rightthing Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 My story, Went out with a girl for five months over winter. I grew to love her more than anyone else I'd been with for a longtime. She told me things that which in the past, being young, I would have shrugged off (like she thought i'd make a great dad, she would like my kids etc). But this time it really got to me (though i never really showed that it did to her). She loved me, and i loved her. The problem was that there was an age gap of 10 yrs between us (me 28 her 18). Although the love was there, I could tell that at some point she would have wondered what it would have been like to go out with other guys. I was only her second b/f and i knew that she was starting to enjoy the attention she was receiving from other guys since getting a new job. She would be leaving to go to uni in a year or so and I felt that having been at that age myself it would only be fair that she lived her life as a young adult away from serious relationship pressures. Like i said before, she and i seemed so similar but the only difference being was "life experience". I would never let her live her life regretting on what she may have missed out on (eg dating other guys etc). Because of this I kept a distance in the relationship (eg not txt or call every day) and encouraged her to make friends so that when the break eventually occured it wouldn't have been so painful on either of us (or so I thought!). Anyhow, she grew tired this and decided to end it. I was torn between letting her go and wanting to keep her. I tried to explain my reasons but she wanted no contact (but remain friends - blahh). I called her a month ago but she said that she wanted to move on. I was angry/frustrated (love/hate) with her. A couple of weeks ago i sent her a text saying if she ever wanted to talk about anything, ever, than I would always be there for her. No reply since. I guess I just feel that i never got explain to her how a really felt and what my reasons were for the way i acted because the break-up was so swift. My head ruled my heart for so long during the relationship that when it did end all i wanted was to get back with her and love her completely (even if I knew in the long run it would have to end). I feel I tired to act in the best for her - surely complete love means sacrificing the one you love if you feel it's in their best interests. Somebody said it's called selfless love. But none of this takes away the pain. In some stupid way I keep thinking that in five years or so our paths will cross and what will be will be. But I know by that time she'll have different views, changed inside and guess always just see me as the "older guy" she dated once. To me she'll always be so much more - I just wish I could tell her. Anybody been in a similar situation? And did they ever get back together after years apart? I know i'll move on but that spark for me won't ever die - I just wonder if it will remain for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I would view your time with her as a positive experience in that you encouraged her and wanted her to bloom into the person you knew she could be. Don't feel bad that your paths crossed to late for you because you felt love and she felt love and you both enjoyed the time you did have together. I know it hurts that you couldn't keep her with you and that you think your coolness to her made her leave you. She will remember the times you had and the person you are and your memories will stay with her. She needs to be the person she was meant to become and you had a hand in the metamoraphis. Who knows? Maybe your paths will cross but I would just let her fly ( as you wanted her to ) and move on to a new chapter in your own life. It could be an exciting, page turning experience also so don't waste time wishing but write your own beginning. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rightthing Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 Thanks for the reply. I know you are correct in everything you said - it's pretty much all my feelings and thoughts too. It's just so painfull and sad - i'll always be wondering "what if". Going to try and move on and stop looking back - who knows what or who is around the corner..... Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by rightthing Thanks for the reply. I know you are correct in everything you said - it's pretty much all my feelings and thoughts too. It's just so painfull and sad - i'll always be wondering "what if". Going to try and move on and stop looking back - who knows what or who is around the corner..... I understand how you feel. It is hard to let go but by hanging on you are missing out on your own future. you can't ask "what if" because their is no answer and you will just drive yourself crazy. Good luck and think positive and always move forward. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
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