red.velvet Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I have never really been one to have casual sex / one night stands. I have been single for a while after a very long relationship.. It seems like it's how people get into relationships now.. Start by hooking up then it moves into a committed relationship. I am ready to get back in to a relationship, but struggling.. Guys want to hook up with no commitment, I don't. Is that a problem? Is it also unfair not to be interested and not give a chance to guys who are open about being all about one night stands and casual hookups? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Never lower your standards. If you aren't into casual sex then say no. I see nothing wrong with it. Also giving guys who are only interested in hook ups a chance is setting yourself up to get hurt. Afterall you can't complain when they've already told you what they want and later you want more and they don't. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I'm not sure that is how people get into relationships now. That is how people avoid relationships now. The majority of people in serious relationships did not get their through "hooking up" with no further plans at the time. That is the problem with FWB, usually it's one person that wants a relationship with one person who doesn't. And then it all goes to crap. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Some men need sex in order to get into a relationship with a woman. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's how some men are. Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just got out from a relationship. I was probably just a rebound or a fwb- i dunno. When we were about to get serious (with me moving to his country) he got cold feet. Anyhow, we met via tinder. Had dinner and decent conversation over our first date, and we hooked up on the second. He flew back to his country the next day but we kept talking. And the rest is history. Anyhow, I have no idea where to meet new people who genuinely wanted to get to know you as a person, I don't mind hooking up occasionally but ultimately i want a relationship out of it. While I know most guys don't. Tried other dating apps/sites, met some new friends over new hobbies (cycling & rock climbing) before, while nursing my broken heart, i'm struggling each day, I just am not that interested in things anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 As someone who did it the right way.. and the wrong way.. they both cost me dearly. The traditional way, i lost a lot of time and with the Modern way, i lost my love for love. . .either way you can lose hard. I say, it's a balancing act too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author red.velvet Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 Some men need sex in order to get into a relationship with a woman. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's how some men are. But why?? We will have sex, but after establishing the relationship, after establishing that we want to be in a relationship. What's wrong with that?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author red.velvet Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just got out from a relationship. I was probably just a rebound or a fwb- i dunno. When we were about to get serious (with me moving to his country) he got cold feet. Anyhow, we met via tinder. Had dinner and decent conversation over our first date, and we hooked up on the second. He flew back to his country the next day but we kept talking. And the rest is history. Anyhow, I have no idea where to meet new people who genuinely wanted to get to know you as a person, I don't mind hooking up occasionally but ultimately i want a relationship out of it. While I know most guys don't. Tried other dating apps/sites, met some new friends over new hobbies (cycling & rock climbing) before, while nursing my broken heart, i'm struggling each day, I just am not that interested in things anymore... So sorry you are hurting. It gets better with time... Been there, done that. Comes a time you look back and wonder why you were so depressed. You'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 So sorry you are hurting. It gets better with time... Been there, done that. Comes a time you look back and wonder why you were so depressed. You'll be fine. Yeap I know time will heal everything. Just taking baby steps though. I forgot how to live like a happy, single person for now. But I'm a strong person, I will get better soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author red.velvet Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 As someone who did it the right way.. and the wrong way.. they both cost me dearly. The traditional way, i lost a lot of time and with the Modern way, i lost my love for love. . .either way you can lose hard. I say, it's a balancing act too. Interested to hear more. The 'traditional' way you lost a lot of time, but I think you avoid a lot of heart ache from men who are just passing by. Because for some of us girls, hookups lead to feelings that sometimes the man does not share. Why did the 'Mordern' way make you lose your love for love? Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I have never really been one to have casual sex / one night stands. I have been single for a while after a very long relationship.. It seems like it's how people get into relationships now.. Start by hooking up then it moves into a committed relationship. I am ready to get back in to a relationship, but struggling.. Guys want to hook up with no commitment, I don't. Is that a problem? Is it also unfair not to be interested and not give a chance to guys who are open about being all about one night stands and casual hookups? Doesn't matter what other people want. What matters is that you stay true to what *you* want. Don't compromise your standards for other people. There are loads of men who are willing to get into more "traditional" relationships. You're not obligated to entertain a "casual" relationship, if that's not what you're chasing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yeap I know time will heal everything. Just taking baby steps though. I forgot how to live like a happy, single person for now. But I'm a strong person, I will get better soon. Same it took me three years. My ex walked out on me while I was sick. Its taken me so long to finally be happy. I know my next relationship can't be too far out. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I have never heard of a RS starting with a one night stand, around me. I know it's possible and I know it happened to some people... not to me or anyone I know. Urban myth, in my honest opinion. Number one rule to be happy and manage to find a man who likes and appreciated you is to be true to yourself and never do things you are not ok with. ONS included. If he likes you, he'll understand. Hell, he may even enjoy waiting. You're ok, don't worry about the peer pressure. You're fine the way you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Same it took me three years. My ex walked out on me while I was sick. Its taken me so long to finally be happy. I know my next relationship can't be too far out. Oh wow 3 years..my first love, it took me about 2 weeks to recover from 'zombie mode' lol and then I started going thru drastic changes; traveling, quit my job, moved to another new house, picking up a new hobby and make tons of new friends. Single life was so great! Recently just got broken up with, for the past 2 weeks I was feeling pretty miserable for most of the times but I'm feeling much better now. I have never heard of a RS starting with a one night stand, around me. I know it's possible and I know it happened to some people... not to me or anyone I know. Urban myth, in my honest opinion. Number one rule to be happy and manage to find a man who likes and appreciated you is to be true to yourself and never do things you are not ok with. ONS included. If he likes you, he'll understand. Hell, he may even enjoy waiting. You're ok, don't worry about the peer pressure. You're fine the way you are. For my recent relationship, we met via tinder- went on a dinner date and then hooked up on the second date. We thought we had something magical and amazing out of this; dated for about 6 months (it was a LDR) and he ended it by telling me he doesn't want to commit further. oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I did casual once and it was so offputting. We didn't know each other's bodies at all. I only do serious LTR sex. It's the only thing that I, personally, find satisfying. Nothing wrong with differing opinions! But the "traditional" approach is definitely safer if you're likely to catch feelings. There is some wisdom to be heard in that old stuff. I love reading Dr. Pat Allen. Wish I had found her sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Not at all! Casual sex sux. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I have never really been one to have casual sex / one night stands. I have been single for a while after a very long relationship.. It seems like it's how people get into relationships now.. Start by hooking up then it moves into a committed relationship. I am ready to get back in to a relationship, but struggling.. Guys want to hook up with no commitment, I don't. Is that a problem? Is it also unfair not to be interested and not give a chance to guys who are open about being all about one night stands and casual hookups? Not at all. I'm a guy who doesn't get casual sex in the least (let's face it: first time six is always at least somewhat awkward, and mostly mediocre) but it's won me absolutely no attention with the billion ladies who write, "Not here for hookups." ... so I'm struggling with the same thing you're all looking for. WTF?! Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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