minimariah Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Studies that indicate children suffer from divorce has been proven false... i have to disagree with this part -- children ARE affected & do suffer from their parents divorcing. however - they do not suffer forever & with two sane parents handling the situation WELL, being friendly & co-parenting well... children can heal and learn from that experience. NOW - children suffer far more from their parents staying in an unhappy marriage fueled with anger, fights, ignoring, humiliating each other spouses THAN they do from their parents divorcing - that is definitely true. also - kids don't really notice that your marriage is a bad one or a loveless one unless you constantly fight, scream and humiliate each other. kids don't care and don't think about IF their mom & dad are in love and having sex. so if there is some kind of friendly, roommate type of relationship present - without toxic fights, just two parents getting along well... how would children know that it's a dead & a loveless marriage? THAT's the type of marriage that stick it out for the kids - the quiet ones, where the romantic love and passion are dead but there is no hostility. But I didn't want to FAIL!!!! ^^ i think this is one of the biggest reasons many stay married - they don't want to fail when at the same time they don't realize that staying in a dead marriage IS a much bigger failure than simply divorcing. it's like not wanting to drop out of that college course you really hate because you don't want to have a "failed" mark next to that chapter in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Exactly. People divorce and remarry/couple up all the time. It's happened in my family. But for some reason, it's just terrible if a couple happen to meet when one of them still has a legal contract with another person. My exH and I didn't even see each other, much less talk to each other, for years while our D was pending (insurance and property issues), and we both saw other people. It would have only turned into An Issue had one of us wanted or needed to remarry, which was not the case. There's no one "typical" situation. It is not the existence of the legal contract that is the cause of the harm to the betrayed. Rather it is the deception that causes the unwitting spouse to rely on the contract that causes the harm. I imagine many betrayed spouses were forgoing similar opportunities for pleasurable encounters in reliance on the contract and adherence to their agreement. Msny betrayed spouses were dissatisfied with aspects of their marriages , yet chose not to cheat, in reliance on the cheaters vow to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Divorce rates of first, second, third, etc. marriages are as relevant as you make them. There's nothing inherently tragic about divorce, just like there's nothing particularly special about marriage. Both are common. I don't think of my former marriage as a failure -- it simply ran its course. We could have stayed together for life and been very happy. Or "meh". Or extremely unhappy, as we were when we decided to cut ties. Not to say that divorce is no big deal, because it is -- but it's not the huge tragedy that society paints it out to be. Edited to add: I've gone through two major break-ups with significant others that were far more painful than my divorce. I do feel marriage is special and divorce tragic. I bet many others do, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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