The other man holds all the cards

[oldshirt]

So the point is - in 90% of cases if the OM was willing to say "I will take you, marry you...right now!" WW would leave?

 

 

I still think that in some instances WW wants ...OM (apples) AND her BH ( oranges). Or alternatively she wants Icing (OM) and Cake (BH). More broadly the "cake" of BH might include home, kids, lifestyle, which would be lost running to OM. IF OM is also married - MM might have this dilemma as well.

 

I don't think anyone can set a % on it but yes, I think in the majority of cases (majority starts at 51%) if the OM wasn't a drunk/criminal/unemployed and would take the WW fulltime, I think most WW would go with OM .....at least initially.

 

It's anyone's guess what would happen with their relationship down the road however.

 

Common sense would say that a certain percentage of WW' s are cake eaters that would opt to keep both if they could, especially if the BH had a significantly higher status and lifestyle.......but common sense is often the first casualty of infidelity, so who knows.

 

In my case I don't think I would've been able to tear one of my MW from her husband as he was in residency and is now a physician and I was a starving student at that time.

 

But the others I feel very confident that if I had made the legitimate offer, they would've taken me up on it. One I had to be quite blunt and explicit that i would not take her in any way, shape or form if she left her H and I had to keep reiterating that repeatedly over time. She did end up leaving for a different guy a few years later that did make the offer.

[sambolini]

I think you and some of the other BH' s have taken Horton' s verbiage a little too literally.

 

Of course the BH still has some choice in their own actions if the WW spouse wants to remain in the marriage.

 

But that is assuming the WW is willing/wants to stay in the marriage. If the WW wants to remain in the marriage then the BH has a choice whether he wants to R or D.

 

Horton' s point (if I am understanding it correctly) is that in many if not instances, if the OM were reasonable partner material (ie not a complete alcoholic, unemployed, in jail etc) and was ready, willing and able to take the WW on fulltime, the WW would opt for the OM and the BH wouldn't even have the choice whether to R or D because the WW would be gone.

 

BH' s have the option of whether to R or D when the OM doesn't want the WW fulltime for himself and thus the BH becomes the default fallback position.

 

That is what I think Horton is saying. I don't think he's saying BH' s never have any options at all.

 

Even if the OM wants the WW full time, and the WW wants him full time, the BH still has options. How can he handle it? Can he wallow in self pity forever? Can he be the perpetual victim? Or can he overcome it, and make his life better than it was before? Because let's face it, no cheater is worth it.

 

My xWW was gone when I found out about her A. It wasn't until after I said "You want him, be my guest" and focused on my life that she actually started to care about me again (but for me, it was far too late at that point).

 

The BH ALWAYS has options. It's merely a matter of perspective. They say they don't because they're not willing to accept that their marriage is ending or that their wife is a whore. Once a man accepts those truths and stops bargaining with himself in order to perpetuate his victimhood, he'll realize that his life is full of opportunities for iimprovement and happiness.

 

That is entirely within his control.

[NYWoman]

U50

 

 

My H preformed oral many times prior to tying the knot. There after forget it, never again. It was not the only reason I divorced him, but a unfulfilling sex life was right at the top. I never cheated on him, but to hear him talk, if going down was all I was after, he wishes I would have, as it has now been almost a decade and he is still awaiting my return.

[dichotomy]

U50

 

 

My H preformed oral many times prior to tying the knot. There after forget it, never again. It was not the only reason I divorced him, but a unfulfilling sex life was right at the top. I never cheated on him, but to hear him talk, if going down was all I was after, he wishes I would have, as it has now been almost a decade and he is still awaiting my return.

 

I always learn something new on L.S. I never new the guy would be the one to stop oral in a marriage.

[2.50 a gallon]

The first two married women, were in very unhappy sexless marriages, and only staying for their kids. As NYW's post they were awaiting the day the kids moved out and they would be gone also. But that probably would be close to another decade and they decided they did not want to wait that long to have some satisfying sex.

Another co-worker went from totally in love with her husband and wanting to start a family, to hating him over night. They had their 5th wedding anniversary all planned out, a weekend at a bed and breakfast in Monterey, where she would hopefully conceive their first child. Instead at the last second he cancelled and went with a buddy to watch a poker tournament in Reno. He came back to an empty house.

[Rachael_30]

U50

 

 

My H preformed oral many times prior to tying the knot. There after forget it, never again. It was not the only reason I divorced him, but a unfulfilling sex life was right at the top. I never cheated on him, but to hear him talk, if going down was all I was after, he wishes I would have, as it has now been almost a decade and he is still awaiting my return.

 

I am just thankful my husband outgrew his foot fetish and the sex isn't as demanding as it was a few years ago. I would like to believe it is a good thing but maybe he is suppressing it.

[dreamingoftigers]

I always learn something new on L.S. I never new the guy would be the one to stop oral in a marriage.

 

I am not a WW.

 

However, before marriage I got it almost EVERY TIME we had an encounter.

 

After marriage I still kept up doing it to him almost every time (in fact _I_ have a teeny bit of trouble getting aroused unless I give oral to him) but with him, he goes down on me maybe 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 times.

 

I went without it altogether for a couple of years. Not good.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am just thankful my husband outgrew his foot fetish and the sex isn't as demanding as it was a few years ago. I would like to believe it is a good thing but maybe he is suppressing it.

 

I dated a guy with a foot fetish once. It wasn't all bad but it was a little weird for me that a sexual encounter between us only needed to be him tying me up a tickling my feet.

 

The whole idea just makes me laugh.

And I have really ugly feet. I kind of felt bad for him. I mean, how many women are going to line up for that.

Only guy I ever met that DIDN'T want a bj.

[Rachael_30]

I dated a guy with a foot fetish once. It wasn't all bad but it was a little weird for me that a sexual encounter between us only needed to be him tying me up a tickling my feet.

 

The whole idea just makes me laugh.

And I have really ugly feet. I kind of felt bad for him. I mean, how many women are going to line up for that.

Only guy I ever met that DIDN'T want a bj.

 

haha thanks for the laugh. Luckily my husband wasn't so much into the tickling but he always had to touch my feet and occasionally during sex he would suck my toes. I loved the foot massages but the toe sucking was a bit weird for me.

 

I never really understood the whole foot fetish and why men are into these kind of things.

[dichotomy]

I am not a WW.

 

However, before marriage I got it almost EVERY TIME we had an encounter.

 

After marriage I still kept up doing it to him almost every time (in fact _I_ have a teeny bit of trouble getting aroused unless I give oral to him) but with him, he goes down on me maybe 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 times.

 

I went without it altogether for a couple of years. Not good.

 

 

Consider me schooled. Another example of the husband dropping oral after marriage. Never heard of this ( i mean sex in general yes, but not specifically oral).

 

I have been dealing with this from both sides for years, at first my wife really dropped off in giving me oral - down to maybe 5 times a year. I kept trying to be generous and going down on her - then she stopped me from doing that to her... at all.

[dreamingoftigers]

haha thanks for the laugh. Luckily my husband wasn't so much into the tickling but he always had to touch my feet and occasionally during sex he would suck my toes. I loved the foot massages but the toe sucking was a bit weird for me.

 

I never really understood the whole foot fetish and why men are into these kind of things.

 

Apparently to that set, the shape of the feet is "suggestive" to them. Like the cracks between the toes triggering the same centers in other men that clevage triggers etc. There's always some female part or behaviour that's glorified.

 

Everyone's weird somehow.

 

One of my friends read something about porn terms by region. Apparently in our region its "lesbian porn." South of here its "booty" and further south its "ta-tas" LOL.

 

But to reach for the topic:

 

I think in general the women that "affair down" are looking for side-action not a husband replacement.

 

Frankly if I was a cheater wife, I would aim down but only to meet the sex needs. BUT if an OM was really into sex with me and the sex I liked, its such a drug.......

 

That if I completely lacked any long-term sense, I might've exchanged that.

 

However, as I am currently a Mormon wife, both hypotheticals are pretty extreme for me. Plus my sexlife has been (vastly) improving as of late.

[Horton]

Well this thread took a peculiar turn in my absence.

 

So the point is - in 90% of cases if the OM was willing to say "I will take you, marry you...right now!" WW would leave?

 

Pretty much.

 

I still think that in some instances WW wants ...OM (apples) AND her BH ( oranges). Or alternatively she wants Icing (OM) and Cake (BH). More broadly the "cake" of BH might include home, kids, lifestyle, which would be lost running to OM. IF OM is also married - MM might have this dilemma as well.

 

I don't doubt that this scenario happens(though I'd wager it's not the norm) Personally I think that it tends to be more of a situation where the WW is stuck in a "holding pattern" waiting on her OM's permission to land so to speak. Where she's keeping her BH as her backup man just in case the OM doesn't work out, or the OM turned out to not be all he seemed to be and she's deciding if she want's to take a chance on him or just stick with what she already has.

 

If a WW really does intend on keeping her OM indefinitely while continuing her marriage for the "home, kids, lifestyle." In some ways that seems like an even more disgusting scenario than her BH being outright replaced by the OM. That makes it sound like she's keeping the BH around as some kind of cuckolded babysitter which is rather unnerving.

[NYWoman]

My first husband caught me cheating and kicked me under the bus. That got me mad and I moved in with the OM and thought I was doing great, until I found out my friends had decided that while I was away they could play with my Ex. That collapsed my dream world.

[Sub]

I don't doubt that many times - if the OM says the right things and wants to make the commitment - that the WW would take him up on it. I know that was my situation. My W was leaving. She had an apartment lined up. Most likely to see where her R with the OM would lead. But that doesn't really tell the whole story, IMO. It's a shortsighted view of who really "holds the cards". I don't think anybody really does at that point. None of the ground any of us were standing on was solid. In the end, the OM couldn't bring himself to commit. And I think that inability to take such a step many times serves as an example to the WW that maybe the OM wasn't all that he was cracked up to be. The light bulb goes on.

 

So, yes: in the moment, a WW can most likely be swayed if she hears the right words. It doesn't mean those words necessarily have legs. Or that they prove any sort of long-term advantage to the OM, IMO.

[oldshirt]

So, yes: in the moment, a WW can most likely be swayed if she hears the right words. It doesn't mean those words necessarily have legs. Or that they prove any sort of long-term advantage to the OM, IMO.

 

I agree and that is a good way to word it.

 

 

"In the moment" I do believe most WW would take off with the OM if the OM if the OM was a legitimate candidate and made a valid offer.

 

 

Now whether that relationship would last more than a matter of weeks or months etc is a whole other topic.

[2.50 a gallon]

The OM has a distinct advantage. When wife first began having sex with her husband, her body began to produce love chemicals, that sent her and him into the clouds of infatuation. Those clouds are long gone. Then when having sex with a new man, her body will once again flood her brain with love chemicals, all geared for the OM, bringing on a new infatuation, she has not experienced in years.

With the married women that I had sex with, once we had sex for the first time, they were always eager and could not wait until we had another session.

I also found out they were eager to do "slutty things", their words, that they refused to do with their husbands. In almost every case they showed up the second or a third time with new sexy under ware that they had just purchased for us.

Advantage OM

[oldshirt]

The OM has a distinct advantage. When wife first began having sex with her husband, her body began to produce love chemicals, that sent her and him into the clouds of infatuation. Those clouds are long gone. Then when having sex with a new man, her body will once again flood her brain with love chemicals, all geared for the OM, bringing on a new infatuation, she has not experienced in years.

With the married women that I had sex with, once we had sex for the first time, they were always eager and could not wait until we had another session.

I also found out they were eager to do "slutty things", their words, that they refused to do with their husbands. In almost every case they showed up the second or a third time with new sexy under ware that they had just purchased for us.

Advantage OM

 

 

My experiences as OM would concur with this as well.

 

 

One of my MW would even intentionally cut her H off for months and months at a time so he would not....and I quote... "expect to get it all the time" and in the mean time she would come to my house for hot, nasty porn sex when she was horny and needed some action.

 

 

That was over 20 years ago and they are still married. I hate to think what his life must be like.

 

 

But here is how that info relates to this thread. As the OM, there was no way in hell I would have ever considered taking her fulltime. I knew better than anyone what she did in other men's beds while intentionally denying her husband for months at a time just so he wouldn't expect sex out of her when he wanted. Yeah, where do I sign up for that!!!

 

 

She would booty call me at all hours of the day or night when she needed a fix.

 

 

Earlier in the thread I refered to her as the one woman that probably would not have left her H for me as I was a starving student and he was in residency at the time.

 

 

It was a total of 5 years from the first time we hooked up until the last. She even showed up on my door one time when she was pregnant with their first.

 

 

The only reason she stopped coming around was she got too busy with that baby and then she had another shortly thereafter and I got a serious GF soon after and just stopped showing her the welcome mat on my door.

 

 

I assume she's had a laundry list of others since then.

 

 

I learned a lot about the world during those years. Most of it wasn't pretty.

[2.50 a gallon]

When I met my GF of 20 years, although not married, had been living with her live in BF for several years. He looked like her favorite actor, she loves Steven Segal movies, and not only that was an in shaped semi-pro light heavy weight boxer. When he retired from the ring he fell into drugs. He left to get cleaned up. She was in love with him, saw this as only a temporary break up as they expected to reunite once he was clean. Being as she married at age 17 she had never got to experience the dating scene and saw this was her last chance. I was the lucky one of her many offers, she never did go out with anyone else, and when her Ex came back a month early on Valentines day, she told him she had found some one new.