my boyfriend and our good mutual female friend

[AnnaBuschler]

Okay well this is my first time posting here, i've never done anything like this because i'm usually a very secure person when it comes to my relationships, this one is just a little different. well first of all i'm truly in love w/my bf, a love that i've never felt before but w/that said i do have a terrible dilemma. but let me start from the beginning.....

 

way back in the day when i was a frosh. in highschool i was new to the school and was meeting lots of new people. one guy in particular stuck out,"Jordan" (my now bf) the problem was that one of my friends, "Sidney"(one that went to the same school, but i had met before i moved there) liked him too. so following the "never let a guy come between you and your friends" rule i just willingly took the back seat knowing that if it were meant to be my time would come.

 

so for 3 years i never said anything and me and Jordan and Sidney all hung out. things never worked out between them and they had long ago decided to just be friends but i knew that Sidney still had feelings for Jordan. well our senior year of high school they got into a major fight because Sidney wanted to be more than friends with Jordan and he didn't want that so that put a strain on their relationship and i tried my best to play mediator (sp?) well things worked out that by prom he had a new gf and before he left for boot (he's in the military) things w/him and Sidney were back to normal. which when he left we all cried but i cried for a deeper reason, because i'd never gotten a chance to tell him how i felt and since i was goin away to college and him in the military i didn't know when i'd see him again or if i even would to be truthful. but i once again followed my belief that what was meant to be would happen and tried to go on w/my life.

 

my frosh yr. of college i came home for christmas break and Jordan was there on leave. the first night home me and Sidney were driving around(over the years we had gone through alot w/eachother and had always been there for eachother and we became really good friends) and we decided to stop by at Jordan's because neither of us had seen him in months. on the way there Sid was telling me how she was happy that they decided to be just friends and that she wouldn't want it any other way b/c she no longer had other feelings for him and at the time i believed her. when we walked in the door and i saw him standing there i realized that i had never lost any of the feelings that i felt for him. we sat around and talked, the three of us, and then we went home he promised we'd get together later in the week before everyone had to go back. which we did and from there it was obvious that we both liked eachother and he confessed that he'd liked me for a long time, but just never thought he'd have a chance cuz although we were friends we hung out w/two different groups of people in school and since i was a "popular/prep/athlete" and he wasn't he didn't think i'd like him.

 

of course this made me excited to know that the feelings i had for him were mutual, but remembering all of the things of the past i wanted to talk to Sidney and just make sure everything would be okay w/her. she said of course and since then me and my bf have been together. now when we were altogether she tried to flirt w/him some, but not much b/c i was there. then when it would be just me and Sid she would bring up things of the past b/c they had spent a lot more time together b/c i had changed schools my soph. year b/c my family moved and she rubbed it in my face all the time. i just figured that she was just adjusting to me and him being together and this would go away. but now as it is he's in Iraq and its worse than ever b/c all she ever does is try and throw things in my face about how close they are and such which i've never done to her and very easily could since we have a different type of relationship.

 

i never had any kind of problem w/him having girl friends b/c i have guy friends, in fact i waited years and even asked permission out of respect for their friendship and ours (all three of us) . but since he's been deployed things have just gotten worse because i only talk to him to about once every 2 weeks or so and thats if i'm lucky and everytime i talk to her she's always bringing up things they did in the past and if he'd us, instead of just being happy that we heard from him, she'd try to compare what he wrote and say oh yeah he told me that too or he said this and that.....

 

i dunno i guess i just want her to respect my position as his girlfriend and stop trying to compete w/me. she's taking advantage of the fact that she's both of our friends and that i'm not gonna fight w/her because i refuse to make this into a "p***ing match" because thats not what this should be about. the problem comes because anytime that i get to talk to Jordan i don't want to upset him and bring up childish things like this, but truthfully she's starting to make me feel insecure which i know is her goal either consciously or unconsciously. i really want for him just to tell me that i have nothing to worry about, but the longer he's gone and the more she tries to make me feel crappy the more i just want his reasurance. any suggestions, advice or insight??

[sarah12]

Girls like this are trouble. Since he isn't around much, you have to keep yourself on your toes and probably tell her off at some point. She is trying to get to you because she knows that she can. Don't let her. Keep telling yourself that you are his girlfriend, not Sid, and she is being a jealous friend. Stay positive with yourself so you don't let her get to you.

 

So next time she says "oh he wrote that in my letter too" just say to her "oh, right before he broke up with you?"

[Artscrafter]

Might I suggest a few line breaks the next time you post something? Just a thought, but it makes things easier to read.

 

I'm guessing that Sidney is jealous that you did better with Jordan than she ever did. Between that and what Sarah said about having this effect on you because she knows she can, it sounds like you've got one very bitter, petty girl on your hands. I agree with Sarah - you're just going to have to call her on it at some point.