Breaking no contact to reach out once more?

[slider1985]

Well, here's the thing: there's not some big Reason a woman's emotions towards you change (barring you've been abusive towards her or something). Women are, by nature, emotional creatures. The emotions ebbs, and she's in love with you; it flows, and she isn't. Men are much more consistent. This is why women break men's hearts more often than vice versa.

 

In short, there is no why. There is only their total and senseless allegiance to their Emotions.

 

I couldn't agree with you more!!

[Blanco]

Wow, some real red-pill concepts being bandied about in here.

[eightninevision]

Yeah, trust me, hearing that she has no feelings did nothing for closure but is one of the single most painful things I've heard directed at me so far in my short life.

 

In regards to the red pill concepts, I hate to admit it, but they are true. My sister told me to be open to this girl and it bit me in the ass. The reason society pushes men to be emotionless is because that's what women desire, for whatever reason. Social expectations are rarely a mistake.

 

All that being said, **** the norm. I'm pretty alpha in some ways, but my emotions are blue all the way. Here's the modified version of what I want to text her as a final thought for her to chew on:

 

"Hey, wanna say that the way I got to a better place was realizing whatever you are going through must be pretty confusing, and I just want to support you with it. I know a lot of the things that happened after we broke up were really hard and unattractive, but it was just because I knew we had something great and wasn't happy to see it end. Now I just want us both to look back and be happy about everything we did together because it was a really positive time in our lives. It's been tough to get short responses from you, but I'm assuming you'll reach out more when you're ready."

[dyna85]

 

In short, there is no why. There is only their total and senseless allegiance to their Emotions.

 

LOL!!!! This is so freaking true, haha.

[Oregon_Dude]

LOL!!!! This is so freaking true, haha.

Dyna's a woman, guys. You heard it here.

[Oregon_Dude]

Here's the modified version of what I want to text her as a final thought for her to chew on:

 

"Hey, wanna say that the way I got to a better place was realizing whatever you are going through must be pretty confusing, and I just want to support you with it. I know a lot of the things that happened after we broke up were really hard and unattractive, but it was just because I knew we had something great and wasn't happy to see it end. Now I just want us both to look back and be happy about everything we did together because it was a really positive time in our lives. It's been tough to get short responses from you, but I'm assuming you'll reach out more when you're ready."

 

Here's what she will think after reading this:

 

"Aw, he's still hung up on me. I would be, too - I'm pretty f*cking hot. Well, poor little guy. He'll get over it."

[Blanco]

Yeah, there's really no need to send anything. Want to show nonchalance and acceptance about the breakup? Don't send anything. She ended it. She has not initiated contact since it ended. You have to assume, even if it's not true, that she is in no need of reassurance from you that the relationship meant something to you.

[J722]

Yeah, trust me, hearing that she has no feelings did nothing for closure but is one of the single most painful things I've heard directed at me so far in my short life.

 

In regards to the red pill concepts, I hate to admit it, but they are true. My sister told me to be open to this girl and it bit me in the ass. The reason society pushes men to be emotionless is because that's what women desire, for whatever reason. Social expectations are rarely a mistake.

 

All that being said, **** the norm. I'm pretty alpha in some ways, but my emotions are blue all the way. Here's the modified version of what I want to text her as a final thought for her to chew on:

 

"Hey, wanna say that the way I got to a better place was realizing whatever you are going through must be pretty confusing, and I just want to support you with it. I know a lot of the things that happened after we broke up were really hard and unattractive, but it was just because I knew we had something great and wasn't happy to see it end. Now I just want us both to look back and be happy about everything we did together because it was a really positive time in our lives. It's been tough to get short responses from you, but I'm assuming you'll reach out more when you're ready."

 

We both got emotional, and I am really regretting it.

 

I read this on the comments of a blog:

 

They call it "closure" but what it really is is a last need to feed their egos as they exit a relationship. When the woman ends it, she has a natural urge to know that the man still wants her, and that she is the one choosing to discard him. It sounds sick, but I've seen it countless times. It is easiest for a woman to exit a relationship when she feels she has completely crushed the man, and left him as a slobbering simpering mess who is begging her not to leave. They need this to repair their sense of self-worth, so that they can move on and not give a **** about you. And as the author also mentioned, she's already picked the next dick she's going to hop on (if she hasn't hopped on it already). Seeing you crushed makes this transition process much easier. They NEED to see you get emotional. So don't. When it's over, cut her out of your life and don't give her any more emotional energy to feed off of.

 

I wouldn't send any more messages either. I am not only deleting her #, but blocking her in every way possible.

[eightninevision]

We both got emotional, and I am really regretting it.

 

I read this on the comments of a blog:

 

 

 

I wouldn't send any more messages either. I am not only deleting her #, but blocking her in every way possible.

 

Wow, that quote from the blog... Yeah I'm not sending ****. It's so spot on, I'm just too nice. I vividly recall when she said "im confused about what to do" I had a moment of clarity and said "well let's end it if you're confused" without tearing up. She goes "Oh, wait, no." word for word. Then I proceeded to gush my heart out to her, she grabbed it, stomped on it 20x and walked out of my life forever.

 

The regrets about being emotional are just that. Life's full of em. Can't change how we behaved, but certainly the regret will change how we behave. (note the past and future tense). It clearly played a role in my demise. Lesson learned.

[Oregon_Dude]

Guys.

 

I didn't do any begging or pleading upon being dumped. I just let her go. No argument. Blocked her on FB. Never talked to her again.

 

None of it made any difference; she never attempted to contact me.

 

Don't be so tough on yourselves. The ones that truly want you, stay.

[J722]

Wow, that quote from the blog... Yeah I'm not sending ****. It's so spot on, I'm just too nice. I vividly recall when she said "im confused about what to do" I had a moment of clarity and said "well let's end it if you're confused" without tearing up. She goes "Oh, wait, no." word for word. Then I proceeded to gush my heart out to her, she grabbed it, stomped on it 20x and walked out of my life forever.

 

The regrets about being emotional are just that. Life's full of em. Can't change how we behaved, but certainly the regret will change how we behave. (note the past and future tense). It clearly played a role in my demise. Lesson learned.

 

I'm with you --- we will learn from this. I keep replying scenarios in my mind where I was stoic and gave her a clear cut choice --- that ended up with me leaving her as she desired.

 

But, life doesn't always work that way. We will rise above, count on that.

[J722]

Guys.

 

I didn't do any begging or pleading upon being dumped. I just let her go. No argument. Blocked her on FB. Never talked to her again.

 

None of it made any difference; she never attempted to contact me.

 

Don't be so tough on yourselves. The ones that truly want you, stay.

 

Thanks for that. I guess we are placing too much worth on one action (being emotional vs. not) and that's easy.

 

Truth is, she already made her decision by having the conversation --- ahead of time.

 

I do need to learn to be less tough on myself and control what I am able to (myself) and not anyone else.

[eightninevision]

A great Bob Marley quote that puts the proverbial chip on your shoulder in a tough situation "the stone that the builder refuse, shall always be the head corner stone... The things people refuse are the things they should choose..."

[ExpatInItaly]

Right. Women are essentially like children, in that they literally can't remember the past and what you did for them a month ago; only what you just did that made them feel bad.

 

Expecting a woman to be reasonable on an emotional level is like expecting your child to be appreciative to you for their housing, food and clothing.

 

I am a woman, and I disagree to an extent.

 

A lot of women focus too much on the good things and ignore big red flags that make us feel bad, which is the reason so many of us stay in unhealthy or dead-end relationships. We look at small glimmers of hope while not giving enough attention to signs that the relationship isn't right.

 

If you are with a woman who is so childlike that she cannot remember the past and chooses to focus only on the negatives, your woman-picker is broken.

[ExpatInItaly]

And OP, don't reach out any more. She could be dating someone else now for all you know. Save your dignity and self-respect. The right woman won't need any campaigning to stay with you.

[marky00]

Right. Women are essentially like children, in that they literally can't remember the past and what you did for them a month ago; only what you just did that made them feel bad.

 

 

Well... My Ex was very much like this. She never seemed to make decisions based on big picture. She said to me many times "the past is the past". So yeah, I kinda felt like she would just act on a feeling at a certain moment, without giving a thought to long history of events that ultimately culminated in that moment.

 

My point is ... feelings change and when they do I try and understand why they changed. My Ex stopped at that "feelings changed" part.... full stop.

[theredpill]

Okay, here's a nice response - don't send that letter, you completely undermine yourself and come across totally needy, there's no need to reach out. If anything is going to happen, she'll reach out to you.

 

 

Use this time to move on, for all intents and purposes this is over, sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What your male friends should be telling you... don't send that f'kin stupid letter you pussy whipped bitch!

[eightninevision]

Thanks for the input.

 

Part of me suspects that she'll reach out even it it's just to say how are you within a few weeks.

 

More alpha to give her a delayed, brief, aloof response or to ignore it completely?

[J722]

Thanks for the input.

 

Part of me suspects that she'll reach out even it it's just to say how are you within a few weeks.

 

More alpha to give her a delayed, brief, aloof response or to ignore it completely?

 

I think to simply ignore.

 

I have officially lost all hope with mine, and it makes me feel way better.

 

I don't need her for my self-worth, I know my value and there will be many lessons learned from this.

 

I do still love her, and I care for her --- but even the last few days have showed me that all I can do is move forward with enthusiasm, energy and new perspective.

 

We had a wild ride, full of passion, love and commitment -- which ended faster than it started.

 

I'm starting to feel gratitude because I am now going to work on my own issues, read relationship/communication books and more.

 

Happy to be eachother's support system if you're interested.

[eightninevision]

Absolutely, my friends are sick of hearing it anyway.

 

Idk if you are on reddit but my name there is the same, a lot easier to message back and forth with that IMHO.

[eightninevision]

Also, think about how much better off a person you are. You still care about her despite her extreme flaws. You will find peace soon enough.

 

And I think no response is definitely more alpha. If anything it'll make her try again, and the table will turn ever so slightly. To be determined if she ever tries though.

[eightninevision]

Can we address a slightly different topic for a moment, I feel like Oregon dude will have good things to say about this.

 

I've been dating 7s and 8s my whole life. This last girl was a 9.5. I remember saying to my buddy when I first took her out "holy ****, can't believe I'm with a girl like this." then I leveled up in confidence and we had a very balanced relationship the rest of the way...until the end.

 

Anyway, it took me 4 years between my last ltr and this girl bc of my standards, and now they're even higher bc of her. The sexual... Physical... frustration is so intense that I've hit her up for booty calls 3x since we broke up, but she denied. Further frustration ensued so I'm not gonna hit her up anymore obviously.

 

 

What sort of mental gymnastics can I do to get past this? Don't feed me the "you'll find someone who's attractive enough and has other traits to compensate" bc I did that for two years with a girl she broke her heart bc I was never really into her.

[Oregon_Dude]

I feel like Oregon dude will have good things to say about this.

Lol, I don't have much, dude. Personally I'm like a 7.5-8 and have never dated more than an 8. I'm not as adept in pulling tail as you are.

 

That said, you are going to need to relax your standards a bit in order to get laid, because 9.5's aren't always gonna want to f*ck you.

[eightninevision]

Lol, I don't have much, dude. Personally I'm like a 7.5-8 and have never dated more than an 8. I'm not as adept in pulling tail as you are.

 

That said, you are going to need to relax your standards a bit in order to get laid, because 9.5's aren't always gonna want to f*ck you.

 

First, I am not a 9.5 haha, just to clarify. I'm a 7 max with a lot of charisma and social status (whatever the **** that means when you get put 6 feet under, but just being as objective as possible).

 

Regardless, it ****in' sucks! Rejected Rosebud will judge me for my shallowness, but it's human/animal nature to fixate on physical attractiveness when you're in your 20s. Thinking about her getting railed by D1 football players while I'm back to 6s/7s blowzzz

[anonymousbear00101100]

Haven't really read through all of the posts on this thread, so I'm responding to the original post.

 

My breakup went pretty much exactly the same. She had sent me a card for my birthday a couple of days earlier (we were LDR for the last 4 months of our 2 year relationship) telling me she "has no doubts we are getting married and will have three beautiful children together". Then we had an argument, I thought we could get through it, but she basically told me she didn't love me anymore.

 

She even did the same thing where she was like "I'm confused on what to do" and I called her bluff saying "Okay well I don't want to be with someone who is confused if they love me or not. I'm breaking up with you." She begged and said "Please no." So I obliged, and then she broke up with me.

 

I feel exactly the same way, in that she is only saying she doesn't love me anymore to convince it to herself. We met in person to have a more formal breakup, and she seemed really unsure of herself. I didn't even plan on asking for her back, but her indecision turned into me basically begging for someone I didn't want because I saw something within reach that would make my pain instantly go away.

 

I think in the end, we both just feel powerless to the situation, and we both feel as if our SO is making a mistake they will regret later. Both our SO are probably similar in being bad at making decisions, which is what gives us hope that they will return. But you know what? We both deserve better than that. True love is not thought about and put through a pros and cons list.