Confession to guy friend- What Now?

[emmajane77]

I recently confessed to my guy friend of a year that I have feelings for him. I did it by e-mail as I wasn't sure when I was going to see him again as he is from another country. Once I had done it I felt as if a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders as I kept it to myself for a year. He replied the next day and was lovely about it but said that he sees me just as a friend, but said that we should talk in person and that I was brave to tell him. He said that he would be back soon. I was upset but said to him that I hope we could carry on as usual being friends. He has now returned to the country where I am living in but hasn't contacted me yet. I am still pining to see him as miss him a lot, but should I wait for him to contact me now? Do you think it is up to him to contact me? I have a few doubts if I made the right decision as I now might have ruined our friendship? I guess the alternative would have been to pretend and keep meeting up with him in the hope that he may eventually fall for me, which I now know would never have happened, or just to keep seeing him which is unhealthy I think. I wonder if he would have contacted me by now if I hadn't told him. I am also worried that I may be embarrassed if I do see him again and things may be weird. Could anyone help or has anyone been through this? Maybe it just needs time?

[PaperCrane]

Things like this typically never end well after a confession as far as an immediate return to 'just friends'.

 

You're hurt, he's going to know that, seeing him will fuel your desire even more, etc etc.

 

The best thing to do is to give yourself space by giving him space.

 

It took you a year to finally be out with it, I doubt you'll be fine as 'just friends' merely days after.

[emmajane77]

Thanks for your response. Yes I think you are right. I need to give him space to get the situation and then maybe we can return to normal later. Thanks for your advice.

[preraph]

I don't want to rebreak your heart, and I know you're hurting and confused, but I've got to give you a dose of reality.

 

He said he doesn't think of you that way, only as a friend. That's exactly what he meant. He has no reason to be brave and be honest with you about that if he didn't mean exactly that. He doesn't have any romantic interest in you. Count yourself lucky that he didn't take that opportunity to sleep with you and then just disappear because there are guys who would have done just that.

 

I'm glad you got it off your chest. You feel relief. It's out in the open. Now you know he doesn't feel the same way, you must let him go completely. And the reason is because as you say, you are pining for him. If you don't stop contact with him (simply tell him I need to let you go for my own well being), you will waste years of time hoping his feelings have or will change. But they will not. You don't owe him the friendship. He was nice enough to let you down directly and honestly but not meanly, so he will understand it's not the best thing to keep being friends with you.

 

It's over. Let him go or else you will waste years of your life and become bitter and resentful. Let him go and you will have a period of mourning and then you will move on to someone who loves you back. Good luck.

[emmajane77]

Thank you. I think your message has given me a reality check, and as you say if you stay in contact you can't get them out of your system, and then there is no room for other people to enter your life. I will now accept it and try and move on. The thing is I do believe he found me attractive and I believe he liked me, but for his own reasons he is emotionally unavailable, but I can't do anything about that now and I have to just accept what he has said and move on with my life. Thank you for telling me the truth, it has changed my way of thinking.