this trashy loser is just a waste of time. You're helping Johnny Law make his quota and that's about it. Total waste of your time.

 

Take all those hours pressing charges would take and use them to find somewhere good to live.

 

Domestic violence is not limited by socio-economics.

[loveweary11]

That's kind of uncalled for, I actually live in an upscale community. Rent is $1200 a month.

 

What?

 

You just described the worst neighbors I've ever heard of in my entire life.

 

I've never, EVER heard stories of drunken, violent people in a complex fighting each other, throwing animals around, etc.

 

You live amongst pure trash no matter what the rent.

 

You should move.

 

How is that not obvious?

[loveweary11]

Domestic violence is not limited by socio-economics.

 

Did you read the descriptions of her living conditions?

 

Would you want to live there?

[jen1447]

I'd go for the throat and work with the cops, just bc this sort of thing should always be aggressively battled imo. It becomes a cumulative battle against domestic violence in general, not just your little slice of it. (Also don't associate with drunks in the future.)

[GemmaUK]

Yes, I absolutely would press charges. No question.

[BlueIris]

Where do you live?? Sounds like the worst projects/section 8 complex I've ever heard of.

 

Time to upgrade your life, I think.

 

Move out of places that even have neighbors. How about a stand alone apartment somewhere?

…

Take all those hours pressing charges would take and use them to find somewhere good to live.

 

Absolutely oblivious. I knew someone murdered by her husband years back and they were wealthy Ivy League educated professionals living in an expensive home in a wealthy suburb. Yes, there are wealthy abusers and violent abusers. They just think that their wealth or social standing makes them better.

 

OP, I’d first make sure that he can't find you before pressing charges. If he has access to you in any way, honestly, I'd just be cautious and stay away from him. And I'd have 911 on speed dial.

Edited November 24, 2015 by BlueIris