Monica Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 Heya, My ex-boyfriend and I have been dating since November. He is currently going through a divorce and recently I noticed a change in him. He just seemed more distant. So, I asked him what was up and we decided to just be friends. He still acts like he is my boyfriend, calling me everyday and we see each other often. In fact we do everything we used to do together (besides sex). Because of this I still feel like he is my boyfriend and I get the feeling that he still likes me. I think he may just need distance because of his divorce, but am really not sure. I would like to get back together with him if possible. Should I just ride this out and see if we get together after the divorce or should I approach him on my feelings about our close friendship? I am pretty sure he does not have another girl, cause he is always with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 Hi there... How far along in the divorce process is he? Were the papers recently filed? Is there a lot of fighting going on between him and ex wife? (over division of property, money, ?child support, visitation, those kinds of things)..... Who was the one to leave the marriage, him or her? Do you know the circumstances surrounding the demise of their marriage? How long had they been married for? How long have they been "separated" (living separate and apart)?? Even if someone reallllllly wants a divorce, going through it can bring up some old feelings......it can be a time for grief, as they're consciously or subconsciously grieving the loss of a supposed 'lifetime commitment' to someone they obviously once loved enough to make that commitment in the first place. If they were the one to end the marriage, they might now be feeling some guilt or second thoughts? (because they realize that divorce is FINAL, there's no turning back now)....or if they were the one who was left, the process of divorce might open old wounds, cause them to feel a failure, etc. I think it's wise that you two remains friends during this time. Unless I misunderstood, you two are still having sex? If so, that might be something you want to reconsider. Depending on your attitudes toward sex, continuing to have sex with someone who's only able to 'be friends', this might cause you to feel resentful?....make you feel used?...make you feel a more intense emotional bond, one that they can't reciprocate. They say that a divorced person needs 6-12 months FOLLOWING a divorce, to really fully heal and be ready to get into another relationship. If you find it too painful to 'just be friends', you might consider backing off for a while.....letting him know you care but that you think it's only fair to both of you, that he take the time TO himself, to get things dealt with. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
Monica Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 Heya, Hi there... How far along in the divorce process is he? Were the papers recently filed? He just wrote out the paperwork. Is there a lot of fighting going on between him and ex wife? When they were together they fought quite a bit. She was even physically violent with him and cheated on him, but they hardly talk anymore. (over division of property, money, ?child support, visitation, those kinds of things)..... They have no childern and they are not fighting over property. Who was the one to leave the marriage, him or her? They seperated and got back together many times, but this final ending came about due to both their decisions. Do you know the circumstances surrounding the demise of their marriage? They broke up over alchol, infidelity and violence on her side. How long had they been married for? How long have they been "separated" (living separate and apart)?? They have been married for seven years and have been living together on and off during that time. They have not been together since October and then they were only together for two weeks. Even if someone reallllllly wants a divorce, going through it can bring up some old feelings......it can be a time for grief, as they're consciously or subconsciously grieving the loss of a supposed 'lifetime commitment' to someone they obviously once loved enough to make that commitment in the first place. If they were the one to end the marriage, they might now be feeling some guilt or second thoughts? (because they realize that divorce is FINAL, there's no turning back now)....or if they were the one who was left, the process of divorce might open old wounds, cause them to feel a failure, etc. I think it's wise that you two remains friends during this time. Unless I misunderstood, you two are still having sex? If so, that might be something you want to reconsider. Depending on your attitudes toward sex, continuing to have sex with someone who's only able to 'be friends', this might cause you to feel resentful?....make you feel used?...make you feel a more intense emotional bond, one that they can't reciprocate. We have not had sex since we ended the relationship, but everything else besies the lack of sex seems to have remained the same. I already decided not to have sex with him, no matter what unless we offically get back together. They say that a divorced person needs 6-12 months FOLLOWING a divorce, to really fully heal and be ready to get into another relationship. If you find it too painful to 'just be friends', you might consider backing off for a while.....letting him know you care but that you think it's only fair to both of you, that he take the time TO himself, to get things dealt with. I think I should just be patient about this. I wonder if he might still have stronge feelings for me and if there might be hope for us getting together after the divorce is settled. He still seems to really like me, but he is more distant and I am not sure what to think. Laurynn Thanks for your response, Monica Link to post Share on other sites
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