Breaking no contact to reach out once more?

[eightninevision]

Jeez, that's exactly my feelings. Especially the part about her just trying to convince herself and stick to a decision. It's like, why are you doing this again if you're so unsure? Why aren't we talking about this? Oh right, because you're stubborn.

 

I've definitely thought, if they can instantly turn it off, with enough NC they can turn it on. God forbid she does, I'll be the confused/indecisive one then.

 

 

Any comment on the shallow hot convo? Mental gynamstics you have in mind? haha

[eightninevision]

 

We met in person to have a more formal breakup, and she seemed really unsure of herself. I didn't even plan on asking for her back, but her indecision turned into me basically begging for someone I didn't want because I saw something within reach that would make my pain instantly go away.

 

 

This is also extremely relevant for me. My girl came over to drop off my key when we decided it was over and she sat down on my couch and asked me to hold her and she didn't let go for close to an hour, just sobbing and not saying anything. We both said it was the best thing that's ever happened to us, then she stood up, and walked out the door. And I'm going, you really don't love me? I doubt that. But I made it a HELL of a lot easier by begging her during and after the breakup to reconsider, looked so weak - hell I didn't even love myself in that state!

[Oregon_Dude]

Jif they can instantly turn it off, with enough NC they can turn it on.

No, I don't agree with this. If a woman is so stubborn that she'd throw a r/s away without a constructive discussion, she's certainly so stubborn that she would never contact you again. Because in contacting you, a woman acknowledges she's been thinking about you. In contacting you, she's admitting she was wrong in some way, which we all know, women rarely do.

 

Also, the longer NC goes on, the dumber she looks for contacting you during it. Because it's been ____ months and yet she's still got you on her mind. Not a good look for the stubborn b*tch type.

[eightninevision]

No, I don't agree with this. If a woman is so stubborn that she'd throw a r/s away without a constructive discussion, she's certainly so stubborn that she would never contact you again. Because in contacting you, a woman acknowledges she's been thinking about you. In contacting you, she's admitting she was wrong in some way, which we all know, women rarely do.

 

Also, the longer NC goes on, the dumber she looks for contacting you during it. Because it's been ____ months and yet she's still got you on her mind. Not a good look for the stubborn b*tch type.

 

Damn. You're right. Thanks for killing that source of false hope though. It's especially true for my ex who is self described "emotionless and stubborn." She also said "I don't want to give you false hope of any future." So she would really be going back on a lot there, and with her ego, it ain't gonna happen.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks for killing that source of false hope

Apparently that's my function here

 

 

Let me tell you this. I have an ex from over a year ago. She continues to contact me with texts, asking to be my friend. I ignore these. I pity her and think she is pathetic. She broke up with me and can't handle the guilt she now feels. She is lonely and misses my support. You made your bed, honey. Not my problem.

Edited November 25, 2015 by Oregon_Dude

[eightninevision]

I would pay $$$$$$ to have the satisfaction of shutting down my ex like that. She'll likely go marry some dumbass finance guy working for daddy's company, though, and never look back.

 

If there's any hope, it's that she tries to be my friend and I can crush that!

 

[anonymousbear00101100]

The time between we broke up and when we had our final in person conversation, I held onto false hope that we'd be getting back together when we spoke in person. I tried working on myself and having fun during that time, but I realized I had been doing it all to impress her.

 

Getting rid of the false hope is the thing that helps me the most. Picturing yourself happy with someone else in the future does wonders. Thinking about my relationship now, yeah its sad that it ended, but I realize now that I wasn't truly happy and that I was lying to myself. I don't want to be with someone who is immature and as you said "stubborn and emotionless". She might have been a great person that made you feel validated, but there are so many more women out there who can do that for you, while also not having some of those deal breaker qualities.

[Oregon_Dude]

I would pay $$$$$$ to have the satisfaction of shutting down my ex like that.

Here's the rub, though: she only started apologizing and bugging me once I was way over her, and didn't care about hearing from her.

 

In the months following our breakup last year? I contacted her, was weak. She was nice, felt no remorse, didn't express any feelings for me. Only after six more months did she apologize and want my friendship. At that point I felt nothing, positive or negative for her.

 

Now with my recent ex, yes, I'd pay $ to hear her grovel. I already had the pleasure of ignoring a text from her months ago, but sadly, that joy is short-lived. I still unfortunately have feelings for her - they're like an illness. But on a long enough timeline, they go away.

 

Time, that's all.

[eightninevision]

Here's the rub, though: she only started apologizing and bugging me once I was way over her, and didn't care about hearing from her.

 

This is a part of the human (especially male) experience, that you described. But this brief opening scene from the movie Swingers better illustrates it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AilwnpQzUnQ

 

Seriously worth watching.

[Oregon_Dude]

^ Yeah, I had that scene in mind when posting.

[eightninevision]

So I know that that scene represents the truth, but I think the hardest part for me is going about my day and having little reminders of all of the good times....the desire to hit her up and be like "Do you remember this? That? the other thing? WHY DON'T YOU WANT THAT?!"

 

It's like I'm in the replay hood at an NFL game and she's already playing the next game.

[J722]

This is also extremely relevant for me. My girl came over to drop off my key when we decided it was over and she sat down on my couch and asked me to hold her and she didn't let go for close to an hour, just sobbing and not saying anything. We both said it was the best thing that's ever happened to us, then she stood up, and walked out the door. And I'm going, you really don't love me? I doubt that. But I made it a HELL of a lot easier by begging her during and after the breakup to reconsider, looked so weak - hell I didn't even love myself in that state!

 

Me too, I must have looked like a loser --- I lost it several times.

 

It was my response to being shocked --- you know, hit out of nowhere.

 

It's not like I had weeks or months of feeling things were off...I had 3 days.

[J722]

Can we address a slightly different topic for a moment, I feel like Oregon dude will have good things to say about this.

 

I've been dating 7s and 8s my whole life. This last girl was a 9.5. I remember saying to my buddy when I first took her out "holy ****, can't believe I'm with a girl like this." then I leveled up in confidence and we had a very balanced relationship the rest of the way...until the end.

 

Anyway, it took me 4 years between my last ltr and this girl bc of my standards, and now they're even higher bc of her. The sexual... Physical... frustration is so intense that I've hit her up for booty calls 3x since we broke up, but she denied. Further frustration ensued so I'm not gonna hit her up anymore obviously.

 

 

What sort of mental gymnastics can I do to get past this? Don't feed me the "you'll find someone who's attractive enough and has other traits to compensate" bc I did that for two years with a girl she broke her heart bc I was never really into her.

 

I've been here too, all my actual relationships have been 8.5/9 area because I simply have very high standards.

 

I would say the fact you got into a LTR with a 9.5 is enough proof that you're able to do it time and time again.

 

Just remember...you are enough.

 

Shift the perception of value and remember you're the catch.

 

With my recent girl, I really dug deep into why she was attracted me and how --- and I'm a good looking dude, but it was all about my ambition and attitude (she said 90%).

 

Don't know if that answers my question, but you can do whatever you want.

 

And lastly, watch out for anything above a 9. The reason I say this is because the hottest girls I dated seemed to have their entire life handed to them and were lacking values that are important to me. But of course, to each his own

[J722]

So I know that that scene represents the truth, but I think the hardest part for me is going about my day and having little reminders of all of the good times....the desire to hit her up and be like "Do you remember this? That? the other thing? WHY DON'T YOU WANT THAT?!"

 

It's like I'm in the replay hood at an NFL game and she's already playing the next game.

 

Same. I have so many small letters, notes, love notes sitting around and of course all the snapshots on my phone of stuff she sent me as recent as last week saying things like "I love you so so so so so much", "You are an angel and gift to me in every way possible".

 

Few days later, poof.

 

#Crazy

[eightninevision]

I'm super sorry you're all going through the same thing, but it really does help to know you're out there. Just drove home from a family get together that my ex was so excited to attend. At this point I know better than to reach out, because it has ****ed me up doing so. But that means I find myself talking to a pretend her under my breath or writing texts then deleting them.and my family is like get over it already she's not special....

 

But they didn't spend every minute with her for three weeks exploring south America, among other precious memories that she pooped on. Get sick to my stomach when I run across a memory of us exploring together this past summer. No idea how a person could trash that **** overnight.

[J722]

I'm super sorry you're all going through the same thing, but it really does help to know you're out there. Just drove home from a family get together that my ex was so excited to attend. At this point I know better than to reach out, because it has ****ed me up doing so. But that means I find myself talking to a pretend her under my breath or writing texts then deleting them.and my family is like get over it already she's not special....

 

But they didn't spend every minute with her for three weeks exploring south America, among other precious memories that she pooped on. Get sick to my stomach when I run across a memory of us exploring together this past summer. No idea how a person could trash that **** overnight.

 

Deleting my ex's # has been very beneficial, mainly because we used to send eachother very loving audionotes and it was impossible not to listen to them.

 

I too, told her I loved her the other day in my bed (of course she wasn't there, just routine/wishing).

 

Break ups are weird, they're like taking acid (not that I have). When you're in the trip, it's insane, intense, etc. When you're outside of it, you can't really describe it. It's the same thing with break ups and other people's perceptions. They know it sucks, cuz they've been through it, but it's not their current reality so they'll say "no big deal".

[mightycpa]

The time between we broke up and when we had our final in person conversation, I held onto false hope that we'd be getting back together when we spoke in person.

Oh, that really takes me back....the time between when my best-ever ex broke up and when we were supposed to have our final in person conversation, I held onto false hope that she'd actually show up when we were to speak in person.

 

****in' A, was I ever wrong about that! I never, ever, ever heard from her again. Nor her from me.

 

Take note, OP. That's how it goes sometimes, and you're going to have to come up with your own answers, or better yet, the realization that whatever the reason is, the end result doesn't change.

[eightninevision]

Happy Thanksgiving to the folks that I've talked with on here, I'm thankful to have you guys as a support group while I'm going through the first few weeks of no contact.

 

I'm sure my ex is really thankful to so she can go blow half the football team without me distracting her.

[eightninevision]

Also, here's a Thanksgiving text I'd love to send this hoe, feel free to respond as she might ☺

 

"Just had a funny thought, remember how you dumped me only after I basically begged you to keep trying? But up until that point you just kept saying you were confused and if I said ok let's break up would back down? Yeah, that means it was all a game to you. Can't wait for you to grow up and realize what you shat on, but by then I'll be long gone. Happy Thanksgiving."

[foam12]

Also, here's a Thanksgiving text I'd love to send this hoe, feel free to respond as she might ☺

 

"Just had a funny thought, remember how you dumped me only after I basically begged you to keep trying? But up until that point you just kept saying you were confused and if I said ok let's break up would back down? Yeah, that means it was all a game to you. Can't wait for you to grow up and realize what you shat on, but by then I'll be long gone. Happy Thanksgiving."

 

One of the worst ideas I've seen on this site even if it was only for the site. The last two words are powerful enough and if you both know the past like you write, then she will likely think of everything you wrote before Happy Thanksgiving without you writing it. Sometimes less or nothing drives the point home more.

[eightninevision]

Oh I'm going nothing all the way, just wanted to say that here to get it off chest.

 

As my good friend put it, "you know damn well that she ****ed up leaving you and the only way to behave consistently with that is to say nothing to her unless she is at your door begging for forgiveness."

[Silver_star]

I know you are trying to get a reaction from her, but the sounds of your above text is a pretty transparent attempt at getting to be in touch with her again in any way possible. It's a pointless text that doesn't achieve anything. You have been saying a lot of things about wanting to come across as "alpha" and it seems like a power struggle for you.

 

 

Your threads are so angry and hate filled, if you just focused half that energy into actually getting over your ex instead of repeating how angry you are at her choices... you might actually get over her and be happy with another "9.5" girl out there.

 

 

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. So your bashing her just comes off as you being hurt...which is fine, but find a way to focus on yourself in a positive way, instead of focusing your energy onto how pissed off you are. It is not attractive.

[eightninevision]

Totally understand what you're saying. It's been almost three weeks since her and I had a negative interaction and about a week since we last contacted at all. It just feels good to get these negative and angry thoughts out somewhere other than typing it into a word doc or a text that I delete.

 

Sorry if it's annoying, they're becoming less frequent and powerful at least

[J722]

I'm definitely thankful for this site and just knowing there are other people who are going through the same thing (I mean, I hate that others are also going through it) but talking about it gives me healing.

 

Today's tough because it's a Holiday and we had planned on going on a one day road trip together somewhere beautiful.

 

It's bizarre not to spend today with her --- so I'm focused on moving forward, hanging out with friends and doing my best to take one step.

[eightninevision]

Last night and today were tough. I had to sit there with my two friends who were dumped watching them get happy thanksgiving calls from their ex.

 

Sometimes it just hits you like a tidal wave: she dropped me on the street like a bag of trash and NEVER looked back. Not once asking how I am, never trying to keep any connection as if it were crystal clear to her that she wants nothing to do with me ever again.

 

The obvious influence on that is another guy. She denied it over and over when we talked during the breakup, but I just don't buy it. You don't go from a guy who takes care of you and makes you happy to no one.

 

The temptation to contact her is overwhelming even though I am positive it will lead to more pain. But maybe that's what I need, maybe I need her to confirm again that she's the heartless, self centered bitch I have come to know.